Subject: [FFML] [FF][R1/2/lunacy] A Faint Hope 2
From: Lara Bartram
Date: 4/21/1998, 11:43 PM
To: fanfic@fanfic.com (FFML)

by Lara Bartram and Mike Loader
----------------------------
***

	The Galactic Empire was oppressive, evil, tyrannical, and 
bloody huge.

	It had been built on the foundation of the Old Republic, 
and pretty much _was_ the Old Republic with cooler uniforms 
and less tolerance. Rather than throw everything out the 
window, the new rulers of the galaxy simply changed the 
existing order to suit them.

	Since, as has been mentioned, the Empire was bloody 
huge, a few anacronistic remains of the Old Republic still 
persisted as part of the Imperial system, simply because no-
one had bothered to delete them.

	When the Death Star was in the final stages of 
construction and crew selection was in progress, Navy 
Regulation 23.b-DeltaCainCharlie5 (subsection 2.3) was one of 
those flagged by the Staffing Computer. It had been passed by 
the Admiralty during the days when "Public Relations" didn't 
mean leveling population centers from orbit, and stated:

	   All orbital or deep space platforms of sizes at or above 
	Type-BB will be required to have on duty at least One(1) 
	officer of a rank no lower than Lt. Commander, with a 
	advanced degree in Public Relations from a major 
	University. This officer shall hold the position of 
	Civilian Tour Liasion, and shall not be assigned other 
	duties barring a State of Emergency as described in 
	Reg46.c, Sections Alpha through Theta.

	Since there were very few stations of Type-BB or higher, 
and since it was clearly such an asinine regulation that 
everyone would ignore it, no-one ever got around to getting rid 
of it.

	Since the drones who made up the Imperial Personnel 
Department would follow regulations that told them to shoot 
themselves in the head without bothering to question it, the 
Death Star was dutifully assigned a Civilian Tour Liasion. 
Since the Empire had a distinct shortage of high-ranking 
officers with public-relations degrees, they picked the one 
officer in the fleet who did, an Ensign Sanzenin, and 
immediately promoted him to the rank of Lt. Commander.

	This was rather fortunate for Ex-Ensign Sanzenin, 
especially since he had been scheduled to be executed for 
getting caught in an awkward situation with the wife of a Vice 
Admiral. 

	He was quite happy with his job on the Death Star. 
Nothing beat being a tour guide on a top-secret battlestation 
for low workloads and plentiful free time. And he was drawing 
a Lt. Commander's pay and quarters assignment, too.

	When he got bored, he used his considerable design skills 
to make little brochures and coloring books. It was his wistful 
dream that one day a shuttle filled with beautiful women 
would land, and he would be asked to give them a private tour.

	Currently, his dream was coming true. Sort of. His 
daydreams hadn't included the huge, unchained Wookiee, or the 
two annoying droids.

	"And, if you'll look to your right, you'll see one of the 
Death Star's docking bays, similar to the one you entered 
through. At the moment, this bay contains a pirate freighter 
belonging to enemies of the New Order."

	From the rear of the cheery little tour tram, Akane eyed 
the mentioned ship with narrowed eyes. "Doesn't that look a lot 
like the Corellian freighter that we saw off Tatooine?"

	Chawbaka growled an agreement, and resumed coloring 
the TIE Fighter cutaway drawing in his Death Star Fun Book.

	"The Death Star contains over a hundred of these bays," 
Commander Sanzenin recited cheerfully, "And three larger ones 
used for servicing capital warships of the Empire. Each 
requires over four dozen flight controllers, mechanics, ground 
crew, and menial laborers."

	"How nice," Kasumi murmured politely, moving his hand 
gently but firmly off her leg. She had met this type before, and 
found that the attention was rather flattering up to a point. 
Beyond that point, a few near-misses with the landspeeder 
was usually all that was necessary to get the message across.

	Undismayed, the commander steered the cart down a 
narrow hallway. "Through the glassteel wall to your left, you 
can see the one of the outer blast tunnels of the Death Star's 
planet-destroying superlaser. Built under the supervision of 
noted designer Bevel Lemelisk, the Death Star Superlaser is 
the largest energy weapon ever constructed, and has vaporized 
noted stellar bodies like Test Asteroid X-6923, Planetoid P-
42D, and Alderaan. Future targets are being selected as we 
speak, funded by you, the Imperial Citizen."

	"Vaporized Alderaan?" Nodoka asked weakly.

	Sanzenin nodded cheerfully. "Page 123 of your tour guide 
has photos."

	The sound of four guidebooks being flipped through was 
heard, followed by a horrified silence.

	"Right, haha, destroying an entire planet, what a joke, 
isn't Captain Soro such a comedian? I TOLD you, C-Chan, but 
did anyone listen? Nooo..."

	"Oh dear," Kasumi said quietly. Being vaporized probably 
wasn't very nice for the people on the planet, and it had made 
an awful mess... that sort of thing shouldn't be allowed.

	Nodoka just shook her head sadly.

	"And now, if you'll look to your right, you can see the 
Loyalty Fervor Inspiration Board, where photos of Rebel 
Traitors scheduled for execution are displayed for the 
edification and amusement of station personnel."

	They looked. There were quite a lot of them.

	"Why is an image of the most glorious pig-tailed 
princess displayed on a common board with filthy criminals?" 
demanded C-KN0 from his spot towards the rear. "She should 
have her own frame, hung in a place of honor."

	Startled, Nodoka and Kasumi examined the board more 
closely as the tour cart rolled by. Sure enough, a picture of the 
redheaded girl was stuck prominiently near the center, 
sticking her tongue out at the camera.

	Commander Sanzenin shrugged eloquently. "Everyone on 
there is scheduled for execution for crimes against the Empire. 
Did you know that the Death Star has over 30 execution 
chambers, each with over fifteen methods of termination? 
Page 99 in your Death Star Fun Book(TM) has a diagram and 
crossword activity."

	"Thou wouldst harm the sacred person of the fire-haired 
princess?" roared C-KN0, pulling out a wooden stick. "I, the 
Golden Translator of Furiiiiiii*blip*"

	Akane gave a satisfied grunt and removed her hand from 
KN0's 'off' switch, mentally memorizing the location. She 
wished the designer had situated it somewhere other than the 
lower torso.

	"Ms. Kenobi? I think they're going to execute that poor 
girl," Kasumi said worriedly. Execution was bad for growing 
young ladies.

	"I know, dear," Nodoka sighed. "I suppose we'll have to do 
something about it. If for no other reason, to find out exactly 
what these plans are and where to take them."

	"Hold on," Akane said, scowling fiercely. "After landing 
on an Imperial battlestation capable of destroying entire 
planets, we find ourselves home free through a vast stroke of 
luck. And you want us to break someone out of a execution 
detention area in the largest Imperial military installation in 
history?" 

	"Second largest," Sanzenin added helpfully. "The 
Coruscant Military Center is slightly larger, but is divided up 
between several ground and orbital structures. There's a 
comparison chart on the inside back cover."

	"The poor girl _is_ going to be executed," Nodoka calmly 
reminded. "It is our duty as Jedi and fellow sentient beings to 
lend aid."

	"I'm not a Jedi, and I hate sentient beings," Akane replied 
hotly. "They tend to be real jerks. Let's just take the tour, wait 
for the Hedgehog to be repaired, and get the hell out of here."

	Kasumi clucked her tongue reprovingly. "Now, Captain 
Soro, really! Think how scared the poor girl must be! All alone 
in a cold, hard cell..."

	"Actually, all the cells in the Death Star are heated," 
chimed in Sanzenin.

	Akane maintained her firm expression, but her eyes 
softened a bit. "Well, yeah, but..."

	"And the food," Kasumi continued, "I'm sure it's not very 
nice. And the atmosphere surely isn't the proper sort for a 
young girl, far away from home, with no-one to turn to..."

	Akane sniffled a little. The Commander passed her back a 
Death Star Souvenir Hankie, which she blew into loudly.

	"And one hears such stories about the guards in these 
sort of places, taking advantage of a poor sweet defenseless 
girl, with nothing to protect her honor..."

	"Okay," Akane said, wiping her eyes, "we'll rescue the 
poor little thing."

	"That's very good of you," Kasumi said happily. Nodoka 
had told her that you could use the Force to influence the 
weak-minded, but in her experience you could do that simply 
by being nice. Besides, whatever else Captain Soro was, weak-
minded probably wasn't among them.

	"Rroughroow," commented Chawbaka.

	"He wants to know how we're going to get into the 
detention level," Akane translated, frowning. "Good question. I 
think we need a plan."

	"Well...." Nodoka began.

	"Okay," Akane interrupted, "How about this. We find a 
group of three stormtroopers, jump them, and take their 
armor and blasters. Then we put fake restraints on C-Chan 
here, and take him into the detention level, see, only when 
we get into the prison control room we shoot all the guards 
and blast the security cameras. After that, while everyone's 
still confused, we engage in a running battle through the 
prison wing, rescue the girl, blow open a garbage hatch or 
something, make our way through the bowels of the station, 
and blast our way back to the Hedgehog."

	Nodoka looked at Kasumi. Kasumi looked at Nodoka. 
Then both of them looked at Akane.

	"Commander Sanzenin?" Nodoka asked politely. "Could 
we please have a tour of the detention level?"

	"Why sure!" the officer said, steering the tram down a 
side corridor. "Did you know that the Death Star's cell block 
is the largest holding facility on any spacegoing vessel or 
installation?"

	"Okay, we can do it this way, too," Akane said, sounding 
somewhat disappointed.

	"And if you'll look to your left, you'll see two officers 
of our friendly and helpful staff escorting a Rebel terrorist 
to his well-deserved fate." Slowing the cart down, Sanzenin 
waved at the two stormtroopers. "You there!"

	The troopers froze, and slowly turned. The cuffed 
Wookiee they were escorting made a worried noise. "Er, 
yeah?"

	"Would you mind posing for a picture?" Commander 
Sanzenin chattered cheerfully. "I'm sure these ladies would 
be thrilled."

	The troopers looked at him as if lobsters had started 
crawling out of his ears. "Uh, sure," the shorter one said 
hesitantly. "Han, why don't you stand over there by Che... er, 
the prisoner, and I'll stand here."

	"Okay, if you ladies could stand right there in front of 
them... you on the left, why don't you give your blaster to the 
young lady to hold, that's it... could the traitorous Rebel 
prisoner move to the right just a smidgen... okay... perfect. 
Say 'cheese', everyone...."

	"Cheese!"

	"Rrroughse."

	"Okay, thanks guys!"

	"Yeah, sure, c'mon kid let's get outta here...."

	The troopers hustled off, and Kasumi and Company 
reboarded the cart. Sanzenin handed them all polaroids as he 
restarted the tram and drove on.

	"Oh my. I really should have brought a camera."

***

	Leia awakened with a start as the door to her cell was 
thrown open. The short figure sillhouetted in the doorway 
waving a blaster in the air immediately got her attention, 
and she quickly sat up in her bunk.

	"Princess?"

	She blinked. "Yes?"

	"We're here to rescue you!"

	Her heart leaped. "You're what!"

	"We've got your droids! We're here to rescue you!"

	A taller figure appeared behind the blaster-waving one. 
"Akane? That's not her."

	"Oh dear. This is #327-B, not #357-B."

	"But I'm Princess Leia Organa of..."

	"Whoops. Sorry." And with that, the cell door slammed 
shut again.

	Leia shrugged, and went back to sleep. She had known it 
was too good to be true. 

***

	The tram pulled up in front of a cell for the third time.

	Nodoka peered carefully at the number on the door. 
"#327-B. Okay, this should be it."

	Hopping out, Akane thumbed open the cell door. "Right. 
You," she paused to glance at a hastily scribbled note, 
"Princess Ranma Saotome of Nerima?"

	"zzzzzzzsnort.... huh? Wha? Yeah, 'sme...."

	Akane shut the cell door and turned to the others. 
"Okay, found her."

	Kasumi beamed at her. Nodoka smiled, and turned to 
their tour guide. "Commander Sanzenin, could you show us 
one of the empty cells? We're all just fascinated by this."

	Sanzenin, who had already coaxed the promise of a 
drink together after the tour was over out of Nodoka, 
obligingly opened a nearby cell. "These cells are constructed 
of the finest materials available, have a holding capacity of 
23 cubic T'Vans, and can withstand sustained blasterfire at 
close range. The carpet is..."

	"Oh my," said Kasumi brightly, "what's that little panel 
in the back, under that nice bunk?"

	Sanzenin ducked into the cell. "Panel? I don't think I 
see a..."

	Kasumi thumbed the "Door Close" button, followed by 
the "Door Lock" button. "I hope he isn't put to very much 
trouble. He was very nice, I thought."

	"Well, that's one bother taken care of," Akane muttered. 
Pressing the open button, she again opened the door to 
Ranma's cell. "Okay, c'mon."

	The redhead inside sat up slightly in her bunk. "You 
sure, now? Not just here to ask me my name?"

	Akane sighed. "Look, do you want to be rescued or not?"

	Frowning slightly, the redhead examined her. "By you? 
Lemme think about it for a bit."

	"Captain Soro? Nodoka?"

	"And just what's that supposed to mean?"

	"Well, I don't wanna be rescued by some tomboy with a 
blaster! It's embarrassing!"

	"Excuse me, Captain Soro? Ms. Kenobi?"

	Nodoka turned away from the cell to glance at her 
student. "Yes, Kasumi?"

	"What do those big flashing red lights on the wall 
saying "INTRUDER ALERT!" mean?"

	"TOMBOY? Look, sister...."

	"I think it means that hundreds of stormtroopers are 
about to come boiling down here any minute," Nodoka said 
with relative calm.

	"Oh dear."

	"Who're you calling sister!"

	"Excuse me," Nodoka snapped, "can we please run away 
now before the stormtroopers come and shoot us?"

	The princess blinked. "Huh? Yeah, sure."

	"Fine with me!" Akane snapped.

	They hurried out of the cell, the ominous sound of 
blaster fire sounding faintly in the distance.

	"Right," Nodoka said crisply, "which way out of the 
detention level?"

	"Rrrourgh," said Chawbaka, pointing.

	"That's the cell we just walked out of, C-Chan."

	"Rourgh."

	"Oh dear," Kasumi commented, peering down one of the 
hallways. "I think the shooting is getting closer."

	"Quick, check the Death Star Fun Book," Akane said, 
drawing her blaster. "Maybe there's a map or a coloring 
diagram or something." 

	Ranma rolled her eyes. "Doncha even know the way out 
of the stupid detention center? Some rescue this is."

	"Oh, yeah, like you do either?" Akane shot back, as 
Chawbaka frantically flipped through the pages of the book 
looking for a map.

	"Actually," the princess replied smugly, "I do. C'mon, 
it's this way." With that, she took off running down the 
cellblock corridor. Kasumi and Nodoka shrugged and followed 
at a trot.

	Akane swore, glanced after them, and reluctantly 
followed. Chawbaka brought up the rear, reading as he loped 
after his captain.

	"Are you sure you know where you're going, young 
lady?" Nodoka asked, puffing along behind the Neriman 
princess. Ranma nodded, turning to give her a confident 
smile.

	"Trust me," she called, "I know what I'm..."

	Ranma turned the corner and skidded to a stop. Up 
ahead, their backs to the group, a cluster of stormtroopers 
were firing down an hallway at something.

	Behind her, Nodoka and Kasumi pulled to a halt and 
stared at the platoon. They seemed to be quite enthusastic 
about their shooting, and the occasional laser bolt zooming 
past seemed to indicate that their targets were getting into 
the spirit of this as well.

	"They obviously aren't going to notice us," Nodoka said 
quietly. "Let's turn around and head a different..."

	Akane Soro turned the corner at this point, saw the 
stormtroopers, and immediately shot one.

	About half the squad turned their attention to her, and 
began turning their guns as well.

	"Oh hell," muttered Nodoka, and threw her lightsaber at 
them.

	It snapped on in midair and whipped through the air 
like a killer day-glo boomerang, scything at the Imperials. 
They very sensibly dived to the ground, whereupon Akane 
shot another one, followed by a blast from Chawbaka's 
bowcaster. Ranma took the opportunity to jump forward, 
snatch a blaster carbine from one of the fallen troopers, and 
shot a third.

	Kasumi placed one hand over her mouth, mildly aghast. 
Ranma tossed her a blaster; she numbly caught it with one 
hand and looked at it.

	"Into the garbage chute, flyboy!" someone yelled at the 
other end of the hall. Ranma, Chawbaka, and Akane quickly 
took down the few remaining troops on their side, then 
ducked back as a withering fusilade of blasterfire came from 
the other end.

	"Run away?" asked Kasumi, holding her blaster 
gingerly.

	"Yes!" yelled Nodoka, snatching up her lightsaber and 
dashing off. Kasumi followed.

	"YAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Akane, gleefully emptying 
her blaster around the corner. Ranma stared at her for a 
second, then resumed picking off troopers one by one.

	"Rurgle-rowrl," observed Chawbaka, firing over Akane's 
shoulder.

	"What'd he say?"

	"He suggested we should make a strategic withdrawal," 
Akane translated, ducking as a barrage of laserfire blew big 
holes in the wall over her head. "I think he might have 
something."

	Ranma snorted. "What, run away?" She jumped to one 
side just as a blast went through the place she had been a 
moment before. "Ack. Yeah, I think he has something there."

	"Right," Akane said deteminedly, taking a metal sphere 
from a belt pouch, twisting it, and tossing it around the 
corner. "Run."

	"Why?"

	"Because the thermal detonator I just tossed is going 
to go off in five seconds."

	"Oh."

	They ran.

***

	The force of the blast wave that rocked the Death Star 
detention level gave Akane, Ranma, and the Wookiee enough 
momentum to catch up to the two Jedi.

	"I think we bought some time," Ranma panted, never 
breaking stride. "She's pretty good with that blaster."

	Akane blushed, for once looking off guard. "Why.. ah, 
thanks..."

	"For a clumsy psychopathic chick, anyway."

	"WHY YOU!"

	"Later!" snapped Nodoka. Both looked sheepish.

	"So, you got the droids, huh?" asked Ranma. Kasumi 
nodded.

	"Yes, these Jawas...." Kasumi trailed off. "Oh my. Where 
did the droids go?"

	Nodoka winced. "We must have left them on the tour 
cart. I think Captain Soro switched off the loud one."

	"Captain Soro?" asked Ranma. Akane raised a hand, 
and the redhead grunted. "Figures. Look, we gotta get those 
droids. The information in em is... uh, vitally important to 
the rebellion, yeah."

	"Right," Nodoka said resignedly. "back to the tour cart."

        "Cheh.  Tomboy pilot.  Can't even fire a blaster right."

        "Oh, and I saw just how helpful the Princess was.  Were 
you too busy waiting for your servant to come and carry you 
to the tram?"

        "Naw, I was just waiting to watch you trip over your 
own feet and fall on your face, you clumsy..."

        "Snotty..."

        "Macho..."

        "Helpless..."

        "ENOUGH!" Nodoka finally yelled.  "You two are worse 
than that damned droid!  I think I'd rather turn him on than 
listen to you two fight like children!"  Nodoka readjusted her 
kimono and turned around with a humph.  "And we're supposed 
to be paying them," she said under her breath.

        Akane and Ranma looked at each other, scowling.

        Akane shook her head and turned forward, her blaster 
drawn just in case.  Obviously the princess wasn't going to 
be of any use except decoration.

        Ranma muttered something under her breath and 
crossed her arms over her chest.  The whole thing was a 
nightmare, and that was just the rescue.  She was afraid to 
see what kind of shape the rest of the Rebellion was in.

        Kasumi drove as though her life depended on it, and as 
badly as she had to use the young lady's room, it probably did.  
The little tram squealed as it rounded a corner, though it had 
no wheels to speak of.

        "Get this fuzzball offa me!" Ranma yelled from the back 
as she was almost tossed from the seat, along with 
Chawbaka and the droids. Akane was apparently the only one 
with a working seatbelt.

        Of course, that didn't help her when Kasumi turned 
another corner and sent the two sliding into her.  She opened 
her mouth to protest, but got a mouth full of long, stringy 
Wookiee hair instead.

        Anyone not strapped in was sent airborne for a moment 
as the tram hit some sort of object.  Looking behind them, 
Akane saw the remains of one of those annoying little mouse 
'bots that were always underfoot.

        So maybe Kasumi wasn't such a bad driver after all.  
Akane couldn't help but smirk.

        Of course, that was before the little bridge, barely 
wide enough for one person, over a seemingly bottomless 
shaft.  Somehow, Kasumi got the tram up on its side to skid 
along the walkway, sparks shooting off the side.

        Akane had her eyes closed so she never saw everyone 
else in the tram hang on for dear life, coming dangerously 
close to spilling out and tumbling down the shaft.

        There was a squeal of grinding metal and the tram 
slammed back down to its upright position, sending everyone 
on a short E-ticket ride.  Akane opened her eyes just in time 
to see a group of officers dive aside as the tram plowed 
through the area they had been walking a second before.

        Somehow, by some act of a much, MUCH higher power, 
they ended back up in the hangar bay.  The tram spun around 
three times, acting like some out of control amusement park 
ride, just before it slid safely into a recessed area usually 
used for cargo.

        Kasumi got out of the tram daintily, smoothing her 
dress out before hurrying to the Hedgehog.  She stopped at 
the ramp and looked back at the tram.  For some odd reason, 
none of the others had moved, except the droids, which 
appeared to be losing bits and pieces of themselves.  
"Goodness.  Shouldn't we leave as soon as possible?  I don't 
think they'll be too happy about us scratching up their 
floors."

       Akane was the first to react, simply because she had 
had her eyes closed a good portion of the trip and had worn 
the safety belt. Now if she could only get the safety belt off.

        She was still in better condition than either the 
Princess or Chawbaka, who had looks of terror frozen on 
their faces (which is not pretty on a Wookiee), or Nodoka, 
who looked like she was in shock. Even the droids.

        R2-HT's lights were flashing wildly, and several panels 
were sliding open periodically, small clouds of smoke 
emerging.  C-KN0 was completely inert, all functions halted.  
No wonder it was so quiet.

        Kasumi decided to head into the ship and make some 
tea.

***

        "What WAS that?" the officer yelled after pulling 
himself from the tangle of bodies.

        "Sir, I think those were the escaped rebels.  They were
reported heading in this direction," answered one of the 
officers that had managed not to end up on the bottom of the 
pile.

        "Gah.  Just my luck.  Why didn't someone stop them?"  He
kicked one of the junior officers that was still untangling 
himself. "Well, Lieutenant Wesley?  Why didn't you?"

        "I... uh...  I didn't see them coming, sir!"

        "Take this worthless maggot down and have him shot!"

***

        Kasumi was just setting a makeshift table with the 
last teacup when the others came in.  Even Nodoka was 
looking a bit... bedraggled. "Good!  You're just in time for 
lunch!"

        "Kasumi," Akane said, her voice barely louder than a 
whisper, "we don't have time for lunch.  We have to get off 
this station before the entire Empire tries to board this 
ship!"

        Kasumi seemed to consider what Akane had said.  "Dear, 
I don't think there will be enough food for all of them."

        Akane squeezed her eyes shut and tried very hard not to 
start screaming.  "Buckle in, people.  We are leaving, with or 
without lunch!"  She marched away, grabbing Chawbaka and 
dragging him along.

        "Man, what a temperamental chick.  What's her 
problem?" the Princess asked, having come around at the 
sight of food.  She sat down at the table and began shoveling 
lunch into her mouth.  "I'b neber sheen sush a groushy 
tonboy."

        "Princess, please don't speak with your mouth full.  It's
quite... disgusting," Nodoka said gently.

        Ranma shrugged and continued to eat.

        "Dear girl, what kind of princessly training did you 
receive?" Nodoka asked.  She was getting doubts about going 
to Nerima Prime.  If this was what their royalty was like, 
she didn't want to see the common people.  Oh sure, the other 
members of the rebellion were nice enough, but they did all 
seem to need a lesson in personal hygiene.

        Ranma swallowed the last of her lunch and looked 
defiantly at Nodoka.  "I ain't no princess, so stop calling me 
that."

        "You're not...  But I thought..."

        Ranma chuckled bitterly.  "You got the right person, but 
I ain't no princess.  Got any hot water?" she asked.

***

        He stood rigidly at attention, sweat crawling down the 
side of his face.  It was a complete nightmare; figures he 
would get the crap duty.

        "Your report."

        "The rebels, they escaped down into the garbage..."

        "Not them!  The others!  I want to know the location of 
the Princess Saotome!  She, and those droids have knowledge 
of Project J, and they can not be allowed to escape here 
alive!"  Tofu was starting to get annoyed at all this.  The 
next time someone got it in his or her tiny little brain to 
mistake him with that gorilla-like buffoon Vader, he was 
going to get really mad.

        "Just find them.  Bring them to me.  And maybe I won't 
turn you into a pretzel.  Do you think you can handle that?"  
He knew they were on the station someplace.  If anyone had 
properly listened to him, they would have identified them 
the minute they had landed, but noooo.  No one ever listened 
to Lord Ono.

        Snapping back to attention, the fresh-faced captain 
nodded. "Yes, my Lord."

        "And don't fail me.  I'm very intolerant of failure."

        "Of course, my Lord.  The rebels will be captured and 
Princess Organa..."  He stopped short when Lord Ono twiddled 
his pinky finger at him.  "I mean, Princess Saotome!  Princess 
Saotome and the two droids will be at your disposal."

        Turning quickly, the captain got out of there as fast as 
he could without appearing too much of a chicken with his 
tail feathers on fire.

***

        Nodoka and Kasumi stared.

        Ranma got slightly annoyed.  "Look, it ain't my fault.  
This is Project J, that Lord Ono is after."

        Nodoka and Kasumi continued to stare.

        Getting more annoyed, Ranma slapped his hand down on 
the table.  "Yo!  Are you listenin' to me?  Just because I 
change into a girl with cold water don't mean I'm a freak or 
nothin'."

        "I don't know about that," Akane said from behind the 
princess turned prince.  Her eyes suddenly narrowed.  
"Assuming you're even still Princess Ranma and not some 
sort of shape-shifter stealing her identity."  Her hand 
settled on the blaster at her side.

        Ranma rolled his eyes.  "Man, where do you come up with 
these stupid ideas?"

        Akane's face pinked and she scowled at him.

        "Like I was sayin' before the tomboy showed up, this is 
what Ono's lookin' for.  That's what's in the plans, along with 
the cure." Ranma's eyes gleamed.

        "Cure?" Kasumi asked.

        "Yeah.  Whatever this cure is, it'll stop me from turnin' 
into a girl when I'm hit with cold water.  Everyone gets the 
dumb idea that I'm helpless and tries to help.  Do you think I 
would have let those morons catch me if I hadn't had some 
bonehead rebel tryin' to protect me?"  Ranma snorted.  "Not 
on your life."

        "You looked pretty helpless back on that tram."

        "You weren't helpin' none, chick."

        "Freak."

        "Clumsy."

        "Pervert."

        "Stop it!  Stop it!  Stop it!" Nodoka yelled, causing the 
two to stop abruptly and look at her.  "Kasumi, go get C-KN0.  
At least he can pretend to hold an intelligent conversation."

        Kasumi nodded and started to rise.

        "Hold it!  Bring that little pervert droid in here.  I wanna
look at the plans and find that cure," Ranma said, abandoning 
his argument with Akane.

        Nodoka gave a small smile.  "Ah, excellent.  Finally 
down to business."

        Kasumi returned a few minutes later with both droids 
following her.  "Now, R2, can you give the princess the plans 
back?" she asked sweetly.

        Ranma scowled, but couldn't bring himself to get upset 
with her.  The freaky droids on the other hand...

        "Who is this scoundrel dressed in women's clothing?" C-
KN0 asked, glaring completely non-threateningly at Ranma.  
After all, how scary can a shiny gold droid actually look?

        "I'm not..."

        "Please.  The plans.  We really should leave this station 
as quickly as possible.  Speaking of, Akane dear, why haven't 
we taken off yet?" Nodoka asked.

        "They've got the cleaning crews out.  They're mopping 
the bay floor right in front of us.  We won't be able to leave 
until they're done.  I've got Chawbaka up there ready to take 
off at the first possible moment." Akane shook her head a 
little. "Stupid unions..."

        "Yes, anyway..."

        Ranma nodded.  "Right.  The cure."  He crouched down in 
front of R2-HT.  "Now, you little hunk of garbage, show the 
plans I gave you."

        R2 seemed to think about it for a moment, then rotated 
his dome back and forth.  The meaning was very clear.

        "Why not?" Ranma asked, standing and raising his fist in
preparation to beat the droid.

        A little nozzle popped out of the top of R2 then sprayed 
Ranma with a blast of cold water.

        Sputtering, Ranma glared at the smallish droid.  "Hey, 
you little freak!  How'd you know..."

        "Oh!  My wondrous pig-tailed princess!  How I have 
longed to hold you in my arms!" C-KN0 said excitedly, and 
advanced on Ranma, arms open wide.

        Ranma's fist shot out, hitting the droid square in the 
face and knocking him against the wall.

        C-KN0 slid to the floor, circuits shorted out 
temporarily.

        Shaking some water out of her eyes, Ranma glared at 
R2-HT. "Now, I don't care why ya did that, just show me the 
stupid plans!"

        Again, R2 denied her.  This time, a little claw came out 
with a frilly pink bra in its grasp.  Making some strange 
high-pitched whistling noises, R2 thrust the bra at Ranma.

        Kasumi covered her mouth with one hand.  "Oh my," she 
said quietly.

        Ranma's face slowly began to match the color of her 
shirt. "Freak!" she yelled and axe-kicked the droid.

        Rather abruptly, the plans started to display 
themselves in the air, which immediately caught everyone's 
attention.

        "What's that?" Akane asked, looking at the slightly
transparent images flashing in the air.

        "That's it," Ranma said, grinning somewhat maniacally.
"That's the cure.  Project J."

        Nodoka watched for a bit.  "But that... that looks like 
plans for the Death Star."

        "Yeah.  So?" Ranma said, shrugging.

        That was when the red lights went off in the hangar and 
sirens started sounding.  An announcement, audible even 
from inside the Hedgehog, blared out.  'All outgoing traffic is 
to be detained.  No exceptions allowed.  Rebel spies may 
attempt escape.'

        Akane shot to her feet.  "Janitors or no, we're getting 
out of here, pronto."  She hurried to the cockpit area, leaving 
the others to get someplace and buckle themselves in.

        Nodoka and Kasumi started to clean up the dishes when, 
out of a tiny port, Nodoka caught sight of a familiar face.  
"Ben," she said quietly.

        "Kasumi, dear, I have something to take care of.  I'll be
back in just a few moments."  She smiled reassuringly at the 
younger girl, but her eyes were cold and hard.

        Before Kasumi could answer, Nodoka was gone.  
Hesitating for just a few moments, Kasumi quickly hurried 
after her, hoping she would be in time to stop the woman 
from doing something rash.

        Kasumi was barely able to keep up with Nodoka as the 
older woman exited the ship and ran across the hangar, 
slipping slightly on the freshly cleaned floors.

        Nodoka headed to one of the adjacent hangar bays where 
a junky old freighter was sitting.  Junky, but it still looked 
ten times better than the Hedgehog.

        Nodoka stopped behind a group of scruffy looking people 
firing their blasters at a group of stormtroopers attempting 
to enter the hangar from the opposite side without getting 
their asses shot off. But she turned her attention to the 
other side of the hangar.  That was where she saw him.

        Obi Wan Kenobi.  Her eyes immediately narrowed, and 
she glared in his direction.  Never mind that he was currently 
engaged in a lightsaber duel with someone, her owed her 
alimony!

        As if they were connected by the mysterious force, able 
to feel each other's presence, Obi Wan glanced over and 
almost visibly flinched at the sight of his angry ex-wife.

        One of the scruffy, violent people also saw Obi Wan and 
yelled to him, but Nodoka could see her ex-husband had his 
attention on her.

        "I am a dead man," Obi Wan said quietly.  "Only one way 
out of this..."  With a look of peace and tranquility, knowing 
he would finally be free of his ex-wife's wrath, he held his 
lightsaber up and allowed Vader to strike him down.

        With a rather unlady-like yell of rage, Nodoka brought 
her lightkatana to life, but before she ran to the place her 
ex-husband had fallen she turned.

        Kasumi was slightly frightened by the wild-eyed look 
Nodoka was giving her.

        "Yes, dear, you can help me.  Obi Wan won't be able to 
escape that easily," Nodoka said pleasantly.  "Kasumi, 
remember everything I've taught you because I know you have 
the potential inside you.  And never succumb to the dark side 
of the Force.  Now if you would be so kind as to lop off my 
head..."  Nodoka smiled gently, then switched the lightkatana 
off and handed it to Kasumi.

        Kasumi took it gingerly, looking at Nodoka.  The woman 
was completely serious, deadly serious about what she was 
asking, and well, what was Kasumi to do?  She couldn't 
refuse and offend Nodoka.  But she didn't want to get in the 
middle of their marital problems.

        "Come now, I can assure you I won't feel a thing.  My 
body will become immaterial and I'll be a spirit where I can 
finally get Obi Wan to admit to what a rotten husband he 
was."  Nodoka smiled the entire time.

        Kasumi looked at Nodoka, then at the lightkatana in her 
hands. Pointing it downward, she activated the blade, 
completely ignoring the stormtroopers and blaster fire and 
general chaos around them.  "You're sure..."

        "Quite sure.  Just remember what I've told you.  And 
always do your best.  And don't forget to sweep and wet mop 
before you wax.  And preheat for cookies 10 minutes before 
you bake.  And..."

        OK, this was getting tiresome.  Kasumi let out a small 
sigh and brought the weapon up.  "Of course I will."  Kasumi 
swung the blade daintily, cutting down Nodoka in the same 
way Obi Wan had just been.

        Looking slightly disturbed by the pile of empty clothing 
at her feet, Kasumi wondered if she should pick it up before 
she headed back to the ship.

	A laserbolt zoomed past her head. Probably not.

	"Run, Kasumi, run!"

	She did.

	After a few seconds, she remembered that she had just 
cut Nodoka in half. Which made the sudden appearance of her 
voice telling Kasumi to run rather odd.

	Still, it was good advice.

	She raced up the Hedgehog's ramp to find Chawbaka 
trying to pound a male Ranma through the floor, headfirst. Oh 
dear.

	*WHAM!* "Ow!" *WHAM!* "Hey, cut it out, ya hairy 
idiot!" "RRRRRAUGH!" *WHAM!* "I said, quit it!"

	"Oh my," Kasumi ventured. "You're denting the 
deckplaces, Chawbaka."

	*WHAM!* "Help!" "RRROOOROUGH!" *WHAM!*

	Disturbed, Kasumi briskly walked up to the cockpit, 
where Akane was preparing for departure. "Excuse me, 
Captain Soro? Your Wookiee is pounding the Princess's head 
into the deck."

	The young smuggler glanced up, concerned. "Any 
damage?"

	"Well, surprisingly, she.. he's still concisous..."

	"Who cares about him? I meant to the deck."

	"It's badly dented."

	Scowling fiercely, Akane stomped back to the 
passenger area. "C-Chan! Stop that this instant!"

	The Wookiee ignored her, and continued trying to 
hammer Ranma through a wall. Akane blinked. Usually her 
voice would bring Chawbaka to heel instantly.

	"CHAWBAKA! PUT THE SNOTTY JERK DOWN! NOW!" There. 
A full-fledged Akane Soro Scream, the kind that had roughly 
the same effect as a stungun on full power.

	Unbelievably, Chawbaka continued to ignore her, 
completely engrossed in his human carpentry.

	Despite a occassionally savage temper, Akane Soro 
really was a very tolerant person. You had to be, in this 
business, and with a first mate like the one she had. But 
there was one thing that would set her off every time, and 
that thing was people ignoring her.

	Drawing her blaster, she set it to 'light stun', and fired.

	It took three shots before Chawbaka finally dropped to 
the deck. The 'Princess' fell as well, out cold from the 
baseball-sized lump on his head.

	Akane holstered her blaster, amazed. She had never 
seen Chawbaka so enraged before, even counting the time 
that the Bothan portmaster had tried to get her to do 
something disgusting in exchange for waiving the docking 
fees. Granted, Ranma was aggravating... but that had been one 
really pissed off Wookiee.

	"Kasumi, look after these two idiots. I'm going to get 
us out of here." She stopped about halfway down the cockpit 
access hall. "Hey, where's Nodoka?"

	Kasumi fidgeted. "Oh. She's dead, I'm afraid."

	"Aw, jeez. Sorry." Akane made a brief effort to say 
something comforting, then gave up and continued on her way 
to the cockpit, feeling slightly depressed. She knew lots of 
dead people, but knowing one more was still enough of make 
her sniffle a little. Besides, the other woman had been a bit 
like what she daydreamed her mother would have been.

	She brushed a tear from her eye as she revved the 
engines and used the belly guns to shoot the stormtroopers 
just now entering the hanger. It wasn't easy, being an orphan.  
If only she hadn't lost her parents and sisters in that freak 
nerf herding accident... the Soros had been well-meaning 
foster parents, but life in a nerf-herding colony was 
terrible. It meant herding nerfs, for one thing.

	The hangar clear, she pulled back on the throttle, 
prayed they wouldn't put a tractor beam on her, and roared 
out of the docking bay like a bat out of hell.

***

	In the fire control center, Grand Moff Tarkin watched 
yet another grungy little Rebel freighter zoom for deep 
space. Really, couldn't the Rebels be bothered to fight in 
respectible-looking craft?

	"Sir? Shall we open fire?"

	Tarkin shook his head. "It's not worth the energy 
expenditure. Besides, their escape will undoubtably annoy 
Lord Ono." And anything that annoyed the Dark Moron of the 
Sith was fine in Tarkin's book. He actually felt sorry for 
Vader; Ono was an embarrassment to Sith Lords everywhere.

	The worst part of it, and something that even Tarkin 
would never dare mention, was that Ono was better at the 
whole Force thing than Vader. Their one quarrel had ended 
with Ono bouncing Vader about the room like a black-
armored racquetball.

	This escape would upset Ono immensely. And that, in 
turn, would improve Vader's mood enormously, which would 
make him much easier to work with.

	Tarkin rubbed his forehead absently. A Grand Moff's lot 
is not a happy one. He almost wished he hadn't sent Daala off 
to the middle of nowhere, but it had been that or die of 
sexual exhaustion.

	He permitted himself a small smile. At least he had 
fixed that silly exhaust port weakness. He hoped one of the 
attacking rebels actually did get a torpedo in, just so their 
tiny little minds could be utterly baffled and horrified when 
the Death Star failed to explode.

***

	"Once again, I've saved us all," Akane proudly announced 
to the room.

	"Hark, how wonderous are the skills of the talented 
Akane Soro! Come to mine golden arms*punch*zzzzzzzurk."

	"Yeah, what a brilliant flight plan," muttered Ranma, 
holding a medpack to the lump on his head. Akane glared at 
him. 

	"What's that supposed to mean?"

	"I'm saying that only a bloodthirsty maniac like you 
would plot an escape course straight through a TIE Fighter 
training flight."

	"I was trying to throw them off guard."

	"Was circling them five times to throw them off guard 
too?"

	"Aheh, well..."

	"How about shooting at them when they failed to get 
the hint and attack you?"

	"They might have just been waiting for us to turn our 
attention away," Akane weakly offered. Ranma rolled his 
eyes.

	"I don't know who's the more battle-happy of ya, you or 
that furball of yours." He thought for a second. "Nice piloting, 
though."

	Akane stammered and blushed.

	"I coulda done better, but not bad for a chick."

	"WHY YOU!"

	From the other end of the lounge, Kasumi frowned 
slightly. "I think Chawbaka is coming around, Captain Soro."

	Glaring at the ex-princess, Akane walked to stand over 
the blinking Wookiee. "And just what was all that about, C-
Chan?"

	A barrage of agitated, furious growls came in return. 
Akane blinked in surprise, and turned to Ranma. "He says 
you're his sworn enemy for the crimes you've committed, and 
that because of you, he's seen Hell." She stared at him in 
amazement. "What on earth did you do to him? I've never 
heard him that upset about anything!"

	"I never did nothin'!" Ranma protested, raising his 
hands. "I was sittin' here when he comes out of the cockpit, 
sees me, and tries ta mash my head through the floor! I never 
met him before in my life!"

	Frowning, Akane looked back at the snarling Wookiee. 
"C-Chan, are you sure this is the person you're after?"

	"Roo-rogh!"

	"What on earth did he do, anyway?"

	A look of supreme terror and embarassment came over 
the Wookiee's face. He growled something inaudible, and 
tried to look casual.

	Akane sighed. "Right. Look, until you at least tell me 
what he did that was so horrible, I don't want you killing 
him."

	Chawbaka gave a frustrated growl, but unhappily 
nodded his agreement.

	"Wonderful copilot you have there," grumbled Ranma. 
"I'd sell him to a circus, if I was you."

	"Stop picking on C-Chan," Akane said mildly, drawing 
her blaster. "If whatever you did turns out to be really as bad 
as he claims, I'll shoot you myself."

	Ranma began to respond, looked at the stupidly 
overpowered blaster and at the expression on Akane's face, 
and wisely remained silent.

	"He's normally a very nice young Wookiee," Kasumi 
volunteered.

	"That's right," Akane said. "Anyway, you said the Rebel 
base was on Yavin, right? We should be dropping out of 
hyperspace in about an hour."

	Kasumi raised a hand hesitantly.

	"And yes, I was the one who plotted the course."

	The hand was lowered.

***

	The green moon of Yavin IV was bustling with activity. 
After all, it was scheduled to cease to exist pretty soon.

	A large stone temple had been converted into a 
starfighter hangar/base of operations. Pilots and ground 
crew ran to and fro, prepping their ships for the coming 
battle.

	Kasumi strolled through the chaos, almost drooling. 
These were far, far better than the old landspeeders and 
skyhoppers she had flown back on Tatooine.

	The Incom X-Wings in particular caught her eye. The 
same corporation manufactured her favorite skyhopper, and 
the speed/handling ratio on them was supposed to be 
amazing. The weaponry wasn't as substantial as some other 
designs, but who cared about weaponry? Who on earth 
wanted to shoot things, anyway?

	The core of Kasumi The Driving Fiend was a mental 
image of a happy little bluebird, singing cheerfully as it 
flew in happy loops and spirals. Guns really didn't hold any 
particular appeal to her.

	"Miss Tendo? Is that you?"

	She turned, vaguely surprised at hearing a familar 
voice. "Oh my. Luke?"

	The Skywalker boy nodded. "Yeah. What are you doing 
here? The place is about to be attacked by the Empire!" He 
sounded entirely too enthusiastic about the prospect, but 
then Kasumi had always suspected that he wasn't very 
bright.

	"I was just looking at the Incoms," she said cheerfully, 
wondering what on earth Luke was doing in a Rebel hangar 
instead of minding his Uncle's crops. "Maybe they'll let me 
fly one of them later."

	Luke nodded enthusiatically. "Hey, yeah, that's right! 
You used to fly like anything, back home! You even did the 
Beggar's Canyon run without using the airbrakes once!"

	Kasumi demurely acknowledged that she had.

	"Wait right here!"

	Somewhat relieved, Kasumi watched Luke scamper off 
and turned her attention back to the starfighters. She 
pictured herself flying one of them, turning graceful loops 
and delicate rolls, singing her heart out.

	"You Tendo?"

	Startled out of her daydream, she glanced at the deck 
officer who had spoken. "Oh my. Yes?"

	"Can you really fly as good as the kid says?"

	Kasumi squinted at Luke. "How good is that?"

	"He says better than him."

	"Oh. Yes."

	"Good enough for me." If the cocky young hotshot 
admitted that ANYONE was better than him, the deck officer 
reasoned, then they had to be pretty good. "Wanna fly?"

	Beaming with delight, Kasumi mutely nodded.

	"Right." Taking out a checklist, he marked off a number 
and handed her a datacard. "You're Gold 23. Check out your 
flight togs and a astromech, see to your assigned fighter, 
and report to the ready room in two hours."

	Kasumi happily took the card. "Thank you!"

	"You're welcome. Good luck." The deck officer shook his 
head and strolled off. With the possible exception of the 
Skywalker kid, he had never seen anyone so eager to go on a 
suicide mission before.

	For her part, Kasumi's glee was only mildly dampened 
by the fact that her assigned craft would be a Koensayr 
Longprobe, the 'Y-Wing', rather than the beautifully sleek 
Incoms. The Y-Wing was nowhere near as graceful, she 
reasoned, but the top speed was better. She hoped she would 
get a chance to look at the engine before she had to take off.

***

	"You will be required to manuever straight down this 
trench..."

	Akane irritably tried to tune out the noise from the 
adjacent briefing room. Stupid Rebels and their silly attacks. 
Still, she supposed it was good for business, and she liked 
the idea of attacking the Empire.

	"23,000 credits," she firmly told the bureaucrat. They 
were like cockroaches, she thought blackly. Even in the 
middle of an anti-government military camp of wild-eyed 
fanatics, you had people like the calmly arrogant man sitting 
in front of her.

	As far was she could tell, their only reason for 
existance was to stand between her and her money.

	"I'm afraid that's out of the question. However, in 
gratitude for your daring rescue of an obscure member of 
royalty from a minor planet only loosely affiliated with the 
Alliance, we're willing to give you all brevet promotions to 
Lieutenant. Junior Grade, of course. Pay dependant on duties."

	"Perhaps you misunderstood me," Akane told him, 
fighting down the urge to simply shoot him. "I said I want 
23,000 credits, not to join the Rebel Alliance."

	The paymaster gave her a bland smile. "I understood 
you. Very well, how about 1,000 credits and free ship 
repairs?"

	"23,000 credits, and the Empire already repaired the 
ship free of charge."

	"They have a bigger budget."

	A lanky figure in a rather rakish vest strolled in. "I'm 
here for my reward. Oh, heya Soro."

	Akane gave the new arrival a neutral glance. "Solo."

	"Gotten yourself a better ship yet, kid?"

	"There's nothing wrong with my ship," she levelly 
replied. "Dumped any spice lately?"

	"Not recently. Your first mate find his sense of 
direction yet?"

	"Chewbacca ever learn how to count above five, Han?"

	The paperpusher watched the two smugglers with 
fascination, and wondered if either of them was going to kill 
the other. He hoped so. It would save precious credits from 
the reward fund.

	"It true what they say about you and your Wookiee?" 
Han asked, somehow managing to put whole volumes of 
obscene suggestions into a single raised eyebrow.

	Akane blinked. 

	"I don't know, what do they say?"

	Han blinked.

	"Well, I mean, you know..."

	A mystified expression rolled across Akane's face. The 
bureaucrat scratched his head. Han just blinked again.

	"That you, you know, sleep together?" he finally 
ventured.

	Akane's face darkened. Han began to wonder if he had 
pressed his luck a bit too far.

	"Are you suggesting," Akane said, her tone ice cold, 
"Are you suggesting that the Hedgehog doesn't have adequate 
sleeping facilities?"

	They felt the resulting facefault all the way across the 
base.

	"Anyway," the penpusher said, picking himself up off 
the floor, "Here's your reward, Captain Solo. 23,000 credits."

	Akane gaped. "Wha uh huh? He gets it, just like that?"

	The bureaucrat shrugged. "Hey, he rescued Princess 
Leia."

	"Wears white, has a hairdo like a pair of earmuffs?"

	"Uh-huh," nodded Han, grinning. "Seeya around, Soro. 
Assuming you don't get lost for good." Chuckling, he left, 
credstick newly charged.

	Akane barely kept herself from screaming. "I could 
have rescued a mint. Instead, I get Ranma the Sexchanging 
Wonderbrat. Why? Why does the universe hate me?"

	"2000 credits and a crate of Rebellion T-Shirts, and 
that's my final offer."

***

	"Hey, Wookiee!"

	Chawbaka looked up from his Death Star Fun Book 
coloring activity and snarled ominously.

	Ranma raised his hands, backing up. "Hey, cool off, 
willya? Look, I just wanna talk. See? I even brought a 
Wookiee-to-Human translator box." Cautiously walking over, 
he set a metal cube on the table and flicked it on. "Honest, 
man, I never met you before in my life."

	The Wookiee growled out a angry string of syllables, 
which the box sucked in and spat out in normal language. 
"Damn you, Saotome! Because of you, I've seen HELL!"

	Ranma blinked. "You mean I somehow got you your job 
with Captain Soro?"

	"No! Akane is good, kind, gentle, sweet..."

	"We _are_ talking about the same Akane Soro, right?"

	Chawbaka glared at him. "Curse you! It's because of you 
that I'm like this!"

	"Stupid?"

	"NO! Remember when you were captured the first time, 
and a platoon of idealistic young Rebel heroes tried to break 
you out?"

	Ranma scratched his head. "You mean the mercenaries 
who tried to kidnap me back from the Empire in order to hold 
me for ransom? Yeah, that was right after they tested that 
damn transformation process on me." He shuddered.

	"Do you remember the person you shoved out of your 
way as you ran in cowardly terror for the exit? Platoon 
Leader Ryoga Hibiki?"

	Ranma shrugged. "The guy who tried to grab me? Yeah. I 
gave him a good shove, but I aimed him for that tank of liquid 
to break his fall. Why?"

	The Wookiee snarled. "You idiot! Didn't you even look at 
the label on the tank?"

	"Um, er... yeah, something like 'Wookiee Metamorph 
Matrix Proto..." he trailed off. "Oh. Uh-oh. You mean..."

	Chawbaka nodded, showing his fangs.

	"Oh. Whoops." Ranma chuckled somewhat nervously. 
"Sorry, man. Look, why don't I get you some hot water so that 
we can talk without this box..."

	"BECAUSE THE DAMN MATRIX WASN'T DONE YET!" 
Chawbaka bellowed. "It was one-way only! I'm stuck like 
this!"

	Ranma gaped at him. "Oh. Oh, man."

	"I wandered for days after I escaped," Chawbaka said 
bitterly. "I had lost the knowledge of human speech, and the 
only other Wookiees I met thought that I was insane! I 
probably would have really gone crazy, too, if Akane hadn't 
taken me in." The massive being gave a wistful sigh. "I 
couldn't even pronounce my name, so I just gave her 
something Wookieesque to call me. She was kind and patient 
with me, and before long I had fallen in love with her." His 
expression darkened. "A love which she'll never return, 
because she thinks I'm a damn Wookiee, and it's all your 
fault!"

	Ranma looked down. "Gee. I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean 
to..." He blinked, a thought hitting him. "Hey, hold on, what do 
you mean she thinks you're a Wookiee? Didn't you tell her?"

	Chawbaka flushed, and shrunk a bit, averting his gaze. 
Ranma stared at him incredulously.

	"You mean you haven't told her!?"

	"It took a long time for her to learn to speak Wookiee!" 
Chawbaka snapped defensively. "By then, it would have been... 
awkward for me to tell her."

	"You've lost me."

	The Wookiee flushed a bright red. "Captain Soro is, ah, 
somewhat casual about wearing clothing when there's no 
passengers aboard and the ship is in hyperspace."

	Ranma stared at him. "No way."

	Shifting uncomfortably, the Wookiee blushed an even 
deeper red. "I tried to keep busy in some other part of the 
ship, but I had chores to do, and she would have been hurt if I 
stayed away from her altogether..."

	"...So you've been getting to drool over her in the buff 
because she thinks you're really a alien who's idea of a 
desirable sex partner is a skinny gorrila. Right." Ranma 
snorted in disgust. "No wonder you're afraid to tell her. Not 
that I really blame you. She is kinda cute..." 

	Chawbaka eyed him ominously.

	"For a macho chick pilot, anyway," Ranma hurriedly 
finished. "Look, sorry about the Wookiee thing. I really didn't 
mean to."

	"It doesn't matter what you meant! Because of you, I'm 
a walking shag carpet!"

	"But hey, man, look! I got the cure in the R2 unit, 
remember?"

	Chawbaka straighened sharply. "That's right! The cure! 
Quick, what do I have to do?"

	Ranma shrugged. "Well, it's not the actual cure. It's 
just the location of the lab designed to reverse the 
treatment. I figure we can just storm the place and force 
them to cure us."

	The Wookiee grinned savagely. "Damn right we will! 
Now, where's.."

	He froze.

	"Hold on. Didn't Nodoka say that the plans looked an 
awful lot like the..."

	Ranma moaned, seeing it. "Death Star. Oh, geez, we just 
broke out of there!"

	Chawbaka shrugged philosophically. "It'll still be there 
when we return."

	A door opened down the hall. "Now man your ships, and 
may The Force be with you." A cheer was heard, and pilots in 
flight gear rushed out.

	Ranma looked at Chawbaka.

	Chawbaka looked at Ranma.

	"Hahah. They don't have a chance in hell, right?"

	"Not a chance. Eheh."

	Chawbaka looked at Ranma.

	Ranma looked at Chawbaka.

	"Oh shit."

	"We need a ship, NOW."

	"We can take the Hedgehog. Can you fly?"

	Ranma grinned. "Can I fly? C'mon, let's go."

***

	Kasumi clambered into the cockpit, absently wondering 
why everyone seemed so excited. She had been too busy 
tuning the Y-Wing's engine to attend the briefing, but she 
figured that she'd just follow the lead of everyone else. 
After all, they must like to fly too.

	Although they didn't know how to keep a lovely 
starfighter in peak condition. Why, she had cleaned the 
thrust heads, and adjusted the fusion manifold, and installed 
the Ion-Enhancer fix that improved speed dramatically, and 
hardly ever caused the engine to explode violently. Kasumi 
always felt that it was a silly thing to ban. Anyway, a good 
two hours of work had done wonders to the handling and 
pushed the top speed well beyond the design tolerance.

	Buckling herself in, she hit the rear intercom button. 
"Ready to go, HT?"

	The little droid gave a series of dubious beeps. It had 
been talking to the Y-Wing's diagnostic computer about the 
new modifications, and was unnerved by the fact that the 
computer was doing the digital equivalent of huddling in a 
corner gibbering with terror.

	Undismayed, Kasumi fired up the engines and, with the 
rest of Gold Flight, zoomed into space.

	She had never actually flown a craft out of the high 
atmosphere. It wasn't, she was finding, much of a change. In 
fact, it was actually easier, since you didn't have to worry 
about wind and gravity.

	Her intercom crackled. "Gold Flight, this is Gold Leader. 
You know the mission. Either we blow that station to Hell 
and back, or no-one goes home. Got that?"

	Oh. Oh my.

	She pressed the intercom. "You mean this is a combat 
mission?"

	The rest of Gold Flight laughed heartily in their 
cockpits, relieved that someone was making a joke to ease 
the tension.

	"Remember, we're going to be outgunned severely. If it 
has wings and doesn't have a name beginning with X or Y, it 
wants to kill you. Most of us probably aren't going to make it 
back, but we all know what's at stake. All that matters is 
that one of us makes it."

	Kasumi was getting a very, very bad feeling about this. 
By the time Gold Leader finished describing the towers, TIE 
Fighter squadrons, turbolaser batteries, and gunboats 
waiting for them at the Death Star, she was just a tad edgy.

	Well. Goodness. If she was going to fly into all that 
terrible a mess, she'd better run the Y-Wing through it's 
paces. She had already looked to see where the guns were.

	She broke formation slightly, climbing to test the 
stick responce.

	"Gold 23! Tai, above you, 5-O-Clock!"

	Yaah! They must be diving at her from above! Almost 
panicking, Kasumi quickly fired the upper turret guns in the 
direction indicated by the warning cry.

	"*&^%%$$#%@! My port engine! She shot my port engine 
off!"

	"Gold 23, have you lost your mind?"

	Kasumi whimpered, and looked through the top 
viewport to see a Y-Wing above her breaking formation, one 
engine nacelle missing. "But... but you said there was a TIE 
Fighter at...."

	"No, I warned you that you were in danger of colliding 
with Daav Tai. Gold 17."

	"Oh. Oh dear."

	"Gold Leader, I'm going to have to return to base. 
Sorry."

	"That's okay, Daav."

	"Good luck."

	"Sorry," Kasumi meekly told the intercom.

***

	Somewhat guiltily, the two conspirators snuck up the 
ramp of the _Impudent Hedgehog_.

	"Rraurgh," commented Chawbaka dubiously.

	"Don't worry, we'll be there and back before she even 
notices that it's gone," Ranma told him reassuringly. "No 
sweat."

	Going up to the cockpit, they fired up the engine and 
zoomed out of the hangar.

	In the pilot's seat, Ranma's brow was dripping with 
sweat. Not because of the fact that his cure might be about 
to go up in an atomic fireball. Not because he was about to 
board the biggest existing Imperial battlestation with his 
only companion a psychotic Wookiee who hated his guts. No, 
that he could deal with. It was just that it was damn hot in 
the cockpit, probably due to the engine vents under the seat.

	"Sheesh," he muttered, slipping out of his clothing as 
he mopped away the persperation. "No wonder she went 
around bare when she could. This junkheap needs an air 
conditioner."

	Chawbaka gave a noncommital growl, pointed to the 
engine readouts and left. Probably to go tend the overheating 
furnance, or power plant, or wood-burning stove, or 
whatever infernal energy source powered the Hedgehog.

	Even from the other side of the solar system, he could 
already see the Death Star, looking like the nastiest steel 
marble in the galaxy. He smiled grimly, and took another sip 
from the glass of ice water he had poured himself.

	A footstep echoed on the deck behind him, and he 
swiveled the chair around. "Yo, Wookiee, the engine... uh...."

	"C-Chan, why are we in... oh my..."

	Akane Soro, having woken up from her nap, had changed 
into her Stupidly-Hot-Cockpit outfit. Namely, the same thing 
Ranma was wearing. Namely, nothing.

	There was a highly awkward moment of silence and 
stares of horrified fascination. This was immediately 
followed by hands moving to cover certain areas. And then by 
Captain Soro screaming in indignation.

	"PERVERT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING FLYING MY SHIP!"

	Ranma waved his hands in a gesture of innocence, 
remembered that those hands needed to be concealing 
something, and hastily moved them back. "Er, ah, just getting 
the ship into space, didn't wanna wake you..."

	"AND WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING ANY CLOTHES?"

	"Well, why aren't you?"

	Akane turned a bright red. "GET OUT OF MY COCKPIT!"

	"But, see, we gotta..."

	"OUT! OUT! OUT!"

	Ranma's mind reeled. His cure was gonna get blown up!

	"Hey, Kasumi!" he said, frantically looking over the 
irate Captain Soro's shoulder. Akane glanced behind her, and 
Ranma smoothly drew his blaster, flicked it to 'light stun', 
and shot her. For a terrifying moment she turned, gave him a 
baleful look, and then collapsed to the deck.

	Chawbaka picked this moment to enter. He took one 
look at the scene, gave a bellow of fury, and rushed for 
Ranma. 

	"Gah! Hey, wait! It's only stun! Gaaaaaaaacccccck!" The 
Wookiee's hand clamped aroound his throat. "Gaaaaaaaccck.... 
she was gonna makeusturnback! Only stun!"

	Snarling ominously, Chawbaka glanced back at Akane, 
looking somewhat mollified when he noticed that she was 
snoring like a chainsaw. Reluctantly, he set Ranma down.

	"Jeez, grumpy Wookiee." He glanced guiltily at Akane. 
"You'd better take her back to her quarters or somethin'. I 
mean, we can't just leave her on the floor. She'd get in the 
way."

	Chawbaka nodded, bent over, and froze. A thin trickle 
of blood ran from one tufted nostril, and he glanced 
helplessly at Ranma.

	The Neriman prince snorted. "What? I'm not gonna do it! 
You want _me_ to touch the ugly chick? At least you ain't 
even the same species!"

	Smirking, the Wookiee grabbed the glass of ice water 
and soaked him.

	"Augh! What'd you do that for! Oh. Right." Sighing, she 
grabbed up Akane's limp form in a fireman's carry. "Her 
quarters are toward the middle, right? By the second cargo 
hold?"

	Chawbaka nodded. Ranma sighed. "Just don't touch the 
controls, okay? I'll be right back."

	She walked down the corridor, stopping before a door 
with "Captain Akane Soro" carefully painted on it. Shifting 
the load in her arms uncomfortably, Ranma pushed it open. 
And blinked.

	Ranma had expected the fearsome Captain Soro's cabin 
to be a lot like the rest of the ship. Functional (barely), 
spartan, feminine as a sledgehammer, with perhaps a gun 
rack or a collection of severed heads to add a bit of color.

	She definitely hadn't expected it to be painted a pale 
pink. 

	There were trophies on a narrow, shabby table. High 
School Shooting team, Varsity Piloting, Honorable Mention 
For Bakeoff Competition. Ranma tried and failed to imagine 
Akane baking anything with a non-lethal instrument.

	A bookshelf had several rather dogeared paperbacks, 
their covers all various shades of purple, pink, and silver. A 
closer examination revealed that they had titles like "Love 
Roams The Spaceways," and "Untamed Heart".

	The slightly open wardrobe had several pairs of 
rumpled Functional Smuggler Clothing, and a neatly pressed 
pink dress tucked in a corner. It had ruffles. It was cute as 
the dickens. And it had the sort of stiff, new quality that 
suggested that it had never been worn, and the sort of 
plastic slipcover that suggested that it wasn't going to be 
worn any time soon. A folded school uniform, slightly dusty, 
peeked out from behind a knitting needle and pair of half-
mended socks.

	Ranma carefully set her down on the bed - which had 
enough frilly lace to clothe an entire platoon of French maids 
- and pulled the covers over her. There was a battered 
stuffed nerf on one corner of the frilly coverlet... which, she 
noted with mounting horror, had a cross-eyed kitten stitched 
on it... and she stared in disbelief as Dread Captain Soro 
sleepily grabbed it and cuddled it. The nerf's one remaining 
button eye glared balefully at Ranma.

	Quietly, feeling like a complete bastard, she left. The 
Death Star would be coming up soon.

***

	"Here we go!"

	"Oh my!"

	The pilots who survived the Battle of Yavin would talk 
about many things. They'd mention Skywalker's run down the 
trench. They'd sadly recall the men who didn't come back. And 
they'd talk about That Maniac Piloting Gold 23.

	Kasumi wasn't very good with guns. So she stopped 
using them.

	She saved the lives of just about every member of Gold 
Flight at least once. A TIE Fighter would be bearing down on 
them, guns spitting death, when all of a sudden the Y-Wing 
would roar through the Imperial formation like a sparrow on 
PCP, sending the TIEs scrambling to get out of the way, or 
reeling from the wake. Several collided with each other in 
their mad efforts to avoid the obviously insane Rebel in the 
stupidly fast Y-Wing.

	Around her, men screamed, swore, fought, and died.

	Inside Gold 23's cockpit, Kasumi's happy little bluebird 
was singing it's deranged little heart out.

***

	Ranma and Chawbaka stared at the battle.

	"Man, look at this mess!"

	"Roogh."

	Picking up the transmitter, Ranma sent a channel to 
the Death Star. "Death Star, this is the supply freighter! Open 
a docking bay, now!"

	"Please state your identification code and registra..."

	"Let us in! Before we're killed! It's a damn war out 
here!"

	"I'm afraid I need to..."

	"Does this ship _look_ like an X-Wing? Let us in NOW, 
or you can get your damn pleasure holodiscs somewhere 
else!"

	"Pleasure Holo...? Right. Bay 34 is open, supply 
freighter."

	Ranma smirked.

	She maneuvered the ship easily into bay 34, touching 
down gently.  Hopping out of the pilot's seat, Ranma located 
the small container of hot water she had been saving for an 
emergency.  This seemed as good an emergency as any and 
poured it over her head, changing back to male.

	Now if he could just avoid cold water and keep the 
"princess" from putting in an appearance, things should go 
smoothly.  If Chawbaka could manage to control himself.  
Stupid Wookiee.

	Quickly redressing, Ranma strapped a blaster holster on 
just in case.  Sometimes it came in handy to shoot the control 
panels of doors so they slammed in a mob of Imperial 
stormtrooper's faces.

	"Yo, hairball, are ya coming, or what?" he yelled, having 
not a clue where the pathetic fool had gone.  He waited a 
moment, walking slowly to the ramp, listening for a response.  
Shaking his head, he tried again.  "Hey..."

	"Raaawwr," Chawbaka answered from right behind 
Ranma.

	Ranma squawked and leapt six feet away, hitting his 
head on the low ceiling.  "Whadja do that for?" he yelled, 
rubbing the top of his head.

	"Roarawr."

	Ranma rolled his eyes.  "Aww, geez."  He pulled the 
translator cube out of his shirt and switched it on.  "Look, we 
gotta get to the lab and fast."  Ranma began walking more 
quickly to the ramp.  "They seemed pretty friendly before, so 
maybe we could just ask for the deluxe tour or somethin' 
stupid.  Unless you got a better look at the plans, 'cause I 
didn't see too close where it was."

	He stopped and looked back at Chawbaka.  Who just 
happened to be wandering in the other direction.  "I guess we 
take the tour."

	"C'mon, hairball.  We got to get this cure and get out."
Ranma jogged back, grabbed Chawbaka's considerable arm, and 
pulled him in the other direction.

	Chawbaka looked confused for a moment, then his gaze 
darkened. "We can't just leave Akane here!  Who knows what 
kind of things the filthy Imperial swine will..."

	"Give it a rest, 'C-Chan'.  I don't think they're that
desperate.  Yet."

	"Don't call me C-Chan.  Only Akane calls me that."

	"Right, furface."  Ranma lowered the ramp.

	Chawbaka growled dangerously.  "Don't call me furface!"

	Ranma looked at him while the ramp continued to lower.
"Rasta-Wookiee?"

	"Why you..."

	"You ARE lookin' kinda stringy.  When's the last time you 
been to have that coat trimmed?  I mean, I seen banthas 
better lookin' than you."  Ranma had a big cocky grin on his 
face.

	"Now you DIE!"

***

	The ramp began to lower, too slowly, and the group of 
eager officers and troopers awaiting their pick of pleasure 
holodiscs leaned forward in anticipation.

	What they weren't anticipating was a young man, 
dressed in a red shirt and black pants, hurtling out of the ship 
at them.

	Ranma shouted a warning, then covered his face with 
his arms as he plowed into the group of Imperial personnel.  
The was the last time he was ever dumb enough to tease a 
sensitive Wookiee like that.

	Knocking them all aside and flying across the bay to 
impact with the wall, Ranma slid to the floor and mumbled, 
"Ouch."

	Chawbaka stomped down the ramp after him, growling 
the entire time.  He stepped on one unfortunate officer, who 
was never quite able to get the smell out of that uniform 
again.

	Ranma sat up slowly, rubbing his head yet again, 
grimacing. "Stupid Wookiee.  'S justa joke."  Shaking off the 
pain, he assessed the situation quickly.

	One foaming Wookiee, one group of... frustrated Imperial
drones, and one giant battle station about to be blown to bits 
along with his cure.  Right, priorities.

	"Besides, we gotta get that cure!  Then you can cough up 
a hairball on me!" he yelled, bringing the Wookiee to a halt.

	"Maybe..."

	"Let's get going."  He spared a glance at the ship, hoped
Akane would be... wouldn't get her tomboy butt in too much 
trouble, and headed into the heart of the Death Star.  Or at 
least to the cafeteria.  He was starving.

***

	"Hey, buddy," Ranma said, trying to sound oh so 
nonchalant. "I've heard something about a Project J.  Mind 
showing it to us?"

	"Well, it's not really on the way, but I suppose, for a 
couple of guys like yourselves, I can make the exception.  You 
know the entire station is supposed to be under alert," the 
guide offered happily.  "Something about rebels blowing the 
place up, or some other nonsense."  He laughed.  "That's about 
the silliest thing I've ever heard.  How about you?"

	Ranma gave him a sick smile.  "Yeah, pretty stupid," he 
said weakly.

	The guide continued on.  "Yeah, I don't know why you 
guys would actually want to see Project J.  It's nothing 
interesting really.  Just a bunch of big vat-type things and 
scientists running around all over the place.  And I've seen 
some real weird stuff there too, doing the tour at peak hours 
and all."

	"Weird stuff?" Ranma asked.  "What, like dancing pandas 
or somethin'?"

	The guide laughed.  "Nothing that normal!"  The look on 
his face suddenly grew very serious.  "I'll tell you what, 
though...  Not too long ago, I saw some guy, poor bastard, walk 
in human and he came out..."  The guide shuddered.  "He was 
some big slimey, tentacled thing, one big eye on a stalk, 
slithering around.  It escaped and went down into the the 
garbage disposal system."  He laughed suddenly. "For all we 
know, it's still down there."

	Ranma and Chawbaka looked aghast at the tale.

	"I asked about it later, to maybe tell it to scare the 
kids, and they said that it had been some captain Lord Ono had 
gotten fed up with.  Captain Taro I think was the name."  The 
guide shook his head, honking the little horn on the tram to 
clear a group of TIE fighter pilots out of the way.

	"That's rough," Ranma replied sympathetically.

	"Yeah.  I knew that guy.  He was pretty much a jerk, but 
to be turned into a big, ugly slimeball..."  He brightened.  
"We're here!"

***

	Akane awoke slowly, her head throbbing.  The last thing 
she remembered was... was...

	"RANMA!"

	"Wow!  She's lively!  I want a copy of this one!"

	"She's cute too!"

	"Whoa ho ho...  She's naked!"

	Akane stared at the group of men leering at her from her
doorway.  "What are you doing on my ship, PERVERTS!"  She 
pulled the blaster out from underneath her pillow and began 
firing away, absently pulling a blanket up to cover herself.

***

	The crappy thing about being a lieutenant was that he 
wasn't allowed to actually go on board and remove the 
precious cargo. Instead, he had to stay outside and supervise 
it all.  That always meant the best discs were gone by the 
time he got to them.  Oh, to be an enlisted man again.

	But, as quickly as the men had rushed into the ship, 
pushing and shoving each other, they were currently on their 
way out in the same fashion.

	He gaped as the group of men knocked each other aside, 
yelling something about a rabid... wampa?  They rushed past 
him and were quickly followed by blaster fire in a rather wild 
pattern.

	Ducking himself, he dove to the side, and peered at the 
ramp through the heavy cover of some containers of 
imported... fruit cake? Not again.

	Of course, as soon as the "rabid wampa" appeared, the
officer's face grew very red and he got them stupidest grin on 
his face.

	If THAT was a rabid wampa, he was gonna move to Hoth 
and learn to like cold baths.

	In fact, it was only Akane, a towel barely wrapped 
around herself, the blaster leveled in front of her, her hair in 
complete disarray, and the cutest pissed off look on her face.  
"PERVERTS!  GET BACK HERE!"

	Hmphing, Akane turned and disappeared into the ship.

***

	"Lord Ono, I have your report."

	"Excellent.  Let me see."

	The numbers for the week's tours of Project J flashed 
on screen.

	Tofu made a strangled noise.  "Not THIS report, you 
imbecile! The rebels, the rebels!"

	"My Lord, Vader is supervising..."

	"Not THOSE rebels!  Princess Saotome!"

	"Uh..."  Shrugging was the young officer's last act.

	Wiping some stray mess off himself, Tofu shook his 
head.  "Do I have to do everything myself?"

***

	Akane quickly changed into her regular outfit, still 
miffed over the crowd of Imperial hentais staring at her.  And 
she had it all to blame on Ranma.  Ranma who took her ship, 
stared at her when she was naked, actually shot her, then left 
her there for the pervert jackals.

	She would have his pigtail in a vice if it was the last 
thing she did.

	There was a creaking noise and when she looked, Akane 
saw that she had her hand closed around some vital 
components of C-KN0.  She looked at the droid curiously, then 
shrugged and released her hold. It was only a droid, and a 
damn annoying one at that.

	Unfortunately, her little temper control exercise had 
also alerted the droid, who was just coming out of shutdown 
mode.  "Who would dare damage the...  Oh!  The mighty space 
huntress!  Please let me serve you!"  He reached out with his 
one functional arm to her.

	It was beginning to be habit to just imbed her fist in 
the droid's face whenever it started talking.  Not that it 
wasn't a helpful habit or anything.

	But anyway, she had another "princess" to rescue.  She 
figured Ranma had probably kidnapped C-Chan to drag him 
along on some silly... She paused to shoot a pair of Death 
Squad troopers who happened to wander by.

	Some silly thing that princes and princesses couldn't 
live without, and was probably back in the prison block, and it 
would be up to Akane Soro to save the day again.  Sighing, 
Akane took out a pair of stormtroopers carrying big boxes of 
toys labeled 'Imperial Toys for Tots'.

	Damn Empire.

***

	Ranma and Chawbaka both had their faces pressed 
against the thick protective glass that surrounded the lab 
area of Project J. Thankfully, they were the only tourists on 
the tour this time, so no-one but the guide saw the big drool 
smears they were leaving.

	"You really think it's that interesting?" their guide 
asked, looking disinterestedly through the glass.

	The two nodded absently, their eyes wide and shining at 
the prospect of getting cured.

	"You know, if you're that interested, I can get you a look 
at it close up," the guide offered.  Accommodating the guest 
was good hype for the Empire.  The kid looked like a promising 
recruit.  The Wookiee... well, not everyone was perfect.

	Ranma was suddenly grabbing the front of his uniform, 
putting them nose to nose.  "Inside.  Now."

	"No problem.  The Empire likes to see enthusiastic young 
men like yourself."  The guide removed Ranma's hands from 
his uniform and smiled knowingly.  "It IS quite an opportunity.  
Follow me."

***

	"Hey, you!"

	Akane froze in place, her hand slipping to her blaster.  
She turned slowly.

	"Your group is on the deluxe tour.  You should probably 
catch up with them and get off this station on the double.  
There aren't supposed to be any civilians here now."

	Akane stared at the officer speaking to her.  "Deluxe...
tour?"

	"Yeah.  It goes down to the reactor, all the way to the 
bridge and past Project J."  He waited for some sign of 
acknowledgement from her, then nodded.  "Ah.  Boyfriend 
dragged you along, huh?  Don't worry.  We'll get you back to 
your group."

***

	"Which one do we jump into?" Chawbaka whispered as 
best he could.

	"Dunno.  Why don't you ask them?" Ranma responded, 
pointing to the guards at the door.

	"Very funny.  This isn't a time to make jokes though.  I 
WANT that cure.  I'm tired of being a Wookiee.  I want to be 
human again."

	"Hey, you think I want to turn into a girl?  Thing again,
fuzzball.  At least you get some respect.  People treat me like 
some helpless little girl.  And a princess to boot.  I can't do 
anything on my own then."  Ranma hmphed.  "Just because you 
don't wear clothes and are hard ta understand doesn't mean 
you've got it all bad."

	Chawbaka growled, then hit Ranma.

	"Ouch!  Stupid Wookiee," Ranma growled, while rubbing 
the back of his head.

	That got the guards looking at the two of them 
curiously, to which they smiled and waved a little.

	The guards, not liking the sight of a smiling Wookiee 
any more than the next guy, turned their attention forward 
again.  The two were probably a couple looking for that vat 
that turned men into buxom young ladies.  Perverts.

	"So, which one?" Ranma repeated, looking at the 
bubbling vats.

	"Oh don't know.  Just jump in one and see if it's it."

	"Dream on!  If anyone should be jumpin' in one, it's you.
You're the one that's stuck that way for good."  Ranma scowled 
at Chawbaka, gesturing to the vats.

	"No way!  They're looking for you, not me.  You're the one
with the bigger problems.  Besides," he said, staring dubiously 
at the bubbling liquids, "being a Wookiee's not so bad."

	The light going on over Ranma's head was almost 
tangible. Ignoring the rest of Chawbaka's hesitant denials, 
Ranma looked at the two guards.  "Yo, what happens if 
someone falls in and don't want to be?" he asked.  Heck, he 
wasn't a prince for nothin'.

	"Yeah, you'd think they'd get the point and set up some
guard rails.  They're just begging for a lawsuit."

	The guard's partner chuckled.  "Yeah, who's going to sue 
the Empire?  Better yet, who would be the prosecuting 
attorney?"  His chuckling turned into laughter.

	The two were soon laughing at the folly of challenging 
the Empire.  Just look at them?  Who would dare challenge 
them, and they were only guards?

	"Anyway, guys, why don't you just check the labels on 
those tubs?  That's one thing about the bubbleheads around 
here, they're pretty good about putting their names on their 
toys," the first guard continued after his laughter had died.

	Ranma and Chawbaka peered at the dull gray vats, noting 
a code name and number on each one.  They slapped their 
foreheads in unison. "Yeah, well thanks for yer help."

	"No problem.  Just don't get too close; that stuff is
potent... permanent even."

	Ranma grinned at Chawbaka.  "Yeah, we know."

	"Why you..."

	"Not now, 'C-Chan', we gotta find the cure."

	Saving his anger for later, hopefully when Ranma was 
asleep, Chawbaka nodded.  The cure was more important than 
the petty insults.

	The two began walking casually around, looking at each 
of the tanks curiously, just looking for the one that had the 
big neon sign that read "CURE!"

	The feelings of urgency running through them began to 
escalate when they heard the faint sounds of alert sirens and 
explosions.  The rebels were attacking in an attempt to blow 
the place up.  To blow up the cure.  To blow up Ranma's 
manhood and Chawbaka's chance at being human.

	They were still looking when a scientist, dressed in 
Imperial black and drab, entered, looked at them strangely, 
then entered a door on the far side of the room.

	Before the door slid shut, Ranma caught sight of a small 
sign that read "Reversal Formula #84649c".  It didn't mean a 
whole lot to him.  The smaller text beneath it that read "AKA 
Cure" did.  He stared, wide-eyed, as the door closed silently.  
That was it.

	That was it.  "Yahoo!" he yelled, then sprinted over to 
the door.  Hitting the panel repeatedly, trying to force the 
door open, he was starting to get a little annoyed.  He looked 
back at Chawbaka, who was still wandering around.  "Hey, 
Furface, gimme a hand here."

	He pointed secretively at the door, trying not to give 
away their plans to the entire station.  Not that it mattered 
considering they had given him a tour of the top secret 
Project J.  Shrugging after seeing the blank looks the Wookiee 
was giving he said, "The cure's in here."

	A look of understanding dawned on Chawbaka's face and 
he hurried over to help Ranma.  The two worked on the control 
pad to no avail.  The door simply refused to open.

	With his incredible strength and pathetic attention 
span, Chawbaka growled at the panel and promptly put his fist 
through it. There was a shower of sparks, the smell of burning 
rubber, and some loud, mechanical squealing.

	Ranma looked at the decimated panel.  "Uh oh," he said
quietly, sparing a glance back at the guards.  They were now 
looking at them and started advancing.

	"Way to go!  You don't you just run around yelling, 'I'm a
rebel!  Shoot me!'?  It'll get us killed faster!" Ranma growled,
knowing full well they wouldn't be killed by some park 
rangers with guns to soothe their egos.

	Removing his hand from the hole in the wall he had 
created, Chawbaka turned to face the two guards with Ranma.  
"Whoops," he said, scratching the back of his head.

	"Too late to worry about it now," Ranma answered, 
dropping into an attack position.

	Chawbaka followed suit just as the guards raised their
weapons.

	The door that the two had been trying to get open, 
opened. "What is going..." the scientist started to say as he 
emerged.

	That broke the tension as the guards started firing, and 
Ranma and Chawbaka leapt into action.

	And without fail, another element was added to the 
chaos.  The main door opened, and in walked Akane, escorted 
by another guard. Blasters were drawn, blasters were fired, 
fists were swinging, hapless guards were getting tossed 
around...  The scientists wasn't all that surprised to see it 
happening.

	"Akane!  The cure!" Ranma yelled at her, avoiding a stray
blaster shot.

	"Where?"  Akane was getting tired of this.  Too many 
Imperials running around unchecked.  She grabbed one guards 
arm, twisted her body and flung him into the others, sending 
them all flying back into the scientist.  The pile tumbled back 
into the second room.  Bringing her blaster up like a 
gunslinger, Akane shot the, hmm... already busted up control 
panel.

	Luckily, she smiled as she watched the doors closed, it 
still worked.

	Ranma and Chawbaka were not smiling.  In fact, they 
looked horrified.  Even maybe a bit angry.

	"What were you saying about the cure?" Akane asked, 
reholstering her blaster.

	"It was behind that door," Ranma said unemotionally.

	"Oh.  Oops, sorry about that.  But, we have to go anyway.
This place is about to be..."

	"You.  Clumsy.  Brainless.  Tomboy.  Wannabe.  Pilot!  I'm
STUCK this way now!" Ranma yelled, still staring at the 
closed door.

	"Don't blame me, pervert!  It's not my fault you didn't 
get your stupid cure!  Or that you got cursed in the first place,
Princess!" Akane shot back, feeling a little hurt by the 
insults, but more mad than anything.

	Chawbaka made a plaintive noise, looking at the door
wistfully.  If only...  If only...  "Rowr rowr roah groawww!"  
And the stupid translation cube had been destroyed too.  And 
the ki blasts he had learned didn't work all too well when he 
was a Wookiee.

	"What's he sayin'?" Ranma asked, looking strangely at
Chawbaka.

	Akane shrugged.  "He does that sometimes.  Now, I am 
going back to the ship and leaving this station.  You WILL 
come with me so I can drop you off back with the Rebellion 
and never have to see you again."  Akane put her hands on her 
hips and was glowering at Ranma.

	Ranma shook his head.  "No, there's gotta be another way 
to get that door open.  You're just gonna have to wait."  Ranma 
went over to a somewhat damaged console and began doing his 
damnedest to get the door open.

	It's gotta be one of these," he said, sweat on his 
forehead, pushing things at random.  One red button that he 
hit, that maybe he shouldn't have, did something... unpleasant.

	A red light suddenly bathed the room.  A androgynous 
voice spoke to them, saying, "Flushing tanks in 10 seconds."

	"Flushing tanks?  What's that mean?" Akane asked, 
looking around.

	Chawbaka looked up at where Akane was standing, right 
next to a tank that was apparently filled with Rodian water.  
He couldn't allow Akane to turn into a green, bug-eyed, long-
snouted alien!  He liked her too much as a soft-skinned, short-
haired, pouty lips, round eyes, long legs, delicate hands...

	"YO, BAKA BRAIN!" Ranma yelled at him, shaking him.  
"LET'S GO!"

	Chawbaka shook his head, a slight trickle of blood 
coming from his nose.  He nodded, noting that Ranma had given 
up on the door (something he would get him for later), and 
made his way to the exit with the others.

	The three left, moving quickly, but not running.  Ranma 
was cursing under his breath the entire time, not believing 
how worthless his luck was.

	Akane looked at him quickly, then over at Chawbaka.  
"Oh, C-Chan, you're hurt," she said when she saw the blood at 
his nose. "Let me take care of that," she said, whipping out a 
hankie.  She dabbed at the blood and wiped it all away.

	"How is that?" she asked, smiling gently at him.

	Ranma made a gagging motion, then yanked the hankie 
from Akane.  "Look, it's bad enough that I lost my cure.  I don't 
need to sit here and watch you two get all... puppy-love here."  
He shuddered involuntarily.

	"Why don't you just keep quiet, Princess?  This is none 
of your business, anyway."

	"And glad of it," Ranma answered smartly.  He took the
bloodied hankie and as they passed what looked like a trash 
chute built into the wall, he stuffed it in it.

	The walk back to the ship was made in uneasy silence, a
combination of them being really irked at each other, madly in 
love with each other, and ready to shoot the crap out of any 
Imperials that got too close.

***

	A station like the Death Star is an immense project to
undertake.  Even for the Empire, it takes lots of time, lots of
material, and lots of funds.

	In one way or another, there were bound to be... loose 
ends. Cost-cutting maneuvers, only three bolts there, instead 
of four, a door that doesn't open completely, improper venting 
for the superlaser...

	Heck, they're things anybody would have done to shave a 
few credits off the top.  After all, who would be dumb enough 
to throw trash down one of the vents that released that 
superheated air as the laser was about to fire?  Who would be 
that dumb?

	Just because they had saved a few MORE credits by not 
painting them red, or using any warnings around the vents...  
no one would be dumb enough.

	Surely, no one could be.  Because any tiny bit of trash 
that could catch on fire, or melt, or mess up the overall 
ejection of that hot gas....  Well, surely that would mean one 
big-ass explosion.

	It said so in the safety guide.

***

	"I'm going in, cover me!"

	The few remaining X-Wings began their run down the 
trench, taking fire from every concievable direction but up.

	This was partly because up was being covered by Gold 23.  
Whenever a TIE strayed too close to the trench, it's collision 
warning would blare madly as the Y-Wing from Hell bore down 
on it with apparently suicidal intentions. The TIE would panic 
and try to avoid the fiery crash, and usually would manage to 
smear itself all over the side of the Death Star. Several other 
members of Gold Flight quickly caught on and followed in 
Kasumi's wake, blowing apart the dazed Imperials that 
managed to survive the initial charge.

	Lord Ono noticed this immediately. 

	"Flank me," he commanded his wingmen. Carefully, 
relentlessly, he manevered his Advanced TIE Fighter behind the 
insane Y-Wing and kicked in the afterburners to keep up.

	There was a definite presense to this one, he felt. He 
hadn't had this sort of feeling since the Jedi Praxeum...

	"The Force is strong with this one," he warned his 
wingmen. They ignored him. 

	Lord Ono painstakingly lined up the Rebel fighter in his 
sights. A beeping from the computer signaled a lock, and he 
peered at the rear cockpit to try and catch a glimpse of the 
pilot before he shot.

***

	Kasumi wrenched the stick, angling to make a run at 
another TIE.

	"Kasumi! Behind you!"

	"Nodoka?" she asked, quickly glancing behind her.

***

	Ono's wingmen smirked as they saw him slide into firing 
position. In front of them, the figure in the Y-Wing's cockpit 
turned around.

	"*Zun cha cha! Zun cha cha!*"

	The smirks changed to frowns. The one on the left 
thumbed the intercom. "*Lord?*"

	"*Zun cha cha!*"

	"*What the hell is he saying?"

	"*I dunno. Sounds like bad singing.*"

	"*Zun cha cha!*"

	"*Maybe it's some sort of Sith chant or something?*"

	"*Maybe...*"

	Lord Ono's fighter dipped and weaved alarmingly, 
swerved, shot one of his wingmates, and danced drunkenly off 
into deep space.

***

	Kasumi gave a bemused smile, and turned her attention 
back to the battle. What a nice, funny TIE Fighter! Especially 
for not blowing her to pieces.
	
***

	"You shot the 'Imperial Toys for Tots' guys?" Ranma 
said, staring at the bodies and overturned boxes of toys.  
"Those were for orphans!  Even the Rebellion has a little more 
class than that!"

	"Well excuse me!  They were threatening me, and I had 
to find you," Akane said, walking quickly back to her ship.

	"Threatened you?  With what?  A stuffed nerf?  Geez, I 
can't believe it..."

	Akane hit turned around and hit Ranma with the butt of 
her blaster.  "Fine!  You can stay here then."  She turned on her 
heel, and marched into the Hedgehog.  "Come on, C-Chan," she 
ordered from inside.

	Patting Ranma on the head, Chawbaka, hurried after 
Akane, snickering.

	Feeling his head for permanent marks, Ranma stood up 
and limped slowly back to the ship.  He was at the base of the 
ramp when he heard Akane yelling.

	"You stupid droid!  Don't touch me again!"

	Then C-KN0 came flying at him, pronouncing his most 
joyous reunion with the rebel space huntress, apparently 
alerting every trooper within one deck.  The droid crashed 
into Ranma, and the two tumbled to the floor.

	"Get offa me, ya worthless droid!" Ranma yelled pushing 
the droid off himself, then standing.

	"Stop!  Don't move!" some foolish officer yelled at him.  
Like it ever actually worked.

	Ranma ducked and rolled, not waiting for anything more, 
and picked C-KN0 up.  He turned, holding the droid in front of 
him as a shield, and began backing up the ramp as the troopers 
with the officer opened fired.

	"Get this junk pile out of here!" Ranma yelled into the 
ship, hoping Akane could hear him.  "We got company!  And lots 
of it!"

	The ramp began to close, and with C-KN0 taking all the 
blaster fire, Ranma was safe in the Hedgehog in one piece.  
Now to give it to that tomboy if she didn't get out of there by 
the time he could get to the cockpit.

***

	"You're all clear, kid! Now let's blow this thing and go 
home!"

	Kasumi smiled pleasantly as she watched Luke's 
torpedoes go in. How nice! Luke must be very proud.

	The remaining craft began to break off from their attack 
runs, and burned engine away from the Death Star. Kasumi 
supposed she should probably follow suit.

	She was mildly puzzled to see the _Impudent Hedgehog_ 
zoom out of a docking bay and almost overtake the fighters as 
they headed back towards Yavin. Had Akane come along for the 
battle? She certainly seemed to be in an awful hurry...

***

	"Commence primary ignition."

	The torpedoes zoomed down the exhaust port, slammed 
into the hastily erected proton dissipation field, and fizzled 
harmlessly.

	The massive plasma turbines spun to life, sending energy 
pouring down conduits.

	The gas produced by this was routed out a series of 
vents... including one containing a merrily burning bloody 
handkerchief, which ignited the highly flammable gas.

	The resulting explosion was a minor one, but severely 
disaligned one of the superlaser shafts. Instead of pointing out 
the firing port, it now slumped downwards into the Death Star. 

	It fired, and cut a plasma reactor in half. This time, the 
explosion wasn't so minor.

	Can you say, "chain reaction"? We knew you could.

***

	*BOOM*

	"Yeehaw!"

	"Oh my. How pretty!"

***

	A regal, solemn processional march played as the heroes 
proudly marched down the aisle to receive the honor that was 
due to them.

	In the docking bay adjacent to the ceremony hall, Captain 
Soro, Chawbaka, and Ranma sat and glared at each other.

	"Stupid tomboy smuggler. Now I'm never gonna be cured!"

	"Well, maybe if you had actually asked me to help you 
instead of STEALING my ship, SHOOTING me, and leaving me 
NAKED for a bunch of Imperial goons to drool over..."

	"Raaarugh."

	"No, C-Chan, you can't kill him."

	"Thank you."

	"I'M gonna kill him."

	"Hey! I'm the one who still grows a uterus when the 
shower's too cold! Cut me some slack!"

	"Baka."

	"Roorugh?"

	"Not you."

	They stared gloomily at the Hedgehog. It was going to 
been down for repairs for a while; the Death Star's superlaser 
had given Akane some ideas that she wanted to test out.

	Ranma finally squirmed. "Look, sorry about shooting you 
like that. I just kinda panicked, and, well... sorry."

	Akane shrugged. "It's okay, I guess. Sorry I destroyed your 
cure."

	There was an awkward silence.

	"Hey, where's Kasumi?" Ranma finally asked.

	"She's in that big hall where they're having the 
ceremony," Akane replied a little wistfully. "This handsome 
young pilot blew up the Death Star, and they're giving him a 
medal."

	"Really? Handsome young pilot? Blew up Death Star? 
What's his name?" 

	Akane managed to completely miss the dangerous tone in 
Ranma's voice. "Luke Skywalker, I think."

	Chawbaka and Ranma exchanged glances, smiled grimly, 
cracked their knuckles, and nodded. The Empire was going to be 
the least of Skywalker's problems.

	"I think Kasumi's joining the Rebellion," Akane continued. 
"Apparently she's a pretty good pilot, and they lost a lot of 
those during the battle."

	Ranma shook his head in disbelief. "Somehow Kasumi 
doesn't strike me as a starfighter ace."

	"Check her kill record. It's very impressive. Especially 
considering that fact that she didn't use her guns." Akane 
swallowed. "Look... I've been thinking about it, and I'm going to 
join the Rebellion for a while. I don't have enough money to pay 
off the Hutt, and this will give me a bit of security while I 
earn enough credits to get the price off my head. They pay okay, 
and it should be exciting." She looked away. "So, I guess this is 
goodbye? You're going back to Nerima?"

	Ranma flushed a little. "Well, ah, I... is that Skywalker 
guy staying here too?"

	Akane nodded. "Yup. Boy, is he cute."

	Chawbaka and Ranma exchanged ominous glances, and 
nodded. The Empire was definitely going to have to take a 
number and wait in line behind them.

	"Oh, I'm staying here for a bit," Ranma said. "They could 
use a good pilot besides you and Kasumi."

	Akane tried not to look happy.

	"Besides, someone's got to protect the rest of the 
Alliance from you."

	"RAAAAAANMAAAAA....."

***

	Captain Kuonji read the dispatch and almost cried.

	The Death Star. Blown up. The Rebel scum had blown up 
the pride of the Imperial Navy.

	She snarled, and the rest of the bridge shuddered. Captain 
Kuonji had turned out to be a mixed blessing. On the one hand, 
'he' was fairly easygoing, usually pleasant and considerate to 
her crew, and was undeniably the most competent person in 
recent memory to command the _Spatulator_. Under her 
guidance, Rebel activity in the Galos system had been almost 
completely wiped out. Morale was high; for once, it was the 
Rebels who tended to get outsmarted.

	On the other hand, it was becoming apparent that the 
Captain was at least mildly insane. The mood swings, for 
instance. Cheerful one moment, homicidal the next, then 
suddenly sweetness and light again. And then there was the 
topic of marriage or relationships. No-one in their right mind 
talked about that in front of Captain Kuonji. She hadn't actually 
killed anyone yet, but there had been some close calls. And 'he' 
was clearly on a revenge kick of some sort, which was never 
good news.

	Ukyou stared at the viewscreen for a second, and then 
wheeled on the navigator.

	"Find me something to destroy. Now."

	"T-There's a f-freighter we suspect of carrying contra..."

	"Set course."

	She sunk into her command chair and closed her eyes. 
What a lousy day...

	"Captain? Incoming message from a TIE Fighter, bearing 
oh-two-three."

	Ukyou straightened in her chair and composed herself 
with difficulty. "Patch it through."

	To her horror, the image of a black-armored figure 
flickered to life. "Captain Kuonji."

	Whew. Only Tofu, not Vader. "Lord Ono."

	"I will be landing on the _Spatulator_ shortly. It will 
serve as my flagship during the next few months."

	A moan of dismay went up.

	"Ah, um, Lord, why, ah, why me?"

	"Because you seem competent and properly respectful."

	Ukyou mentally screamed.

	"I shall use it as my flagship as I search for Kasumi 
Tendo..."

	The bridge watched in mild horror as the Dark Lord of the 
Sith danced around his cockpit. Finally, looking slightly 
embarrassed, he returned his attention to the transmission.

	"Ahem, yes, Kasumi Tendo. She is reported to be in the 
company of a smuggler and one Ranma Saotome..."

	"WHAT?" shrieked Ukyou, jumping out of her chair. 
"WHERE? WHERE? KILL!"

	She froze, noticed the stares of interest everyone was 
giving her, laughed weakly, and sat back down. "I mean, the ship 
is at your disposal, Lord Ono."

	Looking slightly taken aback, Ono nodded. "I shall land 
within the hour. I expect us to be ready to begin our hunt 
immediately."

	"Oh," Ukyou purred, "we will be. You can count on that."

	"Excellent. Ono out."

	Ukyou grinned.

	Ranma Saotome was finally going to get what was coming 
to him. Leave her, would he? Make a mockery of her life, would 
he? She'd show him. She'd show ALL of them. Revenge would 
finally be hers.

	The bridge crew winced. The maniacal laugher from their 
Captain definitely did not bode well.

	The _Spatulator_ cruised on through the void.

***

	"Excuse me, Lt. Tendo?"

	"Oh my. Yes?"

	"Your astromech is chasing Princess Leia around the 
temple again."

	"Oh dear. I'll go get him to stop. He just gets overexcited 
sometimes."

THE END

-------------
Hooray!  Finally!