ONION TEARS
Part III.  Conclusion 


Dawn took me by surprise.  The light streamed in through the window, 
and I sat bolt upright.  I was in a bed... Ukyou-sama's bed... with a 
woman... oh, no.  I couldn't have...

The woman in bed with me was lying with her back to me.  As the light 
began to trickle in onto her, she stirred and turned over...

...Akane?

Then, it all came back to me.  I had intended to warn her that 
Ukyou-sama and Nabiki were planning to somehow disrupt her wedding 
to Ranma tomorrow -- no, wait... it was today!

Oh, Kami-sama... I was in bed with her on her wedding day!

I leaped out of bed and prostrated myself.  "Akane-san, I'm so sorry. 
I didn't mean to do this to you.  Please, wake up!  We've got to get 
you back to the dojo!  You're getting married today, if I have anything 
to say about it!"

Akane blinked groggily, and then began to look around in order to get 
her bearings.  "Mmm?  Wh-where am I? ...Konatsu?  What are *you* doing 
here?"

I could hardly dare to tell her.  "You asked me to stay and hold you, 
Akane-san.  I think we both fell asleep.  I'm so sorry about this."

"Oh..."  She nodded, and her eyelids drooped back down.  No... I can't 
let this happen.  I opened up the bedroom window, took a deep breath, 
scooped her up in my arms, and jumped out.  I had to get her back in 
time for the wedding, conscious or no.

***

As I bounded from rooftop to rooftop, I thanked my lucky stars that 
Ukyou-sama had not come home.  From the day we first met, when she 
brought me in to her okonomi-yaki shop as a waitress, I had been so 
deeply indebted to her.  She, along with Ranma and Akane, were the 
first people in my life to ever show me any real kindness since my 
parents died.  And *this* was how I was paying her back?  What might 
she have said to finding me in her bed?  With Akane, even?

I squeezed my eyes shut in frustration; it was dawning on me that aside 
from the fact that we were in her bed, I had done her a great favor. 
With Akane out of the way, she and Nabiki were pretty much free to carry 
out their scheme, whatever it might be.  Instead of preventing this 
disruption as I had intended, I had made it that much easier for her. 
And she would have been pleased with it.  I sighed.

I always wanted to do right by my mistress, but I still couldn't get 
over he thought that this was not the way it should be.  Akane and
Ranma, too, had shown me so much kindness when I first arrived; why 
should I want to hurt them?  Especially Ranma; I had been trying to 
kill him when I first arrived, albeit half-heartedly.  Of course, Ranma 
wouldn't be hurt by, say, marrying Ukyou-sama instead of Akane...

A hand clutched my shoulder, and I heard her voice, still only semi-
conscious: "Ranma?"

She really did think I was he.  And there was a smile on her lips. 
She really did love him.  Damn.

I redoubled my speed as I hurried to the dojo.

***

Once again, we landed on the rooftop on the Tendo house, as silently 
as possible.  The last traces of orange and red were being burnt away 
as the sun continued its ascent from its resting place far out in the 
Pacific.  Genma and Ranma weren't out practicing this morning, as was 
their usual wont.  If I was lucky, they might all still be asleep 
after a long day yesterday; after all, the wedding wasn't until 
mid-afternoon.

I set Akane down, still sleeping, and peeked over the eaves into what 
bedroom windows I could see.  No movement, at least none from my 
limited vantage point.  Good.  I carried her down into the courtyard, 
slipped inside via the open living room door (there was no *way* I 
was going to try for her window with her in my arms or on my back), 
and snuck upstairs to her room.

Her door was locked, but I happen to wear hairpins, so jimmying it 
open wasn't too difficult.  I set Akane down onto her bed as gently 
as I could (she didn't even stir), opened the window -- good thing I 
hadn't used it, ne? -- and leaped out.  She'd wake up in her own bed; 
maybe she wouldn't even remember what happened last night.  Which was 
probably for the best.

***

I got back to the Ucchan, and since Ukyou-sama still hadn't returned, 
I scrambled about her apartment to make it look as if it had gone 
undisturbed the whole time.  Whether or not I had done her a favor 
by keeping Akane away, I was pretty sure she'd be upset if she 
discovered *where* we'd been sleeping.  Once I was satisfied that 
the place looked about the same way as she'd left it last, I slowly 
returned to my little corner of the kitchen that I had set up as my 
quarters.

There was no sense in opening up the Ucchan, even if it *was* past 
six-thirty already; Sunday was generally a slow day in terms of 
morning traffic.  The closed sign was still up, and of course, 
Ukyou-sama hadn't returned from... wherever and whatever she went 
to do.  Any regulars might assume she was greiving for a fiance lost. 
Would that the truth was so noble...

I settled myself down on my futon in the corner.  I was going to need 
this little catnap.  I slept for what turned out to be nearly five 
hours, and woke up quite refreshed when the afternoon sun crept onto 
my futon.  I put on my best kimono; after all, I had a wedding to 
attend.

***

I arrived early, so as to get a good seat, near the front.  My chair 
was off to one side, and as I waited for the ceremony to begin, I turned 
it sideways.  From where I sat, I could see everyone as they came in.  I 
recognized a number of students from Furinkan, and even a teacher or 
two.  Mr. Tendo, however, was making a concerted effort to keep some 
distance between himself and little Miss Hinako.  Azusa also tumbled 
in, dragging her old partner Mikado Sanzenin along with her.  She was 
back to her old, beaming self, and I noted happily that this meant 
that she would not be bothering me today.  Mikado, for his part, 
looked rather weary.  I'd wager he had no idea why Azusa came back 
to him all of a sudden, and even less what to do about her now that 
she had.

I also noted a few unfamiliar faces in the back of the crowd, 
some with cameras, others with notepads.  Journalists, I suspected; 
Ranma and Akane had become local celebrities, so it wasn't all that 
surprising.  On the other hand, it probably wasn't all that welcome; 
advertisement for the dojo was one thing, but Mr. Tendo really 
disliked the notoriety his daughter and her fiance had acquired 
over the years.  Still, with all the collateral damage from their 
many battles, both with outsiders and each other, it wasn't as if 
they could simply be ignored, in any case.

In the midst of this throng, I noticed no sign of Ukyou-sama.  Still, 
after the fiasco that occurred at the last wedding attempt, I guess 
that it wouldn't come as any surprise.  None of the other rivals for 
Ranma's affections were present either, so as sorry as I was that she 
wasn't here to see this, I concluded that Ukyou-sama had not been 
specifically snubbed.

But Nabiki wasn't here either, and that struck me as rather worrysome. 
I hoped that she was merely boycotting the event while still under the 
onions' influence, but I knew better.  She and Ukyou-sama *had* to 
still be plotting something... but what?

As I continued to mull over the possibilities, the ceremony began.  The 
priest came out first, followed shortly thereafter by a rather nervous 
Ranma dressed in a traditional groom's hakama.  Perhaps he had started 
to take my warning seriously.  If so, this was a curious reaction to it: 
a Japanese style wedding would take considerably longer than the Western 
style one they had attempted some time back.  That meant that there 
would be plenty of extra time for someone -- anyone -- to interrupt 
the proceedings.  Of course, I was pretty sure that this wasn't exactly 
Ranma's idea.  He looked pretty damned uncomfortable up there (then 
again, he'd looked pretty uncomfortable in a tuxedo the last time, so 
you never can tell).

The parents followed shortly thereafter, Mr. Tendo weeping as always, 
Mr. and Mrs. Saotome with heads held high.  You could see the pride 
they had in their son, and while I couldn't be sure, I thought I saw 
Genma looking around at the dojo with a slightly greedy expression. 
All the stories that Ukyou-sama had told me about Genma Saotome came 
back to my memory, and my gorge rose slightly at the look I thought I 
was seeing.  I did my best to push the thought from my mind.

Finally, Akane came out, resplendent in the wedding kimono I had seen 
her in yesterday morning.  She still looked beautiful, but even after 
all those alterations she had undergone yesterday, the dress still 
didn't seem to quite fit her.  The dress was evidently designed for 
a woman a few inches shorter than her; all the alteration in the 
world wouldn't have been able to fix that and make it look good, 
and especially not at this short of notice.  I was a bit puzzled, 
though -- I had thought it looked quite good on her yesterday. 
What had gone wrong?  Had a few too many inches been lopped off 
the hem?  Surely, neither Kasumi nor Nodoka could be that careless...

The hooded cowl of the kimono was up, obscuring her face, and she 
stared at the ground as she walked forward and seated herself before 
the man who was soon to be her husband.

All at once, the side wall of the dojo bowed, causing everyone to 
move quickly to the other side.  Then the wall collapsed, and it 
occurred to me that this could be part of Nabiki's plan.

Not quite.  "Violent girl no marry ai ren!  Shampoo put stop to 
marry once, now Shampoo do it again!"  

For once, Akane was prepared.  Her right arm swung out in a wide arc, 
and Shampoo was pinned to the remains of the wall...

...with spatulas?

All the eyes that had been focussed on the Amazon interloper 
immediately switched back to the bride.  Even Shampoo was stunned, 
more from the implications the weapons carried than the weapons 
themselves.  Ranma seemed almost less stunned than most.  He walked 
up to his bride, and flipped the cowl of the kimono back to reveal...

"Ukyou?  What the *hell* d'ya think you're doing?"

That he didn't refer to her as 'Ucchan' was not lost on her, and 
Ukyou-sama flinched as she took in all that it implied.  Nevertheless, 
she stood her ground.  She met his gaze, smiled as sweetly as she 
could manage, and replied: "I'm your fiancee, Ran-chan.  Aren't we 
getting married today?"

As the congregation murmured amongst themselves, Ranma declared to 
her face, "No, we are NOT!"  I slipped out of the dojo.  I knew what 
was coming.  Ukyou-sama and I had had this discussion many times over 
throughout the last few months.  She had wanted to practice what she 
would say to Ranma, if she were to be lucky enough to actually have 
the chance, and when the Ucchan was closed for the night, I would 
stand in for him and listen to her as we cleaned the place up. I was 
allowed to address her as 'Ucchan' then, and was under strict orders 
to be as brusque and careless in my responses as Ranma might be.  She 
almost invariably won those debates, but try as I might, I never found 
it easy to deny my own feelings for Ukyou-sama.  If she thought she 
could win him now with words alone, I suspected the real Ranma would 
prove a much more formidable opponent than I.

It didn't help, either, that no matter how much he might deny it, 
he had feelings for Akane that came between him and Ukyou-sama that 
didn't apply to me.

At least, not back then...

...and now, where *was* that girl?

***

I decided to start my search with her room, and the obvious solution 
paid off.  Dressed in the Western-style gown, Akane sat at her desk, 
facing into her mirror, as Nabiki stood behind her, calmly brushing her 
hair.  Nabiki hardly batted an eye when I burst in.

"Hey there, 'Natsu-chan.  You're early, aren't ya?  The wedding's not 
until three, you know.  Still, maybe you can find yourself a seat in 
the dojo before it gets crowded."  It was a puzzling response until I 
noticed the digital clock by Akane's bed... reading 1:15.

It kind of made me feel like I was in a small time warp. "Since when did 
you girls run on Jusenkyo time?"

Now it was Akane's turn to look puzzled.  "What are you talking about, 
Konatsu?"

"I mean, your clock is two hours behind, Akane.  I don't really know 
why..." and I shot Nabiki a look, "but I think you two need to get 
downstairs, right away!"

I held out my hand for Akane to take, but Nabiki slapped it away. 
"We'll come down when we're good and ready.  I still have to finish 
with her hair, isn't that right, Akane?"

"Nabiki... if this has been your idea, you're going to have to at least 
explain yourself to your dad.  I imagine he'll be pretty pissed at you, 
too."

"Yeah, right.  Like anything like this is anything other than Ranma-kun's 
fault.  He'll be so mad, he'll even be glad to be rid of him."  She 
smiled triumphantly.

"Excuse me?"  Akane stood up.  "What is this all about?  What *is* going 
on down there?  Are you telling me the truth, Konatsu?"

I gave her a look of helpless despair.  "Why would I lie to you about this? 
Everyone knows it's Ukyou-sama down there..."

At this, Nabiki was suddenly in my face.  "What?!  Did you tell them?  
Did you..." and her voice dropped to an accusative stage whisper, "did you 
betray your own mistress?"

That accusation hurt, and I responded angrily, "I might as easily ask why 
*you're* betraying your own *sister*, Nabiki-san.  But no, I didn't tell 
anyone down there.  Shampoo came in and broke things up."

Nabiki put a hand to her head.  Her face became pained again.  "Oh, no. 
So that's how they all know.  Well... time for damage control.  Luckily, 
there's always a Plan B."  She took Akane's hand, and charged out of the 
bedroom.  I followed closely behind.

I wanted to ask Akane why she was going along with Nabiki, but there was 
going to be no way of getting her out of her sister's iron grasp without 
being noticed...

***

Ukyou-sama was still finishing her argument as to why she was the proper 
fiancee for Ranma as we came in.  She glanced in our direction, and a 
shocked expression crossed her face.  I think she was surprised to see 
me behind the two Tendo sisters.  Her eyes moved off of my face and onto 
Nabiki's.  The elder sister nodded, ever so slightly, and Ukyou-sama 
launched into an argument that I'd never heard before, one that would 
seal Ranma's fate -- if it were true.

"...and finally, Ran-chan, you have to marry me in order to do the right 
thing."

Ranma, naturally, looked puzzled.  "The right thing?  Ucchan," I was 
almost relieved to hear him use that name once again, "if this is about 
that promise my old man made, there's no way I can keep 'em both.  You 
and Akane... I've gotta pick one or the other.  It's not like I can marry 
you both..."

"So you'll marry her while I'm carrying your child?"

"Say WHAT??!"  Ranma was poleaxed.  So was I, for that matter.  So was 
the congregation.  A buzz went up from the assembly: "She's pregnant?" 
"You mean she and Ranma...?"

And especially, so was Mr. Tendo.  The demon head erupted, and not a few 
of the wedding guests skittered quickly from the dojo.  "IS THIS TRUE, 
RANMA-KUN?  DID YOU ACTUALLY HAVE YOUR WAY WITH THIS... THIS..."  Words, 
evidently, failed him, and the demon head subsided.  But only slightly.

For his part, Ranma was waving his hands in front of himself.  "This has 
gotta be some kinda practical joke, Mr. Tendo.  I've never done nothing 
like that to anyone.  Certainly not with Ucchan.  C'mon, man..." and he 
started to chuckle nervously, "lighten up.  I *know* I'd remember if I 
did that."

"Not necessarily, Ranma-kun..."  Nabiki stepped forward, and all eyes 
went to her.  Mr. Tendo dropped the demon head routine like a hot potato 
-- he could never use it on his little girls, especially not the one who 
might well have significant dirt on him -- and stared at his middle 
daughter.  She turned to face him.  "If he's in neko-ken mode, you know, 
he has no idea what he's doing... and no memory of what he did.  So you 
can't really blame him, Daddy... he wasn't in control of himself."

Mr. Tendo tried to digest this information.  "So, while he was in a 
cat-fist mode..."

"...he barged into the Ucchan a couple of months ago.  Ukyou chased him 
outside, so that he wouldn't disturb the restaurant and the customers. 
They ended up in an alley nearby, and as Ukyou tried to calm him, they 
struggled.  In nothing flat, both of them were naked, and then, well..."

Akane shot me a desperate glance.  "Is this true, Konatsu-chan?"

***

All that was running through my head at that moment was how the biggest 
lies are wrapped around a grain of truth.  In fact, Ranma had indeed 
burst into the restaurant some three or four months previous, yowling 
like mad and scattering the customers.  Ukyou-sama had gently tried 
batting him outside with her spatula, and consequently, the spatula 
suffered considerable damage in the ensuing melee.  Finally, she had 
managed to get him outside, and neither of them were seen for some time. 
It was only after an hour of wondering what had become of her (and 
feigning unconcern for the customers' sake), that Ukyou-sama came into 
the dining area through the kitchen.  She had scratchmarks onher face, 
and I noticed that there was a trickle of blood running down the inside 
of one leg.  Her outfit, however, was in perfect shape.

It was always my knee-jerk reaction in such a situation to ask Ukyou-sama 
if she were all right, but the answer to that was quite obvious, and if 
I were to have asked it, she would inform me of that fact in no uncertain 
terms.  Instead, I managed to come up with "What happened out there, 
Ukyou-sama?"  It was a question I imagined most of the customers were 
dying to ask themselves; and one that Ukyou was apparantly not prepared 
to discuss in detail.

"I took care of him, Konatsu.  Everything's fine."

"No, it's not!  Look at you, Ukyou-sama; you're hurt."

"Yeah, well... I've had worse."  She barely suppressed a rueful grin. 
"Though you shoulda seen what he did to my outfit."  I did get to see 
it later that day; it was completely tattered, like a flag full of 
buckshot.  "Anyway, he won't be disturbing anyone for awhile..."

"Well, at least let me dress your wounds..."

"No!  I... uh... I can take care of them myself, too."  Then she turned 
to the customers, most of whom were paying close attention to our little 
exchange.  "What're you all looking at?!"  Everyone went back to their 
okonomi-yaki in a hurry.

I couldn't believe Nabiki was telling the truth, but in retrospect, it 
seemed quite possible...

***

"Is this true, Konatsu-chan?"

What could I do?  I shrugged helplessly.  "I honestly couldn't say, 
Akane-san.  I didn't see what happened after she chased him out of the 
restaurant.  I'm so sorry."

A blue aura began to glow around Akane, and I backed away, even though 
I knew her wrath wasn't directed at me.  Best to stay out of her way in 
any case.  The congregation also started to give Akane a wide berth as 
she slowly moved toward Ranma. 

All at once, though, she stopped.  The blue glow faded abruptly, and 
she began to laugh.

It wasn't the laughter of a person going insane; everyone in Nerima was 
familiar enough with Kodachi Kuno to know what that sounded like.  No, 
it sounded more like a chess player whose opponent had just played right 
into her hands.  Everyone began to look at each other, some wondering 
aloud what this could mean.  I simply stared at Akane.  She would reveal 
everything soon enough.

Sure enough, that laughter slowed, replaced by a smile oozing menace, 
pointed at Ukyou-sama and Ranma.  "Well, two can play at this game, 
can't they?  Come here, Konatsu-chan..." and she waved at me.  Dutifully, 
but with a queasy feeling in my stomach, I came forward.  She put her 
arm around my waist; it didn't make me feel any more comfortable.  Nor 
did her words: "I have a confession to make, too, Ranma.  I slept with 
Konatsu last night."

I turned and stared at her in shock.  "Akane-san!"  I tried to take a 
step away from her, to distance myself from her statement, but her arm 
clenched and held me fast.  She wasn't about to let me go.

Ranma's eyes popped.  "What?  How could you do that when you're getting 
married to me?"

Ukyou-sama blinked, and peered at me.  "Konatsu-chan?  Did you and she 
really...?"

Mr. Tendo's demon head flared up again.  "KONATSUUU!  HOW *DARE* YOU 
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY LITTLE GIRL!"  He certainly was inclined to believe 
the worst at all times, wasn't he?

I started to panic.  "No-no-no!  Nothing like that!"  So this is how 
Ranma feels all the time, huh?  Can't say I'd wanna trade places with 
him.  "She fell asleep on my arm, and I couldn't move without disturbing 
her, so I stayed with her.  And I feel asleep, too!  That's ALL!"

Akane, however, would have none of it.  She wasn't paying any attention 
to her father whatsoever; her eyes were locked on Ranma even as she 
addressed me.  "Oh, come off it, 'Natsu-sama.  You were wonderful.  
In fact, I doubt Ranma could ever be as good as you..."

That last name she addressed me by did not go unnoticed.  "Konatsu-sama! 
Wahhh!"  I rolled my  eyes.  Azusa.  I heard Mikado's voice angrily 
trying to stifle her sobs and determine the cause of her outburst, but 
I could not make out the exact word.  After all, my mind was focussed 
elsewhere: between Akane's outrageous claim (true as they were, if you 
took them literally) and Mr. Tendo's reaction to it, I was preoccupied 
elsewhere.

At Akane's statement, Ranma turned bright crimson.  "Says who?  I can 
be as good as the next guy.  Give me a chance, Akane..."

Now it was Ukyou-sama's turn to smile.  She could tell Akane was 
stretching the truth, even if no one else had thought to consider 
that yet.  "I bet you are, Konatsu-chan.  Akane's a lucky girl to 
have had you.  I never really thought of it before, but you two make 
a very nice couple.  If you're both happy together, I give you *my* 
blessing.  Uh... good luck dealing with Mr. Tendo..."

"Ukyou-sama...?"  I looked at her smiling face, and time stood still. 
The horrible realization was dawning on me: all was lost.  I had 
deceived myself all this time, thinking perhaps I could be the one 
to meet her needs once she finally gave up on Ranma.  Maybe she would 
have been disappointed to see me consorting with Akane.  But no. 
Mr. Tendo's demeon head was still hovering, still furious at me for 
what he thought I might have done with Akane.  It was nothing compared 
to this rejection.

I felt a tug on my waist, and a head on my shoulder.  Akane.  
Ukyou-sama's words echoed in my head: "If you're both happy together..." 
I gazed at her face.  She certainly seemed happy all of a sudden.  Or 
maybe that was because of Ranma's agitation?

It became clear to me what had to be done.  I wriggled myself free of 
Akane's embrace.  Waving my hands in the air, I hollered out "HOLD IT, 
EVERYONE!!"

Much to my astonishment, everyone stopped talking: Ranma, Akane, Ukyou, 
the preist, the congregation.  Even the demon head deflated, although 
Mr. Tendo still didn't look too happy about what was going on.  I 
resolved not to let my astonishment show.  "Okay, let's get everything 
sorted out here, alright?  First off, Mr. Tendo, I was telling you the 
truth.  Nothing untoward happened.  If you choose to believe otherwise 
about your daughter's morals, that's your problem."  That ought to put 
him in his place.  Now to the main attraction.

"Ukyou, you said that Ranma got you pregnant while he was in neko-ken 
mode, right?"

She nodded.  Her eyes were wide; I think she realized what I had just 
called her -- or rather, what I *hadn't* called her.

"So, you managed to calm him that way, huh?"  Another nod, and a nervous 
glance at Nabiki, who nodded with somewhat more confidence.  "You know, 
Ukyou, you never told me you could do that.  I thought only Akane could 
calm him down."

Now she drew herself up, a little more confidently.  "Anyone Ran-chan 
truly loves," and looking toward Akane, she winced slightly at having 
to admit this, "could manage that.  He loves me; I'm his fiancee."  
Her voice increased in pitch and volume as she continued:  "And I'm 
gonna be his wife!"  The whole place erupted once again.

Once again, I had to demand quiet.

"Please, everybody!  There's really only one way to prove it..."  I 
turned away from the makeshift altar that had been set up in the dojo 
for the ceremony, and walked slowly over to where Shampoo was still 
pinned to the wall.

Looking around, I spotted a fire bucket on a shelf.  After momentarily 
wondering why that hadn't already fallen down and conked somebody with 
a Jusenkyo curse, I reached up and brought it down.  "I'm sorry about 
this, Shampoo-san..."

She knew what was coming, and was somewhat resigned to it.  "Well, at 
least it get Shampoo free."

I smiled sadly.  "Mm-hm.  Thank you.  Are you ready, then?"  After 
receiving a nod, I dumped the water over her head.  Neko-Shampoo dropped 
out of her clothes, and leaped into my arms.  I turned around, heading 
back for the altar... and Ranma.

Ranma was backing up and waving his arms at me as I approached him, 
carrying neko-Shampoo and stroking her fur.  "Hey... hey... Hey!  
Wha-wha-whaddya think yer doing?  Are you nuts?  Get away from me!  
Get that... that... *thing* away from me!!"

"I'm sorry to do this to you, Ranma-san.  Believe me, the prospect 
scares me more than it does you, I can assure you."  By now, Ranma 
had backed himself into a corner, with nowhere else to go.  Had he 
the presence of mind, he surely could have run from me -- it wasn't 
as if I was approaching him with any great speed.  But his fear was 
already starting to take over his mind, and cloud his judgement.  It 
wouldn't be too long before he wuld turn into a cat himself.  And all 
hell would break loose.

Akane was horrified.  "What are you *thinking*, Konatsu?  He'll tear 
you apart!"

I turned to her with a mild shrug.  "I know that, Akane.  But it's the 
only way I can think of to back up Ukyou's claim.  If he goes into 
neko-ken mode and Ukyou's telling the truth, she should be able to 
calm him much like you can.  If not, well... I'm not going to be the 
only one with clawmarks."  I turned to look at my former mistress.  
There was a look of concern etched on her face.  Was she lying about 
her ability to calm Ranma?  Nabiki was smiling, arms crossed in front 
of her.

I took a deep breath, and steadied myself for the task at hand.  "Hang 
on tight!" I whispered to neko-Shampoo as I placed her over his face. 
And hang on she did, digging in with her claws to make sure.  I watched 
as Ranma's face went glassy with fear.

I didn't want to stand here, holding Shampoo to his face.  It was 
only a matter of time, after all, before he would be getting a form 
of revenge on me for what I was doing to him.

"Mee-YOWRRR!"  Oh, Kami-sama... here it comes...  I could hear as the 
assembled crowd behind us stood up and stampeded for the dojo door. 
Somehow, I suspected they were only trying to get out of range: they 
would want to see if Ukyou indeed could calm Ranma-neko like Akane-chan 
could.  Even the priest had made tracks.  Only Akane and Ukyou stood 
their ground, transfixed as they watched Ranma become the cat he 
feared so.

The transformation complete, Shampoo leapt from his face, and I backed 
up slowly, so as not to provoke him.  Akane went to her knees, and began 
to beckon Ranma away from me.  "Here, kitty, kitty... c'mere, Ranma..."

Ukyou quickly followed suit.  "C'mon, Ran-chan... come to Ucchan..." 
There was a quaver in her voice; something told me that she wasn't sure 
she could do this, but that she knew there was no backing down now.

Her more sudden movements drew Ranma-neko's attention, and he turned 
toward her.  She flinched as he padded toward her on all fours, teeth 
bared and growling.  All at once, he stopped and sniffed the air for 
a moment.  Then with one great bound, he leapt toward Ukyou.  She 
screamed all he arced toward her.  Such crowd as was peeking through 
the doors of the dojo gasped...

...as Ranma landed, purring contentedly, in Ukyou's lap.  

Ukyou's face flashed from fear, to surprise, to thinly disguised glee. 
In contrast, Akane's face fell in shock.  I stepped over to comfort 
her, and she sobbed into my kimono.  "This can't be happening!  He... 
he really did... with her... "

"No, Akane.  It can't be possible.  It couldn't be that easy.  He tore 
her up the last time."

Akane was unsuccessfully fighting back more tears.  "But it still means 
he loves her, too!"

There wasn't a thing I could say.  I had almost hoped I could have 
paid back Ukyou for her deception -- and I was still convinced it 
was a deception -- by siccing Ranma-neko on her.  Instead, I had 
effectively proven all, or at least most of her claims.  And much 
as I had always wanted Ukyou-sama to be happy -- despite the fact 
that it meant I would end up giving her up to Ranma -- now I was 
far too concerned with Akane's loss to rejoice in Ukyou's gain. 
But all the comfort I could give Akane was to hold her as she wept.

Upon realizing the coast was clear as far as Ranma was concerned, 
Mr. Tendo stormed back in, followed by most of the rest of the wedding 
guests.  "What is the meaning of this?"

Ranma-neko hissed at Mr. Tendo's outburst, and he backed off a step or 
two.  Ukyou patted her feline fiance and looked up at Mr. Tendo.  "He 
knows his fiancee, sir."  I held Akane's head to my chest so that she 
would be spared the sight of Ukyou's triumphant smile.

Mr. Tendo was having none of it.  "Ridiculous," he snorted.  "Ranma 
does indeed know his fiancee in cat-form, and that fiancee is Akane! 
Akane and Ranma are getting married today, regardless of anything you 
have to say."

Ukyou set Ranma-neko down at her feet with a questioning "Mrowr?" 
and stood to face Mr. Tendo.  She began to untie that obi around her 
wedding kimono.

"All right... so nothing I can say will change your mind.  How about 
if I show you something?  If I show you what Ran-chan has done to me?" 
The sash fell to the floor and she opened her kimono from the waist up. 
Another collective gasp went up as all could see the slight but obvious 
protrusion of her belly.  Even Mr. Tendo was astonished at the sight. 
"Now, do you believe me?"

There was a cry of "Hotcha!" from the back of the room, and before 
anyone could react, Happosai had made his moves on Ukyou's exposed 
breasts.  Now it was my turn to respond.  I grabbed the old man by 
the collar, and by pulling on him and pushing on Ukyou, I wrested 
him free.  I held him aloft in my left hand, as I realized my right 
hand was tracing along a seam.  I turned to the assembly.

"Uh... does anyone want to take care of this little nuisance for us?" 
A handful of female students, as well as Miss Hinako, stepped forward 
and took him off my hands.  They headed out to the courtyard, where 
shortly thereafter were heard sounds of unimaginable violence. 
Meanwhile, my right hand continued to rest on the seam.  

I could sense Ukyou's aura starting to warm up.  I knew that, as a 
male, I was overstepping my bounds by running my hands alond Ukyou's 
stomach.  Wasn't that why I'd just gotten rid of Happosai?  But I 
also knew that I'd solved the mystery.  I removed my hand, and looked 
my former mistress in the eye.

"Ukyou... this is not like you.  Lies do not wear well on you."

The aura vanished instantly, and she began to fidget nervously. 
"Lies...?  Konatsu-chan... have I ever lied to you?"

I looked at her sadly. "Ukyou... you and Nabiki are lying to all of us. 
I *know* you want Ranma to be yours.  I *know* you deserve happiness. 
But the longer this charade continues, the less deserving you become. 
It's time to end this once and for all."  And I reached for the seam 
just below her breasts and pulled at the latex that padded her belly.

Sheaves of catnip fell to the ground.  Ranma-neko bounded around 
happily, while everyone stepped back to give him a wide berth. 
Akane stood up and strode over to Ukyou.

"So... *that's* how you did it, huh?  How *dare* you try to steal 
Ranma from me like that!"  She turned to Nabiki.  Another tear had 
escaped her eye as she approached her sister.  "Why, Nabiki?  Why 
did you try to do this to me?"

Nabiki grasped her head in pain; whether it was from guilt or Ukyou's 
own pain as her plan crumbled, I couldn't have said at the time. 
Akane quickened her pace: whether she had been betrayed by her or not, 
Nabiki was still her sister, and it was still her duty to help her. 
She crouched over her sister, who was doubled up in apparent agony. 
"Nabiki... what's wrong?"

A glint appeared in Nabiki's eye.  She stood up and placed something 
into her sister's mouth.  "This."  It was a piece of okonomi-yaki! 
"Got this from the Ucchan yesterday; it packs a punch, sis."

She nodded to Ukyou, and my former mistress stepped over to Mr. Tendo. 
She pulled several okonomi-yaki from the pouch on her chest and popped 
a piece into his mouth.  "If nothing I *say* will convince you sir, 
perhaps you will at least understand how I feel *this* way."  She 
leaned over to Ranma-neko, and offered him a bite as well.  

Neko-Ranma sniffed the okonomi-yaki, and gleefully chomped away at it. 
Then, his enthusiastic munching began to slow, and the glassy look began 
to fade from his eyes.  Actually, it started to melt, and run down his 
cheeks.  He looked up at Ukyou, and his eyes were clear and moist.

"Ucchan..."

She smiled back at him, cupping his face into her hands.  "Ran-chan..."

"No!"  Mr. Tendo turned out to be stronger than I had imagined. 
Despite the bite of okonomi-yaki he had been given, he hadn't turned 
into a total emotional wreck.  Yet.  "Ranma and... A-a-Akane are 
*snif* getting married... a-a-and that's... FINAL! WAAAH!"  The last 
word took what appeared to be superhuman effort to get out before the 
wave of anguish hit him and he collapsed to the floor, in ruins.

I had rushed over to Akane when Nabiki fed her her piece.  Now she was 
once again sobbing in my arms, as Nabiki proceeded to feed the rest of 
the assembled guests.  I could only watch her, helpless, as the room 
filled with Ukyou's pain.  I didn't see how Mr. Tendo would be able to 
back up his statement at this point...

***

And I'm gonna draw the curtain of charity around this chaotic scene...

Not very conclusive for a conclusion, is it?  Sorry about that, folks. 
However, there *will* be an Epilogue coming soon (I hope -- it should 
be shorter than these last three installments) which should wrap things 
up a bit.

As always, comments and criticism are implored.  Please send all mail 
to me at ukyoukwnji@aol.com.  And please, no flames about how I've 
turned myself into a villain; it really wasn't my idea, and I don't 
like it myself, but it works.  At any rate, the spotlight will be off 
of me in the Epilogue.

Until then, I remain yours...

Itsu mo,
Ucchan  ^_^