Though the writing seems a bit hurried at places ... I gotta say,
this was absolutely *hilarous*!

chasing it around with their water pistols.  So I charged them with my
towel I had taken to practice tennis and drove them off, shouting that I

*the* towel sounds better. 'course, you might *want* it to be somewhat
off.

was the Towel Monster.  After a while, we all started laughing and had fun
for a while.  Sometimes, it's nice to be a little kid again, at least in

a while, a while. Might consider a slight rephrase.

     Miki tried to think of what else to say.  'The weather is very
beautiful, but my life is so boring.  I wish something exciting would
happen.'  

Gaah. That is *soooo* cliche/overused - but I guess that's the effect
you're after...

     She turned and looked out the window, putting down her pen and
stared at the posters on the wall of her bedroom.  Sometimes, I wish I

looked out the window, put down her pen, and stared at
(or)
looked out the window, putting down her pen and staring at

     "Umm...in a minute, Mom."  She turned on the TV, having concluded
this must be some kind of dream.  The scent of lemon frosting wafted
through the air into her nostrils from the kitchen, making her smile.  Mom
would never be a great cook, but I guess she can make frosting, at least,
Miki thought.

"Mom will", since Miki's thinking in present.

      The image of a beautiful, exotic woman with long white hair, skimpy
clothing, and a blue tattoo on her forehead, lying on a sandy beach filled
the TV screen.  "Hello, Miki.  I'm Urd, from the Goddess Relief Office."

beach, filled

been changed."  Now she sounded a little nervous.  "But I think you can do
the job better than that screamer, anyway."

Heh.

     "I suppose you can't even tell, yet, but you will.  Don't worry, you

The sentence ends a bit abruptly there ... "will be able to"?

     Urd smiled.  "Well, maybe you are Buddha dreaming of being a
Butterfly dreaming of being Lao Tze dreaming of being Dogbert, but..."

Heh. Cute ... but, is it really something Urd would say?

"If wishes were horses..."

"If I had a cent for every time someone used that expression as a
subtitle for an AMG-fic..." ^_^

     Miki quickly put it on, then curiously opened it, finding a tiny
picture of Meiko being attacked at a jewelry store by a monster inside it.
"What the..."

"it" refers to the jewelry store ... in fact, Meiko is being attacked at
a jewelry store by a monster which is inside the jewelry store.

I presume "inside it" is supposed to refer to the locket, and it's the
picture that's there, not the monster ... but I'm not sure how best to
phrase that.

     Luna stared at the picture.  "Your friend is in danger!  Quickly,
you must say, "Love Forty, GAME POINT!"

O_o

That was ... unique.

ribbons and ties that were adorning and controlling it, although being
short, it couldn't go very far upwards.  Her clothing apparently decided

"altough" here kinda indicates that since the hair is short, it should
be able to go longer ... just another comma (altough, being) makes it
better, but IMO, "even if" or similar would be preferable.

converged inwards from all sides, becoming a uniform of durable, but soft
pink cloth, a headband and blue visor, and white sneakers.  The skirt of

soft, pink

     "And why did he use a nine iron when a seven iron is recommended for
indoor combat?"  Luna replied.

*ROFL*!

      The school was abuzz with rumors the next day about the jewelry
store incident.  It was pretty flattering, but Miki had other problems on

Gaah.

The next day, the school was abuzz with rumors about the jewelry store
incident.


---
Ronny Hedin, thark@swipnet.se, http://nabiki.newberry.edu/thark/
#KotTF#       "Nuke'em 'til they glow and shoot'em in the dark."