[Lights up on the living room... sort of.  It seems someone has
replaced the regular lamps with black lights.  Bizarre-looking neon
things are hung on the (otherwise invisible in the darkness) walls, and 
neon strips are laid across the floor and ceiling, too, seemingly at
random.  Something not-quite-Baroque-sounding featuring organ,
strings, and synthesizer is playing, and three figures clad in bright
purple, red, and blue, respectively, are dancing.  Suddenly, the music
cuts out, and the black lights fade out as spotlights shine into the
room.]

Scott:  (purple) Hmm.  I suppose that's our subtle cue for this week,
eh?

Madoka:  (red) Got it in one.

Akane:  (blue) This is our tenth People Not Appearing In This Fanfic.

Scott:  (nods) And we've got part 3 of John Biles' "Marmalade Moon"
fusion.  I've been waiting for this.

Akane:  Me too.  (gestures at the sofa, which is pushed up against one
wall) Let's start, then.

Scott:  (nods) Where did I put that remote...?

[Akane grabs the sofa and easily pulls it back into place while Madoka
picks up said remote from the table.]

Madoka:  Right here.

[The three sit, and Madoka presses a button...]

	 Queen Beryl sat on her dark throne, in the land of Mordor where the
Shadows lie.

Scott:  Not to be confused with the land of Galrom, where the Shadows
tell the truth.

Akane:  You just can't trust those Shadows.  Always following you
around, and all...

However, since lavadiving wasn't her thing, she didn't have
a one ring to rule them all and had to make do with her mystic staff with
a knob on the end and a built in tape deck.

Scott:  Hmm...

Madoka:  Do us all a favor.  Don't say it.

Scott:  Oh, all right.

Right now, she was relaxing
by playing some Guns and Roses and dancing.  "WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE,
WE'VE GOT FUN AND GAMES..." The way she was thrashing around, her hair was
likely to kill whoever came near.

	 General Jinnai stuck his head in,

Scott:  Yes!  Decapitation!

and decided that perhaps this
wasn't the ideal time for a conference with the Queen, and started to
slink out.  However, Beryl spotted him and turned off the music.  "General
Jinnai.  I demand an explanation for your failure."

Madoka:  (Jinnai) Well, you see, I failed because I didn't succeed.

	 "It was all Makoto's fault."

	 "Can you say ANYTHING else beyond 'It's Makoto's fault'?"  She
frowned.

	 He thought for a moment.  "Yes."

	 "Can you give me an example?"

	 "No."

Akane:  Not too bright, is he?

	 She gestured to her youma legions which were standing around in the
shadows looking sinister.  "Youma Joyce."

All:  o/~ But if you are feeling sinister, go off and see a minister;
he'll try in vain to take away the pain of being a hopeless
unbeliever.

	 A youma in a nice business suit with short blond hair in a bowl cut
stepped forward.  "Yes, my queen?"

	 "Please have General Jinnai brainscrubbed."

	 "Yes, my queen."

Scott:  Hmm.  I never thought of Jinnai as having a particularly dirty
mind. ^_^

Akane:  (dark look) Not compared to -some- people...

	 Jinnai howled as they took him away.  Hmm.  Should I take my second
general off of looking for the Silver Crystal?  No, that's too important,
especially since we're still trying to get the other two generals.  I
shall have to use one of my Majors.

Madoka:  You knew that Sociology degree had to be good for -something-.

"Send in...Major Disaster."

Akane:  Something tells me we're in for a lot more horrible name puns
in this chapter.

Scott:  This is a surprise to you?

	 There was a crack of ominous thunder, but everyone ignored it,
because in the Dark Kingdom, this happened about five times an hour.

*******************

Madoka:  Then, nineteen stars fell from the heavens.  That was harder
to ignore.

Marmalade Moon, Episode 3:

"What?  She likes Yuu?  And they used to date?  Her name is Arimi?
 Can We give away any more spoilers in this episode title?  Oh yeah,
 the eye catches are kinda bad that way, eh?"

Akane:  I swear these are getting longer every time.

Scott:  At this rate, I figure by chapter 10 the title will be the
entire post.

********************

	 Miki sat, staring at the exchange diary, trying to decide how to
reply.  This had to be a joke, but still...what if Meiko has wigged out?

Scott:  She has.  How else can you explain her attraction to Namura?

Maybe it's some kind of afteraffect from the youma attack at our school.
Should I call her?

Madoka:  If you call her, you can call her Al.

Akane:  Call her a joker, call her a fool; right at this moment, she's
totally cool.

Scott:  Call her... Ishmael.

	 What if everyone else is flipping out too?

Akane:  That's pretty much normal, in Marmalade Boy.

Miki hadn't really
sat down and thought about the likely after effects of these youma
attacks.  What happens to you when you get your energy sucked out of you?

Scott:  You get promoted to manager.

Do you lose pieces of your personality too?

Madoka:  No, you just feel really cold.

The thought chilled her.

Madoka:  Oh, no!  They've gotten to her! ^_^

Poor Meiko's been attacked twice and she's already this bad.  

	Should I play along?  No, that might make it worse...but if I reject
her, she might go over the deep end.  She might run away and never want to
see me again.  Miki's eyes quivered.

Scott:  Can eyes -do- that?

Akane:  Eyes guess so.

There has to be something I can do
to help her.  "Luna, I don't know what to do."

Madoka:  (Luna) That's pretty normal, then.

	Luna blinked.  "Do about what?  What to write in that diary thing?"

	"Come read this, Luna."

	Luna read the diary entry.  'I worked on a story today, but I can't
figure out how to get the ending I want.  The characters keep wanting to
discuss Sartre, but it's supposed to be a story about the Smurf-Carebear
war.  Maybe I should write in an Angst Bear or Goth Smurf.'

	Luna nodded.  Not quite genre, really, but she had read stranger fan
stories.  Why is Miki so worried?  She continued reading.

	'I have decided to shave my head and move to Tibet and start a sex
cult which worships me as the reincarnation of the Dalai Parton.  Then I
will make a remake of Apocalypse Now in which the renegade Colonel is
actually Colonel Chicken.'

	Luna began to boggle.  Okay, maybe Meiko has snapped.

Akane:  See what a big help Luna is?  (rolls her eyes)

	 'Will you become my first worshipper, Miki?  Check [ ] Yes or [  ]
No.'

	"So what do you think, Luna?"  Miki sounded really worried.  

Scott:  Check yes.  Then force her to go through with it.

	"It's probably just a joke,"  Luna said, trying to be reassuring.
"Just check yes and write something normal in the next entry."

Madoka:  (Miki) "Something normal..."  Then what, Luna?

	Miki nodded nervously.  She thought for a moment, then began to
write.  'I hope Na-chan is okay.

Scott:  (sighs) I'm sure he is, unfortunately.

I still haven't heard what's wrong with
him.  While whatever happened at our school was pretty scary, I'm glad
none of us were hurt seriously.'

	"Luna, what does it feel like to have your energy drained?"  Miki
asked Luna.

Akane:  (Luna) Sort of like this... *zortch*

	Luna blinked.  "I have no idea.  Why do you ask?"

	"Well, if I'm not going to let Meiko know I'm Tennis Warrior Moon
and everyone at the school got zapped..."  Miki trailed off.  I don't like
lying to Meiko at all, she thought.  Meiko needs to know I'm going to do
my best to protect her.  

	 Luna said, "It's best we keep this as secret as possible.  Loose
lips sink ships."

	 Miki immediately closed her mouth tightly.

Scott:  Lucifer roared to his minions, "Hurry up with those blankets!"

**************

Scott:  ...as Hell was snowed in.

	 Dinner was luckily cooked by Chiyako (Yuu's mother), and not Rumi.
Not that it turned out so well for Miki, anyway.  "So how school been
going for you?"  Jin (Miki's father) asked.  

Akane (Ranma's fiancee): (Miki (Rumi's daughter)) Oh, fine.

	"Well, the Tennis Club has a tournament coming up with Sakagi
Academy,"  Miki said.  "So we're going to be getting ready for that."  She
thought for a minute.  "Our school is still trying to get back in order
after the...monster attack."

	Jin shook his head.  "What a tragedy.

Madoka:  (Jin) I mean, travesty.  We all know your school was never in
order.

At least no one was
permanently hurt.  So when is your game?  I might come watch it."

	"That'd be great, Dad,"  Miki said.  "It's in two weeks on Saturday
afternoon."

Akane:  (Jin) So when is the next monster attack?

Scott:  (Miki) It's in two weeks on Saturday afternoon.  Funny how
these things work, isn't it?
 

	"That would be perfect.  If you need any help practicing, just come
to me.  I was in the Tennis Club in college you know."

	Miki knew.  Her father had introduced her to the sport.  I bet the
big game story is coming next.

Madoka:  The transition to direct quoting of her thoughts is a little 
jarring.
 

	Jin turned to Yuu.  "I wasn't one of the better players, but there
was this one game against Nekomi Tech..."

Akane:  Jin... being modest?

Scott:  Lucifer huddled beneath his pile of fur coats.  He hooked the
space heater with his pitchfork, drawing it closer.

	Miki surreptitiously checked her watch so she could see if her
father would match the usual time for telling this story.  She glanced
over at her mother, who smiled a tiny secret smile while everyone else,
who hadn't sat through this story twelve thousand times, listened
attentively, or at least faked it well.  

	Finally, story time was over, and Jin said, "How about you, Yuu?
What have you been doing?"

Scott:  (Yuu) Your daugh--

[Madoka and Akane both whack Scott.  He falls off the couch with a
muffled *thud*.]

	"Mostly just working at Junk Jungle and trying to rest up from that
monster invasion,"  Yuu said.  He looked over at Miki, "Hey, Miki, have
you shown them your ventriloquist trick yet?"

Madoka:  (Yuu) Hey, Miki, I'm going to make your life really miserable
now, okay?

	Rumi's eyes lit up.  "You've been learning ventriloquism, Miki?"

	Miki laughed nervously.  "I've been teaching my cat to help."

     "Wow!"  Chiyako said.  "I want to see this!"

	Everyone began calling for the routine.  Miki glanced over at Yuu,
who grinned.  You are EVIL, she thought.

Akane:  Could it be... foreshadowing?

Scott:  Nah.  We've already established that the Shadows lie.

"Luna!"  she cried out.

	Luna came running out of the kitchen.  "Meow?"

	"Okay, Luna, it's time for our ventriloquism trick.  Jump up in my
lap!"

	Luna gave Miki a look that would have destroyed entire nations if
she wasn't just a talking cat.  She sighed and leaped into Miki's lap.

Madoka:  I'm not sure what's harder to believe.  A cat sighing, or a
cat coming when it's called.

	"Okay, Luna, tell everyone about your day."  Miki said.

	"Well, I started my day by dragging Miki out of bed."  Luna said.
"Then I went for a walk while she was at school.  I dropped by the Arcade
and played a few rounds of the Softball Warrior V fighting game.

Scott:  Thereby helping contribute money to Artemis.  I ask you again,
who's the stupid one here?

Afterwards, I came back here and took a nice nap.  It was a pleasant day.
Then Miki was worried about what to write in her exchange diary, so I
wrote the entry for her AND did her homework.

Madoka:  (Luna) Her grades have improved by 20%.

Then I wrote this little
monologue."  Luna rattled on.  "What most people don't realize is that
actually, Miki is MY ventriloquist's dummy."

	Everyone was laughing by this point, and Luna rattled on about her
plans for global conquest.

Scott:  Ah-ha.  I knew this "love and justice" stuff had to be covering
up -something-.

Miki had to fight not to laugh as well, which
would have wrecked the whole situation.  Finally, Luna fell quiet and ran
off into the kitchen.  

	Chiyako said, "Wow!  That was great!"

	Yuu grinned.  "You should do that in the talent show.  I'm
impressed."

	Miki looked over, expecting him to be giving her a funny look, but
he really did look impressed.

Akane:  I'd consider that a funny look, coming from him.

She smiled a little.  Thank you, Yuu, she
thought.  

     The front doorbell rang.  Youji (Yuu's father) looked up in surprise.
"Visitors?  At this hour?"

Scott:  This hour?  How late to they eat dinner?  And how early do they 
all get home from work? O_o

     Chiyako said, "I'll get it."  She got up and went to the front door.

     Yuu said, "I hope it's not a....landshark."

All:  (groan)

Madoka:  I have to admit, this is the sort of thing Yuu would come up
with...

     Miki blinked.  "A what?"

     "A landshark.  A kind of land dwelling shark that goes around ringing
doorbells and then eating people who answer."

     Miki narrowed her eyes.  "You're making fun of me."

     "Nope.  Perfectly serious."

[Madoka begins playing the "Jaws" theme on her saxophone.]

     They heard the door open, and then there was a scream.  It was
Chiyako.  

Scott:  This is a dead giveaway.  If it was really a landshark, it'd
be the shark that was screaming.

Akane:  That's not a very nice thing to say.

Scott:  Have you seen the "serious" Chiyako?  She's scary! ^_^

Miki leaped to her feet, as did everyone else, and sprinted
across the room and down the front hallway.  Ryoko-sensei was helping
Chiyako get up.  She was clutching her shin.  Miki said, "What happened?"

     "I banged my leg with the door accidentally, then fell down,"
Chiyako said.  "I hope I didn't scare everyone."

     Miki turned to Yuu, "Yuuuu!!!!!"

     Ryoko-sensei said, "I should have realized you'd be eating.  I'll
come back later."

     "No, no, stay,"  Chiyako said.  "You can eat with us.  I made too
much food anyway."

Madoka:  What a coincidence!  It's almost as if she -knew-! ^_^

     Ryoko-sensei chatted with the family about school affairs and how
good a tennis player Miki was, which made her blush.

Scott:  (blinks) Talking about how good a tennis player Miki was made
her blush?  Is this like a "sempai crush" in reverse?

Akane:  Well, they were talking about "school -affairs-"...

Finally, she went up
to Miki's room for a 'private conference'.

Scott:  Ooooooh.

Madoka:  Stop that.  I don't like that mental image.

Miki sat down with Luna on the
bed and let Ryoko-sensei take the desk chair.  "Do you think we're going
to beat Sagaki?"  she asked.

     "I think so,"  Ryoko-sensei said.  "But that's not what I came over
to talk to you about.  I think we need to try to plan how to find the
other...Tennis Warriors."  She blushed slightly.  "Among other things, you
should bring your mask to our next practice.  If we're lucky, there might
be another one on our team.  Or on Sagaki's when we play them."

Akane:  (Miki) Don't worry, I'm finding one per chapter so far.
She'll turn up.

She
turned to Luna, "But we need to look at other sports too, right?  Since
the warriors cross-trained?"

	Luna nodded.  "I've been going around watching various teams as best
I can.  But there's a lot of athletes in Tokyo.  Assuming they all live in
Tokyo."

Scott:  How do they know they're all still athletes?  They were
reincarnated, right?

Madoka:  Because "Couch Potato Warrior Mercury" just wouldn't sell.

	Miki boggled.  "We might have to...search the entire world?"

	"Well, it would be easier if we had Mercury.  Her computer can be
used to search for just about everything."  Luna started batting idly at
her tail.  "Actually, I do have her computer, but I've never been able to
figure out how it works."

Akane:  (helpfully) Try flipping the switch to "on" first.

	"Well, summon it up, and maybe I can figure it out,"  Ryoko-sensei
said.

	Luna did a backflip and landed on Ryoko's head, knocking her out of
the chair.

Scott:  And Luna's executed her double backflip with a half-twist and
a headache.  Kind of sloppy on that... I'll give her a 7.8.

The computer plummeted towards the floor, but Miki managed to
dive and catch it with her face, which hurt.

Akane:  If her face hurt before the computer smacked it, imagine how
it felt afterwards...

It was a blue laptop, which
Miki opened up once she sat up.  It had a Latin Script keyboard, a small
Zodiac wheel on one side with a button that looked like a heart in the
middle, with smaller buttons by each of the zodiac signs, and a small
rollerball on the right side of the keyboard.

Scott:  (facepalms) Oh, no.

Madoka:  Oh, yes...

The sign of Mercury was
embossed in gold on the lid.

Scott:  Next to the "Bandai" logo.

"See what you can make of it."

	Miki looked at it, "Oh hey, I know how to work these."

	Luna boggled.  "You...do?"

	Miki nodded.  "Hmm.  Name someone, Ryoko-sensei."

Madoka:  (Ryoko) That'd be silly.  I'm already named that.

	"Kevin Bacon."

	"Okay, you name someone, Luna."

	Luna thought for a moment.  "Tennis Warrior Mars."

Akane:  (Miki) Note to self:  Don't let Luna name your children.

	Miki punched a few keys, read something off the screen, then punched
in a few keys.  "Let's see...Tennis Warrior Mars is a Leo...

Scott:  Hmm.  How'd she figure that out?

Kevin Bacon is...okay..."

Madoka:  I don't care for him, myself.

She punched the red heart.  "Kevin Bacon and Tennis Warrior
Mars are 70% compatible."

	Ryoko and Luna face-faulted.

Akane:  Could've been worse.  Kevin Bacon could've -been- TW Mars.

*********************

     Sailor Pluto looked around her, then at 'Tennis Warrior Pluto', who
was standing next to her.  The mere thought that such a being existed
would have made her scream and bang her head against the wall, except that
wasn't really her thing.

Madoka:  She'll learn.

As it was, she simply looked around the city of
crystal, silver, and gold in which they now stood.  She recognized it.
Serenity City, capital of the Moon Kingdom.  They stood upon the roof of
a building near the great square at the center of the city and looked out
upon it.  Across the square sat a small palace, a mere shadow of the Great
Palace out in the countryside.  This was the Triangle Palace.

Scott:  Serenity City, Moon Kingdom, Triangle Palace.  These people
don't go in for complicated names, do they?

Madoka:  They like geometry, though.  The Triangle Palace is just across 
the square.

Queen
Serenity and her guardians, the Senshi, stood upon the great balcony of
the palace, but they were not the guardians that Pluto knew,

Akane:  (Obi-Wan) These are not the droids you're looking for.

nor the Queen
she knew, though it was the Queen's garb she wore.  

Madoka:  (Groucho) Today's secret word is "insurrection."

	The queen had short reddish-brown hair, and wore a plain white gold
ring upon her right hand and held a rod in her left tipped with the Silver
Crystal.  Eight women stood around her clad in outfits like the one worn
by Tennis Warrior Pluto.  

	Pluto frowned.  "This is not right."

Scott:  I'll say.  It's the Convention of the Fashion Challenged.

	"This is what is.  This is right.  Whatever may have happened in
your memories, this is the reality.  This is the day I came to join them,
the day the White Gold Millenium was declared by the woman who became
Queen Serenity."  Tennis Warrior Pluto smiled faintly.  

	"What about the other Ruling Wizards?  What about the other
kingdoms?  What about..."  What about me...

	The world whooshed around them

Madoka:  Much like all this was whoosing over Pluto's head...

and they found themselves in a small
farming village.  The Earth in the sky showed they were still on the Moon.
A nice board home stood nearby, and a little girl with green-black hair
was chasing a cat round and round the yard.  "I think this might be you.
The soul matches."  Tennis Warrior Pluto said.

	"I remember this.  I was doing this the day Serenity came to take me
to become one of her Senshi."

	"Let's see what happens..."

	The world spun and when it ceased, Pluto could tell it was 20 years
later.

Akane:  (Pluto) Wait, I blinked and missed it.  Show me again.

The house was still there, but now an older woman with long
green-black hair was trying to chase a small boy around the yard, which
wasn't easy since she was clearly seven or so months pregnant.  Off in the
field, a tall ugly man was busily scything wheat and singing a little
tune.  Pluto recognized herself.  "This is NOT possible."

Scott:  I'll say.  I never figured Pluto would become a tall ugly
man. ^_^

Madoka:  Sad, how little her life's changed in twenty years.

	"What is, is.  If you are what you claim to be, you should know
that."

	It was, and she did know that.  For the first time in a very long
time, Pluto screamed.

Akane:  (TW Pluto) Good!  Now you just need to work on the beating
your head against a wall part.

*****************

	Ryoko-sensei was trying to figure out the computer now.

Madoka:  Still.  Again.

"Okay.
Let's see...search for Tennis Warrior Mars."  She tried just typing that
in.

Akane:  A computer that understands English.  You have to love that.

Scott:  (shrugs) Maybe it's just running COBOL.
SEARCH_FOR_TENNIS_WARRIOR_MARS.

Start search with?

	She pondered a moment.  

Madoka:  (Ryouko) "All possible speed."

KEVIN BACON

	The computer sat, then printed out:

Kevin Bacon appeared in Footloose with John Lithgow.
John Lithgow appears in Third Rock from the Sun with Jane Curtin.
Jane Curtin appeared on Saturday Night Live with Dan Akroyd as a
Conehead.
The Coneheads claimed to be from France.  
Some brands of Tennis shoes are made in France.
Tennis Warrior Mars owns a pair of Tennis Shoes made in France.

	Luna sighed.  "Gee, that's useful."

Akane:  (Ryouko) It didn't take me ten years, did it?

	"Well, now that I know what to do..."  Ryoko said.  She typed in a
new search.

Tennis Warrior Moon has a stepbrother named Yuu.

Scott:  No, she doesn't.  The step-sibling relationship doesn't exist
in Japan.  If they were both adopted into the same family, they'd be
brother and sister; otherwise, they're not.

Yuu once dated Tennis Warrior Mars for three months, and she still loves
him.

	Miki's jaws dropped.  "She WHAT?"

Madoka:  She once dated Yuu for three months, and she still loves him.

Scott:  You'd think a computer that was advanced enough to understand
English would have the graphics capacity to display a picture of her,
or something.

Akane:  Lazy programmers.

	Ryoko looked over at Miki.  I didn't think they had that kind of
relationship.  Well, I'd best not say anything.  "So, you just need to ask
Yuu who he has dated."

	"M...me?"  Miki stepped back.

	"Well, it would look strange if I asked,"  Ryoko said.  

Madoka:  And it won't if Miki asks?

	"He's gonna tease me that I'm jealous if I ask him something like
that."  Miki said.

Scott:  You -are- jealous.

	"Are you jealous?"  Miki asked.

	"Who, me?  Jealous of Tennis Warrior Mars?  Why should I care?"
Miki said in a defensive tone of voice.  "I'm not jealous at all."

Akane:  -And- you're talking to yourself.  That can't be a good sign.

******************

	The next day, Miki and Yuu were eating breakfast together.  Their
parents had already run off to work early.  Miki sat down to eat some
toast

Scott:  Cue the "marmalade boy" line.

and tried to figure out how to approach Yuu about any past
girlfriends of his.

Akane:  (Miki) Hi, Yuu.  Isn't this a nice day?  By the way, who was
it you dated for three months?  And I'm not jealous.

 "Can you get me some apricot jam?"

	"We're all out,"  Yuu said, after he took a look.  "Here, use this
marmalade."

	"Bleah.  I don't like marmalade.  The skin is bitter."  She looked
at the jar, and an insight struck her.  "Yuu, you're like a marmalade.
You have a really bitter part, but everyone is being fooled."  Putting it
down, she found some grape jam and began putting that on her toast.

	Yuu stared at her for a moment.  He picked up the nearby mustard
jar.  "Then Miki is this.  The mustard girl who is bitter all over."  He
grinned, finished his breakfast and stood up.  "Better eat or you're going
to be late for school."

	Miki failed to think of a clever comeback before Yuu left.  You
confuse me Yuu.  Sometimes you can be really nice, and sometimes...Not to
mention you...kissed me.  Miki had forgotten about this with all the
excitment.  He kissed me!

Madoka:  I thought you weren't going to mention it?

Akane:  None of this is a very good comeback.  I'd start with something
a little more traditional than "You confuse me."

How could I forget my first kiss?  Miki was
horrified.  I didn't even write it in the exchange diary...Maybe Meiko
will know what to...Urk...if she's sane.  

Scott:  Oh, yeah, ask Meiko "I'm dating a pedophile" Akizuki for
advice on love.  Great idea, Miki.

	Miki put her head on the table.  My life is such a mess.  Something
felt wrong with her forehead.  She had just imbedded it in the grape jam
on her toast.  "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YUU, THIS IS ALL YOUR
FAULT!"

Scott & Madoka:  (look at Akane)

Akane:  (blinks) What?

	A ways off down the street, Yuu sneezed.

*******************

	Meiko sat down with Miki at lunchtime.  "Hi, Miki."

	Miki smiled back nervously and handed Meiko the exchange diary.
"Can I ask you about something?"

Madoka:  (Meiko) If it's about Yuu, I can explain everything...

Akane:  (Miki) ... O_o

	"Sure, Miki."  Meiko said, smiling and taking the diary.  

	"Have you...ever been kissed?"

	Meiko blushed slightly.  "Why do you ask?"

Scott:  (Meiko) Notice I'm avoiding your question, and doing a very
poor job of it.

	"Yuu...he...um...kissed me in the nurse's office.  I meant to tell
you, but with all this chaos at school..."

Madoka:  (Meiko) What a coincidence... he kissed me in the nurse's
office, too.

	Sitting back, Meiko said, "He kissed you?  But he hasn't said
anything about it?"

Akane:  (Meiko) Give him time, Miki... he's only had half a dozen
lines since then.

	Miki nodded.  "Yeah.  I keep wondering if maybe I dreamed it
somehow...I just can't believe he'd kiss me and it wouldn't make any
difference."

	"Guys are weird like that."  Meiko said.  

Scott:  No comment.

	Setsuna walked up to them.  "Hi, mind if I join you?"

	"Sure,"  Miki said.  "Going to be at Tennis practice this
afternoon?"

	Setsuna nodded.  "Yeah.  I'm really looking forward to this
tournament."  She leaned forward.  "Do you know if anyone is dating
Ginta?"

Madoka:  Insert knife...

	Miki's brain twitched slightly.  "Not as far as I know."  

	"Good.  Now I just have to figure out how to get him to notice me,"
Setsuna said.  "You know him pretty well, right, Miki?"

Madoka:  ...and twist.

	Miki's face twitched now, forming interesting patterns.  "Yes.
Ginta and I are...old friends."  

	"So what kind of girl does he like?"

Akane:  (Miki) Oh, he likes girls who are the exact opposite of you.

	It would have been somewhat kinder to simply start driving iron
spikes into Miki's hands.  She had had a massive crush on him in junior
high, but he had gone so far as to actually show off the love letter she
sent him to his friends to prove to them that he didn't have a thing going
with her.  It had nearly ended their friendship and she had cried for
days.  "I don't know."  It was an honest answer.  

	"You don't know?"

Scott:  (Miki) I'm really dense.  Plot demands, you know.

	"He hasn't gone out with anyone."

	"Well, then I'll be the first!  You'll help me, won't you, Miki?"
Setsuna asked hopefully.

	Miki gritted her teeth.  "Sure."  

Akane:  No sarcasm there...

	This was going to be more fun than the time she fell off the roof
three times in one day.

****************

Madoka:  All that falling off the roof caused her to see stars.

Scott:  I wanted to hear that roof story...

     Yuu went to the Torio Golf Course.

Akane:  The school has a golf course?

Scott:  (shrugs) We knew they were rich.

He needed to think.  Playing golf
by himself felt silly,

Madoka:  And looked silly, considering the clothing it entailed.

but it soothed his mind.  It was a way to be more
like...he told himself not to think about that.  

Scott:  (groans) Oh, great...  (sighs) Well, I have to admit, it's a 
different approach.

     Someone else was out on the first green, knocking golf balls off
towards the first hole.  A tall boy with long black hair down slightly
past his shoulders.

Akane:  Hello, Miwa-san.  So now the fun begins?

Well, his hair was long for a man, not so long for a
woman.  

Madoka:  Of course, since he wasn't a woman, this was irrelevant.

	He looked up at Yuu and smiled.  "Hello."

	"Hello.  Interested in a game?"

	"Sure."  The boy replied.  "I'm Satoshi.  And you are?"

Akane:  (Yuu) Bored.

	"Yuu."  Yuu checked his clubs.  "You can go first."

	"Alright."  

	Miwa was good, one of the best opponents that Yuu had ever faced
since he had begun to seriously work on his golf game in the sixth grade.
By the eighth hole, he had a three shot lead, but he had had to work for
it every step of the way.  "You're good," he admitted.

Scott:  I'd really try to rephrase that first sentence.  For one
thing, Yuu doesn't know Satoshi's last name, though that's a minor
point since he's not narrating directly.  For another, all of the
'he's refer to Yuu, but the second and third sentences can be read as
referring to Miwa, the way they're set up.

Akane:  This has been Style Nitpick Corner.  We now return you to
the regularly scheduled fanfic, already in progress.

Scott:  Cute. -_-;

	"So are you.  I understand you're seeing Koishikawa Miki," Satoshi
observed as Yuu took his next shot, which went flying into the sandtrap.

Madoka:  Ah, timing.  Couldn't that be considered cheating on Miwa's
part?

	"No, she's my sister,"  Yuu said.

Akane:  No, she's not.  The step-sibling relationship doesn't exist,
and since they haven't remarried and been adopted yet, they're still a
Koishikawa and a Matsuura.

	Satoshi blinked.  "What?"  He set himself up for his next shot.

	"My parents got divorced and married her parents."

	Now it was Satoshi's turn to send a shot into the sandtrap.

Scott:  I guess we'll call it even on the cheating.

****************

	Meiko was nervous.  Would he show up?  She sat and read quietly,
hoping the man she loved was going to arrive.  Her heart was pounding for
no good reason.  She still didn't even know why he had been gone so long.  

Madoka:  (Namura) I was busy taking over France.  You may address me
as L'Empereur.

Akane:  (Namura) I was on my honeymoon.  Meet my wife, Suzu-chan.

Scott:  Poor Suzu.

	A hand tapped her shoulder and she nearly jumped out the window in
shock.  She spun and Na-chan was there.  "I...I didn't hear you coming."

	He smiled and put a hand on her shoulder.  "I used magic."  He
laughed and so did she.

Madoka:  Poor joke, or ironic foreshadowing?

Scott:  He's got to be a general.

"I'm sorry I didn't let you know why I was gone.
I was so sick I couldn't even answer the door.  I feel much better now."

	Meiko looked at him.  He did look better.  His skin was a little
more tanned and his eyes almost glowed.  Na-chan was usually a happy
person, but he looked excited now.  "I was really worried about you."

	"I was really worried about you,"  he said.  "I heard there was some
kind of monster attack, although the government is claiming it was
terrorists."  He moved over and sat down on the desk she was at.  "Were
you hurt?"

Akane:  You notice he doesn't ask about the other students?

Scott:  (nods) Or teachers.

	"I don't know," she said quietly.  "I don't remember anything.  The
whole week was a blur.  But this isn't the first time.  I got attacked at
the...ooh, I hope I have it with me."

Madoka:  Meiko Akizuki, professional Nega-Snack (tm).

Scott:  In the DiC version, she would be, anyway.

Madoka:  "Dark Kingdom-Snack" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

Akane:  Surveys show nine out of ten youma prefer Meiko.

Madoka:  The tenth was unavailable for comment, having been disintegrated 
last episode.

She dug through her pockets and
pulled out a small pin of a tennis racket made of white gold.

Scott:  Oh, gee, white gold.  You think this might be important?

Akane:  Well, you can't really accuse either show of subtlety...

"I thought
you'd like this.  When you look at it, it'll remind you of me, but no
one...no one will know but us."

	 He smiled.  "That's a good idea, Meiko-chan.  I'll see about
getting you something as well."  He leaned down towards her.  "But for
now, I'll have to give you something a little less permanent to remember
me by."  They kissed.

****************

	Tennis practice was a nice change of pace for Miki.  She played a
nice relaxing game and worked off her aggravation by beating Setsuna
soundly, although part of that was because Setsuna kept paying more
attention to watching Ginta play than to her own game.

Scott:  She'd win anyway.  She's really pretty good, although the
girls' team seems to be ignored.

As she was about
to start a second match, Ryoko came over to her and whispered, "Have you
used the mask thing yet?"

	Miki shook her head.  "I'll take a little break and do that right
now."  She went and sat down and dug the mask out of her bag and started
looking at everyone through it.

[Madoka begins playing "Masquerade," from Phantom of the Opera.]

The club had a lot of people, so this
took a while.  

Scott:  (Miki) Just ignore me.  There's nothing to see here.  Could
you look over this way?  Okay, thanks.

	They all seemed to check out normal, so she took a look at
Ryoko-sensei, who had a shining symbol of Jupiter on her brow when she
looked at her.

Akane:  Momentarily blinding her.

At least I know it works, Miki thought.  Maybe I should
look at the boys, Miki thought.  I didn't think to ask Luna if all the
Tennis Warriors were female.

Madoka:  It's a good thought.  I'm glad Miki doesn't rely quite so
much on Luna telling her exactly what to do.

Scott:  On the other hand, she seems to rely a lot on Ryouko, instead.
Who relies on Luna.

	She turned to gaze on the guys, when a uniform blocked her view.  It
was Akemi Yoshifuda.  "Hey, Miki, you got a Softball Warrior V mask!"

Scott:  I don't recognize this name.  Made up?

Akane:  (shrugs) I thought it would be one of Miki's closer friends
who'd notice first.  Chigusa, maybe, since she's Miki's tennis
partner.

Scott:  Not that it's really important.

	Miki blinked. "Uh..yeah!  Cool, eh?"

	Akemi grabbed it and took a look around through it, striking a pose.
"I am the Lovely Softball Warrior V!  I fight for love and justice!"
Rant, rant, rant.  

	Soon, a swarm of girls descended on Miki, all taking turns being
silly with the mask.  She tried to get it back, but wasn't very
successful.  Finally, with help from Ryoko-sensei, she recovered it.
"Time for your next game, Miki-chan."  

	"Hai."  She whispered to Ryoko, "No luck."

Madoka:  (Miki) Story of my life.

Scott:  How true.

	Then the ground began to shake.  
	
*************************

     "Tokyo was shocked today by earthquake tremors.  Luckily, they were
only a 3.0 on the Richter scale," the TV announcer said.  "Scientists
assure us that this is not a prelude to the long feared second Kanto Quake
and Tokyo is not going to be hurled into the ocean where we will be eaten
alive by sharks and Godzilla."

Akane:  That's always good to hear.

Madoka:  You'd think they would drown first, and then be eaten, if
they fell into the ocean.  I mean, think of the number of people who
would be trapped inside skyscrapers...

Akane:  Although it might be the only time in history that Tokyo was
destroyed, and -then- Godzilla showed up.

	Rumi gave a sigh of relief.  "Is  our home earthquake-proof?"  she
asked.

	"We need to look into that,"  Jin said.  

Madoka:  And they all promptly forgot about it.

Akane:  Or conned their children into doing it for them.

	The ground shook again and a painting toppled off the wall, landing
on Miki's head, which went right through the canvas, tearing it.  Miki
blinked.

	"And we need to earthquake proof Miki's head," Yuu said.

Scott:  What, no reaction from Miki?

************

	Major Disaster was a tall, handsome youma, if you go for chartreuse
skin, blue teeth, and golden eyes with no pupils.  He was dressed in a JDF
uniform with appropriate insignia, which was tight on his muscular frame.
He stood next to Youma Disco, who bore a disturbing resemblence to John
Travolta circa 1977, complete with white disco suit.

Scott:  The celebrity references in this are almost as bad as South
Park.

"So, Youma Disco,
how much energy have we gathered?"

Akane:  (youma) We're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.

	"Given the amount we've spent on causing these Earthquakes
...approximately 20,000 negative joules.  While we've been collecting the
fear they cause, a 3.0 earthquake simply doesn't cause enough fear
relative to the cost,"  Youma Disco said.  "I still think my Bee Gees
theme discoteque would work much better."

Madoka:  If you harvested nausea, maybe.

Scott:  Hey, you never know... they just might like it.  Now that
would be scary.

	"We'll just go for a smaller scale..."

*****************

	Mr. Soup was incredibly nervous.

Akane:  And here's our obligatory cameo for the chapter.

Everything had to go just right.
He had taken Ms. Noodle to a romantic cafe, but he was starting to think
he had made the wrong choice, given that their waiter was wearing a
leisure suit from the mid-seventies.  He ignored his worries and focused
on the lovely dark-haired woman sitting before him, Ms. Noodle.  

	The waiter brought them both their soup.

Scott:  (innocently) I thought Mr. Soup was already there?

"Would like me to play
'Staying Alive' on the violin for you?"

	Ms. Noodle blinked.  "..."

	"No thank you."

Madoka:  I have a certain morbid curiosity now.

	The waiter nodded and walked away.  Mr. Soup leaned forward.  "Ms.
Noodle, will you..." He suddenly realized he had his elbow in the soup
cup.  He tried to pull back and it swung up with his elbow and flew across
the table into Ms. Noodle's face, spilling miso all over her.  

Scott:  Most wedding proposals are hit-or-miss propositions.  This
one's hit-and-miso.

	She screamed, startling the couple in the next booth, and the man
fumbled his chopsticks, sending a chunk of meat flying over the divider
into her hair.  

Akane:  The food fight that ensued claimed the lives of three, not
counting the condiments.

	Mr. Soup said, "I'm so sorry!"  He leaned forward, trying to hand
her a handkerchief and sent both their drinks flying, dousing himself with
Dr. Pepper and her with green tea.  

Madoka:  He managed to knock two glasses in two different directions
with one movement?  Now that takes talent.

	As the chaos mounted, neither of them noticed the trails of blue
energy leaking from their heads towards the waiter, who smiled.  

************

	"Mysterious round of jewelry store thefts sweeps Tokyo,"  the
newscaster announced as Miki and her family watched TV at dinner.  "We
firmly suggest you hide any diamonds you possess, as the thieves seem to
be focusing on that gem.

Scott:  I guess we know what Namura's been doing lately.

In other news, Industry wonks laughed maniacally
as the GENOM Toy Corporation announced its intention to move into
robotics..."

Akane:  Just what every child needs.  A battle mech.

	"We'd better lock up our jewelry,"  Rumi said to Chiyako, who
nodded.  "I wonder why someone is stealing diamonds."

Madoka:  That actually makes sense.  Now, if they were stealing
onions or something, that might make people wonder.

	Yuu laughed.  "Probably someone female."

	"What makes you say that?"  Miki asked.

	"Well, diamonds are a girl's best friend."  Yuu said, grinning.
Rumi and Chiyako preceded to try to beat him to death with the couch
cushions.  Miki was glad to help.

Scott:  Oh, come on.  It wasn't that bad...

Akane:  (shrugs) I would have used the couch.

*****************

	Youma Disco had to agree with Major Disaster for once.  This tennis
game would be an ideal site for a disaster.  Both teams were tense, and
there were so many wonderful things that could go wrong.  It was easy to
take the place of one of the judges too.

Madoka:  Meanwhile, on the other side of Tokyo, Miki was preparing for
the -other- tennis match...

Scott:  Heh.  I wish.

*****************

	Miki was excited about the tournament.  Too bad I can't use my magic
racquet, she thought.  I'd win every game for sure.  But then I might
accidentally hurt my opponent.  Yuu came over to the tennis court fence by
where she was idly thumping a ball against a wall while waiting for the
games to start.  "Yo, Miki."  

	"Hi, Yuu!"  She waved with her free hand and kept paddling.  Yuu
waved back.  

	"Come over here a second.  Got some advice for you."

	Miki came over.  "Hmm?"

Akane:  (Yuu) Buy low, sell high.

	"I went to Sagaki for a while."  He told Miki about the various
members of the club when he was there, as best he remembered them, then
concluded with, "And one more bit of advice."

	"Hmm?"

Scott:  (Yuu) That skirt is about six sizes too small, considering the
disproportionate length of your legs.

	"Try not to fall down.  I don't think I could get onto the court in
time to catch you."

All:  o/~ And she used to fall down a lot, that girl was always falling 
again and again... and I sometimes used to try to catch her, but never 
even cught her name.

	"YUUU!!!!!!"

Madoka:  (Yuu) No, not me, you.

*************

	Ginta's first match was about to begin, but Ryouko-sensei and

Scott:  Up above, it was Ryoko-sensei.  Now it's Ryouko-sensei.
Consistent romanization would be better.

Namura-sensei couldn't find him anywhere, so Miki and several others were
sent looking for him.  She found him around behind a sort of shed with
several snack machines and bathrooms.  He was confronting a boy with
short, nicely styled purple hair.  While quite dapper, he looked very
angry for no obvious reason, and he and Ginta were yelling at each other.
A very cute girl who Miki thought looked very mature with her short blue
hair stood nearby, looking half amused and half annoyed.  

     "A challenge, eh?"  Ginta shouted.

     "Yeah!  I challenge you!  Whoever loses our match has to shave his
head!"

     Miki sidled over to the girl.  "Who's the purple haired boy?"

     She sighed.  "Rokutunda Tsutomu.  He's had a crush on me for years.
A real idiot.  I don't know who this other guy is, but apparently they're
cousins or something."

     "That's Ginta Suou.  He goes to my school.  We're both on the Tennis
team."

Akane:  Speaking of consistency... Tsutomu is his first name.  If
you're introducing everyone else using the western convention, you
might as well introduce him that way too.

     Her eyes lit up.  "Oooh, you're from Torio?"

Scott:  As a side point, I've always seen this rendered "Toryo."  The
kanji read To-u-ri(yo)-u in furigana.

     Miki blinked.  "Yeah."  What did she expect?

Madoka:  More to the point, why is she happy about that?

This is where the
tournament is happening.

Akane:  See also, "crime, scene of the."
 

     "Okay, I accept your challenge!"  Ginta shouted at Rokutanda.  "Monk
style haircut for the loser!"

     Miki said, "Ginta, you have your first game now."

     "..."  He took off like a rocket.  

Scott:  Hopefully not like Challenger.

Madoka:  I think that's Miki's schtick.

     The girl said to Miki, "Oh, I'm Suzuki Arimi, by the way."

     "Koishikawa Miki!  Nice to meet you!"  Miki was always glad to make a
new friend.

Akane:  Cue ominous music.

*************

	Miki was up against a girl named Shiko, who was a pretty decent
tennis player.  Miki sprinted back and forth, doing her best to keep up.
The score was thirty-thirty, and for the last five serves, neither had
scored a point.

Scott:  This isn't technically possible, in a game of tennis.  They
might've remained tied, if one or more of those serves was a fault,
but the score would change as the advantage went back and forth.

It was Shiko's serve, so Miki was playing hard to avoid
giving away more points.

Madoka:  She has a point... ^_-

	Two things happened at once.  First, Shiko slipped and her racket
went flying across the court.  She missed the ball, of course.

Akane:  Fault!

Secondly,
Miki saw Suzuki-san talking to Yuu.  This wouldn't have distracted Miki,
but the hug that followed did distract her,

Madoka:  Yuu's Fault. ^_-

especially when she saw
Setsuna-chan also flirting with Ginta off on the sidelines.

Scott:  Ginta's Fault.  That makes it a double fault. ^_^

Miki froze up
and the racket clocked her in the head.

Akane:  She was quite alarmed.

Scott:  Her head was ringing.

Madoka:  Her hands moved around her face as she swayed back and forth,
like a pendulum.

	 "Ack!  I'm so sorry!"  Shiko said, running over.  "I didn't hurt
you, did I?"  Then she slipped and fell on Miki.  "I can't believe I'm
being so clumsy today!"

Scott:  Clumsy.  -Riiiiiight.- ^_-

     Shiko wasn't the only one.  As if that had been a cue, the next ten
matches turned into a series of disasters will balls in the eye, rackets
bouncing off heads, more pratfalls than a convention of Chevy Chase
clones, and serves that launched balls into low Earth orbit.

Akane:  In international news, space station Mir suffered yet another
setback early Saturday when it was struck by an as-yet unidentified 
spherical object...

     Miki was too busy obsessing over Yuu and Ginta to care.  She wanted
to go over and ask Yuu why Suzuki had hugged him, and she wanted to go
bounce a ball off Setsuna-chan's head, even though she knew she had no
claim to Ginta and could hardly believe how jealous she felt.

Scott:  Huh?  Her game is over?  Did she win?

So, she sat
on the bench instead and bounced a tennis ball up and down over and over
and over until it was starting to drive everyone else mad.

     Ryouko-sensei sidled over to her and whispered, "That girl who was
hugging Yuu...she might be Tennis Warrior Mars."

Madoka:  Isn't that convenient?

     Miki's eyes widened.  Of course.  The computer had said that Tennis
Warrior Mars was in love with Yuu.  That had to be it.  I wonder how he
feels about her, she thought.  How could he kiss me when he's in love with
someone else?  She frowned.  Playing with girls' hearts isn't nice.  I may
have to punish you in the name of the Moon, Yuu.

Scott:  ...  (shakes his head) Nah.  It's too easy.

She dug in her bag and
pulled out the mask as surreptitiously as she could, sweeping it across
the scene.  People.  People.  People.  Monster.  More People.  Ryouko'
sensei's arm.  Monster.  More people.  Yuu.  Suzuki-san, who had a shining
sigil on her brow through the mask's sight.  Wait...MONSTERS?

Akane:  Perceptive as ever, eh, Miki?

Scott:  She's usually not that bad.  Chalk it up to a bad day, I
guess.

     Miki snapped her head back around.  One of the judges was wearing a
blue JDF uniform with a major's insignia when viewed through the mask, and
and a purple hood.

Madoka:  Methinks that's one and too many.

He also had a huge ball of energy in one hand, which
was getting larger as more people had something go wrong and they got mad.

Scott:  Good thing Akane is out here...

[Akane thwacks Scott with a cushion.]

The second monster looked suspiciously like John Travolta, and she
nearly swooned.  John Travolta is so dreamy!  I wonder if I can get
his autograph.  No..he's a monster.  Can't give in to Idol worship.

Madoka:  I'll take "Obscure Religious Puns" for $300, Alex.

     Ryouko whispered, "See anything?"

Akane:  (Miki) No.

Scott:  (Ryouko) Open your eyes and try again.

     Miki told her everything.

     "After the tournament is over, we'll strike...if we fight now,
people might get hurt."

     Miki nodded.

Madoka:  Of course, if they don't fight now, people -will- get their
energy drained.

Akane:  (shrugs) The show must go on, I guess...

*************

	Ginta's final match was against Rokutanda.  Miki sat next to
Setsuna-chan, who was cheering him on.  It was the best of three matches.

Scott:  That's women's tennis.  Men's is best of five.  Unless you
mean three matches of five sets, which would be fairly exhausting at
the end of a tournament, considering each set is at least six games
and each game at least four points.

Ginta had won the first one, but this second one wasn't going through
well.  

Madoka:  "Through well"?

	Maybe it was the fact that Ginta had slammed his first serve into
his foot, instead of across the net.  Maybe it was the way Rokutunda's
first serve had hit Ginta's groin.

Scott:  More tennis trivia, just for clarification:  These actually
count as points for Tsutomu, since hitting your opponent's body
counts, just like hitting his racquet.

Madoka:  Who says tennis is a non-contact sport?

Maybe it was the way he'd tripped over
a minute crack in the pavement, allowing Rokutanda a second point.  Or
maybe it was just that Rokutanda desperately didn't want to shave his
head.

Akane:  We at PNAITF would like to state that Tsutomu looks better
with his hair short.  Thank you.

He was ahead 45 to nothing, and all he needed was one point to win.

Scott:  You can't get a score of 45 in tennis.  Points go 15, 30, 40,
game.  A tie at 30 or 40 leads into the "advantage" system, where you
need a 2-point margin to win.

	"Go, go, Ginta!"  Setsuna shouted.

Akane:  Making him sound like a sentai warrior.

Madoka:  Or a cartoon buffoon.  Go, go, Ginta Racquet!

"You can do it!"

	Ginta turned and smiled at Setsuna and Miki, drawing confidence from
them.  Too bad he did this while Rokutanda was serving.

Scott:  D'oh!

Madoka:  The Toryo teams really need to work on "paying attention."

The ball flew
past him.  Game 2 to Rokutanda.

	It was time to get serious.  Well, more serious.  He played hard,
and despite disasters, the next game was fairly even.  Miki kept one eye
on him, one on Yuu and Arimi, who were sitting together across the court,
and one on the two monsters.  This being more eyes than she had, she kept
moving her head around, which was starting to make her dizzy.  

	Ginta and Rokutanda moved into a volley,

Akane:  (Ginta) Yea, though I play through the volley of evil, I shall
not fear, for Miki is with me.

sending the ball back and
forth, harder and harder with each blow.  Finally, Rokutanda brought his
racket down so hard that the ball tore right through it, which surprised
everyone.  The point was Ginta's and so was the game and match. It was
head shaving time.

Scott:  I'm pretty sure that would get him a replay.  But what the
heck, it's a good image.

	Rokutanda howled.  "Someone sabotaged my racket!  Cheater!"

	Ginta shook his head.  "Shaved head for you, Rokutanda."

	Miki noticed the John Travolta youma standing nearby, and saw
Rokutanda suddenly calm down, then quietly collapse.  The school nurse ran
out onto the court to see if he was okay, but then many of the people
started to collapse.  The 'tennis judge' was laughing.

Akane:  (Miki) I'm so glad we decided to wait so nobody would be hurt!

	Miki turned to Ryouko, who nodded.  They slipped off and
transformed, then returned to confront the judge.  "You!"  TW Moon pointed
at the judge.  "You're behind all these disasters!"

Madoka:  (judge) Actually, I'm sort of off to the side of them.

	Everyone stared.  The judge laughed and assumed his true form, that
of Major Disaster.  "And what are you going to do about it?"

Scott:  (Miki) Panic, make a stupid speech, and reduce you to your
component electrons with the one attack I know, in that order.

	People began to scream and panic,

Scott:  There's step one.

making it easier for Major
Disaster and Youma Disco to steal their life force.  Setsuna got up and
ran over to Ginta, trying to drag him away.  "Where's Miki?"  he asked
her.  "We have to find her!"

	"She ran off earlier!"  She tugged on his arm.  "Come on!"

Akane:  (Setsuna) Forget about the others, they're mostly just extras
anyway.

	"Turning this tennis tournament into a string of pratfalls makes a
mockery of all the hard work everyone has put into this!  We practiced
hard to have fun, but you've made us all suffer for your benefit!  I won't
forgive you!  In the name of the Moon, I will PUNISH YOU!"

Scott:  There's step two.

TW Moon struck
a series of poses, which TW Jupiter tried to imitate, wishing she had
written herself a speech in advance.  It was like trying to teach without
any lesson plans.

	 Youma Disco finished off draining the crowd and started on Ginta
and Setsuna, since they were handy. However, they weren't panicked enough,

Madoka:  They weren't -really- running for their lives a minute ago.
They were just kidding.

Akane:  As Major Characters, Ginta and Setsuna were fortunately
somewhat resistant to the youma life-drain...

which made it slower.  It also got Miki's attention.  "Jupiter, you take
care of him!  I'll stop John Travolta!"

Scott:  This may be one of the best "found .sig quotes" ever to appear
in a fanfic.  It's so wonderfully ludicrous when you take it out of
context.

	"I'm Youma Disco!  And I specialize at...STAYING ALIVE!" Youma

Madoka:  You used that joke already.  Don't you know any other disco
songs?

Disco raised his hand and a glowing glitter ball appeared over the court.
The music of the BeeGees engulfed everyone, and the ball began to spin.
Tennis Warrior Moon stared at the pretty lights, finding herself
entranced.  The urge to dance took over, and she began doing the funky
chicken.

Akane:  o/~ She's the Dancing Queen... Young and sweet...

	The only good thing was that Youma Disco couldn't resist his own
power, and soon he and TW Moon were both dressed in polyester and getting
down.

Scott:  This is considered a -good- thing?

Madoka:  And what's wrong with disco, anyway? -_-;

Scott:  Nothing, necessarily.  Polyester, on the other hand...

Meanwhile, Jupiter tried to blow Major Disaster away with
lightning, but only succeeded in blowing a hole in the court fence.  She
started chasing him around, but he kept eluding her blows.  Meanwhile, her
attacks only succeeded in destroying parts of the tennis courts.  Her
courts.  This was starting to make her mad.

Madoka:  When taken to the courts, she plead temporary insanity.

Scott:  Fortunately, since it was her court, she was judge, jury, and
executioner, so she got off.

	 She finally backed him into a corner, only to have him grab a
hapless unconscious student as a hostage.

Akane:  Some people have all the luck.

Maatsuura Yuu.  "Get back, or
the kid gets it!"  

	 Jupiter hesistated.  At least he didn't grab Namura-kun...where is
he?  She looked around, but she couldn't see him anywhere.  "I can't let
you go."

	"Well, if you want his blood on your hands..."

Madoka:  (Ryouko) Well, he's a new transfer student, anyway.  None of
us really knew him that well.

	His right hand got struck by a tennis ball at high speed.  It was
some blue haired girl.  "Don't try that again, kid!"  The ball had stung,
and he had nearly lost his grip.

Scott:  Nooooooo... he had lost his grip a loooooong time ago. ^_^

	"I won't let you hurt Yuu!"  She charged at him, racket held
high, but he casually grabbed her wrist and tossed her aside when she
got close.

	She crashed into the backboard and he turned back to Jupiter.

Madoka:  Backboard?  When did the tennis court become a basketball
court?

	His mistake.  A little black cat trotted out onto the court
and said to Arimi, "Do you want to help your friend?"

	Arimi clutched her head.  "I must be imagining this.  Cats don't
talk."

	Luna tossed her a pen.  "You are Tennis Warrior Mars of the Moon
Kingdom!

Akane:  (Luna) And I am the recurring Deus Ex Machina!

Say FAN CLUB POWER! and you will transform

Scott:  (ROFLs) Ok, that was good.

into your true form
and be able to battle Major Disaster."

	Well, it couldn't hurt to try.  "FAN CLUB POWER!"  The world turned
red around Arimi, and she felt herself growing hotter and hotter.

Scott:  Incidentally, the fan club thought she was pretty hot, too.

Flames
burst from her flesh, burning away her clothing, burning away her very
self, melting her down and forging her anew into a weapon, a weapon of
light and fire.

Madoka:  And absolutely ruining her hairdo.

She was clad in red and white flame, which formed a
golden tiara upon her brow, and a dark red tennis uniform with black trim.  
The racket she still clutched became golden with red flames for strings,
and a can of red tennis balls hung from her belt.  The flames died down
and she was ready for battle.

	Words came into her mind.  "BURNING PASSION SERVE!"  She threw the
first ball into the air and it became a sphere of flame which she knocked
at Major Disaster from behind.  He went flying through the air, losing his
grip on Yuu, who got tossed into Tennis Warrior Moon, who fell down.  

Akane:  All that before the fireball hit him.

	Tennis Warrior Moon snapped out of her trance.  "Ahh!  You MADE ME
DISCO!  NOW YOU PAY!"

Madoka:  ...I liked discos....

Akane:  Well, at least you could dance...

She raised her racket.  "MOON SLAM!"  The shot
knocked Youma Disco into the stands.  

Scott:  What stands?  Toryo has a couple of benches and some standing
space outside the fence.

	As Major Disaster was getting up, he got hit by "POWER SERVE!" from
Jupiter.  Rising again, he backed up and prepared for his ultimate attack.
Gathering his energies, he got smitten by another flaming tennis ball and
an electrified one as well.

Akane:  Well, that wasn't much of an ultimate attack.

Not only did it hurt, it broke his
concentration.  Youma Disco exploding in the stands and screaming "Love
me!" for no apparent reason didn't help.  Now three Tennis Warriors were
closing in.  "Not going to help your injured friend?"  He said, pointing
to Yuu.

	Moon and Mars both beelined for Yuu, then clonked their heads
together when they bent over him and started bickering.

Madoka:  Oh, sure.  When faced with a life-threatening situation and
an unconscious boyfriend, pay attention to the boyfriend first.
Brilliant.

Scott:  (nods) I can see the two of them being momentarily distracted,
but Miki and Arimi just aren't that stupid.

He laughed.  "Now
I will destroy you, Jupiter,

Akane:  (Major D.) And your little cat, too!

while your foolish friends bicker!"  He
stepped back a step and tripped over Rokutanda.

Madoka:  Proving that Tsutomu -can- be useful.

	"Now, use the Jupiter Power Stomp!"  Luna shouted.

	"The what?"

	"Act like a pro wrestler!"

Scott:  ... uh, okay.  I think this joke might be wearing a little
thin. ^_^;;;

	The mere thought threw Jupiter into paralysis for a moment.  What
would Namura-kun think?  But it was her best chance, so she charged in,
leaping into the air and coming down on his soft stomach.  She fell to her
knees and grabbed him, then spun him over her head.  Her own strength
shocked her.  It was easy.  

	She slammed him to the ground, then leaped up into the air, coming
down with her boots onto the place men most hate to be hit.  "JUPITER
POWER STOMP!"  He howled loud enough to wake the dead, and then dissolved
into a spray of fractal lights which winked out one by one.

Scott:  Then again, I'd pay to see her do that to Namura after that
whole "breakup" thing.

Madoka:  (clinically) You were wrong about step three.

	She stared quietly, shaking with fear at what she had done.  She
wasn't a violent person, but she had enjoyed that.  It had touched some
sort of primal chord, the chords that very rarely got played in her life.

Scott:  (facepalms)

	Watching Moon and Mars have a mindless argument over who was going
to carry Yuu off the court and make sure he was okay was somewhat
reassuring.  It felt right,

Akane:  For Usagi and Rei, maybe.  For these two?

Scott:  A little out of character.  I'd prefer to have them distracted, 
or even have them take longer to take care of the other youma.

and gave her a good laugh.  She came over and
quietly hauled the poor boy off the court while they were still arguing,
then she went looking for Namura-kun, but couldn't find him anywhere.
Given that half the people had fled howling into the distance, this wasn't
too suprising.  

Madoka:  At this point, I'd be surprised if Namura was -there- for any
of the significant events.

***************

	"Are you okay, Yuu?"  Miki asked as she walked home with him.

	"Yeah, I'm fine," he said.  "You didn't get hurt, did you?"

     "Nope, I'm okay."

Scott:  I'm okay, you're okay...

 Miki tried to figure out the best way to ask Yuu
about Arimi.  "Who...who was that girl I saw with you?"

	"That was Suzuku Arimi.

Madoka:  Not to be confused with Suzuki Arimi.  And I see you're back
to introducing people family name first.

She had a crush on me in junior high.
I haven't seen her in a while.  I'm kinda surprised she showed up,
since she doesn't play tennis anymore."

	"She doesn't?"

	He nodded.  "Well, she's not in the club.  She went into Track and
Field for some reason.  She's a great runner."

	Miki felt reassured a little.  "I...think she likes you."

Akane:  (Yuu) Oh, so that explains the hug.

	He grinned.  "Jealous of your brother, Miki?"

Madoka:  As usual, Miki is utterly transparent to Yuu.

	Miki started.  "No, of course not. Just...curious."

	"We're not still dating.  She's not what I'm looking for."

Scott:  (Yuu) I only dated her because I'm such a fan of Rei Ayanami.

Madoka:  (Miki) Oh, so that explains the personality...

	Miki wasn't too sure she believed that.

***********

     Arimi tried to do homework, but she was too excited over the day's
events to continue.  Not only had she finally found Yuu and gotten to
spend time with him, she was one of the Tennis Warriors!  Whatever that
meant exactly, it was kinda  cool.

Akane:  (laughs) Typical.  Not really Arimi's style, though.

Scott:  I don't know.  She's got an impish side to her.  She'd probably
really enjoy being a magical girl.

Too bad Moon had potatoes for a brain,
but Jupiter seemed to be pretty sharp and rather mature.  Of course, she
was a teacher, after all.  

Madoka:  How did Arimi figure that out?  I guess we just skipped the
between-scene self-introductions?

     Arimi gave up on homework and started making plans.  She had a
Yuu to catch.

***************

     "So, Major Disaster,"  Beryl said.  "You have failed me.  You
know the price of failure, don't you?"

Scott:  (Major D.) $24.95, plus tax?

     He gulped as he stood before his Queen.  "Death?  Eternal Sleep?
Being forced to live in DC?"

     "Worse."  She turned to Colonel Klink.  "Take him to the Folk Music
room."

     Colonel Klink paled.  "Surely we could do something more mild like
shoving bamboo under his fingertips or cutting off his arms with rusty
plastic fork."

     "Do you wish to join him?"

     Klink quickly hauled Disaster away to the Folk Music room where the
sheer hell of Ticky Tacky Houses on infinite repeat would soon reduce his
mind to mush.  Meanwhile, Dr. Giggles wheeled in General Jinnai on a
stretecher.  "I believe the surgery has been a success.  He is now the
first man ever to have a entirely new brain transplanted into him."

Akane:  And it's all but guaranteed to be an improvement.

     "Wake him up."

     Jinnai soon came around.  "Hello?"

     "What is your name?"

     "A designation by which I am known." His voice was flat and bland.

Madoka:  We've secretly replaced Jinnai's regular brain with our
Ifurita.  Let's see if he notices the difference.

     "No, I mean, who are you?"

     "I am General Jinnai."

     "What is your quest?"

     "To find the Holy Grail."

Scott:  To "seek" the Holy Grail.  Yes, I'm picky.

     She shook her head.  "Wrong season.

Akane:  Heh.  Nice touch.

Your mission is to gather energy
to enable us to free Queen Metallia and rule the world."

     "Right.  Will they give me their autograph if I free them?"

Madoka:  <rimshot>

     Beryl's staff not only plays tapes and scries from a distance, it
also makes a good mallet.

Scott:  But it lacks the pop culture cachet of the Kodocha Giant
Squeaky Mallet (tm).  And that's it for this chapter.  Any notes that
we didn't cover in the previous two?

Madoka:  (shrugs) I liked it.  It sort of has that "this is filler
until we bring the five inner senshi together" feel, but that's to be
expected, and things are moving along fairly quickly.

Akane:  I would've liked to see a little more emphasis on the
Marmalade Boy aspects, again.  Hopefully once the senshi are together,
we'll get a little more of the characterization.

Scott:  That's it, then.  Until the next People Not Appearing In This
Fanfic...

[Scott points the remote toward the camera and presses a button.  All
goes dark.]


Scott Schimmel                http://www.seas.upenn.edu/~schimmel/
Ex ignorantia ad sapientium;  "You really aren't normal, are you?"
ex luce ad tenebras.              -- Miki Koishikawa