Here�s part 4.  As always, I like getting E-mail.  It makes me feel
important.  So feel free to send all thoughts, ideas, suggestions,
positive or negative.  My address is MIDP@Rocketmail.com

WARNING:  This is a SELF-INSERTION fic.  You know what that means.  If
you do not like these self-indulging, inflated dream type gigs, you
don�t have to read it.  I wish you would though.  I�d like to think I�m
writing for SOME reason.

Tenchi Muyo! Is the property of some huge conglomerate and not me.  The
characters were created by the creative genius of an author, not me,
who�s name I don�t know.  So please don�t sue me!  I don�t mean any
harm!

Some untitled Tenchi Fic
By:  John Harding

Part 4:

   Just then, the oldest of the men came up, smiled, and said, "You�ll
just have to share Tenchi�s Room."

   "Grandpa�"  resisted Tenchi.  But the old man raised a finger to
silence him.

   "Come now.  Let�s have some tea.  There is much to talk about," said
the Grandfather.

 So that was it.  We proceeded to sit around the table and drink tea.
You know, I don�t have any idea how he does it, but Tenchi�s Grandfather
has this talent to diffuse almost any situation.  Maybe it�s his calm
demeanor in even the most dire situations.  Maybe it�s his unending
charisma.  Maybe it�s the fact that he could fry everyone�s ass with a
snap of his finger.  Oh well.  At his suggestion, we all crowded out of
the room we were in, and gathered around the table.  There was an
uncomfortable silence, mostly to me because I was the subject of
everyone�s attention, until I finally buckled under their gaze and
spoke.

   "So�I guess introductions are in order," I said, desperately trying
to end the silence.

   "Yea.  So who are you?"  inquired Ryoko, who seemed to have calmed a
bit.

   <That was blunt,> I thought.  Ryoko, I guess, is a blunt kind of
person.  I actually like this quality.  Being a rather straight-forward
person myself, I have a knack for putting my foot in my mouth around the
Japanese, and it�s actually refreshing to have someone even more
�brutish� than me around.  "My name�s John Harding.  I�m from Chicago,
Illinois, America.  Who are you, Ryoko?"

   She started to answer, then what I had just said finally occurred to
her.  "I�uh�HEY!  What kind of idiot do you think I am?"

   "A stupid one," piped in a woman with long, purple hair and a very
extravagant robe."
   "Who asked you?"

   "You did."

   "I asked *him!*"

   "He wouldn�t know what kind of person you are.  He just got here."

   "And who are you to answer like that?!"

   "Um�hey�"  started Tenchi.  He was unsuccessfully trying to stop the
argument.  The woman glared at him, he sank into his seat, and the
argument continued.

   "Now look what you�ve done!" yelled Ryoko.

   "What?"  blasted back the purple-haired girl.

   "You�ve hurt his feelings!"

   At that, the purple-haired girl looked around at Tenchi.  He just
smiled meekly, waved, and laughed nervously.  She turned around and
retorted, "I did not!"

   It was about done with that argument.  "Hey,"  I interjected.  I was
ignored.  "YO!"  I said, raising my voice.  This time, they gave me a
slightly more severe version of the glare they had given Tenchi.  I was
not intimidated.  The argument continued.  "WILL YOU TWO CUT THE
CRAP?!"  I shouted, my palms flat on the table.

   "I think he was talking to us,"  said Ryoko, energy beginning to
crackle in her hands.

   "Indeed,"  replied the purple-haired woman, daintily standing.

   <Uh oh,>  I thought nervously.  I slowly exited my own chair, and
backed away, chuckling, and trying to look as harmless as humanly
possible.  Seeing the two woman advancing, I did what any normal, sane
human being would have done at that point.  I RAN LIKE HELL.  I think
the purple-haired woman was satisfied with that, but Ryoko gave chase.
I snaked through the house, and out the front door.  Ryoko just chased
me until I exited the house, and when I turned around to look, she
brandished some kind of light-saber thing and with a battle cry, came
down on me.  I ducked to the side, and the weapon dug a really nice
sized divot in the ground just to my left.

   "AAAAAH!  Are you crazy?!"  I screamed, as if that would actually
call her off.

   "No, but I�m sick and tired of you!  *swish*  Driving into a portal
like that�what kind of idiot are you?!"
   "Hey!  It�s not my fault!  *swoosh* Get a grip!  *slash*  It�s not
like I want to be here!"

   "Then *crash* why don�t you just go *swish* home then?!"  She
hollered.

   Great.  I was flat against a wall.  Ryoko brought her sword up over
her head.  I flinched.  <Oh.  This sucks>

   "Ryoko!  Stop it!"  came a voice from behind us.  I opened my eyes to
see Tenchi, Sasami, and even the purple-haired one running toward us.
Ryoko turned around for a second, and I attempted a silent escape to the
side.  The energy sword appeared in my path.  Damn.

   "Heh heh�I was just playing with him," she said, recalling the
energy-sword.  I sighed heavily.  Then whacked me to the side.  Hard.  I
went rolling and tumbling for a good fifty feet before coming to a
rest.  That hurt quite a bit.  <P-Play?!>  I thought, looking at all the
holes, craters, and other damage she had caused to the landscape, trees,
and other geographical features.  <I�d hate to see �furiously trying to
kill� mode!>

   I laid there on the ground for quite a while, surveying the carnage
that was supposed to have been inflicted on me.  "*sigh*  this just
isn�t my day,"  I mumbled to myself.  I pulled myself out of the ground
and headed back toward the others.  The girls went back into the house,
leaving Tenchi standing there watching me approach.

   "I�m sorry about that," said Tenchi as I neared, "Ryoko tends to
overreact to little things."

   "D-don�t mention it,"  I rasped.  We retreated into the house.

   Later on, when things had settled a bit, we tried the tea thing one
more time.  This time, Tenchi was smart enough to �suggest� that Ryoko
and the purple-haired girl sit on opposite sides of the table from one
another.  After that, Tenchi went about introducing everyone at the
table.

   "Well�John is it?"  he asked.  I knodded.  "Like I said before, I�m
Tenchi.  This is my father," he said, pointing to the middle-aged man
sitting next to him.  "This is my grandfather,"  he said, gesturing
toward the oldest man.

   "A pleasure," I said, nodding.

   The introductions proceeded around the table.  The purple-haired girl
was Aeka.  I guess she�s the princess of some huge-ass galactic empire.
Best I stay on her good side, with all that power she�s got and all.
The genius scientist�s name was Washu.  I�d better not sneeze around
her, or I�ll end up a frog, or some other less-evolved creature that I
probably would not enjoy being.  The dark-green haired woman, Kiyone,
and the blonde chick, Mihoshi, are both officers in an intergalactic
law-enforcement organization called the �Galaxy Police.�  Great.  Cops.
It�s always cops.  I should really not show them the Swiss cheese I call
a driver�s license.  It would be real bad to have my 23,000 moving
violations spread all over the universe.  The insurance rates on
spaceships would be�hectic.  Last, but definitely not least is that
weird cat-rabbit thing they call Ryo-Ohki.  Man, I�ve never seen
anything like that in my life!  It hops like a rabbit, eats like a
rabbit, and has ears like a rabbit, but sounds and acts like a cat!  And
that�s not the half of it.  They claim this little guy (girl?) can
change into a powerful spaceship!  Now I�ll believe that when I see it.
Actually, I probably won�t believe it when I see it.

   Well, after that was over with, I excused myself, got up out of my
chair, and headed for the door.  I needed some breathing room.  <Man.
What a day,> I thought to myself, "I wanna go home!" I then whined
aloud.  I was totally stressed.  So I decided to do what I always do
when I�m stressed:  lay back, and puff away at a big cigar.
Unfortunately, I didn�t have one on me.  Then I remembered.  "That�s
right!  I have one Swisher Perfecto left in my glove compartment!"  I
announced to myself happily, raising my finger up in a gesture of
triumph, "Now�where�s my truck?"

   "It�s in the bath," said Washu, who obviously had been watching.

   "Where�s the bath?"

   "It�s in another dimension."

   "Augh, not another dimension!  What if I get stuck there?"

   "You won�t get stuck there.  You can�t go in in the first place."

   "Why�s that?"

   "The door is programmed to let only women into the dimension."

   "That sucks�so do the men have one to?"

   "Nope."

   "Why�s that?"

   "Because I didn�t feel like creating one.  You men get the typical,
small, one-person room that was in the house before I got here."

   "But that�s no fair!"

   "Life seldom is."

   "So how do I get to my truck�and my cigar?"

   "You don�t."

   "Can�t you make just one little exception so I can go get a smoke out
of my truck?  I�ll be good I promise!"

   "Nope.  I can�t do that."

   "AND WHY NOT?!"

   "It�s in use."

   "Oh�why didn�t you say that in the first place?"

   "It wasn�t important at the time."

   "*siggggggh*  typical genius type.  So what brings you out here in
the first place?"

   "Well you see, noticed that you have a unique genetic pattern that is
ideal for one of my experiments."

   "How?"

   "Well I scanned this while you were out cold this afternoon," she
said, holding up a hair."

   "So why don�t you use the hair then?"

   "This isn�t a genetic experiment, you moron, I need your person."

   "No."

   "Come on, this is important!"

   "Uh, I just don�t think so."

   "Pretty please?"

   "Nnnnn-nope."

   "I�ll let you get that cigar you wanted."

   "Throw in privileges to that dimensional bath, and you have a deal.
When it�s not in use by the others, of course."

   "Dream on," she scoffed, "You think I�d allow a filthy man like you
to use our private bath?  Ha!"

   "Then create me one of my own."

   "Hey, spare dimensions don�t grow on trees, you know."

   "But I�m sure you have one laying around somewhere, being the number
one genius scientist in the universe."

   "Sure I do, but you can�t have it.

   "Sorry, no deal then.

   "Let me put it this way.  You will be my guinea pig�one way or
another.  Got it?"

   At first, I thought she was just conniving.  Then it dawned on me
what she was saying.  <Um, I think she means it this way�you can be a
guinea pig for her, or you can be a guinea pig.>  I tried one last
barter. "Can I at least have my cigar back?"

   She nodded, and tossed it to me.  I should have known she�d had it
all along.  "I don�t need you right away.  But don�t think you�re out of
this yet," she said, smiling brightly.  I sighed, and shook my head.
Somehow, I didn�t feel like smoking it at that point.  It was too hard
won.  I sighed again, and went inside.

END OF PART 4
Well, that�s it for part 4.  Yea, I know it was kind of dry, but I had
to introduce all the characters.  Anyway, I kind of think that dialogue
with Washu was too long.  I�d appreciate some advice on that one.  Any
other C&C, positive or negative, is welcome at my address,
MIDP@Rocketmail.com
Notice I didn�t title the fic yet.  One of my friends read it and
thought the �Some untitled Tenchi fic� is just fine, so I�m just going
to leave it like that for the time being.