And a Happy St. Patrick's Day, don't ya know!

A few months ago, I re-released a revengefic to the FFML.  I included a
limerick written by Ranma:

I know a young hunk, name of Ranma;
A martial arts stud that can pound ya'.
   Then he met Akane,
   Whose arms were quite brawny.
Uncute and unsexy- <WHAM> "Baka!"

Later, I decided to see what the greater FFML could come up with for Anime
Limericks.

So here it is: the first Annual FFML Anime Limerick Awards!

DISCLAIMER:  The opinions expressed (outside of the limericks themselves)
are mine and mine alone.  No offense is intended to anyone, nor are these
"awards" intended to be definitive in any way.

I was quite impressed with the responses I got.  Lots of very good stuff.
I've award a Best Limerick, a First Runner-Up, and a couple of Honorable
Mentions.  It was a tough call on my part; *all* the entries were good.

Okay, here we go:

-----------------------------------------------------------

First Runner-up, and the winner of the "Poetic Justice" Award, by Jenny
Chan:

There once was a man with four ladies,
When he died, he went straight to hades.
   Said Shampoo with her mace,
   "play with heart, go bad place!"
And poor Ranma's heart was full of maybes.


The winner of the "Knowing Your Assets" Award is Cindy Toler:

There once was a girl named Nabiki
And some people said she was sneaky
   But it wasn't her stealth
   That earned her great wealth
T'was exploiting a sex-changing freakie!


Jeanne Hedge sent in many limericks, most of them on BGC.  The winner of
the "Keeping in the Spirit of the Holiday" Award, and an Honorable
Mention, is :

ADP thought his hobby was keen:
To drink more beer than they'd ever seen.
   But come St. Pat's Day,
   A gaijin holiday,
Poor Leon was decidedly green.


The "What Exactly Did You Put in That?" Award goes to Warr:

This story is of one chef, named Ukyou;
Who gave her fianc� free food to go.
   He ate without pay,
   Until that one day.
She found him rolling naked in her dough.


The "I Keep Dialing For Fast Food But Nothing Good Ever Happens" award
goes to Rilian:

There once was a student, Keiichi,
Who lived in the Men's Dorm at Nekomi.
   Then one glorious day,
   The three Norns came to stay,
And now Keiichi is not quite so lonely.


The "What's a Limerick?" Award goes to Phil Masters for his contribution
which, rules violation aside, I rather liked:

Simple Philosophy:
Cat Girl Nuku Nuku
By:  Phillip Masters

Formed not of flesh, but of steel and wire.
Borne not of the womb, but forged of fire.
Yet, undeniably a feline was her sire.

Created by man in the image of God.
When asked the question, unsure, we nod.
Is this quite safe, the ground that we trod?

When shall the mystery finally unfurl,
to whether she is a cat or she is a girl?

Perhaps it matters not, the answer we seek.
Is it our journey is really this meek?
How can our conscience be so weak?

Life is a trial, a enamorous endeavor.
It can fear the light, ties it will sever.
Or seize the day and be free forever.

Human's are suffering an intellectual drought,
We pine for the answer, we moan and we pout.
But, ultimately, a cat who's a girl figured it out.


The Eternal Lost Lurker grabs the "Have You Ever Tried Crossword Puzzles
Instead?" Award:

Yotsuya's a man on a mission,
To keep Kyouko and Godai from kissin'
   How else to get kicks
   In a house in the sticks
When you claim you make money from fishin'?


Chris Davies deserves special recognition for his two-part
story-within-a-limerick entry, which earns an Honorable Mention and the
"You Only Hurt The Ones You Love" Award:

There was once a girl name of Rei,
Whose temper caused some folk to say,
   "If she hates her that much,
   Why doesn't she just clutch
Hold of a mallet for to slay?"

But these silly folk would not see
The love that was within this she
   For the "sorta clumsy,
   bit of a crybaby,"
Meatball-head girl called Usagi.


And back to Jeanne Hedge, for her next entry in her BGC series, which
earns the "There's A Lemon In This Somewhere" Award:

Sylia Stingray one day had to sneeze,
So hard she went to her knees.
   When Mackie found out,
   He just had to shout:
"Not on the new lingerie, please!"


Christopher Angel earns the "They Keep Falling Out of the Sky" Award for
his TM entry:

Tenchi Masaki's this guy,
Who was chased by a girl that could fly.
   Her scientist mother,
   A princess - another,
And a cop too chased this poor guy.


My original post asked the rhetorical question "What *does* rhyme with
Kimagure Orange Road?"  The "What does 'rhetorical' mean?" Award (also
known as the "I'll rise to *any* challenge" Award) goes to Jeanne Hedge:

On the Orange Road of Kimagure,
Kyousuke thought he had no worry.
   Then Hikaru found out,
   And started to pout,
For Kyousuke: no trial by jury.


Lt. Trakal earns the "Keep Telling Yourself They're Not Real" award for
this heart-felt entry:

I cannot help feeling this way
For the one who's called Operative A
   wished I could be his wife
   and when Kain took his life
I shed tears for the rest of the day.


The "Thin Line Between Love and Hate" award, and an Honorable Mention,
goes to another of Jeanne Hedge's BGC limericks:

There once was a Saber named Priss,
Who was filled with vinegar and piss.
   One day in July,
   She caught Leon's eye,
And made her feelings known with a hiss.


Now, at last...

The WINNER of the first Annual FFML Anime Limerick contest!

This was actually the very first response I got, and set a high standard
that no other entry ever quite matched.  Perhaps because I can identify
with it so closely.  ^_^  So the "Do We Really Have To Spell It Out?"
Award, as well as the "Best Anime Limerick of 1998" Award, goes to Redneck
Gaijin:

All the anime males I can find
Seem to be born with no spine.
   Makoto and Tenchi,
   And Youta and Shinji...
Why's their sex life better'n mine?



Thanks to everyone who entered.  See you all next year!  ^_^


-Richard
sterman@sprynet.com

                 ~~~*~~~
All of my fanfics can be found on my fanfic web page.
http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman/fanfic.htm
                 ~~~*~~~