Next, while the story is reasonably interesting, it has some flaws 

that

detract from reading. Mostly spelling errors and run-on sentences. I
recently picked up a shareware spellchecking add-on for WordPad (turns 

it

into a useful, fairly full-featured word processor for only $15. Can't 

beat

that!) and turned it loose on this story. It found some 200 errors in 

the

3,617 words in this fic. That's NOT counting the japanese terms and
personal names it mistakenly (but understandably) flagged as errors. 

Yeah I have to agree. That and some sentences seemed to be missing 
words. Exactly WHAT did Ranma put on the Tendo sisters' pillows ?

	I'm the last person to be saying this, but it _did_ seem you glossed 

over

some scenes, brushing by them a little too fast. trying to add some
additional background detail could prove helpful.

I dunno.  He sets a nice pace to the story. Trying to add detail may 
break up that pace. I say go for it for a few scenes DO need it(the 
first meeting with the family for instance.)but use consideration.

	Also.. scotch? Ranma wouldn't have the money to be able to afford
expensive Glen Livit scotch, Eric.. even the Scot's admit that Glen 

Livit

can be a little pricey.

*scrathing head* Maybe Ranma's been raiding Soun's private stock ? ^_^

	Next, Urd seems a little too surprised by Ranma's curse. One would 

think a

goddess, even if unfamiliar with Jyusenkyo curses, would be able to 

take

this sort of thing in stride.

Or at least just react with blink and a shrug.

	At the beginning of chapter three, you imply that Ranma is in his male
form, but then you refer to his red hair, and call him a niece. You 

need to

fix that.

*nod-nod*

	Would Kami-sama really refer to a teenager as a rugrat? I don't think 

so,

but that's  a personal call of the author's. Still, it does seem less 

than

dignified for Kami-sama to do so.

	On that same token, Kami-sama's dialog seems just a little too crude.
Unless you're doing that deleiberately, so that Ranma feels more at 

ease

with him, you should consider making Kami-sama's words more dignified.

Naaaah.  Personally I liked the dialog. It  put an at ease feeling as 
you say. The sense I got was a VERY nice guy with a wry sense of 
humor.And we certainly know about gods with senses of humor dont we Son 
of Coyote ? ^_^ Besides I dont think even the Manga wrote Kami all that 
dignified, And if you go by the Kami that was used in that recent  
Fighting Magical Game Fic weeeeell !!!  ^_-

All in all I agree with you. This Fic shows great promise and the 
writing style is very nice despite the spelling and grammer errors. and 
a good spell checker and prereader sould help with that problem. 
He sets up many possiblities with the premise and it will be interesting 
to see where he takes it. I will definitely be waiting for more.




>From the twisted mind of Lord Darkwolf "LD" for short just 
don't call me Darky


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