"Mike Allen" <allenmk@gte.net> wrote:

Ranma � is the sole property of Rumiko Takahashi and all of the companies which have licensed it.

This is my first fic. Be kind, but honest in your comments.

Okay, let's start with the formatting: Please wrap your fics at 70-80
characters per line, so that we can all read them without having to
scroll our screens back and forth. Also, there's no need for the HTML
attachment copy on the end; plain text will do just fine.

Your punctuation is also off. Example:

"So, what are you going to do today?", Kasumi asked with a grin.

"I'm going to go jogging and then work on my strength.", Akane said as she left the table.

The right way to punctuate these would be:

"So, what are you going to do today?" Kasumi asked with a grin.

"I'm going to go jogging and then work on my strength," Akane said as
she left the table.

When you explicitly mention who said it, a period in the quoted phrase
gets changed to a comma; but if it's a ? or a !, it doesn't change. Not
a big issue, obviously, but it will make your stuff more
professional-looking if you get this right. If you don't mention that
so-and-so said the line (which is often unnecessary), then the period
stays a period. E.g.:

"I'm going to go jogging and then work on my strength." Akane left the
table.


As far as the content goes, there were some clever moments, but pretty
much all of this is very standard Ranma stuff. There's nothing really
new going on. If you're doing this to lead into some different idea,
then you might want to start off with the new idea right away instead of
leading into it, as seeing all this old familiar stuff might turn off
readers.

One more thing (which also shows the need for line wrapping):

If I choose Ukyou. I would get a girl that I L-word, too. (Ha ha, this is easy to say.. L-word, L-word, L-word, ha ha ha) She L-words me back. She cooks great okonomiyaki. She's smart. She cooks great okonomiyaki. She's a great fighter. She cooks great okonomiyaki. She's cute. She cooks great okonomiyaki. She's my best friend. I can tell her anything. 

Ukyo being Ranma's best friend and him being able to tell her things is
a fanfiction myth. Even the most rabid Ukyo fans can't come up with any
examples from the series where they had any kind of heart-to-heart talk.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics