PMasters <PhilMasters@webtv.net> wrote:

       The boy smiled, "No, grandma, I'm Ikeda," he pointed to a dark
mass laying to her left, "that's daddy."

Grandma and Daddy should be capitalized.

       Hiding?  Hiding from her?  Nodoka thought back to that asinine
contract she had signed, along with Genma and Ranma.  She wasn't sure
what to be more upset over, the fact that he believed she would kill
him, or the fact that he actually thought he had to hide from her.  Was
this the reason they've been gone all these years?  Because of a stupid

they'd

piece of paper, her family was afraid to return to her?  The only thing
is, 

was,

Ranma seems more than manly enough to fulfill the contract... was

seemed

Genma not sure, or is there something else?  "Where is he?" she asked

was

Akane with an expression that demanded response.
       Akane nodded in understanding, then pointed upstairs.  Nodoka
glanced upward and headed for the staircase.  Once at the top she cried,
"Saotome Genma, I know you are up here!  If you do not show yourself in
the next five seconds, I will kill you!  I can't believe you actual

actually

       Akane nodded, "I'm afraid so.  It's a long story, and I think he
should be the one to tell it."
       Nodoka brightened a bit, "You mean he can change back?"

I think a more likely response would be, "You mean it can talk?"

       "Tell her about your illiteracy pop."

illiteracy, Pop."

       Genma looked a few daggers at his son, then continued, "Yes,
well, I couldn't read Chinese, so I failed to notice a few dangers of
that particular training ground.  It's name is Jusenkyo, the land of

Its

       The child smiled back and replied, "Hi, grandma!"
       "How old are you?"
       Ikeda held up three fingers while declaring, "Three!"
       Her brow furrowed slightly, then she looked up at Akane, who was
smiling down at them.  Seeing the look on Nodoka's face, Akane suddenly
lost her cheerful demeanor.  "Um, Akane, if I may be so bold... how old
are you?"
       Akane laughed a little nervously.  "Nineteen, Mrs. Saotome."

JAILBAIT!! :-)

       Nodoka looked to Akane, who was playing with Ikeda.  She didn't
seem at all phased by the fighting,

fazed

so it must be a regular occurrence. 

must have been

       Unfortunately, Nodoka had no idea of the nature of the family
she was now a part of again.  Things happened at the Tendo Dojo that
most could not, or would not explain.  It seemed to be a center point of
the Universe ever since Ranma arrived.  Things had been rather quiet
lately, and the denizens of the traditional abode were enjoying it to
the fullest.  However, all that was about to change, again.

This explanatory paragraph kind of breaks the flow and is probably
unnecessary.

END PART TWO
Send comments, suggestions, corrections!  This ends the "setup" parts of
this fanfic... from now on, the plot shall be developed (be warned).

Let's hope so! :) I'll be awaiting the continuation.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics