Lord Archive <archive@mich.com> wrote:

I sit in class, but my mind is not on the teacher. Ranchan isn't in 
class today. This wouldn't worry me too much if Akane wasn't absent 

weren't. It's a hypothetical.

too. They're probably on one of his odd adventures. If they are, why 
haven't they asked me for help? I am Ranchan's cute fiancee after all. 
He probably just wants to keep me out of harm�s way.

Actually, Ranma generally doesn't seem to ask anyone for help.

I see Nabiki's cohorts working as intermediaries, but she is no where 

Nowhere is one word.

"Boss didn't tell us."

I get the sense it wasn't that Nabiki hadn't told them, but wouldn't. 

I don't get the difference. You mean that it wasn't that she just
neglected to tell them?

I'm scared. Something has happened. Something bad. I want to run 
through the house and find Ranma, but I nod. I'm overreacting I tell 

overacting, I

I have a greater foreboding. I can't get the idea out of my head now 
that Ranma might of... in the dojo... "Is Ranchan..." My voice 
probably could shake a Richter scale.

Nice way to express it, but not quite accurate. The Richter scale is a
numerical expression of the intensity of a quake, not a physical device.
So she probably should say something like, The trembling in my voice
probably reaches 7.0 on the Richter scale.

Akane looks at me with such a horrible sadness in her eyes. "She 
rejected him. His own mother rejected him. What's worse... after Ranma 
watched his father... die she had him be her second. She had him help 
kill her."

Ouch.

"Yeah. I would've liked to have been invited to your wedding." As the 
bride.

Ouch. Very nice bit of pathos there.

Ranma never has to be reminded of his mother's rejection. I shake my 
head. That's wrong. Little things will always remind him of his 
parents. Like when Ranma left me all those years ago, it was the small 
things that reminded me he left. The lack of the yatai didn't remind 
me too much of him. But a week after he left the sight of dust that 
started to collect on the first aid kit had sent me crying for hours. 
Odd that I would be reminded of him by a box I had to use regularly to 
heal my injuries he had inflicted on me. Maybe it was because I wanted 
it to heal my emotional injuries and not just the physical ones.

This last bit is pretty good, but it might more effective if you slowed
down a bit and describe the memory in more detail.

I see the guy pull a knife. I wonder where this guy is from. If he's 

>from around here, he's really stupid.

Or even if he isn't. Any crook with at least half a brain knows to stay
well away from Nerima.

I'd really wish that was true: unconditional love from your parents. I 

I really wish that were true

All that I was for the past ten years is no more. It has ended honorably.
True I would�ve preferred Ranma had married me, but I can go home now as a 

preferred that Ranma marry me, or preferred it if Ranma had married me

Life really sucks. It just threw me a bunch of lemons. I guess I 
should make lemon okonomiyaki then. I chuckle dryly to myself at that 
thought.

Sounds like the plot of "Insignificant." :-)


Overall, this is a good story in the "Ukyo doesn't get Ranma" genre; the
premise (the Saotomes' deaths) is certainly different.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics