At 09:37 PM 3/30/98 -0500, you wrote:
Hmmm, I see a few inconsistancies you're going to have to address. One,
>from Luna's reaction and memeories, it appears that Usuke was originally
a female and Masami originally a male, but something got messed up in
the reincarnation process. The problem is, this doesn't explain why
Norio (Naru) is now a male and Umeka (Umino) is now a female. Unless of
course, you're planning on having them be reincarnates as well.
This is an important plot element. Keep track of it.
Also, as far as I'm aware, the generals never reincarnated. They've
lived in the Dark Kingdom since the end of the Silver Millenium.
>From what I understood from the manga, (I've never seen the unDIC'ed
anime) *everybody* died at the end of the silver millenium with the
exception of Beryl (who was saved by her power and the strength of
Metallia) and the two cats. I seem to remember a line in the manga
along toward the end of the Dark Kingdom saga where Kunzite starts
remembering his 'past life' and strategic conversations he and the
other generals had with Prince Enymion. I may be wrong though...
Either way, In *this* story, take it that the generals are
reincarnated and have been re-sought and re-corrupted by Beryl.
To be honest, I wasn't particularly amused by what you did to Masami
either.
I was playing the situation for humour.
You gave her all of Mamoru's bad qualities and none of Mamoru's
good qualities. What, are you saying that if someone's a girl that
automatically makes them as clumsy fool who's incompetent in battle?
No, I'm not. Masami's apparent clumsiness is a minor plot point and is
explained in the second chapter.
It
just come off like you've got some sort of vendetta against Mamoru.
Having Masami get beaten up like that just turned me off the fic.
I do hope you read the second part, Matthew. I don't have a mad-on
for Mamoru. Granted, he is very shortsighted in the second half of
'R' and at other times, but as John Biles put it, he is a "most
aggravatingly human" character. This is just good writing on Takeuchi's
part and the part of the anime adapters. In the manga he is much less
of a jerk. I actually prefer the more inconsiderate Mamoru, because he
ends up overcoming the majority of his problems.
If you read the second part, you'll see that Masami's problem stems from
the fact that she is in *exactly* the same boat as Usuke. Does playing
her for humour make me sadistic? Maybe, but not any more than having
Usuke transform into a girl's fuku the first time, IMHO.
I think you've wasting a lot of potential with Masami. A sexy
mysterious lady who shows up in the nick of time, that has a lot of
potential. Turning her into a laughingstock just ruined the whole thing
for me.
Sailor Moon has always been a story about overcoming one's own inner
weaknesses, IMHO. 'Serenity' went from being a weak, thoughtless
suicide to a commander who went on in spite of the fact, rather
*because* of the fact that she had to watch all her friends die and
was forced to kill (in the anime) the only man she loved for thousands
of years.
I'm going to be doing a lot with Masami in this vein, so just wait.
Besides, Usuke, Amane and Norio don't seem to think she's a
laughingstock. ^_^
(Hell, Mars never had any trouble fighting in high heels.)
Mars never fights anyone *without* wearing high heels, either. ^_^
I also thought you were powering up Usuke too much and making him too
competent.
Hmm... I may have to work on my portrayal of the 'Moon Princess
Vengeance Strike'. I intended it to be just a little more powerful
than the 'Moon Tiara', but with much less control. I thought the
natural gas explosion it ignited evidenced this, but in retrospect,
I can see that it looks much more powerful than I intended.
A little more agressive, sure that's reasonable. Boys are
taught by culture to be more agressive. However, I'd like to see a
little more of Usagi in him. He just oughtn't to be busting chairs over
the bad guys' heads. That isn't the Sailor Moon style.
Hmmm... I'll have to think about that. Usagi does do quite a bit more
ducking and running than Usuke does, so far.
I do think you've got an interesting concept here. It certainly
generated enough debate. It's just the above points that trouble me.
Like I said, Matthew, I hope you give part two a chance. I may further
revise part one in view of Usuke's lack of 'Usagi-ness', but Masami's
difficulties are a part of the plot that won't change.
Thanks for commenting! I appreaciate your views.
* * *
Chris Jones - hamster@arn.net
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