Thanks for the C&C, Philip. I thought I'd write and answer a couple of
points.

First of all, though, I want to say that YANMS pt 2 was written in December.
Since then, I've suffered from severe writer's block and haven't been able
to write a word. Hopefully I'll get over it and be able to finish this story
(along with half a dozen or so other unfinished stories I've got on my hard
drive), but it may be awhile. LaShawn expressed interest in continuing it
herself... if I don't start writing soon, I'll let her do it, although I
don't know if she'll still be interested after reading part 2.

	First of all, when does this story take place? Is it after Ranma and
	Akane's bombed wedding? (Ukyou must be seriously considering the
	possibility of Ranma marrying Akane; otherwise why would she bother
	getting the Nanban mirror and doing all this, especially with the
risk
	involved of something unexpected happening when she changes time?)

Hadn't really thought of that. It could be anytime, I suppose... Ukyou may
well have not considered the possible consequences of her actions.

	Minor point, Ryouga's comment "Have you no honor?!" seems kind of
out of
	place. All Ranma did was throw him headfirst against a rock. I've
never
	heard Ryouga say "Have you no honor?!".

Really? I coulda sworn he's said it before... in any case, this is easily
fixed, since Ryouga's appearance is entirely gratuitous (as is pretty much
the whole first few paragraphs.)

	> Ukyou blinked and tried to speak through her sniffles, but
couldn't. Akane
	> frowned deeper, then said, "Listen, you. I don't know who you are
or where
	> you came from, but it's *over*, do you hear? He's married. To me.
Leave him
	> alone. I don't care what Genma promised you. Genma's dead. Go
away. Or I'll
	> hurt you." And with a vicious shove, she knocked Ukyou back to the
ground,
	> and followed Ranma into the school.

	Why is Akane acting so hostile? Did she go through some great
tragedy too
	somehow because of Ukyou's influence on the timeline? (She's
obviously NOT
	at all like her normal self...) I guess you'll be explaining this in
a
	future part, right? :)

I'll probably go into this in Part 3 (if I ever actually manage to write
it), but the general gist of the alternate timeline as I saw it was:

After Ukyou and Genma's deaths, Ranma's psyche is basically totally
shattered. He's wracked with grief and guilt. He turns into the coldhearted
bastard we got a glimpse of in part 2. All he's got left is his honor, so he
feels obligated to carry out the engagement his father arranged. (Genma told
Ranma about it just before he died.) So he shows up at the Tendou Dojo and
demands that the arranged marriage be fulfilled. Being a strong-willed and
deadly martial artist, the Tendous aren't really in a position to refuse
him. Akane is trapped in a loveless marriage with an unlovable man.
Furthermore, thanks to Genma's machinations, she's had to deal with a
constant stream of "fiancees" showing up to claim her husband. All of this
has turned her nearly as bitter as Ranma; hence her treatment of Ukyou (who
she rightly assumes to be yet another one of the fiancees Genma arragned for
Ranma.)

Other changes, some of which have already been pointed out: Ranma never went
to China, hence never met the Jokusetzuko and never visited Jusenkyo. Ranma
also never went to the junior high where he met Ryouga, so he's out of the
picture (and Akane's hair was never cut; it's longer now than it was then.) 

	It strikes me as somewhat odd that Ukyou got robbed of her spatulas.
(1)
	Why would someone want to steal that? and (2) Tokyo is supposed to
be one
	of the safer cities, isn't it? (Well this IS Nerima, but the martial
	artists there just fight a lot, they aren't theives...well except
for one
	guy but he'd steal Ukyou's panties, not her spatulas :/)
	If Ukyou getting robbed is a crucial point of the story that's going
to be
	used later, you might want to justify it, like why did it happen and
	stuff.

Tokyo may be a relatively safe city, but that doesn't mean that there aren't
a *few* people who will steal anything they can, just because. What I was
trying to do is bring Ukyou to her nadir... she's lost and alone in a world
not her own, not only does her beloved fiancee not even know her but he's
become a monster, she's lost her only means of maybe setting things right,
and now she's lost her possessions. She's got nothing.

(Cheer up, though, Ukyou... at least things can only get better. And they
will. I hate sad endings.)

	> With her last breath and her last ounce of strength, Ukyou had
managed to
	> use her finger to write a word in the sand before she died. It
must have
	> taken a Herculean force of will, with her body crushed and her
lifeblood
	> seeping out of her head, but she had done it. And the word she'd
written was
	> GENMA.

	AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! NOT UCCHAN!!!!!!!!!

	This is another major point of the story which is somewhat
questionable to
	me. Genma strikes me as the irresponsible type, who would screw
other
	people over sometimes to accomplish his objectives...but not to this
	level. (Seeing this all over reminds me of the fanfic "Poison"...not
Susan
	Doenime's burakumin one...the "Genma the pimp" one). 

Yeah, I know what you mean, and you're not the only one that's pointed that
out to me. It's kinda what I meant when I said I didn't really like this
fic, and it felt wrong to me. I needed some way to turn Ukyou's
well-intentioned meddling into a complete and utter disaster, and seized
upon the easiest way. I hope I can come up with something better... it'd
require a major rewrite, but I'd rather do that then leave in the murder.

It has to be somebody's deliberate actions, though... I can't just have
Ukyou killed in an accident or something.

Maybe, as you suggest, I can come up with a better justification for the
murder than just Ranma's engagement to a Tendou.

	> Before Genma had stopped talking, Ranma's fist shot out and
	> caught him right in the throat. Ukyou's imagination supplied the
sickening
	> crack that the spell did not. Genma's eyes bulged out and his legs
collapsed
	> He lay, on his back, hacking and
	> coughing uncontrollably, until blood started leaking from his
mouth. The
	> blood kept flowing until Genma was still.

	Bah, you let Genma off too easy. Ranma should have broken every bone
in
	his body one by one, and........nevermind. I don't want to gross you
all
	out. :) (That was a joke btw:)

No, no, you're right. But Ranma isn't thinking too clearly now... he's much
too angry and horrified to take the time to give Genma the extended
treatment he so richly deserves :)

	> As she looked up and tried to stem the flow of tears, she saw the
smoke
	> dissipating over one final scene: Ranma kneeling over a grave,
pounding a
	> slab of wood by the grave's head. On the slab was carved:
	> 
	> HERE LIES
	> UKYOU KUONJI
	> 
	> MY LIFE ENDS WITH YOURS

	*weeps openly*

You think? I was worried that the inscription might be a little too hokey.

	Well, good work...keep up the writing. 

Ahh, if only I could :-)

	I look forward to seeing the next
	part. And please make it a happy ending, where Ukyou's objectives
are
	successful eh? :)

Wellll... like I said, I hate sad endings. However, I'm much more likely to
make Ukyou successful in restoring the status quo than having her successful
in marrying Ranma... sorry, but I'm an Akane fan :)

--JSH