[The Lurkerdrome, which is currently...erm...parked, through the roof
of Central Mall in Port Arthur, Texas. Usually a dark purple in
color, the Lurkerdrome is covered with a yellow substance. The single
purple eye sitting atop the 'Drome looks severely bloodshot, and
salty water drips from it periodically. Mall shoppers stare up
curiously at the huge purple-yellow dome rising out of the mall, yet
somehow manage to ignore the strange sight as they enter and exit the
building. Inside the 'Drome, Lurker is sitting in his customary place
looking rather surly, and far less than well. Hikaru frowns.]
Hikaru: How are you feeling?
Lurker: <grumbles> Damned lousy pollen storms...had to happen right
when I ran out of allergy medication, didn't it?
Hikaru: The Benadryl helping?
Lurker: <snorts> Oh, it helps alright. Helps me lapse into
unconsciousness...
Hikaru: <sighs, then notices a blinking light> Well, maybe this'll
cheer you up.
Lurker: <grunts with a vaguely inquisitive tone>
Hikaru: Seems Huang-san has done some more work on...
Lurker: <perks up slightly> Evanjellydonut? <leans over the screen,
blinks> "Evanjellydonut Hole"?
Hikaru: Jelly donuts don't have holes, do they?
Lurker: None that I've seen...
I've been threatened. Or something like that. ^_^ To appease the
masses^H^H^H^H^H^Hkindly readers, I'll put this out.
Lurker: <chuckles>
Hikaru: <giggles>
Rather preliminary. It's Donut Hole 3.5 since it won't be large
enough to merit being a chapter on its own. In short, it's an
interlude,
designed to introduce some plot points and ideas. Part 4, which
will be
started...someday...will go to the 14th Angel. I've got ideas
cooking, but
nothing serious.
Lurker: So...no jelly donuts in the fryer, eh?
Hikaru: Ah well. There's always the donut place in town...
Lurker: Or the Great American Cookie Co. down in the mall...
The Sound and the Furry Productions, copyright Century of the
Fruitbat
Hikaru: ?_?
Lurker: Could be worse...
Hikaru: How so?
Lurker: Could be Century of the Llama...
Andrew Huang, nutcase, headcase, briefcase, member
Lurker: You left out basketcase, spacecase...
Hikaru: ...Steve Case...
Lurker: Hey! That was too cruel...
Hikaru: You're right, gomen...
begun September 1, 1997
Lurker: A long-ass time ago, in a galaxy on the other side of
Uranus...
Hikaru: <sweatdrop>
Still more of the thing called Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut. Do
please
read the previous three parts first, before reading this part. Note
that
this is an interlude piece, much shorter, and released to make you
all a
bit happier. Nothing much happens, I just need to establish a few
things
before the next full part.
Lurker: And now that we're all sufficiently warned...
A frazzled writer sat down at his computer.
"I know. This is late. Very late. Several months in the writing.
Shut
up already. I'm going, I'm going!"
Type, type, type, type....
Lurker: <suddenly holding a whip> Work harder, slave! Harder! HARDER!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Hikaru: <sweatdrop>
Ikari Gendou's mind rose through the layers of blessed
unconsciousness
Lurker: <grumbles> What's so blessed about it?
and emerged into wakefulness. He lay there quiescently,
contemplating
the ceiling above him. It was slightly blurry, as he did not have
his
glasses on.
Presently, a face loomed over him.
Lurker: Of course, for all he knew, it could have been someone's
ass...
Hikaru: <sweatdrop^2>
Lurker: <sly grin> But since nobody rides donkeys in Tokyo-3, it had
to be a face...
Hikaru: <facefault>
"Take a fall like that. I mean, when Rei grabbed you by the arm
and
just tossed you--I'm sure a human body usually doesn't make _that_
much
noise from falling such a short distance. You had to have done
something
to amplify the crash sound."
<Lurker and Hikaru snicker>
Gendou sighed. This was going to be one of _those_ days, was it?
Lurker: Tell me about it...
Neon Genesis Evanjellydonut Hole 3.5:
Family Can Get on One's NERVs
<Lurker and Hikaru groan>
Lurker: Puns that bad should be illegal...
Hikaru: Anou, Lurker-kun...if they were, you'd be serving a life
sentence by now..
"Good morning, Asuka-chan!" Hikari's bright smile truly beamed.
Lurker: Truly, it beamed?
Hikaru: Truly, it beamed.
Lurker: That is truly remarkable...
Shinji set the flowers down by her bed. "Well, yeah. And...here!"
Shinji waved a pair of video tapes around.
"Hey! Don't go flashing those around this place! I have a
reputation
to keep, you know!" Asuka hastily snatched them out of his hand.
"Um.
Danke schoen."
Lurker: Eh?
Hikaru: Wonder what those might be...
Lurker: 1000 yen says it's Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon...
Hikaru: Nah. Probably Fushigi Yuugi.
"And here's the stuff that you've been missing in class." Hikari
produced a bag and dumped it on the bed. The bed shook.
Lurker: O_o
Hikaru: o_O
"_What_ has Sensei been doing!?"
"Stopped mumbling about the Second Impact and actually assigning
work." Shinji's lip quirked. "I never thought I'd actually miss
those
lectures of his."
Lurker: Amazing what happens when the teacher finally shuts up, ne?
"So, Asuka-chan, how's the food here?"
"I'm beginning to think Misato is on the hospital kitchen's
payroll."
<Lurker and Hikaru ROFL>
"Ah. Well, 's there anything else you need?" Shinji seemed
awfully
solicitous today.
Lurker: Hey! Isn't solicitation a misdemeanor on hospital grounds?
"If you're trying to buy my favor, it won't work. But no, I'm
fine.
Thanks anyway." Asuka stifled a second yawn.
Lurker: Same ol' Asuka...
Asuka sighed again, then pulled the cart with the TV and VCR
towards
herself. Turning on the machines and lowering the volume, she stuck
one
of the two tapes in.
<*I am the beautiful sailor-suited warrior, Sailor Moon! And in
the
name of the Moon, I will punish you!*>
"Ahh...bliss."
Hikaru: Rats.
Lurker: <grin> Pay up.
It was a wonder, her cute smile. It still made Shinji a little
lightheaded. But that wasn't the important thing--for the moment.
"Well,
where's Kensuke?"
"Are you kidding? He's not going to find out about the plan until
it's
too late. I mean, until he's participating." Rei smiled in a
slightly
different manner.
Lurker: Uh-oh...what are these two up to now...?
"Are you sure about this? I mean, I know Aida, and I know how
he--and
I--feel about Asuka." Touji looked up from his...ah, heated
philosophical debate with Hikari.
Lurker: No telling what kind of "debate" it was...
"And I know that Asuka-chan isn't too fond of him either." Mental
note: resume heated philosophical debate about Sun Tzu later.
"Touji-
kun's right...."
Hikaru: <sweatdrop>
"No, it was worse. I say we go with this." Shinji looked over to
Rei.
"You have a plan?"
"Working out the details, but yes. I have a plan." Rei smiled,
again.
Lurker: Rei...being devious...
Hikaru: It's scary...
Shinji felt lightheaded, again.
Kensuke, somewhere else, suddenly sneezed and felt very, very
scared
at the same time. That resulted in a rather large usage of tissues.
Lurker: <snicker>
Hikaru: <giggle>
If it hadn't been for the graveside meeting a few months ago,
this
would have been even more uncomfortable. Of course, it is difficult
to
contemplate that level of discomfort, considering that _now_,
Shinji's
prime instinct was still to get up and quietly shuffle away. One
must
suppose that it was an improvement over wanting to run away
aimlessly.
Shuffling out of a restaurant is a bit more dignified than running
out,
and he certainly would have had a particular destination, ahem, in
mind,
had he given in to his instinct this time around.
Lurker: Well, that's a start...
They kept on staring at each other, perhaps in the hopes that one
of
them would break down and actually start _talking_ about something,
sooner or later. Then again, the phrases "normal family
relationship"
and "NERV affiliate" just don't really fit in the same sentence
without
considerable suspension of disbelief.
Lurker: Kinda like the phrases "Dan Quayle" and "projected winner in
2000"?
Hikaru: Or "Umi-chan" and "loves Mokona"?
Lurker: Exactly.
Still, something had to give.
"So...how are you and Rei doing?"
It was a little forced, but a noble attempt, nonetheless.
Lurker: Gendou? Do something noble?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Hikaru: <sweatdrop> It could happen...
Lurker: Yeah, and it might come out that Umi and Presea do S&M stuff
in secret...
Hikaru: Lurker no HENTAI! <wham>
Shinji sighed slightly in relief. "We're getting along great,
Father."
No thanks to you. "She's got something planned for us tonight."
Gendou nodded, and was silent for a while. "It is...good to hear
that."
Lurker: Translation - "Better him with Rei than Rei beating me
up...."
<*--as it turned out, a small black piglet had gotten tangled up
with
the unmanned glider's landing mechanisms. I guess you could say
that
pigs have flown.*>
Lurker: <sweatdrop>
Hikaru: Somebody call 911...that joke was just murdered...
The silence had come back, after the initial effort. Shinji felt
that
it was his turn.
Lurker: Shinji going on the offensive?
Hikaru: Two more phrases that don't fit together...
Lurker: ...unless Shinji farted or something...
Hikaru: <sweatdrop + snicker>
"Um...why did you decide to come here, anyway? I thought you
liked
sashimi more than Indian food."
Lurker: AHA! I knew it!
Hikaru: What?
Lurker: So...*that's* Gendou's secret plan...
Hikaru: Eh? What?
Lurker: <eyes closed> He intends to take over the world through the
power of natural gas...
Hikaru: <facefault>
The fact that his son knew what sort of food he liked surprised
Gendou
a bit--almost as much as it surprised Shinji himself. "Um,
well...it's a
little hard to use chopsticks, when...." Gendou drummed his taped
fingers on the table. He almost winced in pain.
Lurker: <snicker>
Gendou shrugged. "Well, I don't know about you, but I could
murder a
curry."
Lurker: More like you could murder someone after you *eat* the...
Hikaru: Lurker-kun...one more flatulation joke, and I'm going to
*hurt* you...
Lurker: ...
This took Gendou off guard for a moment. "She was...full of life.
So
vibrant. She had greatness written all over her. I was so proud of
her."
As he spoke, his expression became positively wistful. "But more
than
that, I remember...when you came along, she put even more energy
into
raising you up...." And, of course, there was _before_ you were
born....
Lurker: <turns green>
Hikaru: <turns greener>
Touji laughed slightly nervously, just in the right way that
irked
Hikari just a bit. "Ah, yes, Mari...this is Hikari-chan."
"Hello, Mari-chan. The doctors say you're getting much better!"
She
didn't notice a sudden shift in the way that Mari's eyes shone.
"I am doing very well, thank you. I am gratified by your
concern,"
intoned Mari.
Lurker: ?_?
Hikaru: O_o
Hikari would have facefaulted, if not for Touji's hand on her
shoulder. Mari continued talking. "It becomes...tiresome to lie in
here
alone for so long." Mari suddenly shook her head a bit. "Oniichan's
been
telling me so much about you!" she burbled, gleefully. "And you
cook
great, too!"
Lurker: Uhhh....
Hikaru: Odd girl...
Lurker: That's one way to put it...
"...and she really liked the color purple," said Gendou.
"Purple?" asked Shinji.
"Purple," said Gendou. "And green, too."
"Green?"
"Green." And Unit 01 was supposed to be white, and it _was_
white,
until the day after the...accident. Stupid paint jobs never stayed
on,
either. I hate purple.
Hikaru: ...uh oh...
Lurker: <begins glowing> He...said...
Hikaru: Calm down, Lurker-kun...
Lurker: <eyes blazing> ...he...hates...
Hikaru: <eeps and ducks behind her seat>
Lurker: ...hates...purple...? <his chair explodes beneath him as he
goes SSJ> KONO YAROU!!! SHI-NE!!!!!
<A half-hour passes as Lurker calms down. The mall has emptied,
shoppers fleeing as the berserk Saiyajin rampaged through every
store.>
"Wh...what was with that...uh...."
Touji shook his head. "Ever since I got her transferred over
here,
she's done that once in a while. It's strange.... And when she asks
about Unit 03, it's like...." Touji frowned slightly. "Very weird."
Lurker: O_O
Hikaru: I don't want to know.
"My question is, how the HELL did anyone manage to tie a ten
meter
pink ribbon around this thing."
"Shut up and help me get it off Unit 03."
Lurker: O_o
Hikaru: o_O
"Yeah, yeah. Heh, I think it would look better with a blue
ribbon."
"The last one _was_ blue."
"There was another one?"
Lurker, Hikaru: O_O
One special day in the year 2000, a certain apple farmer/retired
biochemist awoke and went outside to check on his crop. He was
immediately greeted by the sight of the aftermath of the Second
Impact.
The fellow promptly turned around and decided to make something
that
would forever wipe the image of that from his mind. The result is
this
drink called "scumble", though to many it is known as
"arghlhlhlglh"
after taking a liberal sip.
Lurker: <snicker>
Scumble, though made from a thing as innocuous as your average
Golden
Delicious apple, has more "oomph" than 200 proof ethyl alcohol.
Perhaps
it is due to the additional spices and flavorings that one adds
(very,
very carefully) during the fermentation process. Most religions
that
managed to still carry a follwing after the Second Impact have
banned
its use as anything other than a disinfectant. (One can seemingly
hear
the bacteria scream in agony as it is applied. What is _actually_
being
heard is the linoleum beneath being molecularly wrenched in
grotesque
and indecent ways.)
Lurker: More than we needed to know, thank you...
Hikaru: I'm gonna have nightmares about mutilated kitchen tile for a
week...
Serving suggestions for scumble are many, but all of them
invariably
contain the word "thimbleful" somewhere within, usually preceded by
"less than a". So, it would go without saying that Misato filled
two
glasses rather larger than a thimble, passed one to Kaji, and
slammed
hers down in unison with him.
Lurker: <sweatdrop> Leave it to Misato...
Hikaru: <shakes her head>
"Squeak," she said, and fell over.
"Squeak," he said, and set into something akin to rigor mortis.
<Lurker and Hikaru ROFL>
Lurker: Nice work. Good to see you finally *doing* something...^_-
--------------------------------------------------------------------
"Oh my God, they killed Kenny!"
"...what's the frequency?"
---
The Eternal Lost Lurker
"My name is Don Roberto de Lurker. I am the
world's greatest fanfiction writer. I have written
more than 1,000 pages of fanfiction.
--Okay, maybe not."
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Garden/9502
No smoking pot in class unless you have enough
for everybody.
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