A few words on this little Self-Insert.
This work is being done by a friend of mine, Andrew Currie, **NOT** BY ME!!!
I'm just sending it out for him. I thought it was a riot, and I thought you
might too.
Send all your C&C to him, **NOT** me, folks, this message had been copied to
him. (His mailing addy is curr0001@algonquinc.on.ca).
Anyway, here it is...
********
Oh My Demon! - Part 1
by Andrew Currie (curr0001@algonquinc.on.ca).
Standard Discaimer Here.
***
Life is strange some times, you know? One minute, you think you know where
you're going, then fate intervenes and you're cast down a completely
different path. Well... who could have guessed that one little package could
make such a difference.
It all started one Wednesday afternoon. You see, I had just gotten home
after one my shorter days in college. It was an average day and I was
feeling OK. I was checking the mail and I noticed a package addressed to me.
Now, I'm lucky if I get one piece of mail a week. Getting a package is a big
deal. I looked it over to check the address, just to make sure it was really
for me... it was. No return address though.
I opened it up and found a commercial VHS tape inside. The title was "Hot to
Trot." The excuse for clothing the woman on the cover wore left little to
the imagination. Needless to say, I was quite surprised. "Must be some kind
of giveaway," I mumbled out loud.
So I did what any normal guy would do and went to the VCR, put the tape in
and pressed play. *She* came onto the screen. She was one of the sexiest
women I had ever laid eyes upon. She was about 5'6" (nowhere near my height,
I'm 6'3") with bronze skin and platinum colored hair.
"Do you want me?" she said, moving closer to her side of the screen. I just
watched in anticipation... then her head popped out of the TV. "What the
f..." was all that got past my lips before the screen started glowing
radiantly. After a moment, *she* stood before me.
"Hi-ii!" she said in that sleazy tone of voice she is known for.
"Hu-hi... ", I said meekly.
"You must be Andrew," she said.
I just nodded, still in shock.
"I'm Urd."
I just kept on nodding.
She walked over and picked me up. I was shocked at how easily she did it.
"Snap out of it!" she said while shaking me. After a moment, she dropped me
to the floor.
"Ga! Are you a Video Girl?", I stammered out.
"No, I'm a Goddess and I'm here to grant you a wish," she said.
"You? Grant me a wish?" I said, pointing at myself.
"Yes you!"
"Why me?"
"Because you meet the qualifications!" she said, getting a bit irritated by
the number of dumb questions I was asking.
"Oh... " it sounded logical.
I got up and brushed myself off. I watched her guardedly, not quite looking
her in the eye. She looked back with an air of nonchalance.
"Why don't you sit down and we can discuss this?" I suggested. "I don't want
to rush into this." The old saying, "Be careful what you wish for..." was
playing in the back of my head.
Urd sighed. "All right." She sat down on the couch. I sat on the other one
across from her.
"So, I can wish for anything I want?"
"Anything. Money. Power. Destroy the world. But you won't wish for that,
will you?
"Well that does sound kind of tempting... " I said with a grin.
Urd's eyes grew wide for a moment... then she burst out laughing. "I think
I'm going to like you."
Although I should've been overjoyed at the statement, it made me nervous
instead. To change the subject, I asked, "So what do other people wish for?"
"Money. Be a girl-magnet. Be famous. Hanson Brothers... "
A chill ran down my spine at the last one. Well money had never interested
me. I never wanted to be famous either. Not my style. Girls? That was
tempting... But again, no.
"Any unusual wishes?" I asked, trying to buy some time.
"Well, my sister, Belldandy, got a request from this guy Keiichi... and I
quote: 'I want a pretty girl like you to stay with me forever!' And so she
did."
"And she granted that?" I asked in total disbelief. A Goddess and a mortal?
That's impossible.
"The system did. Yggdrassil." Urd replied.
"Yggdrassil?" I repeated.
"Yggdrassil is the system that keeps the universe going the way it's
supposed to."
"I thought God did that..." I said, having been raised a Roman-Catholic.
"He get's a little busy now a them." was her reply.
I decided not delve any deeper into that. "I guess your not too happy with
you sister, a goddess living with some mortal."
She shrugged, "It wouldn't be so bad if their relationship wasn't so
childish."
I raised an eyebrow, "You want them to have a relationship?"
"Oh yes. It'd be good for both of them. Though my other sister, Skuld
doesn't think so."
"How many sister do you have?"
"Just 2."
"Did any more goddesses happen to come to earth?" I asked.
"Not that I know of. But an annoying demoness named Mara keeps coming around
and messing things up."
"Sounds like you have lots of problems", I said. "I wish I could help."
Urd gave me a stunned look.
As the import of my words dawned on me, I said, "I guess I can't take that
back, can I?"
She began to glow and rose off the floor. Energy flowed off of her, causing
a number of objects and other assorted debris to swirl around the room.
Finally, a beam of light shot from her forehead and passed straight through
the ceiling and into the sky.
When the fireworks had died down, the most intelligent thing I could mumble
was, "Mom's going to be pretty upset when she see that hole." I was stunned.
"Wish approved." Urd said calmly, giving me a crooked grin.
"What?" I yelled.
After that... I did what anyone would do after all this stress. I fainted.
***
Urd stared down at the unconscious Andrew. After a moment, her form blurred
to reveal an evilly grinning Mara. "That was too easy... "
--
Christopher "God-boy" Angel
cja124@mail.usask.ca
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/7040/
"I'm your worst nightmare - a manga
nut with a power ring." Green Lantern