If you take this seriously, you're obviously more deranged
than I am, or ever was, and that's saying a lot. 

Ranma 1/2 was created by Rumiko Takahashi, and if she saw this she'd
probably turn over in her grave, assuming she was in her grave 
(although if she was in her grave, she'd never see this, but let's
forget about that for now). I don't have any rights to the characters,
et cetera, et cetera.


				Saint Ukyo


	"Ranma!" the demon thundered, her sledgehammer ready to pound him into
submission for yet another minor transgression, "Come back here!"

	Ranma fled the wrath of the short-haired demon and her noxious experiments
in what was loosely termed "cooking" (although that implied something
edible, which was not a term one could even charitably apply to Akane's
cooking). Ranma took one look at the (no, I refuse to call it food, that's
just too much a travesty) mostly organic compounds (and even then I may be
stretching it a bit), and ran, engaging in the "flight" part of the "flight
or fight" reflex.
	Unfortunately for Ranma, this reflex didn't really have a destination in
mind, and so he found himself trapped in a corner, with the oversized
hammer and the mostly organic compounds being wielded by someone who
obviously had his worst interests at heart.
	Just when things were at their darkest for Ranma, he heard... Harpo? No,
wait... that can't be right. For one thing, Harpo was a Marx brother, and
he didn't talk. For another, Harpo was dead, and you know what they say
about dead Harpos. Harp! That's the word I was looking for! Ranma heard
harps.								   
 	Saint Ukyo descended, come to rescue Ranma from the horrible life he was
about to end with Akane, whose fury had surpassed apoplectic proportions
some time ago.

	"I have come to take you to a better life Ranma. One where you can
practise your martial arts, and feed on okinomiyaki whenever you wish,
lovingly made by me, you cute, dependable, unselfish, kind-hearted
fiancee," Saint Ukyo said with her kind, dulcet voice.

	"Wait!" screeched the harridan Akane. "You can't be a saint! For one,
becoming a saint happens after you die!" Fire and brimstone came out of
Akane's foul mouth, escorting her harsh voice.

	Saint Ukyo looked perplexed. "You're right, o not-as-nice-as-I-but-God
loves-everyone-and-you-must-have-some-sort-of-redeemable-quality-although-I
don't-know-what-it-is-other-fiancee of my beloved Ranma. Whatever shall we
do about that?" Saint Ukyo asked, her loving tones and words a balm on
Ranma's ragged soul. Merely basking in her divine presence was rejuvenating
him.

	The foul demoness smiled. "I know just the thing," she grated out, hefting
her hammer menacingly.

	A savage blow to the head, and it was over. Ranma quailed anew at the
sight of the fair Saint Ukyo's brains, bits of skull, and various other bit
of her head adorned the head of the evil Akane's hammer.

	"Now, where were we?" the evil one smiled.

	Ranma prayed, asking Saint Ukyo to help him in his hour of need, and it
came. The wall next to the hell-spawn Akane collapsed, and after the dust
cleared, a figure could be made out. A figure holding... ...oh bugger,
can't remember the word. You know. Whatsisname again. The thingy. Holds
food. Takeout box! That's it! A figure holding a takeout box! And let me
tell you, what a figure! Hubba-hubba! More curves than something with a
whole lot of curves. And the figure spoke.

	"Nihao, Ranma! Shampoo come with too-too delicious Ramen for you. You eat
and then take Shampoo on date, yes?" the figure (Shampoo, if you haven't
guessed by now) bubbled out with glee.

	The demon Akane had been underneath the collapsing wall, and did not
survive. Ranma was so overjoyed that he was spared, that he exclaimed
joyfully, "No Shampoo, I won't date you. Instead, I'll marry you!"

	"Aiyah!" Shampoo ran to Ranma and gave him a near bone-crushing hug, which
he returned. "Shampoo so happy! We go get great grandmother now! We no pass
go, we no collect two hundred dollars. We no even stop for regular opium
delivery!" Face it, we all know all about Shampoo and Cologne and about
their drugs, right? What else do you think these rare herbs and potions
are? Yeah, they supply to the yakuza, an in exchange they make a tidy
profit, and don't have to worry about Immigration on their backs or anything.

	Anyway, Ranma and Shampoo got married, and due to another miracle from
Ukyo, Mousse gave up on Shampoo and married Kodachi, who adapted his Hidden
Weapon style to her Rhythmic Gymnastics. Ukyo was beautified, and had a
Papal investigation, which found the two events (Ranma's being saved by
Shampoo, and Mousse's marriage) to be miracles, and Ukyo was canonised in
due time, becoming a saint in truth.

	-The End-

The moral of this story is that you shouldn't do drugs. After all, if a
mind not on drugs could come up with this, what do you think a mind on
drugs could do?
^_^


	And now, as a special bonus, here's a trailer....


	
The year 2000, Antarctica:

	I am Misato. I am fourteen. I just saw my father put me in an experimental
survival capsule, to save my life from an explosion. Whatever it was they
were digging blew up, and--

At the same time, Japan:

	I am Akira. I am young. I am no longer totally in the Flow. Even with the
drugs they give to enhance/control my powers, it is too much. I feel like
I'm going to--

					The year is now 2015

		The world is starting to repair itself from destruction.

	         Second Impact, Third World War, or something else?

				   SEELE? NERV? Akira Project?

				   Tokyo-3 is about to explode

Coming, probably this summer-- we're gonna get all Otomo on Anno, or all
Anno on Otomo....




Matthew "Maybeso" Lewis
Maybeso on IRC
Sojiro_Seta on Kawaiimuck
Warped, in Real Life
Member of:
FFML, FFIRCML, El Hazard ML
	maybeso@ican.net
___________________________________________________

I have no problems with reality, I ignore it, and
it ignores me. We're quite happy with the 
arrangement, actually.
___________________________________________________