A little PSME fic set after the main events (a la the showdown at Tokyo
tower etc.) around where the manga ends. If you've only seen the OAVs, this
might be a little confusing... of course, I'm not really sure if it will
be, so tell me if it is terribly. 

Any C&C would be welcome (yes! be brutal! rip into me! that kind of thing...)

---

Memories and Stardust: By Monica Shin


	Enju looked down at Gyokuran's huddled form with a pained expression on
her face. Kneeling so that her face was level to his, she put her arms
around him without a word. For a moment, both of them were still, before
Gyokuran finally broke down and started to sob on her shoulder. 

	Brushing away the few tears that had formed in the corner of her eyes,
Enju let herself become the support that Gyokuran always seemed to need
whenever Mokuren was involved. Pushing away the part of herself that always
railed against the unfairness of it all, Enju just held her love. That was
all she could do. 

	Finally, Gyokuran pulled away from her as if embarrassed by the fierceness
of his own emotions. With a small whisper, he muttered, "Thanks." Enju
nodded with a small, slightly bitter smile on her face, before turning
away. Only once her face was away from his, hidden by her long hair, did
she let herself show the pain that was jabbing at her heart.

	As Enju walked down the long corridor to her room, she hoped that she
wouldn't meet any of the other scientists on the way. Once she was in her
own space, she could cope with what she was feeling right now. But she knew
that she would break down if she had to deal with anyone else's pity at the
same time -- after all, no one could ignore the pain that were showing in
her eyes right now. Except, perhaps Gyokuran...

	Almost blinded by the tears, Enju groped for the controls that would open
her door. Before she could manage to enter her key-code, she felt someone
place a hand on her shoulder. Enju stiffened, quickly wiping the tears from
her eyes. Even while her inner self was screaming at her run inside to
sanctuary, she took a deep breath and turned. 

	Looking up and seeing Gyokuran's shocked face, Enju managed to put a smile
on her face. "Gyokuran, what is it?"

	Gyokuran's voice was strained as he answered, "Enju... what-"

	Enju knew what he was asking, and ignored the question. Gesturing to her
face, she said with that shaky smile, "What, this? I must have just gotten
something in my eye. Don't worry about it, Gyokuran. Just go to bed and get
some rest. Dream of your lovely Kichess and lets hope that she doesn't have
another singing fit -- I'd rather not be pruning the doorways again-"

	Enju turned away abruptly, shocked by the venomous turn her remarks and
her voice had taken. She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against
the door. "Gyokuran... please. Just go away." Her hand went up to her
door's key-pad, and she punched in the code that finally opened the way for
her sanctuary.

	She quickly tumbled inside, and knew that she would be safe from prying
thoughts and eyes for a few hours at least. The doors closed automatically
after someone had entered and they could only be reopened by the password
or by the person inside -- and she wasn't planning on opening her door
until she absolutely had to-

	"Enju! Tell me what's going on!"

	Gyokuran's muffled voice came from behind the door, but his thoughts were
thankfully blocked from her mind. One of the joys of shielded rooms...
"Gyokuran, never mind! Just go away..." Enju knew that last command had
come out more like a sob than anything else, but she could feel her
self-control dissolving as her misery crashed down inside her again.

	"Just... just go away..."

	Enju collapsed onto the chair, burrowing her face onto the upholstered
back. She let her hair hide her from the light and let the tears soak into
the soft fabric. Maybe now he would leave her alone so she could regain
control of herself and tell him with a happy voice tomorrow that it was all
just nerves or-

	Enju jumped up with a shout as a metallic screech filled her room.
Turning, she saw the remains of what had been her key-pad on the floor
outside the doorway. Gyokuran stepped over the mess and stepped into her
room, still breathing hard from exerting his unpracticed and somewhat
erratic psychic gifts. 

	"Gyokuran- I-"

	Gyokuran went over to her and put his hands on her shoulders. Forcing her
to look up at him, he asked in a voice that was both furious and afraid,
"Enju, what's wrong with you? I just come to say thanks, and then I see you
crying like someone had died! Then when I ask you what's wrong, you just
throw me out! Then I can't hear anything from your apartment, so I have to
bust my way in-"

	Enju tried to push him away, but he just held onto her firmly. Finally,
she stopped struggling and looked up at him with tear-filled eyes. As her
eyes locked onto his, Gyokuran stopped speaking as he saw the hopeless
feelings being reflected there... the same things he saw whenever he looked
into a mirror. 

	"Enju... I never-"

	Enju saw his expression turn into one of pained pity, sending even more
knives of stabbing pain through her heart. Anything but that... So she did
the only thing she could. The one thing that could give each of them some
relief from love that they both knew would never be returned... 

	"Gyokuran, shut up."

	With that, she kissed him. It was a long, deliberate kiss, designed to
shut down higher brain functions for its duration. At its end, both of the
were breathless and on the floor, with her on top of him. 

	"Enju, what-?"

	Enju knew that she was going to regret what she was going to do, but
somehow she just didn't care. For one night, he wasn't going to be thinking
about Mokuren so loudly that she couldn't think about anything else...

	"Gyokuran, didn't you hear me before? Quiet."

	She moved her mouth down for another kiss, which he returned after a
moment's hesitation. As they moved to the bedroom, Enju ignored the small
tear escaping from her eye, because even now, all she could hear from his
mind was Mokuren. Even now...

---

	"En-ju-kun!"

	Issei started and looked at the person in front of him with a dazed
expression. "Sakura..." Sakura gave him an annoyed expression and waved her
hands in front of his face. 

	"Hello~ Are you awake, Enju-kun? What are you doing staring out into space
when I've been standing here for the last-" She gave him an exasperated
look before pulling him up from the cafe chair. "Oh, never mind. It's too
nice a day to waste talking about things like this."

	Issei nodded somewhat hesitantly, his mind occupied by the memory that he
hadn't thought of for a very long time... Why had he been remembering that
of all things? It truly had been a long time since that part of the moon
dreams had come to mind at all, especially in a day dream.

	Giving him a concerned look, Sakura sighed before forcing his attention
back on her. "Geez. You're really out of it, aren't you?" Taking Issei's
slightly sheepish grin as an affirmative, Sakura sank down into the chair
opposite the one Issei had vacated a moment before. Letting out another
long, dramatic sigh, she said, "Come on. Tell me about it or else you're
going to be moping all afternoon."

	Issei gave her an indigant look before sitting back down himself. "I do
not mope." At Sakura's silent gaze, Issei chuckled, before sighing and
burying his face into his arms on the table. Lifting his chin slightly, he
said, "Well, whether I do or not, I wasn't particularly planning on doing
so now."

	Sakura reached over and gave him a rap on the nose with her finger. "So
'fess up. What was going through that mind of yours?"

	Issei looked down onto the white tablecloth and stayed silent while a slow
flush crept up his face. 

	"It was that kind of dream, then?" Sakura grinned at the silent assent
Issei's brightening blush seemed to provide, and started to muse out loud.
"So... who would make you blush quite so much? It had to have been someone-"

	"It was..." The rest of his whispered confession was muffled by his arms
and tablecloth.

	"It was...?"
 
	"Gyokuran."

	Sakura's smile faded as she processed the quiet comment. Letting out a
long breath, she leaned back in her chair. Then, with an abrupt jump, she
leaned right up to Issei and then buried her face into her hands.
"Sahjareem-sama... Issei, haven't we been through this already?"

	Issei had to smile at the exasperated tone in Sakura's voice, but his grin
faded quickly into a somewhat distant, almost pained expression. In a soft
voice, he answered, "I thought I was done with it all. That..." Unable to
finish his sentence, he let it trail away, leaving both of them in an
uncomfortable silence. 

	Sakura thought through the two lives worth of advice that she had had to
give Enju about this, and found that there wasn't anything she could say.
Finally, in a small voice uncharacteristic of the usually energetic Sakura,
she asked, "It still hurts, doesn't it?"

	Issei pulled himself up from the table. Looking down at the woman who was
giving him a look full of empathy and pity, he replied with a single word. 

	"Yes."

	Without a word, Sakura moved from her chair and embraced him. Offering him
her shoulder, she just held him as memories and ghosts awoke pains that had
been thought to be lost in a life past. Glaring at the other diners who
promptly went back to their own conversations, she left enough money to
cover the coffee and gently led him out to the sunlight. 

---

	Enju stared up at her ceiling. It was dark in her room, but not dark
enough to hide the fact that she was alone. 

	"Why am I not surprised?"

	She sighed and buried her face into her sheets. The sad thing was that
even after she and Gyokuran had become lovers, nothing had changed. He was
unfailingly polite, but after they made love, he always left for his own
quarters. 

	In a low, aggravated tone, Enju said, "We're still just friends. To him,
we�re not really lovers -- just two associates who happen to be sharing a
bed. Nothing special..." 

	She turned over on the bed and started to punch at her pillow, imagining
someone's face there. Her's, Gyokuran's, Mokurens... The worst part was
that she knew how empty this relationship really was, but she couldn't seem
to let go of it. It was her only link to his heart...

	Abandoning that train of thought in favor of lying back in bed, Enju
closed her eyes and tried to forget what she'd inadvertently received from
her lover's mind tonight, and every other night. How ironic that her
telepathic reception got stronger when subjected to intense passion and
emotions... Too bad the focus of those emotions wasn't her. 

	"Mokuren. Every single time..."

	Before she could sink lower into her depression, a buzz came from the
speaker. Enju wondered if she could fake being asleep, but she also knew
that Shusulan probably would keep on ringing until she "woke" up.

	"Come in, Shusulan."

	Shusulan came in, her short cropped hair was wet from a recent shower.
"Enju, what are you still doing in bed? It's time for your-" Her somewhat
annoyed stream of words stopped as she noticed the despondent expression on
the telepath's face. "Gyokuran again?"

	When Enju didn't reply, Shusulan shook her head and examined her with a
concerned look on her face. Moving over to the bed, she shook her head and
sat down next to the long-haired scientist. In a quiet voice, Shusulan
said, "You've got to do something about this, Enju."

	Enju looked down and hugged at her knees. "I know."

	Shusulan gave her a searching look, before continuing, "This isn't good
for you, and you know it."

	Enju only gave her a bitter smile, replying, "I know that too. But I can't
help it, Shusulan. You know how long... how badly I wanted this. Some
recognition of... I don't know. It's just not working out the way its
supposed to be, and he doesn't even realize-"

	"You mean he's too blinded by his infatuation for Mokuren that he doesn't
see how much he's hurting you."

	Enju gave Shusulan a sad look. "It's not his fault. How can he know? I'm
the one who threw myself at him... he just thinks it's physical
companionship."

	Shusulan sighed at her self-sacrificing friend, but didn't say anything.
Finally, Enju got out of bed and said, "I'm late for my shift, right?"

	Shusulan nodded, standing up as well. She looked at Enju, who had turned
toward the closet in search of a jumper for the day. Finally, she mused in
a muted voice, "At least you're doing all you can, Enju. If he doesn't see
it, it's his fault, not yours."


	Enju's back stiffened before she exerted her willpower to relax it.
Finally, with a bitter smile hidden in the shadows, Enju replied, "I know
that too. I'm not sure how much it helps."

	Shusulan nodded, and left the room. Enju listened to the hissing of the
closing doors, and then took a deep breath. Somehow, Shusulan's cool way of
looking at things made things seem just a little bit more organized. 

	Putting on the jumper and getting herself cleaned up, Enju frowned at the
fragments of her dream that she could still recall. It had been odd -- for
one thing, she had been a boy. An Earth boy, who had been living in what
she assumed to be the future. After all, while not as advanced as her
world, that Japan had certainly gone beyond the bloody mess that it was now. 

	Enju could remember a few faces -- a red-haired boy, and a girl who had
hair almost like hers. Both of them had been centers of emotion for her
dream-self, but she just couldn't seem to get a grasp on it... Smiling at
her daydreaming foolishness, Enju squared her shoulders and went out to
face the new day. 

---

	"It really is a nice day out..."

	Sakura's voice faded as she looked down at her hands, and then at the
cherry blossoms which were blooming in the park. She glanced at the silent
young man sitting next to her before plopping down onto the grass. Propping
herself up on her elbows with her feet kicking at the air, she gave him
another look before sighing. 

	"What I can't understand is why now..."

	Issei's voice was so confused that Sakura had to suppress the urge to give
him another comforting hug. The public scene in the cafe had been bad
enough, after all... Instead, she took his hand and gave it a comforting
squeeze, which he returned.  Both of them were silent as they contemplated
the bright blue sky and the sweet spring breeze blowing through the blossoms. 

	"Stress always has interesting effects on people's minds." Sakura quirked
a smile at Issei, who sighed again. 

	"I suppose. But why..."

	Sakura sat up and said in a fierce voice, "Enju-kun. No -- Issei. You've
got to get over it. I mean, I thought we both had. Our past lives shouldn't
be what rules us now."

	Issei looked up at her, and closed his eyes. "I know. I thought that I'd
put it past me... it's just..."

	Sakura looked at him lying there in the grass, and then pulled her knees
up to her chest. Hugging them to her, she turned away a little and asked,
"Are you really that sorry that you asked me? Because if you have to dig
through past lives in order to find an excuse-"

	Issei sat up immediately and turned Sakura so that she faced him. She
refused to look at him, gazing down at the grass. Speechless, Issei gazed
at her for a moment before putting his arms around her in a tight embrace. 

	"Don't say that, even in jest. Asking you to marry me was one of the best
things I've ever done. That's the one thing I know I'll never regret."

	Sakura looked up at his truly sincere eyes and smiled. Surrendering to his
hold, she twined her arms around his neck and put her head on his shoulder. 

	"Then why are you thinking about Gyokuran?"

	With a laugh, Issei answered, "If I knew, I don't think we'd be doing this
right now, would we?"

	Sakura shrugged and replied, "We _were_ supposed to be celebrating your
first international show, but..."

	"I know. I haven't seen you in two weeks, and all I wanted to do was be
somewhere with you discussing the wedding, but-"

	Sakura sighed and echoed, "But."

	"Right."

	Finally, Sakura pulled away from her fiancee. Looking at him for a moment,
she gave a mock-threatening growl. Noticing the change, Issei gave her a
half-anxious smile as he playfully moved away from her. She suddenly made a
fist and stopped its movement right before it hit is face.  "Idiot! You're
supposed to move away when someone does that to you!" 

	Sakura's harsh words were belayed both by her loving tone and the soft
touch that she laid upon his cheek with that hand which had been
threatening him just a moment ago. Issei laughed out loud and took her hand
from his cheek, kissing it before letting it go. 

	After that, both of them silently agreed not to mention that dream which
had brought back unexpected specters from the past. Instead, the two joked
around, and then got to the serious business of their wedding. 

	"What kind of style do you want?"

	Sakura smiled and replied, "I've always dreamed of a big Western wedding
-- something big and utterly romantic."

	Issei nodded, and then cocked his head toward her. "So, you want ruffles,
lace, and all of that?" At her enthusiastic grin, he gave a small sigh and
mused, "Fine --I'll just have to change a few things on the dress, but not
by too much, I think..." 

	At Sakura's amazed look, he grinned. "Come on, Sakura. Your fiance _is_ a
fashion designer, after all. Did you really think that I would let anyone
else touch your wedding dress? Of course, I was going to mention it to you
after my sketches were complete to get your opinions, but this is a good a
way as any to-"

	Sakura's tackle left him breathless and pressed up against a rock which
was unfortunately large and rather uncomfortable. Still, he stayed where he
was for long enough so that Sakura's enthusiasm had an opportunity to run
its course. Finally, when he felt her lift some of her weight off of him,
he sat up and held her to him. 

	"Happy?"

	Sakura's smile was radiant as she put her head on his shoulder. "That has
to be the absolute best present anyone has ever thought to give me. It --
oh, it's wonderful! And of course..." Her expression was slyly teasing as
she looked at Issei out of the corner of her eyes. 

	"Of course, what?" 

	His eyes were equally happy as he lay back down, this time onto the more
comfortable grass. Sakura followed suit, making it so the two of them were
face to face. "All the girls at the office will be _so_ jealous to know
that my wedding dress was especially designed by a professional, just for
me. You're going to do wonders for my status, darling."

	Issei's tone was wounded as he said, "So, that's all you want me for? I
feel so used-" As Sakura started to giggle, he couldn't help but follow suit. 

	He had never really believed that so much happiness was possible in one
moment -- especially when he had been Enju. Even the Issei who had had all
those amazing, strange, terrifyingly wonderful dreams of the past -- he had
been so confused over everything. Especially over Jinpachi. Looking back,
it was amazing how far he felt from that past, even though the effects of
those incredible days were still being felt. For all the pain and grief
he'd felt and gone through, having found Sakura made it all worth it. 

	It was all worth it. It really was. Even discovering Enju's grief, feeling
her desperate love for Gyokuran and getting it mixed up with some of his
own -- who was to say that it had all been terrible? It had felt awful, no
question, but it had also made him stronger. Perhaps it was that strength
that had made it possible for him to tell his parents that he wanted to be
a designer instead of the salaryman they had wanted him to be. 

	Did he regret it? Before that showdown at Tokyo Tower, there had been
moments where he had just wanted everything to be normal, wished all of the
past away and for good reason. He looked at his fiancee, who was fit snug
and just right next to him. She was silent as well, with closed eyes,
probably enjoying the moment like he was. But now -- no. There was no
regret in him anymore. Things had worked out for the best, even if the end
result was not what he'd been expecting. Not what anyone had been expecting. 

	That's the way life is sometimes. All he knew was that he wouldn't trade
this warm, perfect spring day for anything. Ever.

	"I don't think the dream will come back anymore, Sakura."

	She opened her eyes then, and looked at Issei. Seeing the calm in his
eyes, she smiled. 

	"Good."

---

	Issei opened his eyes and saw the globe, almost impossibly blue and white
below him. He knew that he had just fallen asleep -- after a wonderful day
with his fiancee, Issei had gone back to sketching and conceptualizing for
his next show before turning in a little later than usual. He hadn't
expected any dreams, so this was odd...

	He was floating in space, but was anchored in place halfway between the
moon and the Earth. As he was about to try test the force keeping him in
place, he felt a presence behind him, and turned. A woman looked back at
him, her long brown hair moving to an unseen breeze.

	"Enju..."

	She smiled and extended her hands toward him. He took them and felt a
wordless communication with her as their minds touched as well. 

	Are you happy?

	Oh yes, yes I am.

	I'm glad/relieved/sad.

	Sad?

	My heart was only for one man, when I was here on the moon. It saddens me
that the one constant in my life has been abolished.

	Don't be. I have a new love now, one who truly loves me back. It can never
be the same, but it is strong, my love for her. 

	Shusulan/Sakura has always been there for us, haven't they?

	Yes. I think we should be glad for that. 

	Is he happy?

	Gyokuran/Jinpachi? He is well. As for happy... well, if he doesn't get in
trouble because of Ayume-san's age...

	Everything's come back to where it should be.

	Yes. 

	Enju let his hands go, and then embraced him. He put arms around her as
well, feeling where they were joined, continued; soul to soul. Enju became
less defined and with a last smile, turned into ashes, star-dust, that
scattered into the night sky. He bowed to where she had been, and then
closed his eyes.

	Opening them again, he was back in his bed as he had expected to be. He
would tell Sakura about this later, when he had had time to absorb all of
the emotions that had resurfaced in that last catharsis, that release of
Enju's soul. She would always be part of him, but she wasn't part of his
life. Not anymore.

	Standing, he walked to his apartment window and looked out at the city. It
was the same as usual, with lights drowning out the moon and the stars, and
windows becoming the new stars to look for. Ignoring them, he looked
straight up at the full moon, and for a moment, she and all of the stars in
her retinue were bright and glorious, sending a benediction down from the
heavens. He heard Enju's laugh in that moment as well, light and joyful.
Free. 

	When the magic had passed and all was normal again, Issei nodded. In a
whisper, he answered, "Thank you, Sahjareem-sama."

	"Goodbye, Enju."

---Fin---
4/1/98

-----
Monica/Akira-chan/Heero/Hayama/Naga/Kircheis no Miko- Proud TABBE! Member
monica@pipeline.com - http://www.pipeline.com/~monica/
Loves- CLAMP, LoGH, MB, RKen, Gundam, EVA, DearBoys, RoV, Subby, K-sama
"Tell Annerose-sama that Sieg kept his promise..." - Kircheis-sama
"Watashi no Andre?" Oscar Francois de Jarjeyes