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< > - English
// // - emitted from a P.S. system, telephone, or other
electric medium.
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========================
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS
ACT 2
The Kings of Nerima
Day 1
Minor Arcana
========================
------PRE-FIGHT JITTERS-----
[Furinkan High, the Lunch Hour]
The excitement in Furinkan High was a tangible thing,
buzzing in the air like flies. Everywhere one looked,
evidence of its coming was heralded all around, whether it
be posters and t-shirts that were owned by the students,
cameramen from the tournament setting up equipment in the
various fields and the gymnasium, or the legions of Nabiki
taking bets from the crowd.
It was time.
*
Under the shade of a tree in the courtyard, Ranma and
Akane were eating lunch together. Normally, they'd be with
their separate factions, Akane with Sayuri, Yuka, and
others, while Ranma would be with Hiroshi, Daisuke, and the
guys.
Today, they felt the need to just be together.
Much to her annoyance, though, something was distracting
him.
"Hey, Ranma, something wrong?" Akane nudged Ranma
slightly
"Hm?"
"Are you worried about something?"
"Yeah," he said absently. "You."
*
"Me? What the heck is that supposed to mean?!" demanded
Ukyou.
"You might get hurt in the tournament. I don't think
it's such a good idea for you to be in it," said Ryouga,
looking absently down below. The roof of Furinkan had a
pretty good view of the neighborhood, even if it did have a
gigantic bronze pineapple installed on it now.
"Hey," Ukyou nudged Ryouga with her foot. "Is this
because I'm a girl?"
"Yes! No... er... I mean..."
"You absolute-"
*
"- idiot! I can take care of myself, you know!"
"Aw, come on Akane, this is different!"
"How so?"
"It's, er, this is tournament fighting!"
*
"It doesn't make it any easier than any of my past
fights," said Ukyou. "I've got the experience and the
skills. I've been fighting almost all my life, so don't you
dare think I'm not good enough just because I'm a girl!"
"I just don't want you to get hurt, okay?" said Ryouga
defensively. "I just..." There was the slightest hint of a
blush on his face. "I'd hate to see you badly hurt out
there."
Ukyou's expression softened a bit, her frown turning into
an ever-so-slight smile.
"It's part of being a martial artist, sugar."
*
"Okay, you're right, it is," said Ranma moodily.
Akane smiled and leaned next to Ranma, smiling. "Hey
Ranma."
"Hm?"
*
"Thanks for caring," said Ukyou softly.
"Um... no problem... I mean... I..."
*
"... love you too, Akane."
And they kissed.
*
And they wished each other luck.
*
Daisuke shuddered, frowning.
Hiroshi elbowed him. "Something wrong, man?"
Daisuke blinked, looked around, and shrugged. "I
dunno... I had this sorta... really sick feeling, ya know?"
"Oh? What kind?"
"The kind ya get when you're watching a movie with a
date, only the movie was her pick, not yours, and it's
turning out to be a major chick film with all the stupid,
mushy, romantic bits."
"Ugh, nasty."
"No kidding. Wonder why it hit me."
Hiroshi shrugged. "Something in the air, maybe. C'mon,
let's see if a turkey sand'll fix that."
"There any left?"
"I cut a deal with Rodumanu," explained Hiroshi. "The
man'll do anything for cash."
--------- Round One ---------
"Be careful, Sentaro!" cried Miss Satsuki, holding
Sentaro in a desperate embrace.
Sentaro returned his beloved's embrace, his face solemn
and grim. "Do not fear, my love. I will have my vengeance on
this day. In the name of the Daimonji School of Tea
Ceremony Martial Arts, I CANNOT fail."
Reluctantly, he and Satsuki separated from each other,
and he strode (actually, glided on his knees as those who
practice Tea Ceremony Martial Arts were apt to do) into the
battlefield, the football field of Furinkan High. The small
crowd watching included many of his fellow students, and
those of the Miyako School of Tea Ceremony Martial Arts as
well.
"DO YOUR BEST!" yelled his grandmother.
"I WILL NOT FAIL!" he yelled back.
"YOU'D BETTER NOT, YOU HALF-WIT USELESS MORON!!!"
Ignoring his Grandmother's cheer, Sentaro Daimonji
mentally prepared himself, eyeing his most hateful enemy.
The one that defeated the entire Tea Ceremony Martial Arts
dojo one fateful night a year ago. He that brought shame to
them all.
Sentaro locked eyes with his nemesis and struck a mighty
pose (an amazing thing, considering that he was kneeling).
"TODAY, I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!"
Ryo Muhoshin idly twirled his umbrella, looked Sentaro
over once, and said a single word.
"Five."
*
Focus.
Ryouga repeated that simple mantra to himself as he
prepared for the upcoming fight. The scene of the fight was
a stretch of land by the canal, a place he knew Ranma
frequented for practice. Strategically, this was good and
bad. Had he been the 'feature match' of the day (the
feature match today being some people he didn't know...
apparently the champion of last year's match versus some
promising and new martial artist), he'd be fighting in the
auditorium, and he MUCH preferred open-air matches. Of
course, the canal nearby was a water hazard, but he felt he
shouldn't worry about that too much or else he might be
overly distracted during the match.
A medium sized stand was erected nearby for viewers who
bought tickets to this match. He could see a great many
students from Furinkan (the girls circling around talking to
everyone being Nabiki's Agents, he suspected) watching the
match amongst the spectators and to his surprise some
carrying banners cheering him on.
He wished Ukyou was there, but she had a match of her own
to fight.
With a bit of a sigh, he looked at his umbrella,
currently plastered by various logos from companies
(YOKOHAMA TIRES // SONY // CAPCOM // SHONEN KNIFE ) and
local merchants (UCCHAN'S OKONOMIYAKI // KING'S CAFE //
UCCHAN'S OKONOMIYAKI // TERRI'S TERIYAKI & STEAK//UCCHAN'S
OKONOMIYAKI//). He never thought promotional money could be
earned from martial arts... but then again, this was a new
day and age.
And Ukyou insisted on it.
His opponent for this first round looked serious. He was
a young man with a strong, thick build and a shaved head. A
Buddhist monk, perhaps? A warrior of the Shao-Lin? Ryouga
braced himself for the worst, refusing to take his enemy
lightly.
As the announcer approached with portable microphone in
hand, the two combatants stepped forward and the crowd
hushed in anticipation.
//TODAY'S MATCH, RYOUGA HIBIKI VS. LAI-RI KU-LEE MOH!//
Lai-Ri Ku-Lee Moh? Bizzare name... almost... Chinese.
There was something familiar about it, though...
//THE FIGHT PROCEEDS UNTIL ONE SURRENDERS OR IS KNOCKED
OUT!//
Ryouga tried to assess Moh by his stance stance, but
could assess nothing. It wasn't because his stance was
unreadable, but that he wasn't in a stance. Moh merely stood
there impatiently, arms crossed in front of him.
Clearly, an arrogant guy. This, he felt, would be an
easy match.
//FIGHT!//
*
She could feel the warmth of the gigantic grill that they
both stood on, knowing that this was _her_ home turf. She
had the advantage here.
She was surprised that the King of Nerima officials
accepted it as a place to hold a match, but she wasn't about
to complain. Actually, she was grateful for the advantage.
It'd make pounding her enemy that much easier.
"So, Joe, back for more?" sneered Ukyou.
"This time... you fall."
Joe the crepe chef. This was the last person Ukyou
expected to see in the match. She hadn't seen him since she
defeated him in their crepe vs. okonomiyaki duel a while
back when he'd threatened to drive her out of business. She
thought she'd seen the last of him.
Joe, meanwhile, was determined not to waste this shot at
redemption. It'd taken him quite a lot of money to get this
match arranged, and he had to outbid that weird guy in the
octopus mask to get this arranged too...
It was at this point that someone in the stands decided
to be a wiseguy.
"TAAAAAKEEEEOOOUT KOOOOOMBAAAAAAAT!"
Joe and Ukyou both scowled.
//FIGHT!//
And soon, the air was filled with violent waves of
okonomiyaki and crepe as the two culinary warriors collided.
*
"What's that?!" asked Moh, gaping while pointing at
Ryouga's shirt.
"Huh? What?" Ryouga looked down briefly. "What's
what?"
"That!" yelled Moh, striking forward with his single
finger, stinging Ryouga's chest. Before Ryouga could react
to the underhanded attack, Moh clenched his hand into a fist
and moved it from Ryouga's chest to his jaw, connecting
solidly, then poked Ryouga in both eyes.
The lost boy staggered back, rubbing his eyes, while Moh
remained in a 'cool pose' (or so he thought) with two
fingers jutting out like fangs from his hand.
"Now you know the force of STOOGE-FU! Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
Woooooo!"
The time bomb that was Ryouga's rage began ticking. He'd
just fallen for the oldest trick in the book, and he was
getting humiliated by someone using Stooge-Fu.
Stooge. Fu.
Ranma would never let him hear the end of it.
"Why youuuu...."
*
"FIGHT HARDER, BOY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" bellowed
Genma from the stands. "HOW DARE YOU SHAME YOUR FATHER THIS
WAY!"
"Not now, DAD!"
Ranma's first round match was against a foe he'd taken on
before, the Dojo Destroyer. The Destroyer seemed as wide as
he was tall, and his height was approximately seven feet
tall. His technique was the use of signboards of dojos that
he'd defeated, wielding them somehow with telekinesis of
some sort, or possibly just incredibly strong fighting
spirit. He'd defeated 99 dojos, and thus had a swarm of 99
dojo sign boards to attack with, constantly circling him
like insects.
He and Akane took the Destroyer down before, as a team,
but now he was facing him alone.
The fight was not going as well as Ranma thought it
should. The Dojo Destroyer was still standing, and five
minutes had already gone by. Not only that, but his
fighting style had improved, becoming much more effective
defensively. Almost every blow was somehow blocked by a
signboard. The strikes that did make it through were hits
to his massive stomach, which didn't affect the Destroyer
much at all.
However, the Destroyer hadn't managed to land many hits
on Ranma either. The few hits he did manage, though, were
still stinging.
And so after a furious exchange of attacks, the two stood
apart by several yards, each assessing their foe to try and
find that one weak spot (and get a small rest). Ranma was
in his combat stance, ready to spring at a moment's notice,
while the Dojo Destroyer stood mightily, his signboards
circling around him like a swarm of bees.
<Damn> he thought, <this isn't gonna be as easy as I
thought.>
*
"AND *WHAM* STAY *WHAM* DOWN! *WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM*"
A royal stomping wasn't good enough for this clown, or so
Ryouga believed as he continued to viciously stomp on Moh's
prone form on the ground. Moh had previously yanked his
hair, stepped on his feet, stomped on his feet, threw PIES
in his face, all after many ridiculous distractions he
shouldn't have fallen for in the first place. The second Moh
left himself open, Ryouga began pounding him to the ground
and hadn't stopped yet.
If Ranma made one joke, just ONE joke about this, Ryouga
swore he'd kill him.
Finally, Ryouga stopped his stomping and cautiously
checked Moh for signs of consciousness.
Nope, out like a light.
He sighed and smiled in relief. Round one of the King of
Nerima tournament was over, at least for him. He idly
wondered if Ranma was faring as well.
*
Ranma was plowed into the ground by an unmerciful swarm
of dojo signboards, feeling strike after strike impact on
him, finally ending after approximately 48 hits. He was
dimly aware of the Dojo Destroyer toppling backwards and
hoped that his plan worked.
The plan was fairly simple. He noticed that just before
the Destroyer unleashed a 'heavy' volley of signs, he left
himself wide open for a brief amount of time. Ranma thought
he could exploit that, and did, zooming for several
chestnut-fist strikes to his vital points.
What he didn't expect was for the Dojo Destroyer to be
standing AFTER his vital points were hit and continue with
the volley of signboards. Hence his current position
embedded in the floor.
He slowly pulled himself from the floor as the Dojo
Destroyer stomped menacingly towards him. Ranma was
hurting, but his willpower shrugged that aside.
The Dojo Destroyer staggered in his step, then fell to
one knee. Ranma smiled. The attack _had_ taken its toll,
and now the Destroyer was leaving himself open again. Now
was the time to attack.
"HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
*
"HAHAHAHAHA!"
Ukyou was gloating. She wasn't normally the type to
gloat, but she really _hated_ Joe. This was also her first
time to gloat after a glorious battle, so she was really
trying to enjoy it.
"You aren't looking so hot NOW, are ya sugar? Eh?
What's that?" She kicked aside small bits of crepe and
booted a gigantic okonomiyaki casually.
"Ow!" it said. "Let me outta here!"
"Let you out?" asked Ukyou. Her grin became somewhat
scary as she brought out a match. "Say... did you know that
I use gunpowder in my okonomiyaki mix?"
"N-no... you wouldn't!"
"Ooooh yes I would!"
"FINISH HIM!" boomed the obnoxious heckler. Ukyou took a
moment to glare at the stands, then dropped a lit match.
------BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM-------
//AND THE WINNER, UKYOU KUONJI!//
The crowd cheered. Ukyou flashed a winning smile and
waved her battle spatula. Somewhere in the crowds, the
wiseguy came back...
"FATALITY!"
Ukyou took a moment to grab a chunk of crepe that was on
the floor and heaved it at the wiseguy.
Meanwhile, the automatic commercial queuing kicked in.
//FOR THE BEST OKONOMIYAKI IN NERIMA, VISIT UCCHAN'S!
OPEN SIX DAYS A WEEK, CATERING AVAILABLE! CALL 42-UCCHAN
FOR DETAILS!//
"Damn you," whimpered Joe.
*
"FALL DOWN, DAMN YOU!" yelled Ranma as he pounded away at
the Dojo Destroyer. This was Ranma's tenth time to take
advantage of the Destroyer's opening, pounding away at his
vital points with the chestnut fist. At times it seemed
that the Destroyer was about to topple, but he just kept on
going.
And the chestnut fist was _very_ draining on Ranma's
endurance.
For this, the tenth time he managed to sneak in, Ranma
decided it was time for all or nothing. As he pounded away
at the Destroyer's vital points yet again, he built up his
ki and confidence, ending his furious barrage with a cry of
"Mokou-Takabishi!" that lifted the titan off of his feet and
thundering down to the ground.
"Is... is it over?" He fell to one knee, breathing
heavily. The Dojo Destroyer, meanwhile, hadn't moved a
muscle. Ten seconds passed in silence.
//AND THE WINNER BY KNOCKOUT, RANMA SAOTOME OF THE
SAOTOME/TENDO DOJO!//
Ranma breathed a sigh of relief. He still could have
fought on for quite a few more minutes, but he wouldn't like
the level at which he'd be fighting. Using those chestnut
fist attacks were really draining on his endurance. He was
already reviewing the fight in his mind, seeing where he
went wrong and making notes on how to do better in the next
match as he staggered to the sidelines.
"That took a bit long, boy," said Genma.
He would have liked to have said, "shut up pop!" if only
he wasn't so tired. For now, he had to get his wind back
and find out how the other guys were doing.
"Well, my match begins soon," said Genma. "See you
later."
"You mean... you hadn't fought yet?"
"No. They're holding the first round matches at
different times, so that people may attend more of them.
Mine is in about... thirty minutes at the main stadium."
"Wait a sec... the main stadium?"
Genma nodded proudly. "We are, after all, the two
masters of the Saotome/Tendo dojo."
"If I find the guys in time, we'll try to watch it."
"Thanks, son."
Genma strolled out to his destiny, while Ranma took long
pulls from his Gatoraide bottle and wobbled to the nearby
bulletin board to figure out where the others were and if he
had a chance to watch their matches as well.
Ryouga had a match against some guy with a weird name.
Ukyou was facing... Joe? The crepe chef? And it was
probably too late to catch that match. She was facing off
against him in her own gigantic grill / fight ring.
Akane... Akane... she was at the Furinkan High Gymnasium,
facing off against...
Before he could read further, he was bumped from the
side, spilling his drink all over the place, including on
himself.
"Hey," he, now she, scowled, "watch where yer goin!"
"Sorry, sorry," said a bandanna-clad girl with fangs.
"Do you know how to get to... to... Ranma?"
"Ryouga? Hey, I was just about to look for you. Seen
Ukyou around?"
"No, I was trying to find her."
"Well, come on, let's go find her," said Ranma-chan.
"But before we do..." She whapped Ryouga-chan on the head
savagely.
"Hey! What'd you do that for?!" yelled Ryouga.
"For gettin'us both wet, moron!"
"It was an accident, you jerk!"
Before the two could begin a fight, a gigantic spatula
sliced between them.
"Boys, boys, I just can't leave you two alone for a
minute." Ukyou sighed, pulling her spatula back up.
"He started it!" yelled Ryouga.
"Did not!"
*CLANG*CLANG* "CUT IT OUT, MORONS!"
The two wobbled away while Ukyou put her spatula in its
holder.
"Come on, boys, let's go find Akane... we should be able
to catch some of the action... unless her opponent trashes
her totally. Who's she fighting anyways?"
"I was about to find out until lost boy here made me
spill my drink," said Ranma.
Before the two could start bickering again, Ukyou yelled,
"Drop it already!" Ryouga and Ranma grumbled and turned
away from each other, while Ukyou checked the bulletin
board.
"Heeey... she's fighting a 'Kurumi Tendo'."
"WHO?" both Ranma and Ryouga said.
*
The ribbon swirled madly in chaotic patters, a red gash
in the air moving in impossible ways. Even though she was
dodging them, just to be near their presence sent a slight
burning sensation into her skin.
Akane sprang away to a safe range and tried to get her
second wind. Her opponent did likewise, quickly tying her
ribbon back in her hair with deceptive ease. Although she
was younger, Akane knew better than to be overconfident
against the girl. After all, she'd beaten Akane once
before.
Kurumi knew her strengths and weaknesses in this match.
>From a distance, she could wear Akane down with her ribbon
whip, but at close range Akane's strength would surely wear
her down.
The spectators were many and cheering, mainly because
quite a lot of them were from the old Akane Tendo Fan Club.
They were worried about their number one heroine, but had to
admit, this match against her apparent relative of sorts was
a good one, filled with precision martial arts and thrilling
moments of suspense.
In the back of her mind, Akane wondered where Ranma was.
"Go for it, Akane!"
"We know you can do it!"
"Don't give up, sugar!"
The Akane Tendo Fan Club waved their banners (GO AKANE!
WE LOVE YOU AKANE! AKANE RULES!) more vigorously.
Akane smiled, recognizing Ranma, Ryouga, and Ukyou's
cheers. Her confidence swelled, and she felt her second
wind coming to her.
The problem, she thought, was definitely the ribbon. Had
to get rid of the ribbon.
Suddenly, it all became obvious. It might hurt, but it
would definitely get rid of the ribbon. Akane was,
actually, rather embarrassed she didn't think of this in the
first place, since she did it before.
Kurumi's whip snaked out again, snaking through the air
as if it was alive. Akane dodged to the side, advanced
slightly, ducked under another wave of the ribbon, then
swung her arm across at the next strike. There was a hard,
sharp sting, then she felt the firm grip of Kurumi's ribbon
as it wrapped itself around her arm.
Kurumi's eyes went wide as she realized what Akane was up
to. She pulled back on her ribbon, trying to get it away.
That tug backfired when Akane gave a mighty pull of her own,
lifting Kurumi off her feet and forward for a short
distance.
When Kurumi looked around again, Akane was nowhere to be
found. She scanned her left, her right, behind her, and in
front of her once more quickly.
Then she saw the shadow.
By the time she looked up, it was too late. Akane's
flying kick struck her straight in the chest, knocking the
wind out of her and sending Kurumi to her knees, then to the
floor.
Ten seconds later, with Kurumi not rising, the announcer
bellowed //AND THE WINNER, AKANE TENDO OF THE TENDO DOJO
ANYTHING GOES SCHOOL OF MARTIAL ARTS!//
She could hear the cheer of the crowd, roaring in the
air. She could hear Ranma call out her name, and see him
rushing out to the field.
Akane smiled, then went to Kurumi to make sure she wasn't
seriously injured. They both thought the same thing.
<I _really_ need a rest.>
*
---------INTERMISSION---------
*
An hour later, Akane and a crowd of several others were
gathered at one of the few places to carry the pay-per-view
broadcast of the King of Nerima tournament, King's Cafe.
Several other tournament fighters were lounging there as
well, winners and losers, in an almost carnival-like
atmosphere.
"Hey, are you alright?" asked Akane, looking with concern
at Kurumi.
"I'm okay," said Kurumi with a bit of a smile. "You
fought well."
"You did too," said Akane encouragingly. She turned to
the elder of the sisters and asked, "So, how'd your match
go, Natsume?"
Natsume, the elder of the two 'other Tendo sisters',
shrugged. "It was... disappointing, I suppose. My
adversary was not worthy."
"Oh? Who was your opponent?"
"He was named.... Shen Pu," said Natsume, "and he kept on
ranting on the sacred tactics of the Fourth Stooge Fist."
Everyone seemed puzzled, except for Ryouga who knew exactly
what she was talking about.
//In one of the most spectacular defeats of the day, Ryo
Muhoshin defeated Sentaro Daimonji in record time...//
"Daimonji... wasn't he the one from the Tea Ceremony
Martial Arts Dojo?" wondered Akane.
"Yeah, that's him," said Ranma.
// ...and now, here's a replay of the entire match. Yes,
the entire match.//
****
One...
Ryo blazed forward with alarming speed, his umbrella
spinning in a blur. Sentaro refused to panic, and calmly
lifted up a tea pot and ladle to block and counterstrike.
Two...
Sentaro raised the pot to block the umbrella slash. He
felt the pot shudder, but with a surprisingly light touch
instead of the brutal heavy strike he was expecting.
Three...
As he swung his ladle forward to strike, the tea pot
suddenly exploded, sending water and metal shards
everywhere. Surprised by this, Sentaro could only reel
backwards and try to cover his face while his ears rang from
the sound of the explosion.
Four....
Still reeling back, Sentaro was alarmed when he felt
Ryo's hand snare his throat tightly. The world spun madly
as he felt himself lifted into the sky, then slammed head
first into the ground unmercifully. His world immediately
faded into black.
Five.
The crowd was speechless, except for a girl cheering
enthusiastically, sitting next to a gigantic pig. Ryo
smiled and bowed to her. Elsewhere, Satsuki and Grandmother
Daimonji looked at the ground in sorrow, lamenting Sentaro's
brutal defeat.
The almost-silence continued for several seconds more, as
the judges waited to see if Sentaro would stir. When it
obvious that he wouldn't, the announcer stepped into the
field, microphone in hand.
"AND THE WINNER, RYO MUHOSHIN!"
The crowd cheered politely, a few of them very much
impressed (and a few of them not, after all Sentaro was a
martial artist of the _tea_ variety), and Ryo bowed to them
all, taking a moment to glance downward at his enemy with
contempt.
And then he began strutting rather fashionably, showing
off the jacket, shirt, tie...
//RYO MUHOSHIN'S WARDROBE PROVIDED BY HIKARI'S. SUIT BY
ARMANI. TIE BY TOMJONAVICH. SHOES COURTESY OF BRUNO
MAGLI...//
****
//and once again, Sentaro Daimonji leaves the King of
Nerima tournament in defeat and embarrassment.//
"Well... what do you expect from a guy that practices TEA
CEREMONY martial arts?" said Ranma.
"Don't be so mean, Ranma," chided Akane, giving him a
light elbow.
"Well it's true, ain't it?"
//And on an opposite theme was the match between Anything
Goes Martial Arts masters Soun Tendo and Genma Saotome.//
"Aw man! I knew I forgot something!" said Ranma. "I was
supposed to watch Pop's fight right after Akane's."
"Well, technically, you are," pointed out Ukyou.
"Oh yeah... good point." Satisfied that he was
technically in the right, Ranma relaxed again.
//This grueling match of masters just ended minutes ago,
lasting almost an hour. This spectacular match had several
highlights, almost all of them in the final minutes as they
seemed to give all their strength in an effort to defeat
each other.//
"This is either gonna be real interesting or real
stupid," muttered Ranma.
****
Soun and Genma sweated heavily, both feeling their bodies
reminding them of exactly how old they really were. Each
was doing exactly what the other expected of them. Genma,
despite his massive girth, continually sprung into the air
for some impressive offensive maneuvers, while Soun stayed
mostly on the ground and tried to end it quickly with
powerful strikes to Genma's vital points.
After almost an hour, each had landed many blows on the
other. They knew each other too well to make it an easy
fight.
"You're still as good as I remember, Tendo."
"As are you, Saotome."
"But... I'm afraid it's time to end this match, don't
you?"
"Definitely, old friend."
Suddenly, the two martial artists glowed brightly with
battle aura. With a dramatic sweeping of their arms, they
simultaneously launched solid beams of ki that canceled each
other out.
*
"Whoa, no way," said Ukyou, mouth half-full of peanuts.
Akane and Ranma could only stare at the screen in
surprise.
"Hey, Ranma, pass the chips?" asked Ryouga.
*
Genma displayed an amazing variety of aerial assault
techniques, while Soun clearly held advantage while they
were both on the ground. It was, by the looks of the
audience, a crowd-pleasing battle. Unfortunately for the
fighters, it was also a very tiring battle. Things had to
end soon.
Genma sprang in the air again, aiming for Soun's jaw.
This time, however, he was suddenly surrounded by a battle
aura that solidified into a gigantic version of himself.
Either this wound end it for Soun, or for himself. The
effort of using his battle aura in this manner was so
tremendous that he would surely be too exhausted to fight on
after it was done.
Surprisingly, Soun didn't panic at the sight of a
monster-sized Genma flying foot-first at him. He decided to
unleash his most powerful attack and hope it was strong
enough to deflect Genma's titanic foot.
"GEEEEEEEEEEEENMAAAAAAAA!!!"
The spectators fled in panic and several cameramen were
blown away as the full might of the Tendo School of Anything
Goes Martial Arts Demon's Head attack was unleased,
shattering the battleground. It was the most effort he'd
ever put into it, and the Demon's Head he was generating was
large enough to swallow Genma, battle aura and all.
Genma, as was his nature, panicked. In fact, he was
scared witless, having never seen Soun's demon head strike
_that_ powerful. He passed out from fright and his battle
aura immediately flickered into non-existence.
Unfortunately for Soun, there was still the matter of
physics. Demon's Head or not, there was still the matter of
Genma's rather large body flying at him. Soun couldn't
dodge because he was still locked in the Demon's Head
attack, so the end result was a titanic demon's head with
eyes bulging out in panic and fear as Genma's rump flew
towards his face.
With an absolute lack of grace, Genma's prone form plowed
INTO the massive ki-projection of the Satanic Soun Face and
into its mouth. It was immediately distorted in an odd way
(some witnesses would say that it looked like it swallowed
something rather distasteful), turning a deeper shade of
purple, then exploded with a bang.
When the dust settled, both masters of the Anything Goes
School of Martial Arts were on the floor, deeply
unconscious.
****
"Oh my gosh," said Akane, burying her face in her hands.
"I have no idea what to say," said Ranma quietly.
Ryouga patted Ukyou on the back. "Hey, are you alright?"
Ukyou wasn't saying anything, she was too busy
snickering, and already shaking badly from the effort to not
laugh hysterically out loud.
//Meanwhile, four other members of the Anything Goes
School of Martial Arts fared better, winning their matches.
Ranma Saotome fought a grueling match against the famous
Dojo Destroyer, knocking him out after forty minutes of
combat.//
"Hey! They're showing me! Turn up the volume, man!"
shouted Ranma.
"Not getting a little egotistical, now are we Ranchan?"
The television went on to display a few choice moments of
Ranma's match, including the several times he was struck by
a signboard flurry from the Dojo Destroyer as well as the
final blow via Mokou Takabisha.
"Alright, they're makin'me look cool."
"Egomaniac," muttered Ryouga.
"Aw, getting jealous, Ryouga?"
"Shut up, you!"
//Akane Tendo also went on to the second round, taking on
fellow Anything Goes student Kurumi Tendo in a grueling
twenty minute bout, Natsume Tendo emerged victorious over
Stooge Fu practitioner Shem Pu, and Anything Goes Master
Happosai defeated his old friend and rival Hentosai.//
The screen briefly flickered the finishing blow of each
of the matches, then the announcer took a break for
commercials, promising more hard-hitting action when they
returned.
//The full versions of these matches and more will be
broadcast tonight at ten.//
"That... was it?" wondered an unhappy Akane.
"My match was worth more than a ten second clip," mumbled
Natsume.
"Don't feel too bad about it," said Ranma. "Not everyone
gets the spotlight... like me."
*CLANG*WHAM*THUD*CRACK*
"J-just... joking.... owwww."
"So," said Ryouga, "when do we know who we're going to
fight next?"
"I dunno, I think I heard'em say that they'll release the
schedule in about an hour," said Ukyou.
"Great, and our next matches all start in about two
hours," said Ranma. "I'm still worn out from the first
match."
//And in a great upset today...//
*
//... Kinnii of the legendary cult of the Muscle Sword
was defeated in stunning fashion by Furinkan's own Blue
Thunder, Tatewaki Kuno.//
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!"
The footage played out, to Nabiki, like a scene from a
horror movie: a terrible, terrible act that you knew was
about to happen, yet could not prevent.
Kinnii, massive swordsman of the deadly Muscle Sword cult
was struck by a blazing upward slash of Kuno's bokken,
sending him flying several feet back until striking the
ground, unconscious.
Nabiki was speechless, utterly totally speechless. The
other girls in Nabiki's temporary base of operations
(Furinkan High, third floor) were also stunned beyond vocal
ability. The odds against Kuno were pretty high, and they
all figured to get a little easy money from that matchup.
Instead, Kuno won, and a handful of lucky bastards just
hit the jackpot.
"You just HAD to pick NOW to start winning again,
Kuno-chan," growled Nabiki. "Someone get me footage of
that match! I need it NOW! And who the hell DID bet on
Kuno anyways?"
*
"Hiroshi, my friend, I shall never doubt you again."
"Why thank you, Daisuke."
"Who'd have thunk that betting a modest amount of yen
would've nailed us the jackpot?"
"These are beautiful days indeed, my friend. Now c'mon,
let's go find Sayuri and Yuka. We can finally afford to
give'em a good date."
*
In a darkened room, a figure leaned back on the plush
office chair, examining a sheet of paper. A pencil was
twirled for a moment, then it was moved towards a set of
names.
[ROUND TWO: R. Saotome vs. G. Yotaro]
"Hmmm... no."
The name Yotaro was scratched off, and replaced with
something far more interesting.
*
-------- Round Two --------
*
"Ranma Saotome, it seems we meet again."
The aforementioned Saotome winced. First the Dojo
Destroyer, now Kirin. Ranma had taken Kirin on quite a
while ago, and it took unusual circumstances for Ranma to
bring him down. Now, under normal circumstances, this would
be a tough match. Kirin's speed matched Ranma's. He used
his chopsticks in alarmingly deadly ways, including ki
blasts. Unless Kirin had been slacking off, this was not
going to be easy.
"Heya, Kirin. How's married life treatin'ya?"
"It goes well. And you?"
"Eh... not there yet."
"Say, how'd you end up hearin'about this tournament
anyway? I thought the King of Nerima tournament was a local
thing."
"Local?" Kirin frowned. "How odd, then. An invitation
was sent to the Seven Lucky Gods Dojo, and thus invited, the
Seven Lucky Gods came."
"Wait... you mean the OTHERS are here?"
"That is correct."
"Oh boy," grumbled Ranma. "Great. Who else showed up,
Prince Toma an'his guys?"
*
"Alas, Prince Toma, we meet again."
"Ah... Tatewaki Kuno, yes?"
*
Ryouga's match wasn't quite as... it just...
He was facing... well...
"Ook!"
A monkey.
"Hey, is this a joke?" asked Ryouga.
The announcer shook his his head. "Nope, no joke.
That's your opponent. Sanae of the Tea Ceremony School of
Martial Arts."
"Ook!" The monkey martial artist flashed a toothy grin.
"I'm not fighting a... a... a MONKEY! This is stupid!"
"EEK!" Sanae definitely looked insulted, and rattled off
a long string of 'eek's and 'ook's along with agitated
facial expressions and a bit of poking at Ryouga's knees (it
was a rather short monkey).
"Shut up!" yelled Ryouga. "Jeez, I'm fighting a monk-"
*********CLANG*********
"Eeeeaaagh." Ryouga shuddered in anger while he took the
small iron pot off of his head. "Why yo-"
*********CLANG*********
Removing the large iron pot from his head, Ryouga's
battle aura began to rev up.
"THAT'S IT! THE MONKEY DIES!"
"EEK!"
What followed wasn't so much a martial arts duel as it
was a public display of animal abuse.
*
Another barrage of small, chopstick-shaped ki blasts flew
through the air, and Ranma twisted around in an attempt to
dodge them. He felt a sting and a hiss as several of the
projectiles hit his clothes, stung his flesh, and left their
burn marks. This was, yet again, not an easy match for the
young Saotome.
Ranma frowned. Same old problem. Kirin was too fast.
His arms could move to parry whatever assault Ranma
attempted. The analytical part of his mind was churning the
situation over, looking for that weakness. Everyone had a
weakness, he just needed more time to pinpoint it.
The analytical part of his mind finally had an idea.
It'd rely on him taking on more punishment again, but at
least this was the last match of the day.
He landed, getting into the stance for the mokou
takabisha, and built up his ki. A swarm of ki blasts was
heading his way.
This was going to hurt.
*
The Blue Thunder nodded to his opponent, who nodded back.
"En garde, Prince!" Kuno charged forward, bokken at the
ready.
Prince Toma smiled. A rolling wave of fire swept out
from Prince Toma's hand, enveloping the Blue Thunder.
The audience gasped.
Tatewaki Kuno didn't even stop. To Toma's utter
surprise, Kuno was on him and lashed out with a devastating
midsection slash. For a brief flickering moment, Toma
thought he saw blue flames...
*
- an hour later-
Once more, in King's cafe, Ranma & company gathered for
rest and nourishment. The festivities around him seemed
rather crowded, with Akane, Nabiki, Ryouga, Ukyou, Natsumi,
Kurumi, and Prince Toma.
Aside from Prince Toma, they were all there to talk of
battles won and lost, how their own battles had gone, and to
egg each other mercilessly. Prince Toma was busy hitting on
Kurumi for a date. Natsumi frowned while Toma flirted, but
didn't interfere in any other way.
"Saw your match, Ryouga," said Ranma. "Good job
beatin'the monkey. You really spanked that monkey. Got the
monkey off your back. No monkey business h-"
"SHUT UP RANMA!"
"Sheesh, no sense of humor," he replied, rubbing his
arms. "Ow. Damn, that wasn't a fun match."
"Who was your matchup?" asked Ukyou.
"Kirin," said Ranma. "Head of the Seven Lucky Gods
Dojo."
Ukyou hmmed. "Oh, wait, you told me about him... he was
the one that used chopsticks and kidnapped Akane?"
Akane nodded. "That's the one."
"So that would explain those," said Ukyou, pointing to
the many narrow chopstick-esque burn marks on Ranma's shirt
and hands.
"Yeah, he was no pushover. Figured out his weakness,
though."
"Which was?" asked Akane.
"Well... his arms were fast, but his legs weren't. He
usually stood in place when he was doin'his stuff."
"And?" asked Akane.
"His ki blasts. They were small. I figured a really
solid mokou takabisha would blaze right through'em, and
Kirin'd be too slow to dodge. Of course, that meant I hadda
take some hits to build up ki before I could do it." He
took that moment to apply a damp warm towel to the various
burn marks on his arms and face. "I'm beginning to think
the guy that makes the matchups really hates me... and
sending all the clowns your way, Ryouga."
Ignoring the discussion, Kurumi giggled and blushed as
Toma mentioned how very much her eyes reminded him of the
sunsets on his island. Natsumi was splitting her attention
between her meal and occasional glares at the young prince.
"It isn't my fault all my matchups were against...
just... RIDICULOUS martial artists!" Ryouga gritted his
teeth. "They're making me look like a joke out there!"
"Well hey, if the shoe fits..."
"YOU SAYING I'M A JOKE?!?!"
As the conversation between the two rambled on into a
shouting match, Ukyou and Akane rolled their eyes. Kurumi,
meanwhile, talked about her wanderings through Japan with
her elder sister, with Prince Toma listening attentively.
"And there they go again," sighed Akane as Ranma and
Ryouga yelled loudly and gestured with much sweeps of arms
and pointing of fingers. "So, Ukyou, how'd your match go?"
Ukyou shrugged. "Took on some polearm fighter. Not
easy, but not too hard either. Think his name was...
Bishamon... Bishamonten... something like that. How about
you?"
Kurumi was giggling badly at a few carefully selected
words whispered in her ear by Prince Toma. Natsumi was
itching to thwap the boy.
"Kaori Daikoku," said Akane to Ukyou.
"Never heard'a her," replied Ukyou.
"She hasn't been around in a long time... she was an
ex-fiancee of Ranma's."
Ukyou raised an eyebrow. "Another one? Genma's fault,
yeah?"
Akane nodded.
They both became distracted by the rather loud clacking
of keys as Nabiki impatiently pounded on her laptop.
"Say, what's that you're looking at?" asked Ukyou.
"King of Nerima website," said Nabiki.
Akane leaned towards Nabiki, trying to get a glimpse of
her screen. "This thing has a website?"
"Yeah, it's got statistics and bios for all of the
fighters in the tournament, as well as stats on today's
matches."
Ukyou's curiosity was raised a little. "Really? What
kinda of stats?"
"Longest matches, shortest matches, martial artist with
the shortest average match, longest average match, wins by
knockout, wins by submission, etc."
"Really? So who's got the longest time per match?" asked
Ukyou.
"Let's see... Kaeru Yaroshi, Yaroshi School of Grappling.
Twenty-three minutes and forty seconds average per match."
"How about the shortest?" asked Ukyou.
"Hm.... Ryo Muhoshin, Unorthodox Weaponry School of
Martial Arts, eight point seven seconds per match."
"Eight point seven???" Ranma looked irritated, possibly
because someone was doing better than he was. "Who the heck
did he fight in the second round?"
"Freddy Takoma, Martial Arts Basket Weaving," said
Nabiki.
"How'd a BASKET WEAVER get into the second round?!"
yelled Ranma.
"He beat Ken Kashu, Martial Arts Poetry."
"Okay, now I've heard it all," said Ukyou.
"Get outta here! Lemme see that." Ranma nudged Nabiki
aside and stared at the screen. "Ken Kasu, Martial Arts
Poetry. Aw geez."
"As silly as that may seem, there's something even odder
happening," said Nabiki. "And I don't like it one bit."
"Like what?" asked Ukyou.
"Like Kuno making it to the third round."
The table fell silent, except for Toma, who was telling
Kurumi about this great stretch of beach on the south end of
Togenkyou Island...
"Waitaminute," said Ranma. "Kuno won AGAIN?"
Nabiki nodded.
"Who'd he beat this time? Must be someone pretty
pathetic," said Ranma smugly.
Nabiki pointed at Toma, who at that moment grinned rather
sheepishly.
"I... guess I underestimated him," offered Toma
sheepishly as an excuse. Natsumi smirked. Kurumi glared at
her sister briefly, then offered comforting words to the
young prince.
"Two strong wins in a row is no coincidence," said
Nabiki. "I had footage of his two victories sent to a few
analysts. Before tomorrow's matches, I should have an
answer."
"Maybe this... Kuno is just better than you thought?"
asked Natsumi.
"You don't know Kuno like we know Kuno," said Ranma.
*
Mio hit the pause button again... backed up a few
frames... then sat back with a puzzled expression on her
face.
On her television was Tatewaki Kuno, Blue Thunder of
Furinkan High, paused in mid-strike. There was something
disturbing in his aura. It was almost like... like...
She flipped through a nearby occult reference book,
pausing at several pages, then stopped.
Then she moved the footage of Kuno's fight forwards a
bit, pausing as a brief but large flash of dark aura flamed
from Kuno's bokken.
"Oh no... it can't be..."
-end part 1-
WRITER'S NOTES: The Big Index of Obscure Ranma 1/2
Characters for The King of Nerima Tournament
--------------------------------------------
Kaori Daikoku: (ANIME)
Heiress to Takeout Martial Arts and a fiancee
of Ranma. Lost her 'fiancee' status when
she was defeated by Ranma-chan in a
takeout martial arts race. Has shown
a surprisingly deadly use of noodles.
Crepe Joe: (MANGA)
crepe chef that briefly took away Ukyou's
business and defeated her in combat. She
trained hard and returned, defeating Joe
soundly. A competent martial artist, but
not terribly impressive.
Sentaro Daimonji: (ANIME/MANGA)
Heir to the Tea Ceremony Martial Arts Dojo.
Was under the impression that he was engaged
to a monkey, until someone arrived to clarify
things.
Sanae (ANIME/MANGA)
Pet Monkey of Lady Satsuke, heiress to the
Tea Ceremony Martial Arts Dojo. Nasty little
monkey.
Prince Toma (MOVIE)
young Prince (younger than Akane) of a magic and
mobile island whose underground spring turned any
animal into a male human, causing a severe shortage
of women on the isle. He briefly kidnapped Akane
to take as his bride. Wields a sword, and has
a _very_ strong power of illusion.
Kirin: (MOVIE)
Master of the seven lucky gods dojo. Was under the mistaken
impression that Akane was his destined fiancee, so he
(what else?) kidnapped her. Has displayed arm speed
matching Ranma's, and always fights with a bowl of rice
topped with a pickle.
Bishamontten (MOVIE)
Big bearded fighter of the lucky gods dojo. Wields a
polearm in combat.
Natsumi & Kurumi 'Tendo': (OAV)
orphans rescued by a man claiming to be Soun Tendo at
a young age, they were promised the Tendo Dojo if they
became strong and worthy enough of the responsibility.
Natsumi is the elder one, fighting with a specialized
staff, she can send waves of wind with it. Kurumi is
the younger, and the ribbon in her hair is actually
a deceptively long whip-like weapon, wielded as such
in combat.
Kinii: (ANIME)
Servant and Enforcer of the Jusenkyou Guardians, and
disciple of the Muscle Sword technique, where the
warrior and sword become one. His technique is
incredibly destructive in nature.