Chris Jones wrote:
<fic snipped>
Hmmm, I see a few inconsistancies you're going to have to address. One,
from Luna's reaction and memeories, it appears that Usuke was originally
a female and Masami originally a male, but something got messed up in
the reincarnation process. The problem is, this doesn't explain why
Norio (Naru) is now a male and Umeka (Umino) is now a female. Unless of
course, you're planning on having them be reincarnates as well.
Also, as far as I'm aware, the generals never reincarnated. They've
lived in the Dark Kingdom since the end of the Silver Millenium. So why
would they all of a sudden be female? Having Beryl and Luna be the only
major characters who haven't changed gender is just plain weird.
To be honest, I wasn't particularly amused by what you did to Masami
either. You gave her all of Mamoru's bad qualities and none of Mamoru's
good qualities. What, are you saying that if someone's a girl that
automatically makes them as clumsy fool who's incompetent in battle? It
just come off like you've got some sort of vendetta against Mamoru.
Having Masami get beaten up like that just turned me off the fic.
I think you've wasting a lot of potential with Masami. A sexy
mysterious lady who shows up in the nick of time, that has a lot of
potential. Turning her into a laughingstock just ruined the whole thing
for me. (Hell, Mars never had any trouble fighting in high heels.)
I also thought you were powering up Usuke too much and making him too
competent. A little more agressive, sure that's reasonable. Boys are
taught by culture to be more agressive. However, I'd like to see a
little more of Usagi in him. He just oughtn't to be busting chairs over
the bad guys' heads. That isn't the Sailor Moon style.
I do think you've got an interesting concept here. It certainly
generated enough debate. It's just the above points that trouble me.