Roll 'em!
Crow: Did we just meet the Marlboro Man or something?
Mike: Maybe we're in the middle of a bad Mexican bandito fic�
MISU (V.O.)
Complications takes place in a science fantasy future where demons fall
in
love with alien guys
Mike: Please, we're begging you, DON"T SHOW THIS!
Tom: We'll take your word for this; we swear!
and the major question of every intelligent well educated
college student is,
Crow: Are we there yet?
Tom: And this is supposed to be _helping_ me?
"Is this the party?" Weird aliens are commonplace, the
bizarre becomes the norm
Tom and Crow: NORM!
Tom: How's the world treating you, Mr. Peterson?
Mike: Woody, all I know is that you're too stupid to change.
and it's all a teenager can do to keep from being
kidnapped. Why? Well, that's complicated.
DISSOLVE TO:
MONTAGE COLLEGE LIFE
Crow: Yes, the beautiful campus at the University of Montage, where
you can get a grade-A education in the fast-paced field of nursing.
Extra tuition granted to those who donate their bodies to science.
the characters are visually introduced with emphasis on MISU, SPIKE,
MANDY and
SAM.
Mike: I hope that's enough emphasis. Do you think there should have
been
a bit more?
Crow: Nah. I think we all had the point at emphasis.
SUPERIMPOSE TITLE
"CLASSIC
*C*O*M*P*L*I*C*A*T*I*O*N*S*"
Tom: Oh, oh, I know! It's that matching game with the boxes and
prizes�
Mike: Not "concentration", "complications."
Tom: Dang, and I thought that we actually got a game show by mistake!
[Dramatis Personae
Misu, Heir Apparent to the Alpha Centaurian Throne
Mandy, Misu's girlfriend
Spike, Son of A General
Mike: General Mayhem?
Tom: General Confusion?
Crow: Generally Bad?
Tom: Wait, wait. Don't they mean son of a bi�
Mike rushes to cover Tom's mouth
Crow: Enough of the potty mouth, Tom!
Samantha (Sam), A Singer and Spike's Girlfriend
Matthieu (Mat), Frenchman
Vincent (Vinny), Mat's life long friend
Tom: This had better not be the demon and his male alien friend!
Fic, I curse thee if it is true!
Ti, A young Riianian and a friend of Mat and Vinny's
Crow: No, this would be the alien.
Tom: NO! No menage a trois, fic! I quit if there is!
Dean Robert, Terra State University's Dean
Generals, Doctors, Alien Warriors, Soldiers, Minor Demons, Girls, Bikers,
Bartenders, Sailors, Janitors &c.
Mike: How are they going to get all those characters in this story?
Crow: How else? Army. Where one can truly be all that they can be.
Scene: Earth, Hawaii; Terra State University.]
ACT I
Mike: All that, and it didn't even start yet?
ESTABLISHING SHOT
a dark and smoky bar. bikers and college students hang out here.
INT. DARK, SMOKY BAR
CLOSE UP on SPIKE, MISU, TI, VINNY and MAT seated around a dirty table
with
beers and cigarette butts on it.
SPIKE
HEY! When's th' friggin' music gonna start!
Crow: When you get your friggin hand out ya' ear!
slams down bottle. looks at MISU
Mike: Is that Dew he's slamming?
Tom: I wouldn't want to know the alternatives, Mike
You said there was supposed to be a real babe here tonight! Where is she
ya
jerk?
Crow: Old boy, I'm tanked up on caffeine, and I really want to do
something!
MISU
waves hands exasperatedly.
What! How should I know? What do *I* look like, her freaking MANAGER!
SPIKE
Well, the freakin' way you talk about her you'd think you were her
manager!
MISU
Listen jerk, if I weren't so inclined, I'd plaster your face on this
table...
SPIKE
Try it pal...
Mike: Is this how typical college students handle Mountain Dew?
By threatening to fix up bars?
SAM
the band makes its appearance.
Crow: Yes, Sam the band is playing here. They'll be making one more
appearance on Friday, be sure to come back and hear
Sam the band again!
CLOSEUP MISU & SPIKE
their jaws drop open.
Tom: That was a short buzz. Now they're catatonic.
BAND MUSIC
techno-punk
Tom: Hey! Band Music wasn't on the list of characters!
Mike: Must be a biker or something. Who would want to go
through life with the name Band Music?
TI
She's MINE!
Mike: (as Michael Jackson): The girl is mi..i..ne
Tom: Mike, if you continue, Crow and I might have to hurt you.
Crow: Tom, how can we hurt him anymore than this fic is?
INT. BAR - PAN
Crow: is that like the interior of a bedpan?
Tom: No, just that we're so dead-pan
ruckus starts at table, couple kicks and punches as guys scramble to be
the
first at the stage (They're all slightly drunk.. Well, ok, they're
smashed.)
Mike (Misu): Hey, Shpike *hic*, don't we ha..ha..have that exam thingy
*hic* thingy
tomorrow?
SPIKE
Dork! She's mine.
Crow: Mike, don't you dare.
Mike: Who, me?
SPIKE
picks up TI by the scruff of his neck and carelessly tosses him behind
him
(which happens to be towards the stage) TI lands on the lead singers
bosom and
begins making loud promises of love and fulfillment.
Mike (as Ti): Baby (hic), I wanna be wif you *hic* until you get some
money *hic* so that I can *hic* get me some cool stuff.
INT. BAR
room suddenly gets VERY quiet as 80 odd males look with jealous envy at
TI,
who is hanging on this SAM'S chest.
Crow and Tom: Hey! He ain't moshin right!
SAM'S POV
sees TI
SAM
Who th' hell threw this rat at me?
Mike: And, yes, the singer is also drunk.
Tom (Sam): 99 *hic* boddles of beer on th' *hic* wall, 99 boddles
*hic* of beer!
Crow: Not anymore. I wonder what the bartab would be for a night like
this?
Tom: I think that's why this country is in debt. Pay your bartabs!
knocks TI halfway. across the room! where TI slams into BIKER and spills
his
beer all over BIKER'S leather jacket.
Tom: I think that we'd like this fic to be thrown halfway. across the
Internet!
SPIKE
is drunk
Crow: I think that was clear a good long time ago. What difference
will FIVE
MINUTES MAKE?!
Me, who th' hell wants ta' know?
SAM
I do, you sack a' shit! Yer pet rat ripped my shirt!
Tom (Spike): Ask him if he can rip it a bit more, please. My view is
blocked.
TI
looks up at biker
I am not a (hic) Rat! Gawdammit!
Mike: So, there is not one sober person in this whole bar. These
people are _college_ students, right? What fraternity are they
part of?
SAM
jumps off the stage, walks up to SPIKE
Mike: And now Sam is wearing fashions by Ti� uh, she is still wearing
Ti�
SPIKE
is grinning like a maniac
Tom (Spike): Sweet. Can I hang off of you next?
Crow (Spike): Cool. *hic* She's carrying a beer *hic* over to me�
SAM
throws a high kick aimed for SPIKE'S nose.
Mike (Spike): Hey! That ain't no beer!
SPIKE
grabs the leg, stops to admire what he caught
Crow (Spike): Wow. It's shaved. I've never seen that before.
SAM
punches SPIKE in the face
SPIKE
goes down and still grinning
Mike (Spike): I wonder what her pet peeves are�
SPIKE
Hey, ya wanna go out later?"
{THUNK}
SAM
gets a gleam in her eye
Crow (Sam): Hey, who's beer is that?
All right shithead, after I finish my gig.
SPIKE
grins even more maniacally because he just got a yes.
MISU
Damn it all, that's the first time I *EVER* saw that line work.
Mike (Misu): And here I was polishing my "Hey baby, what's your
sign?" line, too!
SPIKE
Hey it must be my good looks Misu...
MISU
You tryin' to say sumfin?
Mike (Spike): I don't think you're saying anything right about now.
Tom (Misu): Ith the cotthon, man. They lef ith in affer my denthif
appoimenth
SPIKE
Yeah I am. You couldn't get a girl if she flew into your arms naked!
MISU
OH YEAH!
Mike: Maybe that's his new pickup line� Even the Macho Man got
Elizabeth with that one�
INT. BAR
a large ruckus starts between MISU and SPIKE, a lot of tables are knocked
over
and many patrons partake of the brawling amusement
SAM
yells at SPIKE and MISU
Mike (Sam): Hey! Where's the bathroom?
Tom (Sam): Hey! Why don't you get your friend off of me?
SHUT TH' HELL UP! Yer ruinin' my song!
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. BAR - TRASHED
lots of guys sitting around tables knocked out cold, the T.S.U. bunch
staring
at Sam's excellent form on stage. Not without a few hefty bruises and
Mike: Wow. I've never seen anyone sing while drinking a beer
before.
Crow (Misu): Ask her if she has a sister, Spike.
bandages.
Everyone looks pleasantly drunk and battered
Crow: Just like the fish sticks out of the freezer, eh Mike?
End - Part One