[The Lurkerdrome. The main doors to the review theater slide open,
and through them steps Lurker, clad in a purple-and-white variation
of the fighting costume of Raiden. Instead of a staff, he holds a
naginata in one hand.]
Lurker: [muttering] Where the hell did the wardrobe computer dig this
up? Sheesh. [aloud] Errr...welcome to another special MST. Today
we're going to take a look at Lawson-san's reality-crossing fic,
"Goddess of My Harmful Deeds", which overlaps "Thy Inward Love" with
Zen's "The Bitter End".
Computer: Co-host panel selected. Preparing for transport.
Lurker: Bring 'em aboard.
[One rather large figure and one extremely slight figure materialize
on the teleport pads. Lurker begins to welcome them...and stops,
slack-jawed.]
Lurker: Computer? Do you have a malfunction today?
Computer: All systems functioning within established parameters.
Lurker: Computer, are you smoking anything unusual today?
Computer: Question does not compute.
Lurker: [sighs] Perfect. First the wardrobe computer, now the review
computer too...
[The two figures step off the teleport pads.]
Large figure: Aloooooohaaaaa everybody!
Small figure: ...Key does not know this place.
Lurker: [smacks his forehead] Why me?
[Kunou-kouchou takes a seat after a failed attempt to cut Lurker's
hair. For some strange reason, he doesn't try to cut Key's hair. Key
stands there until Lurker finally leads her to one of the seats.]
The past can be two things. It can be full of sweet reminiscences,
of
fond memories of days gone by. Usually, however, such
recollections are
tinged with melancholy, of a wish that the present would be better.
The
past is also filled with regret, of sometimes painful longing for
the road
not taken, misgiving for the ill deed committed, remorse for the
wrong
never set right.
Kouchou: ...despair for the hair never cut...
Lurker: -_-;;
Key: Why is Key here?
Lurker: We're reviewing a fic.
Key: ...Key does not understand.
Lurker: [grimace] I'll explain it later. Just jump in whenever you
feel like it.
One young man cursed the past almost daily. He strode down the
road next
to his love - he was one who happened to be quite happy with his
present -
and thought over and over again about what he might have done
differently.
Kouchou: I be thinkin' he coulda done his hair different...
[Lurker barely resists the urge to uproot the palm tree from
Kouchou's head with his bare hands...]
He sighed and spoke so softly that the woman walking with him
didn't hear.
"Please... I wish she'd find peace. She doesn't deserve-" His
voice
caught, and this time the woman noticed and reached out to hold his
hand.
He turned and smiled at her, drawing strength from her presence and
for a
moment forgetting all about the past.
The past, however, did not forget him.
Key: The past is not alive. It has no memory. How can the past
remember?
Lurker: Key...that Snake Prince guy *really* had you working in his
temple?
Key: Yes.
Lurker: ...incredible.
Kouchou: [whispered to Lurker] Ey...dat dere wahini, she be one
strange girl yes?
Lurker: [whispered] She's...well...yeah, she's strange.
The past had heard his words, and felt the regret behind him. The
past,
despite appearances, was not capricious. The past knew full well
the pain
of regret. How often others remembered the past with bitterness,
and how
seldom they found joy in it. It was time that this particular
piece of
history was healed over before it hurt any more of the present.
Besides, the young man had made a wish, and he was worthy.
Lurker: Why do I get the feeling there's a wily platinum-blonde
goddess mixed up in all this?
Plus there was a possibility of preventing tragedy in the future.
The
future might be a little hard to deal with at times, but should
still be
protected as much as possible. The past had a responsibility for
the
future, after all.
Lurker: Right...gotta take care of your little sister...
Kouchou: Ey keiki...de Aa! Megami-sama jokes be gettin' old...
Akane stretched, feeling uncomfortable for some reason. Still,
being able
to sleep in was a luxury. The baby wasn't crying - not yet, anyway
- so
any moments of peace were precious.
Kouchou: Dat wahini gon' be late to school if she be sleepin' like
that...
Lurker: I think she's out of school...
Kouchou: Nobody be outta school til I be sayin' they outta school--
[Lurker smacks Kouchou upside the head with his naginata, hard]
Kouchou: [eyes spiralling] School dismissed...
She smiled, her eyes still closed, and turned on her side to hug
her
husband. Reaching out, her arm smacked the wall instead.
Wall?
Key: It is a barrier.
Akane's eyes flew open. She was facing a soft wall of some sort.
She
wasn't in her bed, she was on a cot.
Lurker: That's what you get for drinking screwdrivers with sake
chasers...
She threw the blanket off of her and scrambled to her feet. The
room was
quite small and covered with dull gray cushions.
Lurker: I'd definitely fire the decorator...
"What the hell?" Akane shook her head, wondering if she was still
dreaming. She slapped herself once, hard. It hurt. A lot.
Key: Does she enjoy pain?
Lurker: Only Ranma would know the answer to that one...
A window on the door was pulled open. An impassive face stared at
her
through the Plexiglas. "Akane? Up already? And so active. Time
for
your medication."
Lurker: Funny, I always thought the first bunch to get tossed in the
looney bin would be the Kunous...
Kouchou: EY! What you be meanin' by dat keiki?
Lurker: [innocent grin]
The window was closed. She heard the sound of a lock turning and
she
stepped back. The door opened, and a man nearly the size of the
Dojo
Destroyer entered. He had a small paper cup in one hand, a baton
slung
through his belt, and a patronizing expression on his face. "Come,
time
to eat your candy. Just like every day. Then you can have
breakfast and
maybe sit out in the yard for a-"
There followed the sounds of a surprised yelp and a cot being
smashed.
Lurker: Don't be a dummy. Respect the insane.
Akane stepped cautiously out into the hallway. She had no clue as
to what
was happening, but she was certain she needed to get out of this
place,
and right now.
Lurker: Institutionalization. It'll do that to ya...
Kouchou: An' how you be knowin' dat keiki?
Lurker: ...
Ranma blearily examined Nouma. Why the boy insisted on waking up
at five
every morning was beyond him. Ranma loved his six-month-old son
but
wished he'd sleep until at least eight.
Key: He wants his son to sleep for two months?
Nouma finished his bottle and tossed it aside as best he could.
Ranma
picked him up and held him over his shoulder. Nouma began playing
with
his hair.
[Kouchou gets a strange look on his face, and begins waving about his
shears. Lurker edges away.]
He stepped outside and froze. Akane was wandering around the yard
in her
nightgown, without so much as a robe or slippers. She seemed to be
mumbling to herself excitedly. Ranma took another step forward and
realized she was clutching a pillow while talking to it.
Kouchou: An' dey call me crazy...
"Isn't this nice, P-chan? Home again, home again. Is this home?
It
seems so familiar. Must be home, must be home, that other place
isn't
home. Time for breakfast? They'll come to give me breakfast, the
nice
colored candy, and then some other stuff like eggs or rice."
Lurker: And if you're a really good girl, they'll take you out for
walkies...
She stopped and brought the pillow close to her face, speaking in a
whisper Ranma could barely hear. "You know what, P-chan? I hate
the
candy. I hate it."
Key: Why does she call that pillow P-chan?
Lurker: It's her nickname for her favorite pillow. Y'know, P as in
pillow...Pillow-chan.
Key: ...oh.
Lurker: [sweatdrop]
Ranma's head was buzzing slightly. This was so... weird. Even
more so
than usual. "Akane?"
Akane snapped her head to the side and looked at him. Shock
covered her
face and the blood drained from it. "R-Ranma?"
Lurker: AKANE!
Kouchou: [falsetto] RANMA!
Lurker: AKAAAAANEEEEE!!
Kouchou: [falsetto] RAAAANMAAAA!!
Lurker: TEEEETSUUUUOOOOOOO!!!
Kouchou: KAAAANEEEEEDAAAAAA!!!
Akane continued to gape at him. A small kind of squeal started in
her
throat. It began to build in volume and intensity until she was
screaming
loud enough to wake the dead.
Elvis: Don't be cruel mama...some of us are tryin' to sleep here,
know what I mean?
Lurker: O_O
Kouchou: Dey be some strange shit goin' on up here keiki...
Key: ...Key does not want to understand.
Akane shivered in the morning air. These strange pajamas she was
wearing
did not insulate her from the cold very well. Yet, as she had
sneaked
through the building she'd awakened in, she had the distinct
impression
that she should not ask anyone there for warmer clothing. The
place had
seemed very much like a prison.
Lurker: Nah, it's really a luxury resort hotel. The guys in the white
suits are just personal bodyguards for the guests...
Akane had no idea how she'd ended up in it, but was certain that
she
didn't belong.
Lurker: [zombie voice] You belong...you belong...you belong...
Ranma had his son on one shoulder and his wife slung over the
other. He'd
tried, but he had not been able to come up with a better
alternative.
Lurker: Could be worse...he could have slung his wife over one of his
son's shoulders and himself over the other...
Kouchou: Dat jus' be silly keiki.
Lurker: Hey, this is *Ranma* we're talking about...
Kouchou: ...dat true too...
Ranma shook off these strange thoughts and went over to the phone.
Whatever was wrong, he was in over his head, and he needed help.
Lurker: You got it backwards...Akane's the one that needs help...
Akane was getting very angry. The world was conspiring against
her,
trying to find ways to make things as difficult for her as
possible. It
had been a long time since she'd last felt this way, and she'd
forgotten
how much she hated it.
Kouchou: Dat wahini always be havin' de temper...
She whirled and stormed out of the room. Time to find out what the
hell
was going on.
Lurker: Bets on whether she blames Ranma?
"Was anyone hurt?" Kasumi sounded a little frightened. After a
few
seconds a pained sigh escaped her lips. She leaned forward,
putting her
hand on the table and supporting herself with it.
Akane took a step backwards, trying to be as silent as possible,
fighting
back a feeling of dread.
"Yes." Kasumi sounded on the verge of tears. "Yes, I will let you
know.
Please try not to hurt her."
Key: That sounded...ominous.
Lurker: O_o
Kouchou: Comin' from you, wahini, dat be sayin' sometin'...
"I understand. Th-thank you, sensei." Kasumi slowly hung up the
phone.
She stood for a minute with her head hung. Then she began sobbing,
her
shoulders shaking with their force.
Lurker: Kasumi crying...not a pretty sight.
Akane briefly considered her options. Confronting Kasumi struck
her as
being the wrong thing to do. She was under no circumstances going
back to
that place she'd awoken in this morning. That left her one choice,
as she
saw it. Ranma. She had to find Ranma. No matter what was going
on, he
would stand by her. He always had.
Lurker: Boy, is *she* ever in for a shock...
Kasumi's short scream spun Akane around. She looked up at her
sister at
the top of the stairs. Kasumi had both hands covering her mouth,
as if
she had used them to block the scream.
Lurker: Kasumi has suddenly discovered that she has mutant powers not
unlike those of Cyclops, except they emanate from her mouth. Now she
must begin her mutant career as the newest X-Man, Banshee...
Kouchou: Don' dey already be havin' one named dat?
Lurker: [shrugs] How the hell should I know? I haven't touched an
issue of X-Men in thirteen years...
Akane drew another breath. "Please, what's going on? Where...
where's
Ranma?"
Lurker: Big mistake.
Kasumi lowered her head until her hands covered her face. She
began
sobbing again.
Lurker: Like I said.
Kasumi quickly rose to her feet. "Allow me." She waited for
Ranma's nod,
then rushed out of the room.
Ranma chuckled. "I bet she can't wait for her own. How much
longer?"
"Six months, give or take a few days." Tofu spoke in an
affectionate and
slightly awed tone of voice. "I, too, am looking forward to it."
Lurker: You mean he actually managed to keep his head clear long
enough to--mmph!
Kouchou: [clapping a hand over Lurker's mouth] Dere be some places
you don' need be goin', keiki.
Ranma grinned, then sobered. "I dunno. Sometimes I wonder why we
did it.
I mean, just out of high school, we could have waited a few years,
at
least long enough for Akane to graduate from college. But she
wanted to
get pregnant and... well, I couldn't deny her."
Lurker: Of course not. A guy's hormones usually speak louder than his
brain...
"Ranma." Tofu spoke in a chiding tone of voice, but with a smile.
"I
have seen men twice your age who have no idea how to be a parent.
I've
Lurker: He is, of course, referring to Genma and...[silence]
Kouchou: [dangerously] An' who, keiki?
The sound of Akane's groaning cut through the conversation. Ranma
whipped
his head around to see his wife stirring restlessly. She was
frowning and
mumbling incoherently. With a small shout, her eyes shot open.
Lurker: Careful Akane, you'll shout your eye out...
Kouchou: [groans] Dat was baaaaaaaaaaad, keiki...
Akane met his eyes. As before, shock covered her face. "No," she
whispered. "No. No no no no NO NO NO NONONONONO!" She began
screaming
and violently thrashing on the bed.
Lurker: Whoa. Tantrum.
Key: Is she not well?
"No." He looked up at Tofu. "She was fine until she saw me. I
think...
I think this might be a spell of some sort. Or something like
that."
Lurker: Simplest explanation first, eh?
Tofu thinned his lips, looking very sorry for what he was about to
say.
"Ranma. Such an attitude may kill Akane. Are you certain you want
to
take such a chance?"
"Ranma-kun." Ranma turned to see Kasumi standing in the door,
holding
Nouma in her arms. "Are you saying that you're willing to risk my
sister's life based solely on your intuition, disregarding Tofu's
medical
advice?"
Kouchou: Dat sure how it soundin' to me...
Ranma grit his teeth for a second, then spoke slowly and calmly.
"Kasumi.
I know she's your sister. She's my wife, too. I would never put
her life
in danger if I can help it. But this thing... I... I know that
it's
nothing... nothing a hospital can help with." Ranma swallowed. "I
can't
explain it any better than that, but I know it's true. You gotta
trust
me."
Kasumi looked into his eyes for a long time. Ranma looked back at
her, at
the same time squeezing Akane's hand.
Lurker: Wonder who'll blink first?
(Ed. note: Scary thought: Ayanami Rei and Key in a staring
contest...)
Tofu looked at Kasumi evenly. It was the first time Ranma had ever
seen
anything like tension between them. Finally, Tofu spoke in a cool
tone of
voice. "Very well."
Lurker: Whoa...lover's quarrel...
Kouchou: Wit' dem two? Never happen.
Key: It just did.
[Lurker and Kouchou both stare at the robot girl strangely. She shows
no signs of life, so both quickly lose interest and return to the
fic.]
"I know that! Don't you think I don't know that!" Ranma pounded
his free
hand on his thigh. "I'd like nothing better than to take Akane to
the
hospital, have them give her a pill or something and cure her on
the spot.
But I know that won't fix it; it'll make it worse. If I wasn't
sure of
that, I'd be on the way to the hospital with Akane right now."
Tofu spoke softly. "You are certain, Ranma?"
Lurker: This is the TIL Ranma...he knows what he's doing.
She was about to knock again when there was a cry from inside. A
shout of
anguish and anger. It was followed by the sound of something being
smashed. Akane wondered if she should rush inside to see what was
wrong.
Another cry and sound of destruction dispelled all such notions.
Akane
clutched her hand in her heads, feeling like she was going mad.
The whole
world was askew and blaming her for it.
Lurker: [suddenly dressed like Willy Wonka] Strike that...reverse it.
Kouchou: O_O
Key: ...you are very strange...
She turned and walked down the street. She felt like a coward for
fleeing
from one place after another. But she seemed to be causing pain
with her
very presence. She needed to understand what was happening, and
she
needed to find Ranma to do that.
Lurker: I don't think she'll like it when she finds him...
Kouchou: Dat go wit'out sayin' keiki...
"YOU!" Akane whirled to see Nodoka standing on the street behind
her.
Her face was bright red and she pointed at Akane as if to smite her
with
her anger. "You took my future! The future of the Saotome clan!
And now
you come back to... to torment my husband, to further ruin my
family!"
Lurker: Whoa...she's having a Kunou attack...
[Lurker barely dodges an attempt at decapitation by barber shears...]
A strong hand clasped her shoulder. A voice called out to Nodoka.
"Saotome-san, please, allow me to handle this. She will bother you
no
more, I promise."
Nodoka heaved a couple of breaths, spluttering, trying to get
something
out. When she couldn't, she spat on the ground and stalked back
into her
house.
Lurker: Whoo boy...she's really pissed...
"Okay, Akane, relax. Where is your home?"
"The nice place with the candy."
[Lurker and Kouchou facefault. Key blinks.]
"I see," Tofu said after a few seconds. "And how long have you
lived
there?"
"How long? Long. Forever. Except I hate the candy."
Lurker: You get the feeling she's fixated on the candy?
"Do you remember ever living here?"
"Will you feed me candy?"
"Do you want me to give you candy?"
"I hate the candy."
Kouchou: If she hate de candy then why she be worryin' 'bout de
candy?
Key: She is not well.
"Everyone's a sensei. Everyone."
"Are they?"
"Except when they aren't."
Lurker: [nods] Sound logical reasoning.
Tofu spoke again. "Akane, what is the last thing you remember?"
"Remember? I... I don't like remembering."
"Why not?"
Kouchou: Dat be a trick question, right?
"Because! Remembering is remembering. Isn't that right, P-chan?"
Lurker: Yeah, that really made sense...
"Who is P-chan?"
"This is P-chan. He's my pet."
"I see. He's a nice pet."
[By this point, even Key is beginning to look strained by this
conversation.]
"The man named him for me. It was the right name, too. The man
was very
smart."
"Which man?"
"The man."
Lurker: Yeah, she'd definitely be a big hit on the witness stand...
More silence. Tofu was evidently running out of ideas. Evidently
he
decided to try a more direct approach. "Do you remember your
husband?"
The change in Akane's voice was immediate. It bordered on
hysteria.
"Husband?"
Kouchou: I tink de sensei hit a nerve wit' dat one...
"Yes. Do you remember him?"
"What's a husband?"
Key: A husband is someone you marry.
[Lurker and Kouchou stare at Key and exchange glances.]
"You know what a husband is, don't you?"
"Someone you marry."
[Lurker and Kouchou exchange glances, and stare at Key]
Kouchou: I be gettin' real worried 'bout dat wahini...
Lurker: You and me both...
"Akane. I know you don't like to remember. I know it's painful.
But
please, try for me. I'd like to know what you remember."
"I... I was walking around the yard. I was here, at my not-home,
instead
of my home. And it felt kind of good, and then... and then..."
"Yes? And then?"
"He... he shouldn't have... she was trying to... the brazen hussy
wanted
him, but he... he was *mine*!"
Lurker: Oooooooooooh, we've got memory sign!
Ranma rose to his feet. Akane's voice was turning dark and ugly.
Angry
and hateful. It chilled Ranma to the bone and set off all sorts of
warning bells.
Lurker: [Ranma-doing-Spock voice] Forgive me doctor. I'm receiving a
number of distress calls.
Kouchou: [Tofu-doing-McCoy voice] I don't doubt it.
"He spent all his time with her! They were lovers and laughing at
me, and
he's mine! And then she showed up and they stood there and laughed
at me
while they held hands. Flaunting it! They WANTED ME TO DIE SO
THEY COULD
BE MARRIED BUT I WOULDN'T GIVE THEM THE SATISFACTION!"
Lurker: Whoo boy, she's gone off the deep end...
Kouchou: She already off de deep end...
Lurker: Oh. Right.
"ADULTERER! YOU HATE ME, YOU'VE ALWAYS HATED ME, YOU NEVER TOLD ME
THE
TRUTH! DIE, RANMA!" She reached her hand back to slap him again.
Lurker: Uh-oh. Looks like it's all coming back to her...
Ranma brought his hand up and blocked it. The blow had a lot more
force
than he'd expected, and he was forced back a step. Akane stepped
into
him, trying to pummel his stomach. Ranma reached down and grabbed
her
wrists. She tried to wrench them away but he held them firm, this
time
not surprised by her unexpected strength.
Lurker: That should be Ranma's big clue that something's seriously
wrong with Akane.
Kouchou: How dat?
Lurker: Otherwise, a law of anime physics would stop him from
blocking those punches...
He looked back at Akane, whose face was still fury personified.
"How DARE
you!" Her cheeks were flushed and she had spittle on her chin.
"Ranma,
you do NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO-" She stopped and her eyes widened,
her
expression melting from fury into shock. "Ranma?"
Lurker: I think it just sunk in...
[Kouchou nods]
Ranma tightened his grip on her and let her cry. This was at least
different from her previous reactions to his presence, but he
wasn't sure
if it was a good one or not.
But at least she was letting him try to help her, and that had to
be all
right.
Lurker: Don't be too sure, Ranma...
Ryoga didn't look at her. "This morning, Akane-san, you escaped
from a
mental hospital where you've been staying for almost two years."
Kouchou: Dat not be a pleasant ting for wahini to be hearin'...
Lurker: No shit, Sherlock.
Akane froze. Ryoga stopped but didn't turn to face her. Akari
looked up
into Ryoga's face, concern etched onto her features.
Akane tried to get her brain to work. "M-mental hospital?"
Key: It is a place where the insane are locked away. But that is not
important now.
Lurker: O_O
Kouchou: Dat wahini be scarin' me...
Lurker: Yeah...for someone who doesn't even know what we're doing
here, she catches on pretty fast...
"Yes," Ryoga spoke into the air in front of him. "Kasumi tells me
that
they were quite surprised by your attack. That you've been so
completely
passive for so long that they were fooled. They need to get you
back
inside before you hurt someone."
"Hurt someone?" Fear everywhere she looked.
Lurker: Of course they're afraid. You're a dangerous psychopath. Even
if you are feeling much better now.
Ryoga spoke with a touch of anger. "You don't remember?"
"Remember what? What started?"
"The beatings."
"Beatings!" Akane shook her head. "Ranma would never lay a hand
on me in
anger. And if he tried, I'd knock him silly."
Lurker: Boy is *she* in for--
Kouchou: We get de picture, keiki.
"You misunderstand, Akane-san. Ranma never beat you. You beat
Ranma."
Moisture fled Akane's mouth. "I... I beat him? As in hit him?"
Lurker: Hit, kicked, bashed, trashed, crushed, dented, mangled,
folded, spindled, mutilated, pureed, flambeed, skewered, minced...
"Yes. Ukyo took him. She was hoping that it would help him to
deal with
your abuse. It did absolutely nothing. Months and months of
ineffectual
talking before you found out about it."
The pause seemed significant. Akane forced herself to ask. "And
what did
I do when I found out?"
Lurker: Three guesses...
"You never got pregnant, Akane. You were too busy fighting with
Ranma all
the time."
"No! That's not true! Wait until we get to Ranma, he'll tell
you."
"Yes, I suppose that's true. We're nearly there."
Lurker: Yeah, Ranma's *real* talkative these days...
Kouchou: If you be a worm, dat is...
"You started shouting. And then you took your katana and stabbed
Ranma in
the stomach. And when Ukyo tried to help him, you stabbed her,
too. They
both died very quickly."
Lurker: Ladies and gentlemen, the Reader's Digest version of the
climax of "The Bitter End".
Kouchou: De movie was better...
It isn't true. It's a lie, it has to be a lie. Ranma is alive, I
slept
with him last night.
Lurker: More than we needed to know, thanks...
Kouchou: Unless you be wantin' to share de details...
Lurker: [smirk] And they call *me* a pervert...
That's the way you remember it. What if reality is different?
What if
you *did* hurt him, but you don't want to remember it that way?
What if
you created a new fantasy world in your head, one where you and
Ranma had
a wonderful marriage, and a son, and happiness. An idyllic world
where
everyone lived happily ever after. Certainly more pleasant to
remember
than a life of misery and pain that ended with you murdering two
people
and winding up in a mental hospital, isn't it?
Lurker: Oh wonderful...now she's going nuts...
"NO!" She lifted her head to yell at the marker with her husband's
name
on it. "It *is* true! I remember you, Ranma! I can feel you
lying next
to me as I fell asleep last night! I can smell our baby, feel the
softness of his skin, listen to him crying and burbling, *see* him
being
carried in your arms! It's real, it *has* to be, *no one* can
create a
fantasy world that elaborate! DO YOU HEAR ME, RANMA!" She grabbed
the
marker with her hands. "YOU'RE ALIVE!"
Lurker: She's flipped.
And she leaned forward and sobbed into Ryoga's chest. She *had*
hurt
Ranma. Beaten him. Pounded him with mallets and rocks and
whatever was
handy. How far a step from those weapons to katanas? How far from
a
temporary bump on the head to a marker in the ground?
Lurker: 42.
But Nouma was still set firmly in her mind, and she grabbed at him
like an
anchor. She controlled her sobbing. "I'm not lying and I'm not
crazy. I
*do* have a son. I remember him too vividly for him to be a
delusion. No
matter what, Ryoga, I am not going to let go of that."
Ryoga sighed and put his arms around her. "All right, Akane-san.
But we
do need to get you back to the hospital. Please."
Lurker: Translation -- "Fine, you've got a son, whatever you want to
believe, just as long as you get locked up again."
Ranma waited until Akane had stopped trembling, then spoke. "Are
you
okay, dear?"
A muffled, tired voice came from his chest. "You are not Ranma."
Lurker: Speaking of crazed Akanes...
Kouchou: Dat one dere be certifiable...
Lurker: She's already been certified.
Kouchou: ....dat right...
Ranma's first impulse was to insist that he *was*. He stopped
himself and
tried to remember how Tofu had dealt with this. "Why not? Uh, why
am I
not Ranma?"
Lurker: Amateur anything-goes martial arts psychology.
She began quivering again. "Because... because Ranma... Ranma..."
She
clutched him tightly. "Blood, so much blood, everywhere, on the
ground,
on the katana, on my clothes, on my hands, blood blood blood..."
Kouchou: Dat wahini be bloodtirsty...
"No it isn't." Agony in her voice. "It's everywhere. It covered
my eyes
when I got angry. It welled up in your body if I hit it hard
enough. I
couldn't stop until I saw blood. And then it was too much, I
needed to
see *all* of your blood, and I did, and it's everywhere."
Lurker: I get it! She's been playing too much Mortal Kombat.
She rolled off the bed and walked quickly to the window, staring
out it.
"Blood, my whole life is blood, blood and candy... and I don't know
which
is worse."
Lurker: Depends...are you a fly today, or a vampire?
Ranma didn't move for a second, then slowly clambered off the bed
and
walked up behind her. "There's a lot more to life than that,
Akane."
She flinched. "Not to *my* life. Not after I... I... NO!" She
lashed
out with her fists and smashed the window.
Kouchou: Now dere, wahini. What dat window ever be doin' t' you?
Ranma rushed in. "I'm fine, Akane."
"No you're NOT!" Akane's voice became shrill. "YOU'RE not fine,
I'M not
fine, it will never be 'fine'." Her brow began to furrow again.
"Who
*are* you! Why... why are you doing this to me!"
Kouchou: Because you been a bad wahini...
Akane studied him closely, her face fearful but with a kind of hope
in it.
"You don't blame me? For killing you?"
Ranma suppressed a twinge and instead smiled gently. "I... well, I
forgive you."
Lurker: That had to be one of the strangest things Ranma ever had to
say...
Kouchou: You got dat right keiki...
With a remarkable effort of will, Ranma kept himself from
flinching.
Instead, he tried to stay on track. "Didn't you hear Tofu-sensei?
It
wasn't you that did that, it was your disease. I forgive you. I
love
you."
Lurker: Awwwww, how sweet....<barf>
"NO!" Ranma was surprised at the anger in his own voice. He
swallowed it
and spoke again, more gently. "No. I forbid you to kill yourself,
Akane.
If you feel like you owe me something, then make it up to me by
getting
better. Only when you get better will... will you have... put the
ghosts
to rest."
Lurker: Nice phrasing...Ranma's really getting good at this...
"Akane, that's not the way a martial artist acts. Eventually we
have to
face our enemy." Ranma reached down and lifted Akane's chin until
she was
looking at him. "For me, Akane, please. Get better. I know it
will be
hard and I know it will hurt, but I'll always be with you, helping
you.
Depend on that."
[Lurker flips through a file folder labeled "Cheesy Pep Talks"]
Lurker: Yep. #1267...
Akane looked from one of his eyes to the other. Ranma hoped she
could
find what she needed in them.
Then she smiled, a small, happy smile that lit her whole face and
made her
beautiful.
Ranma smiled with her, putting all his love in it.
And then she rolled her eyes up and collapsed back onto the bed.
Lurker: Nice faint. I give it an 8.7...
Kouchou: You bein' stingy, keiki. 9.3.
Key: Nine point seven.
Lurker: Ah, what do you guys know. One of you's nuts and the other
one's got nuts...
[Kouchou and Key both blink at that statement.]
Kouchou: Hey now keiki...
Lurker: [smirk] Read into that what you will.
Tears began to fall from her eyes. "No! He was alive. I saw him
and
talked to him and he was alive, oh God oh God no no no NO!" She
covered
her face with her hands.
Lurker: Oh great...right back to square one...
Akane went over to Ranma's marker. She put a trembling hand on it.
"Ranma. Thank you for... for what you said, for helping me, for
being
alive even though you're dead. I promise I'll try. I'll get
better
because you want me to." She leaned over Ranma's marker and spoke
in an
agonize whisper. "But it hurts so much."
Lurker: She's got a long way to go...
Curiously now she seemed less rational than when she had insisted
that
Ranma was alive and they had a son. Less rational, but closer to
reality.
He stepped up to her. "Akane-san. You must go back to the
hospital now."
"Okay." She straightened and turned towards him. "You're Ryoga,
right?"
Lurker: Sheesh...not wanting to remember is one thing, but this is
ridiculous...
"You're so nice." She smiled tremulously. "Will you keep coming
to visit
me, Ryoga? I'd like your help. I'm not sure, but I think you're
the only
one who can look at me without hating me. Other than Ranma, of
course.
But Ranma's dead, even when he's alive, so you're the only one who
can
come see me."
Kouchou: Dat one definitely gon' be in de loony bin a long time...
Ranma gently released Akane, and turned to look at Tofu. He was
about to
ask him a question when Akane spoke. "Ranma?"
Ranma turned back. "Yes, Akane?"
"Ranma!" She grabbed him and hugged him fiercely, pulling him back
into
the bed with her.
Ranma grimaced slightly, wondering how many times he would have to
play
this scene out.
Lurker: As long as it takes until you get it right!
Ranma smiled gently. "Okay. Sounds fair. But do remember to keep
calling me an idiot when I deserve it. Hell, I hope you'll hit me
over
the head with a mallet *once* in a while, for old time's sake, even
if you
don't do it out of anger. It wouldn't be the same otherwise."
Lurker: [snicker]
The past looked over her shoulder at the present, who had somehow
sneaked
up on her. "Don't I always?" she said testily.
The present's mouth turned slightly down.
"Don't answer that." The past stretched luxuriously. "Well,
enough
solving every mortal's problems, time for Xena."
[Everyone including Key facefaults.]
A smile returned to the present's face. "I saw what else you did.
Kept a
potential problem from developing in the future. Our sister will
appreciate that."
"What can I say? I'm great. Let's get back to your boyfriend's
place.
When are you going to marry him?"
Lurker: I KNEW IT!
Thanks to White Wolf for inspiring the OMG angle. Tell me if it
works or
not.
Lurker: [shakes his head, chuckling] It's...fitting, somehow.
[Suddenly, without warning, Key begins laughing hysterically.]
Lurker: ??
Kouchou: Hey dere, wahini...
Key: Key understands! "The other's got nuts"...nuts and bolts! [Key
falls over laughing.]
Lurker: [sweatdrop] It wasn't *that* good a joke...
*****
Good work, Lawson-san. Even if the OMG angle sorta came out of left
field there...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Try to control yourself..."
"Hey, I'm 20. I'm male. I'm single. I'm not
getting any. What do you expect?"
"...I stand corrected. And you...just...stand."
-Conversation between Lurker and an
anonymous AOL user
---
The Eternal Lost Lurker
"You lika de fic? De fic is good, yes?
...I writa you de fic."
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Garden/9502
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
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