Kasagi Mura <pvander@vvm.com> wrote:

I apologize to any and all who think that this is an insertion 
fanfic. I wrote the fic first and then decided to use the 
name Kasagi Mura as a pen name. I was not aware that 'insertions' 
were looked down on and this is my first fic. I tried posting
it to RAAC but received -NO- feedback.

Unfortunately, there's a lot of that going around. I hope you do better
here. Of course, since you're at least getting this response, you
already have... :-)

As for the story, whether intended as a self-insertion or not, it
suffers from the classic problem of self-insertions. The character Mura
is bland and uninteresting. He needs to show feelings, motivations -- in
short he needs a personality. He's also too rational and level-headed
for an original flavor Ranmaverse chcracter.

As for the writing, it seems pretty good. I saw some spelling errors and
an "affect" that should have been "effect" ("effect" is the noun). Also,
make sure that your posts are wrapped at a uniform number of characters
per line, preferably 70-80. If in doubt about your word wrapping,
test-mail a post to yourself first.

The above is my opinion only, of course, and it's nothing personal
against you. I hope to see more fics by you.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics