Coutuva <coutuva@vecdev.com> wrote:

I know it's been far too long, but RL has been dealing me a lousy hand of late.

Hope everything works out for you!

This was a very nicely written story. One suggestion I can make is that
the conversation between Ranma and Junko (the soda shoppe scene) might
work better told from a perspective limited to Junko only. The Ranma POV
bits kind of break the flow of it, and they seem unnecessary to me.

How does Ranma know that Junko is a lesbian? He seems sure that she's
not going to be interested in his male side.

I don't understand at all why Ranma turned on Akane so sharply at the
end. Speaking of the end...

razor-sharp katana, making her cringe with it's ferocity.

It's should be its. This mistake gets made so much that I'm tempted to
put it in the FAQ. :-)

Anyway, I like this story so far, and hope to see more of it.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics