This week's 'Sacheen Littlefeather Literary Society' meeting.
                    Week ending 27 February 1998


[Kissy walks in to the bunker's 'club room' and tosses a folder onto
the large, wood conference table.]

Kissy:    I trust everyone's read Sebastian's story.

Big-Boobs: I tried to.  [Rubbing head]  Made my head hurt.

Sly:      [Leaning on her elbow] *Everything* makes your head hurt.

[Big-Boobs glares at Sly.  A Fosters one-liter can in her hand slowly
crumbles into a small aluminum ball under the manipulations of her
powerful fingers.  Sly gulps... loudly.]

Kissy:    Knock it off you two.  It's getting late so I guess we
better get at it.  [Banging an empty Fosters bottle on the table]  I
call this meeting of the Sacheen Littlefeather Literary Society to
order.  Our agenda tonight is Volume 3 of 'Ranko «' by Sebastian
Weinberg.

Lusty: Haven't we read part of this before?

Kissy: Yes, but this version is much nicer.

Lusty: If you say so. [Under her breath] The damn thing is freaking
huge.

Kissy: Well, that's because it includes several 'Parts' for this
volume.  I believe there are ten parts in all, 27 through 36.

Big-Boobs: [Whining] We're not going to do them *all* tonight, are we?

Sly: I suppose so. [Shrugging] Greg's already read it so I guess we
better do a complete job.

Lusty: Oh man!  It'll take all night!

Kissy: Not necessarily.  I understand it's quite entertaining once you
get into it.

Lusty: [Grumbling] The damn thing's bigger than 'Bitter End'.  No
wonder he releases only once a year.

[All giggle.]

Sly: Now we all remember that the basic premise of this series is to
follow the original manga through to completion only with Genma's only
child a daughter named Ranko who fell into a spring of drowned boy. 
Same plot, just it's a 'girl' instead of a 'boy' that's the normal
state for Ranma Saotome.  Right?

Kissy: I guess so.

Lusty: Sounds like it to me.

Big-Boobs: Huh?

Sly: [Without missing a beat] This section centers around Nodoka, that
madcap cut-up who's mother to Ranko.

Kissy: [Wrinkles her nose at Sly's pun] What about Ranma?  How will
Akane marry Ranma if Ranma's a girl named Ranko?

Sly: I'm sure Sebastian's got that all worked out.

Kissy: [Muttering her dark thoughts] He better.

Lusty: [Scanning the story] We've got the usual Kasumi-the-motherly-type
and Nabiki-anything-for-a-buck stereotypes here which is kinda
depressing until you realize that they are only background characters
....until later in the story that is.  I guess you can't have everyone
star in every part of the story.  On the other hand, the interaction
between Akane and Ranko is really nice.  I mean, they seem to really
like each other, when allowed to be two girls hanging out together.
However, mention fiances to either of them and the fight's on.

Kissy: [With confidence] Oh, they'll get over it.

Sly: And we discover that Ranko/Ranma has no idea who her real mother
is.  Finding out that Nodoka is really mom is no piece of cake for the
poor child.

Lusty: [snickering] Didn't do much for her dad either.

Big-Boobs: At least, not when Ranko found out.  As Ranma, she can
really pack a punch.

Lusty: You're getting misty eyed again, BB.

Big-Boobs: I can't help it.  Ranma's soooo dreamy.

[The others look at each other and roll their eyes.]

Kissy: Anyway, we have Nabiki spilling the beans to Nodoka that Ranma
is visiting the Tendos and, by the way, he's Akane's fiance.  Gotta
cruel streak, that one.

Sly: She makes up for it later.

Lusty: All of which makes Ranko have to stay in her cursed form,
which, I guess, is a lot easier than the alternative.

Sly: By the way, when Akane jumps up to protest being named Ranma's
fiance, she says: "He's not!".  I think she would be better served to
say: "He is not!" with emphasis on each word.

Kissy: Ah, Sly.  We don't do those kinds of reviews - especially to
Sebastian.

[Big-Boobs raises her hand but everyone ignores her.]

Sly: Oh.  Okay.  Well, how about when Ranma returns to the Tendos and
Akane detours him into the dojo?  I think he does a complete change in
personality in the span of Akane telling him about his mother.  He
goes from astonished and happy to wretchedly dejected at the news that
mom has been hunting dad with a very sharp sword for 16 years.

Kissy: Yup, too abrupt.  There should be some more dialog here to
indicate that either he's going to be hard to convince or that there's
some other reason for Ranma's reaction.  He's too trusting to news
out of the blue.  As it is...

Lusty: As it is, he comes off as a total weenie.  He cries soooooo
easily.  I can see it now: Ranma and some villain square off to fight.
The bad guy calls Ranma's momma a bad name and Ranma dissolves into a
puddle of tears.  And the hand squeezing [rolls her eyes and starts
singing] 'without youuuu, what would I doooo'.

Kissy: Really turned me off to Ranko/Ranma.  There was no set up to
Ranma's emotional collapse.  Just, happy Ranma - mom's here - then
*bang* we've got a weepy, whiney little.... girl on our hands.  Needs
more set up.

Sly: I thought having Ranma be named 'Kuno' in front of his mom was
a nice touch.  And I really like the relationship Sebastian's building
between Ranma/Ranko and Akane.

Kissy: Me too.  Me too.

Lusty: Well, an interesting one anyway.  He'll have to watch it
carefully, knowing Akane's usual statement about 'boys'.

[All giggle]

Kissy: If he's not careful, he could wind up with a really neat
girl-to-girl 'lemon'.

Lusty: Yeah, almost like Zen in his last fic where Ranma-chan and
Ukyou... [She abruptly stops and slaps a hand over her mouth.  All
eyes turn to Kissy.]

[Kissy's face twitches twice and her body vibrates slightly before she
relaxes and smiles at the others.  All let out a deep sigh of relief.
It's not easy living with the president of the local 'Ranma and Akane
Forever' club.]

[Big-Boobs starts waving her hand anxiously.]

Kissy: We're then treated to Ranma and Akane sleeping together...

Sly: Objection!  They're sleeping in the same room.  Not the same
thing.

Lusty: Sustained!  Besides, they are both really 'girls'.  So what's
the problem?

Sly: [wagging finger] You don't want to know.

[Big-Boobs is now bouncing in her chair while waving both hands.]

Sly: [Irritated] What IS it, BB?

Big-Boobs: If Sebastian is German, how does he write such good
English?

[The other girls trade annoyed glances.]

Sly: He just does, okay?

Big-Boobs: Does he have a translator?

Sly: Yeah, sure, whatever.  Let's just get on with....

Big-Boobs: You mean someone changes his words from German to English?

Kissy: [To Sly] I'll handle this. [Turns to BB and looks her in the
eyes] Now follow me carefully.  Sebastian uses a big computer...

Big-Boobs: [Excitedly] Sebastian's big computer translates his words
from German to English?

Kissy: Ye..NO!  He writes his stories in English.  Understand?

Big-Boobs: [Blinks at Kissy for a few seconds] Then he *doesn't* write
in German.

Kissy: [Relieved] Right.

Big-Boobs: That must be tough considering he lives in Germany.

Sly: Why?

Big-Boobs: Well, they use German there and if he only knows how to
write in English, it must be hard for him to get around.

[All stare at BB.  Kissy is making faces trying to fit BB's logic into
some sort of pattern.  It doesn't work.]

Sly: [Tiredly] Lusty?

[Lusty nods, pulls out a small wood club and sharply whacks BB on
the top of her head.  The room echos with a deep, hollow sound.  BB
just looks at the ceiling, confused and rubs her head while she tries
to figure out what fell on her.]

Kissy: Moving right along...

Big-Boobs: [Interrupting] I mean, if he only knows English, who would
he talk to?

Sly: [Really tired now] Lusty?

[Lusty nods, pulls out a coloring book and a pack of crayons and plops
them down in front of BB.]

Big-Boobs: [Excitedly] Oh boy!  My 'Little Big Horn' coloring book.  I
wondered where that got off to. [She immediately sets about coloring a
cavalry trooper with a large tomahawk imbedded in his skull.] I love
these Disney products.

Lusty: [With a sly smile] I hear Disney bought the Custer battlefield
and are going to build a theme park there.

Sly: That's ridiculous!  I mean, what kind of rides would they put in
such a place.

Lusty: Well, they could have a tunnel ride where little animatronic
indians dance around the massacred cavalry singing 'It's a Sioux world
after all.'

Big-Boobs: Yeah, and they could sell Custer-on-a-stick.  Get it? 
Frozen custard on....

Lusty: Yeah, we get it BB. [Rolls her eyes] Ya know, we *could* 
'clean up' by selling....

Kissy: [Interrupting Lusty's money-making scheme] Ah, I think we can
leave the money making ideas to Nabiki.

Sly: Right.  With no further interruptions, we'll get on with the
story.

Kissy: Did you all catch the wording as Ranma and Akane were preparing
for bed?  Sounds like Mr. Weinberg has been listening to 'Don't Make
Me Wild Like You' a few too many times.  [Starts singing]  '... till
tomorrow, alright.'

[All giggle.]

Big-Boobs: [Absently while coloring the trooper's dead horse] A night
with that hunk Ranma. [Sigh]

Sly: [Trying to ignore Big-Boobs] Anyway, the kids find Genma hiding
in Akane's wardrobe.  And once discovered he tries to convince Ranma
that mom will kill them both if she finds out his secret.

Lusty: Some nice comedy parts where Genma gets knocked into Soun's
room.  Soun really gets some good development here.  I think I like
this Soun Tendo.

Kissy: Agreed.  Soun Tendo is probably the most ignored character in
Ranma fanfictions.  Few even attempt to develop his personality to any
degree.

Sly: His *and* Genma's.  Both get some 'front and center' treatment in
this story.  I like that.

Kissy: The next morning, Ranma and Akane join Nodoka in Ranko's room. 
They really lay the groundwork for how they will treat and react to
Nodoka here.

Lusty: Absolutely, and in the process they really march the old bat
down the road towards some 'Bitter End'-type sword action.

Kissy: Not funny, Lusty.

Lusty: Hey!  I get to do some puns too, you know.

[The two glare at each other.]

Sly: [Trying to ignore the potential 'indian war' about to break out.]
I wonder just why everyone who writes Nodoka tries to make her a
quick-triggered, sword-swinging, potential serial killer.

Kissy: Hey!  Zen tried to change that.  He really did.  At least in
*his* story Nodoka came off as a caring, sensitive person who just
wants her child back. [Muttering] If she could only get rid of that
bimbo Ukyou.

[Sly blows a whistle and she joins Lusty and Big-Boobs as they throw
yellow flags on the table.]

Sly: That's 'Illegal Use of Ukyou'.  You know the rules.

Kissy: BUT SHE'S A BIMBO!  SHE'S TRYING TO KEEP SWEET AKANE FROM HER
TRUE LOVE!

Sly: Wrong story!  Take your pills!

[Kissy grumbles while she pours out a dozen little green pills into
the palm of her hand, pops them into her mouth and washes the whole
mess down with a gigantic swig of Fosters.]

Big-Boobs: [Under her breath] Cool!

[Kissy shudders, twitches and collapses on the floor.]

Sly: As I was saying, I suspect the differences is due to the fact
that Sebastian is taking his Nodoka from the manga and Zen is getting
his from the Anime.  Now we've all encountered this before.  It's just
something we need to be aware of.

[Kissy is now doing the 'Curly Shuffle' on the floor as the pills work
their magic.]

Lusty: Anyway, I think Sebastian handles the whole issue quite well
considering the constraints he's built into the story for himself.

Sly: I quite agree.  It's not easy to write a 'Male' character as a
'Female' and keep the same feeling and direction as the original.  I
believe he's done a remarkable job here doing just that.

[Kissy is now hopping around the room making gurgling sounds and
flipping her skirt over her head.]

Sly: [Watching Kissy and shaking her head] I just wish Kissy would
wear panties more often.

[Lusty nods her agreement.]

Sly: Well, Part 30 is about P-chan, Azusa, and that pile-of-buffalo-chips,
Mikado.

Lusty: Yeah, I really hate that little porker.

Sly: Mikado?

Lusty: No, P-chan.  Why can't they just take him over to Ukyou and...
[Her eyes go wide and she slaps a hand over her mouth again.]

Sly: [Moaning] Not again.

[Kissy drops to all fours and hisses like a cat.]

Sly: Lusty, you twit.  Now look what you did.  Get her red pills.

[Lusty rummages around in Kissy's 'special' bag and retrieves a small
bottle with red pills.  Pouring a few out in her hand she calls
Kissy.]

Lusty: Here kitty, kitty.

[Kissy scampers over and quickly gobbles down the yummy red pills.]

Lusty: If she rubs up against me and purrs, I swear I'll shave her
bald and give her to Travis Butler.

Sly: [Thoughtfully] Funny, it never seems to bother Greg when she does
that.

[Kissy starts to clean herself by licking her hand and wiping it
behind her ear.  Suddenly, she stiffens, rolls on her back, her legs
in the air and starts quivering.]

Lusty: Yup, I sure do wish she'd wear panties.

Sly: Moving right along. [Picks up Sebastian's story again] I'm going
to skip the P-chan business because I really hate that section of the
manga.

Lusty: Still, you gotta admit, he does handle it well.  Quite
readable.  Almost entertaining.

Sly: [with resignation] I suppose so.

[Kissy slowly crawls over to the table.]

Kissy: [gasping] The blue pills.  Get me the blue pills.

Lusty: What are *they* for?

Kissy: [Gasping for breath] I donno.  They're afraid to tell me.

[Lusty shrugs her shoulders and pours out a handful, shoving the whole
mess into Kissy's mouth.]

Kissy: mmgfref ranks. [Her eyes roll back up into her head and she
passes out on the floor.]

Sly: I sure wish she'd get over this 'condition' of hers.  She has
these problems every time Zen writes another fanfic.  Takes her weeks
before she gets back to normal.

Lusty: Good thing he writes slow.

Big-Boobs: [While coloring] What about the piggie?

Sly: Huh?  Oh, yeah.  He turns back into Ryouga, Ranko rescues him
from strangling on the locket and chain, and they all leave the
skating contest happy.  Except that Ranko has plans to get Akane and
Ryouga together... [Sly closes her eyes and groans] Not again.

[Both look at Kissy who's still passed out on the floor.]

Lusty: [wiping sweat from her forehead] Pwhew, that was close.  Gotta
watch that, Sly.

Sly: [still a little shaken] Okay, we now come to a real downer of a
part, the graveyard scene.

Lusty: I can't help but admire the scene development here.  It's real,
it's gritty, but it's sweet how Akane and the others pitch in to honor
their late mother.  I really like it.

Sly: Agreed.  The only part I might have a problem with is how a 6
year-old reacts to the death of someone so close to her.  I would
think instead of anger, she'd be scared and confused.

Lusty: And the idea of Nabiki a total emotional wreck.... wow. 
Intense.  Real intense.

Sly: Yup. [She pauses as Kissy begins to stir.] And the picture of a
totally at peace Kasumi, even after the death of her mother is, I
think pretty original.

[Kissy is almost awake now, still on her back, her knees raised so
that her skirt is bunched up around her waist.  It's all too obvious
to everyone that she's not wearing panties.]

Sly: Moving on to the rest of Part 32.  We get the explanation about
why Ranko didn't just jump into the Spring of Drowned Girl to cure
herself.  Ranko takes the idea badly but Akane, always the optimist,
suggest she might have gotten *really* screwed up and wound up a
hermaphrodite.

Big-Boobs: [Looking up from her coloring] What's a herm.. hermafo..
whatever?

Lusty: That's 'hermaphrodite'.  It's where a girl has a... [she leans
over and whispers into BB's ear while pointing to Kissy's exposed
portions.]

Big-Boobs: [Looks at Kissy for a moment.] Ewwwwww.  That's icky.

Lusty: [with a smirk] Yeah, but useful.  I'll bet Ranko could have the
best of both worlds that way.  She could have Akane *and* whatever guy
she happened to take a fancy to.

[BB turns green and looks horrified at the thought.  Kissy rolls over
and slowly gets to her feet.  She's a bit unsteady but ready to resume
work on the story.]

Kissy: [Noticing how BB is looking at her.] What?  Did I do something
that bad while on the pills?

Lusty: Naw, we were just discussing how nice your panties look
tonight.

[Kissy starts to nod before a horrified look comes over her face.]

Kissy: They're all in the wash.  Honest!

Sly: Okay, okay.  Let's just get on with it.

Lusty: I must say, we are once again treated to a really abrupt change
in emotions on the part of Ranko.  I mean, this chick goes from
giggle to sob in a heart-beat.  Just a little too quick for my
taste.  No real development between emotions.  Just happy, then *bang*
she's sobbing again.

Sly: Right.  While the angst is quite well handled when we get there,
I think the trip between the two emotions is far too short.

Kissy: [shaking her head to clear the last of the drug effects] Are we
up to the Ranko & Akane visit to Nodoka yet?

[All nod while watching Kissy carefully for a relapse.]

Kissy: Good.  While I really like the Genma inspired water 'traps'
along the way to Nodoka's...

Sly: Oh yes, real inspired stuff.  Funny as can be.  Genma at his
bumbling best.

Lusty: [Still watching Kissy] Absolutely.

Kissy: And the Ryouga <snicker> Annual Nerima Pork chop Cookoff. 
Whatta hoot!

Sly: Ya know, the entire trip to Nodoka's is really great slapstick. 
Real Takahashi stuff.

Kissy: I thought Sebastian-san wrapped up this volume really well with
getting Nodoka to understand her obsessive behavior and agreeing to
try again with Genma.

Big-Boobs: What she sees in *that* over-stuffed reject from a zoo is
beyond me.  I mean, would *you* want him back?

Sly: Love is blind, BB.

Lusty: Not to mention deaf and dumb as well.

[The Foxes sit in silence.  Only the sound of BB's continued coloring
can be heard.  Finally, Sly clears her throat.]

Sly: Well, what do we tell Sebastian?

Lusty: [shrugs her shoulders] Donno.  It had its good parts.  Lots of
humor.

Sly: Just a few rapid shifts between funny and angsty stuff.

[All nod and silently look at each other.]

Kissy: Did I mention that Greg's already said he likes it?

Sly: Oh, well then, it works for me.

Lusty: Yup, a real winner.

Big-Boobs: Does this mean Ranko and Akane have to get married?

Lusty: Not unless one of them gets pregnant.  I can see how Sebastian
can keep this going for years.

Sly: [sarcastically] He already has, you dope.

Lusty: [Peeved] Well, I mean a few MORE years.  He's got lots of manga
yet to duplicate here and things haven't really gotten dull yet.

Kissy: [Leaning back and looking at the ceiling] Then there's the
issue of Akane and Ranma.  I mean, they *could* get married.  I can
see them now.... [She looks misty-eyed at the thought of a married
Ranma and Akane.]

Lusty: Of course, P-chan could just change back into Ryouga in the
middle of the night while sleeping with Akane, have a sexy dream about
her at the same time and then Sebastian could write that 'lemon' he's
always talking.... about... [She pauses as Kissy starts to vibrate
again.]

Sly: [Exasperated] Lusty, why did you do that?

[Kissy's chair finally slips backward, spilling Kissy onto the floor,
her legs bicycling in the air.]

Lusty: [Giggling] Kissy dear, you really need to see about a wax job
before summer.

[Kissy doesn't hear her as she's gurgling loudly between frantic
'meows'.]

Sly: Great! Just great!  Big-Boobs, give me a hand here.  We gotta get
Miss Furrball to her room and more of those damn pills down her
before we can go to bed ourselves.

*****

[Down the hall in the TV room.  Greg and Sensual are playing strip
poker.  Huggy, wrapped in a blanket, is already 'out'.  Sensual is
down to her panties.  Greg has lost but a single shoe.]

Sensual: [Suspiciously] Are you *sure* you're not using that marked
deck Scampering got you for your birthday?

Greg: [A shocked look on his face] Why Sensual Fox, I'm surprised at
you.  To think I'd stoop so low as to cheat just so I'd get to see
that little birthmark you have on your...

Sensual: [Interrupting nervously] Okay, okay, I'm sorry.

[Sensual draws 4 cards and Greg smirks as he's sure she tried to draw
to a single jack.  Their game, however, was interrupted as an arrow
whizzes through the open door and slams into the paneling on the wall
opposite the door.  Wrapped around the shaft is a flaming copy of
Sebastian's story.  Tossing his cards down in disgust, Greg jumps to
his feet and sticks his head out the door while Huggy tries to beat
out the flames with her blanket.]

Greg: [Shouting] If you girls can't find a better way to answer
someone's story, I'll ban your little 'Literary Society' from the
bunker!

A chorus of voices from down the hall: [Sarcastically] Sorry Greg.

Greg: [Grumpily turning back to the fire as Sensual tries a fire
extinguisher on the flames] You better be.  Picking on poor Sebastian
like that.  Ought to be ashamed of yourselves. [Greg turns to Huggy]
What story were they reviewing *this* time?

Huggy:    'Ranko «'.

Greg: WHAT? [Shouting down the hallway] You're picking on my favorite
series you know!

[After a pause, Sly's voice can be heard from somewhere deep in the
bunker.]

Sly: GREG!  Kissy's in the cat's litter box again!

[Greg looks incredulously at Sensual.]

Lusty: GREG!  Do we have any more hot wax?


******************** Greg's Corner ********************

     'Bast, once again, you leave me wanting to read more.  'Ranko
1/2' it still my favorite series.  I guess it's because you try to
remain faithful to the original manga and work hard at maintaining the
feel of Takahashi's work.
     I agree with the Foxes that you do have some 'soft spots' in this
release.  Most notable among them is the quick transitions Ranma/Ranko
seem to go through when talking about Nodoka.  It's okay to have
him/her go through all the emotions.  I'd just try to stretch out the
scene a little to make the transition from joy to despair a little
longer journey.  Unless you want one of Ranko's weaknesses to be a
lout shouting: 'Your momma wears combat boots!', I'd work on this.
     The comedy was first rate.  Very original flavored.
     The one thing about the whole series that's kinda bothered me is
that in the original, the whole object of the stories was to get Ranma
and Akane married.  Part of the delay was that Ranma had this little
'problem' of turning into a girl, now and then.
     However, in your story, the engagement only works because of
Ranko's curse (unless you're trying to justify an engagement between
two girls).  Anyway, that fundamental difference makes the whole basis
for the parallel story somewhat questionable.
     Of course, you could simply explain that 'Ranko 1/2' is based on
the original but because of its obvious differences, certain accepted
story lines in the original will have to be thrown out.  That doesn't
make yours a bad story, just one that has only a passing nod towards
Takahashi's original instead of a faithful retelling with the main
character's gender switched.

     Gotta go now.  It seems they used too much hot wax on Kissy,
Lusty's on the phone with Disney negotiating the rights to the new
'Little Big Horn World' amusement park, and Sensual just figured out I
WAS using a marked deck.