Teknos Warhammer presents
Ficthumping
Starring the FFML
A songfic
Written by Christian Clark
Based on Chumbawumba's
Tubthumping
[As the music begins to play in, it shows Teknos Warhammer's human form.
A big and chunky white guy, dressed in a suit with a pair of books
underneath his right arm. He appears to be standing on a road leading to
a sunset.]
WH: The truth is, I thought it mattered... I thought that reading
mattered... but does its importance, not compare to our authors matter?
[Show Richard Lawson and Mr. Biles, with guitars, playing at a somewhat
distorted tone, but musically fitting.]
RL: ~ We'll be singing, when we're finished, we'll be singing... ~
[Like on a TV screen, it switches to reveal Jonathan Lloyd, dressed like
Ness Carter (aka Teknoman), sings into a mike.]
JL: ~ I get the block*, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
[Just as quickly, the station switches to show The Eternal Lost Lurker,
dressed as he usually is (in purple) and in a male version of a Magic
Knight Rayearth suit of armor, standing on the shoulder of a giant
purple Mashin. He raises his fist in victory... but over what we have no
clue.]
Lurker: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
[Like before, it changes channels and this time goes to the Harvard
Campus, where it shows Andrew Huang, standing triumphantly on a
crouching EVA Unit 02 with something that resembles a smirk on its face,
with Nanami Jinnai, happily embracing (or glomping) him form behind. And
the line ends with him kicking a Gaspode out of the picture.]
Huang: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
[Turning away from the TV we turn our attention to the stage, where we
see the spandex clad, Flashman, wielding the glowing Sentai Sword,
around the TRIO. Who duck to avoid the blade being so carelessly
wielded.]
Flashman: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
[As the music changes pace, everything fizzles white into a blinding
white. But then blinding white fades to show Krista Perry, dressed like
her Yuki-Onna from Hearts of Ice, gently brushing away a few white hairs
from her face as a snowy wind blows at her.]
KP: ~ Writing the night away... Writing the day away ~
[She blinks when she notices White Wolf, walking past her. The camera
pulls back, showing that Perry's storm was just part of a SFX stage. Off
stage, there are disks flying through the air. Disk of all shapes and
sizes go here and there as White Wolf speaks.]
WW: ~ He reads a Ranma fic, he reads a Sailor fic, he reads an EVA fic,
he reads a Tenchi fic.
He reads the fics that remind him of the dark times, he reads the fics
that remind him of the angsty times ~
[He walks by a bawling Soun Tendou, and shakes his head. And then
returns to a sweatdropping Kristy Perry.]
KP: ~ Oh, Fanboy, fanboy, fanboy ~
[As the next set pushes her away and into the air, she screams silently
in SD form. God-Boy, in all his godly-ness, hops past clocks that are
being dropped from the sky in front of the main computer terminal in
Yrrgdrassl. The ones dropping the clocks are the Norn Sisters. He
appears to be smirking, of the fact that he's dodging all the giant
clocks before they hit him. ]
God-Boy: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
[As God-boy laughs because he wasn't hit, a Big Ben type clock falls on
him. On the top of Big Ben, Andrew Dynon, in a male Iczel suit, and all
three Iczers go through several silly Sentai poses.]
Dynon: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
[For using Sentai stuff, an enraged SD Flashman, with SD Sakura, SD
Trident, SD J. Bison, SD Zero, and SD TRIO, chases away the Iczers
Four**. From above, another set falls on everything, and on this one,
Brian Yaple, Julia Martins, Erica Carter, and Nuku nuku are all in mecha
armor, giving salutes, V-signs, and thumbs up.]
BY: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna stop
me now! ~
[All the mecha sparks and the blows up, leaving all four of them
charred, SD, and with the half eyed annoyed look. The wall behind them
falls over and Dark Day for Anime runs though and all the Sailor Senshi
in straight jackets, tied by a rope that holds them in a line.]
DDFA: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now. ~
[Before they are off-screen, a giant fist punches then into the sky.
When the fist retreats, it shrinks to normal size, and returns to
Jessica Faith Hardy, with Mamoru Kusanagi memorabilia all about in her
dorm room. She rocks slowly, hugging an SD Kusanagi doll.]
JFH: ~ Writing the night away� Writing the day away ~
[From nowhere, Tybalt hops from the ceiling and starts to walk to the
camera, similar to the way White Wolf did it. Jessica is shocked, to say
the least. The difference from White Wolf's walk, Tybalt is walking
through rows of computers.]
Tybalt: ~ He reads a Ranma fic, he reads Sailor fic, he reads an EVA
fic, he reads a Tenchi fic.
He reads the fics that remind him of the good times,
he reads that remind him of the WAFFy times. ~
[Falls forward when Osamu Tezuka's Unico and Hello Kitty land on his
back. The camera returns to Jessica, who's hugging the Kusanagi doll
even harder.]
JFH: ~ Don't flame at me, fanfic readers ~
[Her eyes bug out when she sees the real Kusanagi walk through the door,
apparently lost. Grinning like a wolf, she grabs Kusanagi and runs off,
while a peeved Momiji runs after her. Then, Nikholas F. Toledo Zu and
all his self made characters do the can-can through the dorm room.
Thankfully, they're all wearing pants.]
Zu and all: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's
gonna stop me now! ~
[SD Versions of CALF Productions stomp them all out, and start hopping
into that funky Russian dance in front of Juuban, where they are
currently stuck in Otaku Leap.]
CALF Prod.: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's
gonna stop me now! ~
[The elevator CALF production is on goes up and it shows an SD White
Wolf and SD Tybalt are the ones that kicked the others off stage. Both
are dressed formally... and to keep Warhammer safe, White Wolf's the one
wearing the dress. ^_^ Both of them are doing the tango in time to the
music.]
T & WW: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
[Elsa Babit screams onto the scene, kicking off White Wolf and Tybalt in
the process. She's dressed in a combination of samurai garb, a Knight
Saber's suit, and a sailor Fuku. She stands in several silly Sentai
poses. (try saying that five times fast, and no, typing doesn't count.)]
EB: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna stop
me now! ~
[Amid all the animate audience, Naozumi from Kodomo no Kodochya plays
his trumpet for Sana Kurata and several girls gaze in awe of the
Bishonen in training. Beside him, Akihito Hayama karate chops him on the
head, causing his friend Tsuyoshi to go berserk and Sana goes hyper on
Hayama. Beside them all, Mariko 'Mama' Kurata closes her fan and as if
on command, a giant toy hammer smashes them all. Mama smiles.]
[After the bridge, things pick up once more. Then, Lurker and Hikaru
appear on center stage. They pull out microphones and start singing,
well at least Hikaru does a good job of it.]
Lurker: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
Hikaru: ~ We'll be singing, when we're finished, ~
Lurker: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
Hikari: ~ We'll be singing, oooh ~
[The set slides Lurker and Hikaru off and through the wall. And in their
place, Andrew Huang and Nanami try their hand at singing the lyrics.
Unlike last time, Huang does a better job than the 'Nabiki tendou
wanna-be' of El Hazard. And it's actually more pleasant this time
around.]
Huang: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
Nanami: ~ We'll be singing, when we're finished, ~
Huang: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
Nanami: ~ We'll be singing, oooh ~
[Another set slams the other two through the floor, and Brian Yaple and
Co. appear and sing the next lines. Let's put it this way folks, you're
better off listening to the Chumbawumba version if you wanna hear GOOD
singing.]
Yaple: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
Nuku: ~ We'll be singing, when we're finished, ~
Julia: ~ Writing the night away� ~
Yaple: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
Nuku: ~ We'll be singing, oooh ~
Julia: ~ Writing the day away. ~
[Flashman and friends barge in, whack away BY an Co and sing, or shall
we say screech, the lyrics to this one. Oddly enough, Trident is making
the biggest ham of himself like never before. Where as Sakura and
Flashman look on nervously. At this point, you'd better be thankful
you're listening to Chumbawumba.]
Flashman: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
Trident: ~ We'll be singing, when we're finished, ~
Sakura: ~ Writing the night away� ~
Flashman: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
Trident: ~ We'll be singing, oooh ~
Sakura: ~ Writing the day away. ~
[From below, the set falls back and Karl and his character are elevated
upwards to the stage. Like all the others, they're having fun singing,
but they're WAY far from getting a Grammy. From the side, KnO's Naozumi
appears again and plays his hardest to keep from being drowned out.]
Karl: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
Radler: ~ We'll be singing, when we're finished, ~
Tia: ~ Writing the night away� ~
Karl: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
Radler: ~ We'll be singing, oooh ~
Tia: ~ Writing the day away. ~
[Finally, God-Boy and his sisters warp out Karl and his buddies, and
place themselves on stage. Where they too attempt to sing. By this time,
the animate audience is gripping their ears and praying to any gods
above that what they are experiencing is just a bad dream.]
God-Boy: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
Skuld: ~ We'll be singing, when we're finished, ~
Urd: ~ Writing the night away� ~
God-Boy: ~ I get the block, but then I take it out, and nothing's gonna
stop me now! ~
Skuld: ~ We'll be singing, oooh ~
Urd: ~ Writing the day away. ~
[As the song begins to fade out, we switch to WH's human form as it
walks towards the sunset. Pausing only briefly to wave at the reader as
he finally fades out. Then, a Rabbit hops onto the path and waves back
to his fading shadow and form.]
Owari
*= The block is the evil and icky 'writer's block' that no author, be
them friendly or loathsome, should have to suffer from.
**=Never underestimate the power of SD.
Also, this fic is meant to be read, enjoyed, and if possible, kept. I do
not mean to insult anyone, nor have I any intention of doing so to the
point of being mean. It's just funny.
I tried getting the permission of White Wolf, Tybalt, DDFA, Lawson, and
Biles, but they wouldn't respond. Something must have been wrong with my
emailer I guess. If I have insulted anyone that I have not gained
permission from, then I apologize upon my knees and so forth.
Teknos Warhammer-
-Knight of the True Fiancee
-Offical Nodoka Saotome Guardian
-Self Proclaimed Guardian of Kiyone Makabi
-Fanfic hero for the Underdogs
-And so much more
View his fanfics at: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Garden/4853/index.html
"Special FX by Industrial Light and Morons."
-Michael J. Nelson, MST3K, Space Mutiny
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