Gary Kleppe wrote:

Nicely written deathfic... but the Christian mythology (angels, etc.)
really felt out of place. With the Tendos, one would think it should've
been Shinto or Buddhist instead. While this was an evocative story rich
in its use of language, it felt more like a generic story than a Ranma
1/2 one. There was really nothing unique to Akane or the Tendos used; no
reason the girl couldn't have been anyone else whose mother was passing
away.

Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics

SIMBA wrote:

I guess japanese lore is not my strong suit. I would welcome any
thoughts on how or whether to change it.

I agree that it doesnt really point Akane out as the small child.
However she is kinda small in this story. She has not had time to
develop. Personality develops through maturity and age, so I do not really know how to fit her personality into this
fic.

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-- 
     ("`-/")_.-'"``-._                    SIMBA      
      . . `; -._    )-;-,_`)        gomen@bigpond.com 
     (v_,)'  _  )`-.\  ``-'             
    _.- _..-_/ / ((.'         
  ((,.-'   ((,/