Subject: Re: [FFML][Fanfic][Ranma] Nabiki: Traveler -- Chapter 1
From: KLEPPE@execpc.com (Gary Kleppe)
Date: 3/3/1998, 9:24 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

Cat <travis.mcintosh@student.oc.edu> wrote:

	Nerima was quiet.
	In many places in the Multiverse this would not be considered 
unusual. The fortunate individuals  lucky enough to make their homes 
in such  places would think nothing of a whole day where absolutely 
nothing strange happened.  They would not be surprised in the least if 
[snip]

This is kind of a cliched opening.

	There wasn't too much longer to wait.  On Saturday afternoon, 
in the middle of one of the busiest shopping districts in Nerima there 
was an almost blinding flash of light.  A few seconds later, a rather 
travel weary warrior collapsed onto the road side.  She wore a jet black 
bandanna which, combined with her short dark brown hair served to 
give her a rather exotic, almost European, look.  On her back was a 
rather heavy looking backpack which seemed to weigh her down 
almost to collapsing.  

OK, now we're getting somewhere.

	Her clothing was simple yet practical, a dark brown shirt and 
black pants.  On her feet she wore leather traveling shoes bound with 
leg bindings to prevent her pants from snagging on whatever strange 
form of underbrush she happened to encounter.  On her wrist was what 
at first glance appeared to be a watch, but, upon closer inspection 
seemed to have a trifle to many buttons.  
too many

	The man stared at the strange young girl for an instance then, 
deciding that, for someone who appeared from out of nowhere in a 
flash of light, this was probably a valid question, replied, "The earth."  
Earth should be capitalized.
Nabiki breathed a sigh of relief.  Ok, so far so good, the name at least 
was the same at least. 
Take out one of the "at least"s.
	"And this is Nerima, Japan right?" she continued, trying not to 
sound too hopeful. This wasn't actually a problem, seeing as how the 
only thing she really had enough energy to sound like was tired.
	"Yes," the man responded, cautiously beginning to edge away.
	Nabiki tried to smile as he thanked the man.
she

	She waited with the patience of a someone perform a routine 
of someone performing a routine
task, she had used this thing enough times that she almost didn't even 
task. She

	As soon as she felt at least mildly presentable she took a deep 
breath as cautiously headed for breakfast.  Carefully she walked into 
breath and cautiously

	"Good morning," Kasumi said as she noticed there guest, 
their guest

	"Do you mind if I get some breakfast?" she asked as she 
slowly walked toward the table.  As she approached Akane and the 
approached, Akane

	"No you're not!  I'm Nabiki Tendo!" her double spoke up 
instantly, seeming very disturbed.
Will the real Nabiki Tendo please stand up?

	"So what your trying to say," the Nabiki native to this world 
you're
began, after a minute or two of complete silence, "is that you somehow 
have the power to travel through different the multidimensional paths 
postulated to existed in quantum physics, but somehow, though you 
have attained this power, you either lack the ability to direct it, or else 
you somehow lost the knowledge of the location of your home 
universe."
Pretty big leap of logic there. (The many-worlds interpretation of
quantum theory is not a currently favored one, BTW.)

	"You mean," the red head began slowly, "that your really 
you're. Your is a possessive: This is your story. You're means "you
are."
Nabiki, but from another dimension, only you somehow became a sort 
of world hopping Ryoga," she finished, managing to sound both 
world-hopping

	"Yea, right," Nabiki's twin seemed to have collected herself, 
none of her earlier nervousness was evident.  To Nabiki, she seemed 
almost harsh in her tone.  "What I think, is that this is some new trick 
of Cologne's, or maybe your some sort of demon or clone or 
                        ^^^^
@bap!

something.  Your going to need
             ^^^^
and again!

story like that," as she spoke Nabiki thought she could almost hear fear 
that." As

	"Excuse me, but.I don't know you, could I get your name," 
name?"

	Ranma stared at her, "You don't know about my curse?" she 
asked surprised.
asked, surprised.
	"I'm sorry," Nabiki said again once more looking down in 
embarrassment.  This was a great way to introduce herself.  This was a 
different world, of course it wouldn't be impossible for Ranma to have 
been born a girl, and not a boy.  But then, why were the Saotomes here, 
and what did she mean by my curse.
curse?
	"I think there is something you need to see," Akane said and 
said, and

	"How.?" she began not sure of a good way to phrase the 
began, not
question.
	"Pop, took me to Jusenkyou without being able to read 
Pop took

	"Mr. Saotome?" she asked confident in the response she 
asked, confident

	"So, how was your rice Nabiki?" Kasumi asked, trying to 
rice, Nabiki?"

	"This is definitely the best breakfast I've had in months," she 
said without the slightest hint of exaggeration.  She had forgotten how 
good her sisters cooking was.
sister's
	"Why thank you," the elder Tendo responded, obviously 
pleased, then she added, "but this isn't breakfast, its lunch, you slept 
it's lunch
quite a while you know.  You must have been very tired." Nabiki 
stared, then reflexively glanced down at her wrist.  The chronometer 
said 12:45.  She relaxed, only a bit, a few minutes left, enough to get 
her pack.  She shuddered at what might have happened.  Just a minute 
or two more and she could have lost all her supplies, or maybe even 
gained and traveling companion.
gained a
	"Excuse me I have to get my stuff," she said as she bolted 
>from the table.  Quickly she found her room, the other Nabiki's room 
actually.  Luckily, her twin wasn't present, Nabiki was sad that she 
present. Nabiki
wouldn't get to talk to girl, but there wouldn't be any time now.  
talk to the girl,

	"Great thanks a lot," she said rapidly, "I'm all done now," she 
Great,

There you go.  What do you think?  Should I keep it up or go onto to other
things?

I'd like to see more of this. Multi-world stuff can be lots of fun. It's
definitely got some good potential!


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics