This fic is based on the American version of "Yoroiden Samurai Troopers",
"Ronin Warriors".
I don't own Ronin Warriors, or any of the characters.
I wrote this wondering "What would happen if the Ronins were girls?"
With the image of "Kento-chan" in  my mind...

Ronin Deficiency
Chapter One: "One Hundred Percent"

Note: Baby, Squish, and Muffin, are Daius' 3 pet spiders (they're all about
the size of a basketball).  Big Tony is Anubis' mouse.  [these] depict
author's notes.  <these> depict thoughts.  This is not a serious piece of
writing.

 "I just don't know, Anubis.  I think the stripes would off set the
sequins," Kayura commented on Anubis' latest design.  Things were really
boring in the NetherRealm, since Talpa was gone and peace was achieved.  The
one interesting thing that had happened was the whole Anubis' soul thingy,
where he was, in a sense, reborn.


Anubis nodded at the constructive criticism.  Their peaceful discussion was
interrupted by Sekhmet and Cale, running through the room with hockey
sticks, slapping around a honeydew.  Cale slapshotted the melon into an
adjacent hall, where the game continued.  Anubis and Kayura looked up at the
proceedings.  An obviously annoyed Daius sauntered after them shouting,
"Breaking the melon is a two goal penalty!  DUH!"

 Kayura shrugged.  "Honeydew hockey.  It must be Thursday."


Anubis nodded, and pointed back at his design.  "You see, Kay, the spaghetti
straps would be made of the same material as the hair bow...."


Daius walked swiftly back through the hallway, a
"you-know-they-did-something-I-specifically-told-them-not-to-and-I'm-pissed"
look.


"Daius?" Anubis asked, afraid he would throw one of his tantrums.


"Stupid bees..." Daius trailed off, mumbling little insults to himself.
Sekhmet and Cale followed guiltily, honeydew bits splattered all over them.


"What happened?" Kayura asked, not really wanting to know the answer.


"We smashed the melon.  You know that always gets him upset," Cale answered,
looking at the ground.


"Yeah.  Apparently, we just 'killed' Maria," Sekhmet added.


Kayura rolled her eyes.  "I really wish he'd stop naming the food.  Does he
still have 'Florentina'?  That zucchini was old, and moldy... I think Baby,
Squish, and Muffin nested there, or something."


"Nah," Cale replied.  "Now it's Florentina's daughter, Lizette.  She's been
around for a year, I think.  It's really gettin' gross."


Music blasted from Daius' room.  It was purely harpsichord, and Daius' low
tenor rose over it all.  "Come, Lizette, Jean Marc, Francois, Suzie Q... let
us mourn our beloved sister Maria... come Baby, Squish, Muffin, you too...."


"Oh, boy, not again," Anubis scowled.


"You know, I think he's going through 'Ronin deficiency'.  He's never been
the same since, well, the whole
Talpa-dead-the-day-is-saved-and-the-reformed-Warlords-fly-away thing,"
Kayura said symapathetically.


"Ya think!" Cale interjected.  "He talks in his sleep, you know.  Last
night, he was torturing Kento again.  That's the third time this week." When
Kayura looked at him funny, he stuck his tongue out at her.  "How 'bout
those Mets, Kay--"


"NO!!! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!" Kayura screeched, drowning out Daius preaching
about the misunderstood life of Maria the honeydew.   [Author's Note: if you
want to understand this joke for some reason, go to
http://www.angelfire.com/md/JupiterPower/cluvsmia5.html  and read "Oh the
Pain of Heartache... and a 2 X 4 Upside the Head" Part 5 ]


Anubis continued to work on his sketch, adding details to the model's face.
He drew until Sekhmet poked him.  "Uh oh, 'Nubis.  Looks like you're in the
earliest stages of RD."


Anubis looked at him.  "What the hell is wrong with you?  How do you mean?"


Sekhmet pointed to the sketch.  The model's hair was modelled obviously
after Sage's... with the flip and everything.


"OH MY GOD!  YOU'RE RIGHT!  I'M GONNA END UP LIKE MELON BOY!  Maybe I'll
start raising mutated corn to feed Big Tony..."


"Stop it, Anubis, you're scaring me."


"Sorry, Kay."


"Anyway, I think we'll all contract RD sometime.  There has to be a cure,"
she added thoughtfully.
 There was a long moment of silence, the only sound being Daius' eulogy.
Anubis was the first to speak. His eyes flashed with mischief.


"I have an idea."

***
 "Oh where is my hairbrush?" Sage moaned, bringing his head out from under
his bed.  His usually perfect hair was a floofy blond mass of tangle.  The
first thought that came to his head when he discovered his hairbrush missing
from its usual place on his dresser was that if the guys saw him like this,
he'd never live it down.  No one, not even Rowin, knew of his continual
struggle for good hair.  The aforementioned hairbrush was an integral part
of his struggle, a key tool in the long process of styling.


A knock came at his bedroom door.


Sage glanced wildly over to Rowin's sleeping form in the bed opposite his.
Nope.  He wasn't awake.  Rowin, with whom he had shared rooms [it goes Ryo
by himself, Sai and Kento, Rowin and Sage.  Don't get all hentai on me now.]
with since the first time he had stayed in Mia's mansion, was still sound
asleep, snoring softly.  Sage knelt back down, plunging his head back under
his bed.  "Yes?" came his muffled answer.


"Hey Sage!  It's Kento!"


<Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap>, Sage thought,
feeling around in the darkness under his bed for a form of hat.

 "Hold on a sec!" Sage shouted back, smiling to himself as his had closed
around a bandanna.  Pulling it into the light, he recognized it.  A green
bandanna that he had gotten for Christmas from Rowin.  <Thank you,
Bandanna-Man!> Sage thought in tribute to Rowin.  Sage futily tried to run a
hand through his tangle, then gave up, flattening the blond mess menacingly
with the bandanna.

 "SAGE!"


"Hold up, Kento!" Sage slid over to a mirror, nodding in triumph as the
bandanna covered and flattened his hair.  He tied the bandanna's ends neatly
into a knot.  The green cloth gave him the appearance of a pirate.
 Without warning, Kento burst into Sage's and Rowin's room as the frantic
flirt tucked a stray wisp under his bandanna.  "Hey Sage, I was-- whoa!
Argh, me maties.  Hoist the sails, weigh anchor!"


Sage gave Kento a severe look.  "Shut up."


Kento put up his hands in mock defense.  "Geez!  Bite my head off!  I was
just coming to return your hairbrush."  Kento handed the brush over to Sage,
unprepared for the reaction.


"KENTO!  WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY BRUSH!?"


"I used it.  So what?"


"So what?!?!?!" Sage's anger turned to wistfulness.  "Its beautiful
bristles... each perfectly aligned, tipped with colored plastic... RUINED!
It's black, sleek design... it's clean appearance that set it above the
rest... RUINED!"


The hairbrush looked mangled.  Half of the bristles were crushed to the
right, and most were missing those little plastic pieces that keep the brush
from tearing the hell out of the user's scalp.  It was also completely
covered in ash-blue hair.


"So get another brush," Kento remarked, not seeing Sage's anguish.


"ANOTHER BRUSH?!"


"What, Sage!  It's not like you need it, Mr. Perfect Hair!"


Sage's eyes widened.  "What did you say...?" Menace creeped into Sage's
distraught tone.


"I said 'Perfect Hair'.  We all know you don't have to do anything to your
hair in the morning.  It's always there, being perfect."


Sage breathed heavily, not unlike a bull about to charge at a matador who
made him run into the arena walls.  "Kento... you have 2 seconds."


Kento was still totally oblivious.  "Till what, Sage? I'm sorry but... no
comprendo."


Sage took a deep breath, as if calming down.  He took a breath and shouted
at the top of his lungs, "NO COMPRENDO!? I'LL SHOW YOU NO COMPRENDO!!! TWO
SECONDS UNTIL I RIP YOU HEAD OFF!  PREPARE TO DIE, KENTO!  THIS IS FOR MY
HAIRBRUSH! ONE..."


Kento at first thought it was a joke.  But he wasn't stupid.  He took one
look at Sage's face and knew that he'd better make the most of the two
seconds.  Kento ran.


"TWO!"


Sage plowed after him, catching up quickly.  Sage mercilessly pummeled Kento
with a barrage of punches.  The attack finally ended as Kento sailed down
the stairs, in a traditional
"Ranma-after-getting-Akane-mad-so-his-hands-are-up-with-my-middle-finger-thu
mb-and-ring-finger-are-down-on-a-one-way-trip-to-unconsiousness" pose.


Sage stood, breathing heavily at the top of the stairs, shaking out his
hand.  "That was for my hairbrush."

~*�*~
As Kento calls Sage "Mr. Perfect Hair"�
~*�*~


Cale laughed evilly.  "This is gonna be good."


Sekhmet nodded, a very snake-like grin distorting his face.  "They'll never
know what hit 'em."


The three Warlords, Anubis, and Kayura were huddled around a large, black
iron cauldron, quite reminiscent of those a witch would use.  Kayura smiled.
"Just remember who came up with the idea."  She threw some nondescript herb
into the cauldron, causing its already bubbling contents to boil more
rapidly.  "Well, Anubis?"


Anubis leaned a little closer to the mixture, cautious not to touch the dark
violet liquid.  He sniffed at it, then said, "More paprika."


Daius tossed the Warlord-turned-monk the small bottle of paprika, and Anubis
tapped some in, the orange powder eliciting sparks from the cauldron.  He
sniffed again, then said to Daius, "Pepper.  Lots of it. And some zucchini."


Daius' eyes widened.  "Not� Lizette?  You can't be�"


Sekhmet, Cale, Kayura, and Anubis nodded in unison.  Daius pouted.  "Are you
absolutely sure this will work? They'll be�"


Cale rolled his eyes and growled, the sound very similar to that of a wolf.
"Yes, Spider-chan, the spell'll work� if we have that zucchini."


Daius scowled at his reference as "Spider-chan", and nodded slightly.
"After this whole spell deal, I'm gonna kick your ass, Cale."


Cale laughed.  "I'd like to see you try, Spider-chan."


Cale was instantly taken down by the large container of pepper chucked at
him by Daius, who had since gone to get Lizette.  Soon after, he said
goodbye to the extremely large zucchini and dropped it into the cauldron, in
sync with Sekhmet who poured in a helluva lot of pepper.  The contents of
the cauldron turned a fluorescent orange, and Anubis and Kayura started to
chant.  The three Warlords looked on solemnly.

What once was is not the same
 Ryo of the Wildfire
 Sage of the Halo
 Rowin of Strata
 Sai of the Torrent
 Kento of Hardrock
 Different by nature, minds turned away
 Physically opposite, sleep then astray.

 Anubis', Sekhmet's, Cale's, and Daius' kanjis lit their foreheads, beams of
light shooting into the mixture.  Kayura chanted more, this time in an old
forgotten language. The concotion flared briefly then faded into ashes, some
of which Kayura carefully swept into a jar.  The Warlords' and Anubis'
kanjis disappeared.


"Now what?" Daius asked staring at the cauldron.


"The spell has to take effect.  It won't be long."

~*�*~


Tears filled Sage's eyes.  He was filled with the urge to flounce off to his
room and sob.  His voice took on a very� feminine quality.  "You� are a�
HORRIBLE person! You hurt my feelings!" He twirled to flounce, then caught
himself.  Sage cleared his throat.  "Whoa," he said, his voice back to
normal.  "Talk about weird."
 Taken by an unaccountable urge to wake Rowin up, Sage walked quickly back
to his room.


"Rowin! Rowin, wake up!"


"Unh�"


"Wake up!"


"Go 'way�"


"Damnit, Rowin, get your lazy ass out of bed! Are we, or are we not, going
to�" Sage took a breath.  Instead of saying what he originally intended to
say, "going to the dojo to practice," he said something completely
un-Sage-like.  "�go shopping?"


Rowin snapped awake.  "What was that?"


"I said are we gonna go to Dad's dojo and practice or not?"


"No, you didn't."


"Yes, I did."


"No, you didn't."


"Yes, I did."


"No, you said, 'are we or are we not going shopping'."


Sage scoffed.  "What?  Why would I say something like that?"


Rowin shrugged, running a hand through his disheveled hair. "Beats me. Maybe
it's your time of the month."


Sage did a double take.  "What?�


"I said, 'maybe you need more sleep'.  What of it?"


"No, you didn't."


"Yes, I did."


"No, you didn't.  You made the insinuation that I�"


"That you what?"


"That I had� cycles."


Rowin arched an eyebrow.  "What are you talking about?"


"I don't know.  Ever since I slugged Kento, I've been feeling weird."


"Get some sleep, girl."


"What?"


"I said, 'get some sleep, Sage.'"


"No, you didn't."


"Yes, I� nevermind.  I'm going back to sleep."


Sage was already slipping back into dreamland.  "Sleep good�"

~*�*~
Back in the NetherWorld�
~*�*~


Daius, Sekhmet, and Cale were jumping around excitedly, asking Anubis and
Kayura the same question over and over.
 "Has it worked yet?"


"No."


"Has it worked yet?"


"No."


"Has it worked yet?"


"No."


"Has it worked yet?"


Anubis stood up, bringing hope to the Warlords' eyes.  "I guess we could
check on the Ronins�"


Cale rejoiced.  "YES!"


"� in an HOUR!  HEAR ME!? TO YOUR ROOMS, NOW!!!"

~*�*~
Half an hour later�
~*�*~


Sage woke up.


He stretched.


He looked at the clock � it was 10:00 AM.


He trudged downstairs, stepping over Kento's unconscious body, noticing that
no one else was up yet.


He poured himself some coffee.


He drank the aforementioned coffee.


He climbed back up the stairs.


He went into the bathroom to take a shower.


He took off his shirt.


He screamed, a loud, shrill, high-pitched scream.

~*�*~


Kento woke up to a scream.  He bounded up the stairs and threw open the
door, only to be greeted with the sight of a girl wearing Sage's boxers, and
nothing else. He quickly averted his eyes and asked, "Who're you?" Kento was
puzzled why his voice sounded so different.  He decided it because he had
just woken up. The girl quickly snatched a green towel and wrapped it around
her chest.  She didn't respond obviously in shock from something. "Are you
okay?"


The girl shook her head, her short, wavy blond hair swishing slightly in
it's state of tangle.  She was shivering.  "I-I�"


"What's your name?"


"It's Sage� Sage Date."


Kento arched an eyebrow at the girl.  "Sorry, Sage is a guy.  He's one of my
buds. Do you need a doctor or something?" The pitch of his voice was really
starting to bug Kento.


"I am Sage. Who are you?"


"My name is Kento�"


The girl burst out laughing.  "You? You're Kento? Kento Rei Faun?"


Kento nodded. The girl who said she was Sage laughed harder. "What of it?
This is my house, you know.  You're trespassing."


The Sage-girl couldn't stop laughing. Another presence burst into the
bathroom, probably drawn there due to the commotion between "Sage" and
"Kento".  It was a young woman, looking very irritated.  "WOULD YOU TWO
PLEASE SHUT UP!?!? I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!!! IT'S NOT YET TWO IN THE AFTERNOON,
SO I SHOULD BE SLEEPING SOUNDLY, NOT LISTENING TO YOU TWO BANSHEES ARGUING
WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE YOU!!!" Spiky blue hair, ruffled with sleep, was the
last thing either "Kento" or "Sage" saw of the annoyed woman, who had
returned to a room across the hall and slammed the door shut.


The two girls said something at the same time.


"Kento": Where'd all these chicks come from?
 "Sage": What was that girl doing going into my room?


"Kento" and "Sage" looked at each other.  Again, talking at the same time.


"Kento": Your room?
 "Sage": You're a girl too, y'know.


"Kento" looked at "Sage" incredulously.  "Me? Kento 'Chick-Magnet' Rei Faun,
a girl? You've got the wrong guy, lady.  I am one hundred�" �Kento� noticed
her chest. "�percent�" She realized why her voice was so high-pitched. Tears
filled her eyes as she sank to the ground in utter misery. "�female."
***********************

Ta-da!

~Kitiara