Geez, one almost feels sympathy for the old ghoul...

On to the C&C:

The size of an infantry division is approximately 10,000 men. That seems
a little excessive considering how far away the Qinghai Province
actually is when compared to the limits of Japanese occupation during
the war. A regiment for example is about 3,000 men; a battalion is
800-1200 men, and a company is 120-200 men. I really don't care how good
the Amazons are, because magic or no magic, 10,000 troops with
supporting artillery and air cover (a division will always have this)
would smear the Joketsuzoku all over the countryside. If nothing else,
the amazons would exhaust themselves trying to kill so many troops and
fall prey to a bullet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The scene where Mousse kisses Shampoo has a few mistakes/points that
need clarification:

1. Shampoo's 'wincing' face or 'winsome' face?

2. "The beautiful loser, who should have died after being repeated[ly]
raped by our warrior women..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Other bits:

3. Amazons [Mousse's mother] filing lawsuits just doesn't sound right...

4. I seem to recall Mousse having poor eyesight at a much earlier age.
The parts where Mousse mistakes various inanimate objects for Shampoo
also occur while he is very young, and are reflected upon in the actual
manga by Shampoo. Then again, this could be where you've decided to cast
away the shackles of canon. 

5. In the description of Ranma, and the comparison between Ranma and
Herb and Kirin, the last sentence is confusing. I'm not sure if the 'he'
being referred to is Ranma or Herb.

6. In the description of the scroll Cologne gave to Happosai: "I wrote
it in large, simple kanji, so that even someone like the senile old fool
won't [wouldn't] mix up the procedures."

7. Lose the "Somehow" at the beginning of "Somehow, I had never
anticipated..." following the death announcement.

8. "Why, Shampoo?... See, he could even managed to get himself killed so
easily!..."  Lose the 'could' here, or change 'managed' to 'manage.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's a good thing I won't be alive in 2096, 'cause I don't wanna be
anywhere around a homicidal misanthropic Cologne... <shudder>

Jamie
-- 
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|---------------J. Austin Wilde and Bridget Ellen Engman---------------|
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| Super Critical Reactor Axe Man.    | Proofreader, Fission Park Press.|
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