|>    "That's right!" burst out Ranma.  "I hate it!  I never wanted to
|>be a martial artist at all!  I always wanted to be --"  He ripped
|>open his chinese shirt, revealing a tartan shirt beneath.  "To be --"
|>He put on an odd-looking hat.  "To be -- a LUMBERJACK!
|>    "Leaping from tree to tree --"
|
|Okay... who volunteers to write THIS songfic? :-)

Heck, why not? Some of the lines are actually going to make sense with Ranma
singing them... of course, I'm going to have to change a few, but it'll be
all for the better.

****

ONNA-RANMA: I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspendies and a bra...

(The high heels part, we can see is true. Though where you find a flannel
dress is beyond me. The rest... well, we can only guess.)

ONNA-RANMA (sarcastically): Upholding family honor...
Just like me papa...

(Ranma clips a leash around the collar of a very familiar-looking panda...)

****

Oh, and while I was out looking for the lyrics, a few other things popped
into my head. Unbidden, mind you.

****

"Brave Sir Ranma ran away,
Bravely ran away, away -
When the tabby raised its head,
Brave Sir Ranma turned and fled..."

****

NAMELESS KNIGHT #1: What is that thing?

NAMELESS KNIGHT #2: It's... it's the fierce Killer Cabbit! Run away!

(A general stampede of knights ensues... or tries to ensue. They all pile up
in front of a single knight wielding a massive wooden broadsword. I think
you can guess who it is.)

TATEWAKI: Knaves! To run so from a mere... furry thing.

(He steps forward.)

TATEWAKI: Fell creature! I, Sir Kuno of Furinkan, shall smite thee!

RYO-OH-KI: Mew?

(The cabbit begins backing away with a frightened expression on her face.)

TATEWAKI: Run, evil beast! Run like the coward you are!

(Kuno steps forward again, waving the broadsword menacingly. Ryo-oh-ki's
back arches a bit and she hisses at Kuno... and begins changing shape.)

(Cut to an overhead shot of Kuno, with the shadow of Ryo-oh-ki's spaceship
form looming over him.)

TATEWAKI: Kuso...

(Cut to a full-screen shot of a placard.)

PLACARD: The Surgeon General has determined that watching the violence which
is about to ensue may cause irrevocable mental scarring in children under
100. Thank you.

(Over the placard, we hear a few thousand laser discharges and some really
nasty-sounding explosions. The placard is abruptly yanked aside...)

(We see the scene as before... except Kuno's place has been mysteriously
filled by a circle of ash and a smoking boot. A crowd of knights are
stampeding off into the distance, and a cabbit is hopping about forlornly.)

RYO-OH-KI: Mew?

****

And now for something completely different...

****

RANMA: Don't you have anything WITHOUT ramen in it?

SHAMPOO: Well... there ramen, won ton, egg drop, and ramen. That only have
little bit of ramen in it.

RANMA: Couldn't you just... leave out the ramen?

SHAMPOO (insulted): Leave out ramen? Leave out ramen? You leave out ramen,
you ruin entire presentation of meal...

RANMA: Sorry I asked...

BACKGROUND CHORUS OF INSANELY OBSESSED PEOPLE: Ra-men, ra-men, ra-men,
ra-men...

SHAMPOO (thought): Shampoo must remember... open pot of ramen, open jar of
happiness spice, and stupid Mousse without glasses is accident waiting to
happen...

****

For some odd reason, I could see rational (if silly) ways to frame the
lumberjack and Spam sketches... call it a tribute to the wackiness inherent
in the Ranma-verse. And look for the full versions in a few days.

This is gonna be fun...

--G. Falconar