Let's take a look at this, shall we?

It started with a blast.

Ladies and gentlemen, the second worst opening line ever used in a
work of fiction.

       Ranma lay dying in the hospital, his family surrounded him.

surrounding...check verb tense please.

Akane, Shampoo, Ukyou and Kodachi hovering over him, all sniffling.

In the far back, stood Tatewaki, Soun, Genma, Ryouga, Happosai and

colonge.

Cologne...might check your capitalization...

"Harlequin! Where did you hide my beloved Pig Tailed goddess!"

Uhhh...harlequin? This doesn't strike me as something Kunou might use
as an insult. Especially not against a *male*...

Pigtailed is either one word or hyphenated, not two words. It doesn't
need to be capitalized.

Tatewake screamed, trying to grasp for ranma's neck.

Consistent spelling and capitalization please.

Ukyou suddenly spoke up: "Ranma! please, before you die, tell us who

you love"

Shampoo suddenly lightened up "Tell you love shampoo ranma!"

Punctuation needs checking, capitalization needs checking. 

The Fiance�'s Blinked dumbly then started running after a certained

fanged

No apostrophe needed in fiancees. No capitalization needed in
Fiancees. No capitalization needed in Blinked. "Certain" is not a
verb, and therefore does not need to be expressed in the past tense. 

boy. Ukyou with her battle spatula ready, Shampoo with her bonibouri

and Akane

bonbori

ready with her Mallet. "IT CAN'T BE TRUE! GET HIM!"

Mallet doesn't need to be capitalized...

A huge puff of smoke suddenly went up because of the speed of ryouga

running.

This last sentence could be removed entirely. It makes little sense
and is badly constructed. And again, check capitalization.

Cologne Lowered her head "...He couldn't have left without taking

down

Capitalization...

somone with him, Could he?"

Actually, yes he could...

This is my first little fanfic. im sure i got a name wrong.

Not to mention capitalization and punctuation...

       Anyways, an explination: No ranma isnt gay! he just wanted

to get

No shit, what clued you in?

ryouga Offed too. He couldn't leave the world without pissing SOMONE

off,

now could he?

Actually, yes he could. Ranma does not intentionally aggravate
people. He doesn't hate Ryouga. He does get annoyed with Ryouga
hiding behind his cursed form, but he doesn't want to see Ryouga
dead. 

(If anyone wants to start a raging character debate over this, *do
not* do so on the FFML. Take it to private e-mail. Thank you.)

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"Oh my God, they killed Kenny!"
"...what's the frequency?"
---
The Eternal Lost Lurker
My hair is purple. I wear mirror shades.
Am I cool or what?
EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Garden/9502

No smoking pot in class unless you have enough
for everybody.
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