"Embrace Who You Are"
Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction
Jonathan Ng <jonathan@worldy.com>
Ranma 1/2 and its respective characters are owned by Rumiko Takahashi
Publishing Rights go to Shogakukan Inc. Tokyo, Jademan (Holdings) Ltd.
and Viz Inc. for Japan, H.K. and North America, respectively.
<> indicate thoughts
Revision History:
v0.11 (April 11-13)
Major changes, mostly due to length. Seems like proofreading is
much much harder than just writing. Sigh. Changed the ending.
v0.1 (April 10)
First Draft
"Embrace Who You Are" v0.11 - Chapter 1 - Acceptance
inspired by "A Man I'll Never Be", by Nicholas Leifker
Ranma just came home after fighting Herb, just barely winning. He
takes the time in the bath to contemplate who he is, his identity,
and most important of all - his manhood.
-------------------------------------------------
Ranma was in the bath. Ryouga and Mousse had left to attend their
own affairs. He was now alone in the bath. The bath - a place
where hot and cold water abound, and therefore, his curse. The things
in the last few days had rudely shocked him, back then a her. He
had nearly lost to a strong chi master. If he had lost, he would
have suffered a fate worse than death - his soul would have been
shattered. He wondered what it would be like to stay female like
Herb did. <It must have torn him apart to realize that he couldn't
be male again.> The idea, to Ranma, was too disturbing, so he tried
to think about something else.
It didn't help. All of his thoughts turned back to his manhood, or
rather, his lack of it. Bits and pieces of it got torn away, one
by one. The very first tear was in Jusenkyo, where he first got
cursed. <It's not fair! Why, in all the pools that I had to take
a dip in, did I have to choose the Spring of Drowned Girl? Why?
Why is fate so cruel to me? Why did it take away the thing I
treasure most? Why? Why? Why...> His last thought almost sounded
like a plead, a cry for help. Another piece was torn at the skating
rink. His first real kiss, in girl form no less, from a _guy_. The
thought of it made his stomach turn in revulsion. There was others
too... the Cat's Tongue pressure point, Happosai's constant groping,
the moxibustion technique that forced him to take pictures of himself
in lingerie... and now this. Time and time again Ranma saw part of
his manhood slipping away, unable to stop it, or even attempt to
stop it.
<It's all because of the curse! With this curse, I can't walk into
the rain without being conscious of my change; I can't swim without
wearing a _woman's_ bathing suit; I can't even face my own mother,
for fear of my life. The times that I _have_ tried, ended up in
disaster. Of course, it doesn't help that Mom wants to turn
'Ranko-chan' into a 'nice young lady.' And it's getting worse. I've
narrowly avoided being doomed a girl forever... and it's not the
first time, too. Kunou and Happosai can't keep their hands off me.
Nabiki takes advantage of me. No one cares about me anymore.
Noone...>
Tears threatened to burst out of him, but he held them in. <Guys
don't cry. They don't! They don't! They don't...> He buckled under
the pressure, then saw the showerhead. <Hmmm....>
A quick but uneasy twist later, onna-Ranma was sobbing in the shower.
* * * * * * *
Akane was distracted. She was thinking about Ranma. When she heard
the news about Mt. Hoorai, her mind was a shambles. <Nobody could
have survived that.> She thought, yet she never gave up hope that
Ranma would be back. When Ranma came back, in the bath, she was
surprised and grateful at the same time. <Do I love Ranma? Is this
love?> She didn't know. She needed a bath, to straighten out her
thoughts. <That baka's probably finished by now. If he isn't, I'll
personally kick him out.> She went towards the bathroom... and
stopped, right outside.
Akane heard a female voice, crying in the shower. She knew it was
Ranma. <What happened?> She wondered, <Ranma doesn't cry, ever.
His ego's too inflated for it.> Of course, her automatic response
system was telling her, <He must be up to something. What, I don't
know... but he'd never be caught dead crying, not when he can help
it.>
Part of her wanted to ignore it. It was the instinctive part of her:
the part that cries "Ranma no baka" when he seemingly does something
wrong, even if it's not his fault, the part that pulls the hammer from
nowhere and slams him, the part that teases him to no end. Right now,
it gives her messages: <He isn't worth it. He always calls you
'kawaiikunee', an uncute tomboy, and he always insults your cooking.>
This part of Akane's consciousness is always welcome to her. It
allows her to hide her feelings, something that happened a lot after
her mother died. When it came to feelings, she was afraid. The only
person that she could truly reveal her feelings to was Kasumi, and
not even Kasumi could deal with everything. So Akane had sealed up
a lot of her feelings when she was young, not able to open them up.
The other part, the one trapped, the part that tried to give Ranma
the moxibustion chart, the part that won't love Ryouga no matter what,
the part that actually feels. It beckoned to her, <If Ranma's crying,
it must be really serious. No ordinary thing could make Ranma cry.
No unusual thing could make Ranma cry. In fact, _nothing_ could
consciously make Ranma cry. What's wrong?>
The two parts of Akane's feelings were locked in battle. Fighting
for superiority. For a while it seemed like her impulse would win...
but she wanted to see Ranma... she was also curious as to why Ranma
would cry. Her face straightened as she made her decision. <The
bath will have to wait.> She opened the door and stepped inside.
* * * * * * *
onna-Ranma ignored the hard droplets of water striking at her; they
punished her, and she felt the need to punish herself in this form.
<This... this _girl's_ body is a mockery of me... It's a mockery of
who I am... A mockery of my manhood... I can hear the gods laughing
at my misfortune.> She continued to sob in her face.
Someone went in and turned off the shower. Her punishment ended,
she felt empty, lonely. Losing control. She stared up at...
"A...Akane?"
Akane's face hardened. She tossed a towel at the naked Ranma.
"Cover yourself."
The towel drooped in front of Ranma, Ranma being too confused and
shocked to do anything. Then her mind snapped back into gear and
she wrapped the towel around herself. <Am I starting to get a
sense of feminine modesty too? Oh no!> She tried to calm herself,
thinking, <You're cold, wet, and dripping. Of course your impulse
would be to wrap the towel around yourself.> She towelled herself
off.
"Ranma, why are you crying?" Akane said.
The redhead felt herself shrinking smaller and smaller. "Akane, I'm
not..."
Akane stared into Ranma's eyes. They were red and puffy, from
crying, but she saw something more. If she didn't know it was
Ranma, she'd almost say it was fear and confusion. Ranma's body
now seemed... smaller, less whole. Less offensive. Less fearsome.
She took advantage and went with the initiative.
"Ranma, finish your bath and come into my room. I think we need to
talk."
"Akane, I... no. No we don't." Her 'macho pride' was trying to
bubble out of her again.
<Ranma, you're so stupid. Why can't you just admit your damn
feelings?> Akane raised her hand, ready to give Ranma the slapping
of her life, but something told her to stop. <Will violence really
soften him up? No. Let's try this...>
Akane held Ranma's face with both hands and held it up to her face.
A light, smooth, motion, Ranma found it hard to ignore, and felt
like putty. Alien thoughts bombarded her mind as her hormone levels
surged. She blushed a deep red. Her towel dropped, forgotten.
"Ranma, do you really want to hold this in, and just let it crush
you? Everybody has their problems, and admitting it is the first
step to finding a cure."
Akane released the pig-tailed girl from her grasp. Ranma felt weak
just staring at Akane, so she looked down - and immediately regretted
it. She saw her body, her delicate features, yet they didn't belong,
as if her soul were taken out of its body and put into another. She
stifled a weak reply. "Yes, Akane." Akane left the room. Ranma
sighed, and went into the tub.
* * * * * * *
Ranma finished his bath and got dressed. He was thinking about what
had happened in the bathroom. <Did she just do that?> The strange
feelings hadn't subsided, and they were bothering him. <They shouldn't
affect me that strongly... or is it that I really do love Akane? To
tell the truth, I think I wanted Akane to touch me, to comfort me...>
He tried to shake the thoughts away, but it didn't work. He went over
to Akane's door, and hesitated again. <Be a man! Face your feelings!>
Ever so slowly, he turned the knob and opened the door. <Oh man, I
don't want to do this. Maybe... nah. Just tell her, you dummy.> He
sat down on the floor. He twiddled his thumbs, looking downcast.
His whole body felt like jelly. "Akane..."
Akane sat on the bed, tapping her foot with an impatient look on her
face. <That baka's still hesitating, even now.> "Yes?"
Ranma looked up. "I... the events that just happened... I... I hate
this curse." <Hah, like _that_ wasn't common knowledge.>
"It's gotten me into nothing but trouble. When Herb got splashed with
some of the Kaisuihuu water and turned male, I experienced what true
fear and helplessness was like." Ranma was trembling from the
experience.
His voice was shaky, and he tried to calm down, with minimal success.
"I didn't want to experience it again. It was because my female body
wasn't physically strong enough for him. All of it got me thinking
about my curse. Has there been anything happened that was good to
me because of the curse?"
Akane looked sympathetic for a moment, but then glared at him. "You're
moping about a stupid curse? Sure you get into trouble... but you
always get into trouble, curse or not. Don't just blame it on the
curse. You have a big mouth that doesn't know when to stop. You just
shoot off your mouth, without thinking about other people. That's
what gets you into trouble, not the curse."
Ranma knew he was losing the arguement. Panic was setting in. He
nervously looked around the room, searching for things to say. He
finally found a thought, and held on. "There are other things, too!
Like the rain. I hate the rain, because it reminds me of who I am.
I can't swim like a guy either. Why can't I just be a normal guy for
once? Then I could see my mother. Then I won't have Kunou and
Happosai pestering me all the time. Then I could have my manhood
back. Then I could say..." His train of thought came to a screeching
halt. He couldn't say it. He still couldn't say it, after all that
has happened. It was a simple three words. <Why am I hesitating?
Just do it.> He looked up and his voice dropped to almost a
whisper. "I love you."
Akane just stared at Ranma, no reaction coming to her. It took her
three full minutes to realize what he just said and that she had heard
it correctly. It took another five to convince herself she wasn't
losing her hearing. Then a big wave of emotion hit her. Her eyes
grew wide, the shock greater than a thousand slaps in the face. <That
baka actually _loves_ me?> The words slipped out of her mouth. "I
love you too, Ranma." She smiled.
<Akane looks real sweet when she smiles.> Ranma thought. He stared
off into space, but snapped back to attention when he realized Akane
was speaking again.
Akane bit her lip, then decided to continue, when she had momentum.
"In fact, I like both of you. I don't care whether you're 100% man
anymore, Ranma. You're not 100% man anymore. You have to embrace
who you are..." She paused for a long while; she knew she was going
to regret this, but it had to be said. "...and I'll help you do it."
Ranma paused. <But that means... no. No. It can't be!> Ranma
waved his arms in utter denial. "But I can't do it! I don't want my
manhood taken away from me. Besides, I'll have to commit seppuku!"
Akane got angry again. She folded her arms in front of her chest.
She put an edge in her voice that made Ranma squirm just slightly.
"I'm not saying you have to act like a girl! But maybe if you weren't
acting like a marching soldier and actually thought of things before
you said them, you'll probably get into trouble less often."
Ranma held the thought in his mind. <I still don't feel comfortable
as a girl... not even now. Maybe I should accept the offer. I think
I can be manly _and_ be a girl, can't I? It's okay to do that, right?>
The notion of that confused him. He tried to speak again. "Okay.
I'll take you up on your offer. Can you help me be me, both of me?"
Akane smiled again. "Why not? Let's start tomorrow."
* * * * * * *
Nodoka Saotome approached the Tendo home. <I wonder if Ranma's here
today. I miss him so much.> She was dressed in the usual attire,
katana wrapped up. Her steps were slow and heavy. She had not
seen Ranma in a long time, but thinking of Akane and Ranko soothed
her feelings a bit.
Akane shouted, "Ranma! Your mom's coming!"
Ranma and Genma raced to the pond. *Splash!* Saved!
Akane opened the door for Nodoka. Nodoka said, "Is Ranma and my
husband here?"
Akane replied, "Nope, they've gone out on a training trip. Please,
come in."
Nodoka came in. She stared at the pond. Ranko and her panda were
there. She was confused.
"Uh, hi, Auntie Saotome."
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Author's Notes:
This is my still first fanfic, so please don't hit me....
This took me quite a bit of time to write, actually.
Reason for them 'confessing': probably emotional trauma, caused by
the Herb incident. Same reason Ranma cries. But his pride and
need for manhood disallows 'him' to cry, so he lets 'her' cry.
I thought about continuation. I would love to start the next part
after Book 38, but I might just start with a "Nodoka comes home"
Chapter. Now I have to stick with it because of the ending.
Sidenote: There's a showerhead in the Tendo bathroom. It's shown
in Book 19, when Ranma's taking a bath and Ukyou's inside trying to
scrub his back. Besides, how do you get the dirt off yourself before
taking a bath without one?
Sidenote 2: Should have written <draft> in the subject.
P.S. I didn't realize that 'bikini' = 'two piece swimming suit.' I
thought 'bikini' meant 'a woman's bathing suit'. And oh, I don't
think he would be swimming in trunks either - too many stares would
be directed towards her.
C&C Very very welcome
April 10-12, 1997
Jonathan Ng
jonathan@worldy.com
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Jonathan Ng
jonathan@worldy.com
"People are afraid of themselves, but they are also afraid of who they
might be."
"One never like one's current situation."