Okay, I think I'll just start out this one with a warning or seven.  One:
Have you eaten in the past week?  Then procede with caution.  This is not my
kawaii writing style!  This is my 'lets see how many interesting ways we can
kill people!' style.  Two: There is mild swearing.  Not like you care?
Three: There are refrences to Monty Python and South Park in here.  I don't
recommend reading this one if you aren't quite familar with South Park, or
the ending will leave you with a big question mark in a thought bubble over
your head.  This is a silly 'kill everyone fic.'  I don't intend for this
one to be taken seriously =)
Azusa-chan



Azusa-chan
mimzy@ix.netcom.com
A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction

Ranma 1/2 is the property of the wonderful Rumiko Takahashi.  All
rights reserved.

There will be cameo's by other characters from other shows, which
also aren't of my own creation.  Whatta bummer.

*****Oh My God!  They Killed...Everyone.*****

The day started out just fine and dandy.  I was walking to school
with Akane, and we were just happily minding our own business.  I
was thinking about saying something, maybe asking her to eat
lunch with me, when the 'our own business' that we were minding
suddenly got a little more...interesting.
   We hadn't seen Happosai around lately.  I guess he had been
out doing some training, because he was a lot faster now.  He
managed to douse me with water and almost got my shirt off before
I hit him.  Damn pervert.
   I don't mind so much that he embarrassed me, but that he
embarrassed Akane, too.  With a picture...
   You see, me and Akane had been getting along better lately.  I
finally got up the courage to kiss her, and she didn't even hit
me!  It has got to have been the greatest kiss between to young
lovers.  I really love that tomboy.
   Well, anyway, Happosai took a picture of our happy little
intimate moment.  And made copies.  Huge copies, small copies,
just tons and tons of copies.  And he came to school and threw
them around, copies for everyone.
   Needless to say, though of course I'll say it anyway, Akane
and I were turning unhealthy shades of red in the meantime.  We
attacked Happosai, the arrogant jerk, as he was flashing the
negative around.
   The lost boy wandered by, shouting, "Where is Furinkan High
School?!"  Then a picture floated to the ground in front of him.
He took one look at it, and screamed.  He turned to fight me,
hearing my voice, but got lost.  Somewhere in the direction of
downtown Tokyo, I think.
   The other students were cheering.  Whether they were whooping
over the pics or just encouraging us, it didn't matter.  We were
to angry to really notice, anyway.
   Due to Happosai's training, he was better.  Since Akane and I
were working together for once, though, we were slowly gaining an
advantage.  Then, of course, some...distractions decided to drop
in and rudely interrupt our fight to state their opinions.
   "Saotome you cretin!  How dare you kiss Akane?!" Kunou shouted
while recklessly swinging his sword around.  He was so mad, he
didn't notice when his sword strikes started lopping off limbs of
our classmates.
   Someone in the background shouted, "Oh my god, he killed
Kenny!  That..."  His head quickly landed near his dear friend,
Kenny, rolling to a stop.  It bumped into a rat that was making a
snack of Kenny's eyeball, which had fallen out.
   I hit Kunou in the stomach, trying to keep him out of the way
and out of action.  I didn't want to have to deal with him right
now, but I didn't want to have to kill him, either.
   Of course, Akane, being the lovable clutz she is, tripped over
Kunou and landed on him.  Happosai tried to take advantage of the
opportunity, and threw a ki blast.  I pulled Akane out of the way
in time, but Kunou was a mess best left undescribed.  Dead.  He
was dead.  Lets just leave it at that.
   Mousse came by for a visit next, having heard about the whole
mess over the phone.  "Ranma!  How dare you shame Shanpuu like
this!" he shouted to a nearby tree.  Akane jumped to dodge an
attack and landed on Mousse's head.  Mousse fell over.
   Mousse, glasses broken, tried to throw an attack at what he
thought was whatever had landed on his head, but what turned out
to be Happosai.
   Happosai deflected the attack easily and Mousse inadvertently
committed seppuku, with Happosai as his second.  Happosai then
ki-blasted the poor, visually challenged Chinese boy.  Splat.
Ooh.  That had to hurt.
   Shanpuu came into the school yard, her shoes stained red as
she splashed through blood soaked grass.  She stopped to survey
the mess.  There were corpses littered everywhere.  Ranma had
been to busy trying to salvage his own life to salvage those of
his classmates.
   She ran up to Ranma, mindless of the old hentai fighting him.
"Wode airen!" she shouted, pouncing on him with a mighty squeeze.
}Note: Yes, I know he was a her earlier, but he's been splattered
with blood, and blood is hot water, right?{
   "Get off!" Ranma yelled, shoving Shanpuu away.  Akane, in a
typical fit of jealousy, pulls out a new improved mallet: with a
sharp point.
   Shanpuu had been flung in her direction, so it was easy to hit
the girl.  Well, even if Shanpuu was a vampire, she was dead.  It
would have been harsh even for a vampire.  She was just bits of
twitching flesh and ooey gooey ickiness.  Unidentifiable organs
landed with wet splats.
   Cologne jumped and landed on the fence, and upon seeing the
sight that greeted her in the courtyard, her age caught up with
her.  She had a heart attack and dropped her staff.
   It somehow landed standing point up, due to some weird rule of
anime physics, and when she fell her staff gouged her left eye
out, embedding itself into her brain.  The staff remained erect,
with the ancient woman just...well, kinda hanging around.
   Everyone left alive died laughing, except the people that were
slightly wrapped up in fighting at the moment.  Only one, aging
British man remained.  "This is an ex-parrot!...Or ghoul or
whatever."  A bolt of lightening hit him and he fell over.
   Ranma, Akane, and Happosai got bored with fighting and went
home.  Nabiki had stayed home sick that day.  Kasumi asked, "How
was your day at school?" as the fight had lasted all day.
   "It was pretty much just a normal day," we said.
   The next day, of course...Kenny was alive again!

*the end*

Authors notes:
Well, when I started it, it was gunna be serious!  I was planning
on a sadfic, but that fic that I had started was when I was sad,
and I was happy by the time I got around to typing it.  I was
having so much fun killing off characters, I realized it was
getting a bit silly. (All right!  Stop that!  It's getting much
too silly.)  So I took out all of the dramatic parts.  I guess
most of it is just plain, boring, gruesomeness.  But I had fun
with it, so that's all that matters, right? =)