[You know the drill.  Theatre, with Christopher Angel, God of Moments, and
his two sisters, Urd - Goddess of the Past, and Skuld - Goddess of the
Future.  They're arguing.]

Urd: Oh, come ON, 'Niichan.  Let your sister help!

Chris: No, no, no, no, no, and for the last time, NO!

Skuld: Who is this tramp, anyway?

Chris: Alex is NOT a tramp!

Urd: Oooooh, her name is Alex.  I have a clue!

Chris: [smacks his forehead] I give up.  Can we review the fic now?

The Sound and the Furry Productions, copyright Century of the Fruitbat
Andrew Huang, nutcase, headcase, briefcase, member
begun September 1, 1997

Chris: [blinks]  'Drew, that's really pathetic.

Urd: Yeah, he's even slower than you.

Chris: [defensively] I am not THAT slow.

Skuld: Oniichan, you've been working on Age of Evangelion 4 HOW long?

Chris: I'm waiting for the manga to reach that point.  [pause] Yeah, that's
it.

 Reminder: There _are_ spoilers in here. Big time.

Chris: [frowns] Speaking of which, I better bounce that TtP insert off of
some people.  I don't know if my Thrid-Impact aftermath is OK.

 Evangelion is the property of Gainax (great bunch of people, they
are). ADV Films has the rights to the English translation. The drink
called "scumble" is the invention of Terry Pratchett, adapted a little
to my storyline.

Chris: You know, I've read one, count 'em, ONE of his works.  I don't see
the appeal.

Urd: You also read Keith Laumer and Robert Asperin.

Skuld: HEY, Retief is soooo cool!

Chris: Yeah, and Phule rocks!

Urd: [muttered] Bakas.

 Still more of the thing called Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut. Do please
read the previous three parts first, before reading this part. Note that
this is an interlude piece, much shorter, and released to make you all a
bit happier. Nothing much happens, I just need to establish a few things
before the next full part.

Urd: Translation?

Chris: "HERE! Leave me the $*&^#! alone already!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------

 A frazzled writer sat down at his computer.

 "I know. This is late. Very late. Several months in the writing. Shut
up already. I'm going, I'm going!"

 Type, type, type, type....

************************************************

Chris: [grinning] See?  I know my friends.

Skuld: Didn't you write OMB 4 for that reason?

Chris: [blush] Yeah...well..the 45 death threats kinda convinced me.

 Ikari Gendou's mind rose through the layers of blessed unconsciousness
and emerged into wakefulness. He lay there quiescently, contemplating
the ceiling above him. It was slightly blurry, as he did not have his
glasses on.

Chris: [puts his hands over Skuld's ears] At this point, I'd like to inform
you of one of messages *I* got out of NGE.

Urd: This is something I'm going to hit you for, isn't it?

Chris: Maaaaybe.  Anyway, taking Gendou and Kaji into account, this show
told me that assholes get laid.  A lot.  Any time they want it, and
sometimes even when they don't.  [lets go of Skuld's head]

Skuld: [irritated] What'd he say?

Urd: [scowling] Skuld, can I borrow your hammer?

 Presently, a face loomed over him.

 An accompanying voice spoke. Ibuki Maia's voice.

 "You really must teach me how you do that, sir."

 Gendou blinked. "Ah...do what?"

 "Take a fall like that. I mean, when Rei grabbed you by the arm and
just tossed you--I'm sure a human body usually doesn't make _that_ much
noise from falling such a short distance. You had to have done something
to amplify the crash sound."

 Gendou sighed. This was going to be one of _those_ days, was it?

Chris: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!

Skuld: Ewwwwwwwww.....that's gross.

Urd: Do it again!

***
Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut Hole 3.5:
Family Can Get on One's NERVs
by Andrew Huang
written for The Sound and the Furry Productions
***

Chris: [whine] Aaaaaannndrrreeewww.... [*THWAP!*s the author through the
fic.]

Skuld: [amazed] How did you do that?

Chris: Do what?

Urd: *THAWP!* him like that.

Chris: Like this?  [*THWIP!*s Andrew]

Skuld: No, more like this.  [*THWOCK!*s Andrew]

Urd: That was a *THWOCK!*  You did something like this.  [*THWUP!*s Andrew]

Chris: [loocks at the thoroughly beaten Andrew]  I think we broke him.

 "Good morning, Asuka-chan!" Hikari's bright smile truly beamed.

Chris: [looking through his coat] Shades, shades, where did I put my
shades....

 "'Morning, Asuka." Shinji came in with a vase and a pink carnation.
"Misato wanted me to bring this."

 "Guten mor...good morning." Asuka yawned and rubbed her eyes. "I want
to get out of here. I'm all right, really I am...." She looked around.
Cocking an eyebrow, she asked, "Just you two?"

 Hikari coughed. "Er...Touji-kun thought maybe...and Rei...."

Skuld: Thought what?

Urd: That maybe Asuka wouldn't like to be reminded about her lack of a
boyfriend?

Chris: [snaps his fingers] OH YEAH, this is the one where they're trying to
hook up Kensuke with Asuka!

Skuld: [scandalized] That's AWFUL!  What did poor Kensuke do to them?  He's
suck a nice, kawaii, sweet boy...he likes mecha....he's so dreamy!

Chris: [whispers to Urd] Sometimes, that girl REALLY scares me.

Urd: [whispering back] You too?

 Asuka sighed. "How considerate of them."

 Shinji set the flowers down by her bed. "Well, yeah. And...here!"
Shinji waved a pair of video tapes around.

 "Hey! Don't go flashing those around this place! I have a reputation
to keep, you know!" Asuka hastily snatched them out of his hand. "Um.
Danke schoen."

Chris: 20 bucks says they're Sailor Moon tapes.

Urd/Skuld: No bet.

 Shinji nodded, and grinned. Asuka scowled a little.

 "And here's the stuff that you've been missing in class." Hikari
produced a bag and dumped it on the bed. The bed shook.

 "_What_ has Sensei been doing!?"

 "Stopped mumbling about the Second Impact and actually assigning
work." Shinji's lip quirked. "I never thought I'd actually miss those
lectures of his."

Chris: You know, I get this all the time.  "You do nothing all day?  I'd
KILL for a job like that!"  Let me tell you, it SUCKS.  You feel so guilty,
and you're so damn BORED, and do you know how ridiculous you sound going to
your boss and saying "give me work?"

Urd: [pats Chris on the head]  Nobody understands you....you're so
misunderstood.  Poor 'Niichan.

Chris: Yeah...hey, wait! Stop condescending to me!

 "So, Asuka-chan, how's the food here?"

 "I'm beginning to think Misato is on the hospital kitchen's payroll."

 "Ah. Well, 's there anything else you need?" Shinji seemed awfully
solicitous today.

 "If you're trying to buy my favor, it won't work. But no, I'm fine.
Thanks anyway." Asuka stifled a second yawn.

Urd: Suspicious, isn't she?

Chris: This is Asuka.

Skuld: [wailing] Poor, poor Kensuke-kun!

 Shinji nodded. "All right. Gotta go--I'm meeting up with Kensuke about
something soon. Get well soon." He walked out the door.

 "Close the door, okay?"

 Hikari did so as she exited, giving a cheerful wave. "See you later!"

 Asuka sighed again, then pulled the cart with the TV and VCR towards
herself. Turning on the machines and lowering the volume, she stuck one
of the two tapes in.

 <*I am the beautiful sailor-suited warrior, Sailor Moon! And in the
name of the Moon, I will punish you!*>

 "Ahh...bliss."

Skuld: Why does everyone think liking Sailor Moon is so bad?

Chris: [shrugs] Dunno.  I freely admit I like Sailor Moon.  Besides,
Rei-chan's hot!

Urd: 'Niichan! She's fourteen!

Chris: [dead serious] Urd, have you SEEN the figures of those girls?  They
make...well...YOU look underdeveloped.  [Gets *TWACK!*ed by Urd.]  Oww!
Umm...sorry?

Skuld: You deserved that.

------------------------------------------------

 It was a wonder, her cute smile. It still made Shinji a little
lightheaded. But that wasn't the important thing--for the moment. "Well,
where's Kensuke?"

 "Are you kidding? He's not going to find out about the plan until it's
too late. I mean, until he's participating." Rei smiled in a slightly
different manner.

Chris: How do girls do that, anyway?  I mean, it's like they know just how
to turn your knees to jelly.

Urd/Skuld: It's a secret.

 "Are you sure about this? I mean, I know Aida, and I know how he--and
I--feel about Asuka." Touji looked up from his...ah, heated
philosophical debate with Hikari.

Urd: Oooooh, making out!  This fic is looking up.

 "And I know that Asuka-chan isn't too fond of him either." Mental
note: resume heated philosophical debate about Sun Tzu later. "Touji-
kun's right...."

[Urd facefaults]

Chris: RIIIIIIIIIGHT.

 "Two words," said Rei. "Training room."

 The three EVA pilots were silent. Hikari, who had only heard about the
events, still wasn't quite convinced. "Was it _really_ that bad?"

 "No, it was worse. I say we go with this." Shinji looked over to Rei.
"You have a plan?"

 "Working out the details, but yes. I have a plan." Rei smiled, again.

[Ominous music plays]

Skuld: [looks around] What happened to th

Chris: They sent Misaki after me again...[shudders]

Urd: I thought she was going to leave you alone if you got Magni off her
case.

Chris: She decided she LIKES Magni.  [shakes his head] Poor guy.  Poor
Azusa.

 Shinji felt lightheaded, again.

 Kensuke, somewhere else, suddenly sneezed and felt very, very scared
at the same time. That resulted in a rather large usage of tissues.

Chris: More info than I needed, thankyouverymuch.

------------------------------------------------

 "Father."

 "Shinji."

[The angst shields spring into position.]

Chris: Nice upgrade, Skuld.

Urd: [looks at it fearfully]  It's not going to blow up, is it?

 Ikari and son sat looking at each other, over the menus. It was a
special day, today. Ikari Yui's birthday. She would have been 38. In
honor of her memory, they were having lunch together.

Chris: [sacrastic] Yay.  This is gonna be fun.

 If it hadn't been for the graveside meeting a few months ago, this
would have been even more uncomfortable. Of course, it is difficult to
contemplate that level of discomfort, considering that _now_, Shinji's
prime instinct was still to get up and quietly shuffle away. One must
suppose that it was an improvement over wanting to run away aimlessly.
Shuffling out of a restaurant is a bit more dignified than running out,
and he certainly would have had a particular destination, ahem, in mind,
had he given in to his instinct this time around.

Urd: [leering] Said destination being a certain red-eyed, blue-haired mecha
jockey?

Chris: [sarastic] No, Urd, he's talking about Asuka.  Shinji's been
corresponding with Tenchi.  [*THWAP!*ed by Urd]  OWW!  Hey, what was that
for?

Skuld: You REALLY deserved that.

 They kept on staring at each other, perhaps in the hopes that one of
them would break down and actually start _talking_ about something,
sooner or later. Then again, the phrases "normal family relationship"
and "NERV affiliate" just don't really fit in the same sentence without
considerable suspension of disbelief.

 Still, something had to give.

 "So...how are you and Rei doing?"

 It was a little forced, but a noble attempt, nonetheless.

Chris: 7.8
Urd: 6.9
Skuld: You're both meanies. 8.5

 Shinji sighed slightly in relief. "We're getting along great, Father."
No thanks to you. "She's got something planned for us tonight."

Chris: [cat snarl] Mrrrrow!  Hisssssss!

 Gendou nodded, and was silent for a while. "It is...good to hear
that."

Chris: O_O
Urd: O_O
Skuld: O_O;

------------------------------------------------

 <*--as it turned out, a small black piglet had gotten tangled up with
the unmanned glider's landing mechanisms. I guess you could say that
pigs have flown.*>

 Rei blinked, and frowned momentarily, while the newscaster laughed a
bit at his bad joke, and moved on to another story. She then resumed
flipping channels. She returned her attention to the computer terminal.

------------------------------------------------

Chris: All together now?

[Urd and Skuld nod, and Andrew is simultaneously *THWAP!*ed by the trio.]

Chris: Smarten up.

 The silence had come back, after the initial effort. Shinji felt that
it was his turn.

 "Um...why did you decide to come here, anyway? I thought you liked
sashimi more than Indian food."

 The fact that his son knew what sort of food he liked surprised Gendou
a bit--almost as much as it surprised Shinji himself. "Um, well...it's a
little hard to use chopsticks, when...." Gendou drummed his taped
fingers on the table. He almost winced in pain.

Chris: Chris' first rule when it comes to fighting with women: Don't.
You'll lose.  Painfully.

Urd: That's the smartest thing I've heard from you all day.

 Shinji declined to comment on Rei's, ah, handiwork, but did shake his
head slightly.

 Gendou shrugged. "Well, I don't know about you, but I could murder a
curry."

 They placed their orders, and briefly contemplated the other.

 "Tell me about Mother."

 This took Gendou off guard for a moment. "She was...full of life. So
vibrant. She had greatness written all over her. I was so proud of her."
As he spoke, his expression became positively wistful. "But more than
that, I remember...when you came along, she put even more energy into
raising you up...." And, of course, there was _before_ you were born....

 "Father? You're drooling." Shinji felt slightly sick.

 Gendou blinked. "Ah. My...apologies." He sobered quickly. "She was a
wonderful woman, scientist, and mother. Simply put."

Chris: [blinks, then shakes his head]  Clinton has nothing on that guy.

Skuld: You just KNOW that's going to get you in trouble, don't you?

------------------------------------------------

 "Mari...." The door swung open.

 "Oniichan! And Oniichan's girlfriend!" A cute, 10 year old girl
wearing a bright pink ribbon in her hair was sitting up in the hospital
room's bed.

 Hikari blinked. Word, apparently, got around fast.

Chris: Women's girlfriend network.  The CIA has NOTHING on them.

Skuld: [looks at him suspiciously] Have you been in the source code again?
You're not supposed to know about that.

 Touji laughed slightly nervously, just in the right way that irked
Hikari just a bit. "Ah, yes, Mari...this is Hikari-chan."

 "Hello, Mari-chan. The doctors say you're getting much better!" She
didn't notice a sudden shift in the way that Mari's eyes shone.

 "I am doing very well, thank you. I am gratified by your concern,"
intoned Mari.

 Hikari would have facefaulted, if not for Touji's hand on her
shoulder.  Mari continued talking. "It becomes...tiresome to lie in here
alone for so long." Mari suddenly shook her head a bit. "Oniichan's been
telling me so much about you!" she burbled, gleefully. "And you cook
great, too!"

 Hikari would have started edging towards the door, but again, Touji's
hand restrained her from moving. Touji said, "Ah, yeah...isn't she
great?" He gently elbowed his girlfriend to keep her from saying
something off.

Chris: O_O  How...ominous.

Urd: Didn't he say he was actually developing a plot?

Skuld: This doesn't feel right, ne Oniichan?

Chris: [nods] Indeed.  I suppose it may be necessary, but it sort of
undercuts the lightheartedness of this fic.  But then, the whole angel
attack did that as well.

------------------------------------------------

 "...and she really liked the color purple," said Gendou.

 "Purple?" asked Shinji.

 "Purple," said Gendou. "And green, too."

 "Green?"

 "Green." And Unit 01 was supposed to be white, and it _was_ white,
until the day after the...accident. Stupid paint jobs never stayed on,
either. I hate purple.

------------------------------------------------

[Urd and Skuld are holding Chris down, he's frantically trying to *THWAP*
Andrew.]

Chris: THIEF!

Skuld: [placating] Now, Oniichan, in yours REI liked purple, not Yui.

Chris: [pouting] It's STILL my idea.

 "G'bye, Oniichan! G'bye, Hikari-neesan!"

 "I'll be back in a few days, Mari...."

 The two teenagers stepped out of the room.

 "Wh...what was with that...uh...."

 Touji shook his head. "Ever since I got her transferred over here,
she's done that once in a while. It's strange.... And when she asks
about Unit 03, it's like...." Touji frowned slightly. "Very weird."

------------------------------------------------

[ominous music plays]

Skuld: [looks around nervously] Oniichan, I'm scared....

Urd: I REALLY don't like where that's going.

Chris: [shrugs] Neither do I.  I guess we know which camp he's in on the
Eva-soul concept.

 "My question is, how the HELL did anyone manage to tie a ten meter
pink ribbon around this thing."

 "Shut up and help me get it off Unit 03."

 "Yeah, yeah. Heh, I think it would look better with a blue ribbon."

 "The last one _was_ blue."

 "There was another one?"

------------------------------------------------

[Urd and Skuld are giggling]

Chris: [grudging smile]  Alright, THAT was good.

<not sure if this is going to make it into this part--may be reserved
for a later chapter>
<SNIP>

Urd: Wow....I WANT some of that!

Skuld: [nervous] Oniichan, that stuff doesn't really exist, does it?

Chris: [worried] I hope not.  [shakes his head] ANYWAY, I'd drop this
entirely, or use it later.  Doesn't really fit in with this,
and...well...it's a little TOO much plajurism (sp).

[Lights come up]

Urd: That's it?  GOOD!  Now, 'Niichan, tell me all about this Alex girl....

Chris: [whimper] Help...

--
Christopher "God-boy" Angel
cja124@mail.usask.ca
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/7040/
"I'm your worst nightmare - a manga
nut with a power ring."  Green Lantern