"Steve Pardue" <spardue@zebra.net> wrote:

C&C, etc, greatly appreciated. I realize that everyone except Ranma and
maybe one or two others is vastly OOC, but I am very interested to
know if this story works for anyone besides myself. Don't hold back, I'm
strong, I can take it.

I found this to be a riveting read. Once I started, I didn't want to put
it down. You're right about it being OOC, but I could pretty much accept
it for the sake of the story. The only one I really couldn't take was
Kasumi.

I thought the writing was very good, overall. The shifts in tense
confused me a bit. There were times when you had Akane explain things
where it seemed to me it would've been better to let the readers figure
them out on our own, but maybe that's just personal taste. Oh, and you
*affect* something, but you have an *effect* on something.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics