Buncan Meriwether was in serious trouble.
	He, Neena, and Squill were caught in a box canyon with the hordes
of Princess Azarbi following hard on their tails.  Buncan tried climbing
the steep sandstone walls, but slid back, scraping his hand painfully in
the process.
	"Thought she liked you, did you?" muttered Squill.  The young otter
glared at his human companion.  "Bloody stupid moron."
	Squill's sister cuffed him behind an ear.  "Like you'd 'a' done any
better."  She turned to Buncan.  "Looks like it's spellsingin' or nothing.
There ain't no way out o' here."
	Buncan sucked at his hand.  "If we had a few more people we could
defend this place.  They can't come at us except up the canyon."
	"They'd 'ave to be damn good fighters," said Squill.
	"Damn good fighters," murmered Buncan, unslinging his duar.  Wasn't
there a song about fighters of amazing skill?  he fingered a few chords.
"I've got an idea."
	A quick consultation followed, as Neena and Squill decided on
lyrics.  Then, as the sound of booted feet drew ever nearer, Buncan began
to play.
	Neena drew in a breath.  "Hey hey-hey hey!" she trilled.

***

	In a completely different universe, Ranma Saotome was also in
serious trouble.
	Akane, Ukyo, and Shampoo had cornered him in a blind ally, glowing
with rage.  It really HADn't been his fault, this time, but how was he to
explain things to one of them without the other two becoming totally
insane?  And he was in his girl-form too, thanks to that old lady and her
damn sidewalk-cleaning.
	"O HohoHOHOHOhoHO!" came a familiar voice.  "Pig-tailed girl!"
	Kodachi leaped into the alley behind him with a flurry of rose
petals.  Great.  It was hard to imagine things getting much worse.  Ranma
prepared himself for a sound four-on-one thrashing.

***
		"In a jam, in a fix
		"Need a spell right quick...

	The two otters began their rap as Buncan  plucked at his duar.
They wouldn't be in this mess, he mused, if he weren't so stupid about
women.  He had let Azarbi play him like a twopenny tin whistle.  His father
always said he just needed "life experience," but how was he to get "life
experience" when human girls were relatively uncommon, and the few there
were tended to ignore him?
	Their pursuers entered the canyon as the otters reached the chorus.
Having had some experience with spellsinging, they slowed down
considerably, being reluctant to charge headlong into whatever he was
brewing for them.

		"Bring it here, right now, just as fast as lightnin'
		"Gotta get some o' that kung-fu fightin'!"

	A purple haze rose from the ground and formed itself into five
columns just in front of Buncan.  As he played the last licks, they
solidified into human figures.   All five were young, slim, dark-haired,
human, and female.  All five were beautiful.
	The one farthest to Buncan's right had short-cropped hair and wore
a rather severe, unattractive dress.  Next to her stood a girl with much
longer hair, wearing pants and wielding what Buncan took to be a giant
shovel.  The girl in the center had equally long hair, and wore a tight
flower-print dress that barely covered her hips.  All three girls were
glaring at the fourth girl, who had her hair tied in a pigtail and wore
mannish clothes that were much too large for her.  She looked distinctly
ill at ease.  The final girl wore a leotard and had her hair pulled back
into a ponytail.  The girls, clearly astounded at what had happened,
glanced around wildly while jabbering in a tongue Buncan could not
understand.
	The Princess's hordes, excited by the apparent failure of the
spellsong and the appearance of new, more appetizing victims, let out a
roar and charged.  "I want the one with the legs," cried one, a ferret with
more lust than sense.  "Dibs on the pony-tailed one," shouted a rat.  The
short-haired girl screamed at the sight of a crowd of armed humanoid
animals rushing towards her, but all the girls shifted into battle stances,
the one in the leotard whipping out a long black ribbon attached to a
stick.
	Buncan began playing again.  The otters, instead of their usual
rap, began to sing the chorus.

		"Everybody be kung-fu fightin'
		"Everybody be fast as lightnin'
		"Everybody be kung-fu fightin'
		"Better be a little bit fright'nin'"

	 It was, indeed, a little bit frightening.  The girls fought with
incredible power and speed, smashing weapons made of tempered steel with
their bare hands and sending bodies flying with each blow.  The horde soon
broke and ran, leaving their battered comrades to drag themselves away as
best they could.  Squill and Neena left off singing and began to leap about
and cheer.  The pigtailed girl  raised a fist and shouted something defiant
while one of her companions helped the last straggler with a sweeping blow
of her shovel.  "Fore!" shouted Squill.
	The girls turned to face them.  The otters fell silent under the
withering glare, and Buncan's fingers faltered on his duar.  "Methinks you
'ave some explainin' to do," whispered Neena.
	"Me?" gulped Buncan.

***

"Ranma 1/2" characters by Rumiko Takahashi.
"Spellsinger" characters by Alan Dean Foster.
"Kung Fu Fighting" by somebody I don't know. (Carl Douglas?)

What do you think, sirs?

-- David