"Azusa" <mimzy@ix.netcom.com> wrote:

as hell =)  I'm sorry to those of you who missed part four.  I thought I
sent it out, but so many people are missing it I guess I might not have.

You probably did. The list has been having some serious problems. I
haven't been getting most of my own posts back from the list. This one
probably won't get through. (White Wolf, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?)

As for this story, I wouldn't call it a masterpiece, but it was
enjoyable and had a certain charm. One suggestion I'd make as far as the
writing is that it's generally better to show things rather than to tell
them. For example:

  It was true now.  She had changed.  She was no longer all kind
and good.

Instead of just explaining this to us, tell us in detail what Sakura
looked like, what kind of voice she now spoke in, and so on, and let us
readers make the interpretation. That'll give the reader a feeling of
being there through the eyes of Ranma or Akane.

BTW, I wanna hear the joke! E-mail me, please! ^_^


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics