"Florencio B. de la Merced, Jr." <fmerced@pworld.net.ph> wrote:

Ranma stepped out of the taxi cab after paying its driver.  He didn't have
much with him, just a small briefcase and a brown bag of hot dumplings he
had bought from a restaurant near the train station.  He probably thought of
getting a better gift, but looking for one was just a waste of time.

I think he'd know whether he'd thought of it or not. Maybe what you mean
is 'He thought he probably should've gotten a better gift' or just 'He
probably should've gotten a better gift.'

 Food
was universal, especially at the Tendo dojo.  He checked his watch,
thinking if he had came too early.

'Wondering' would be a more appropriate word here than 'thinking' (and
not just 'cause this is Ranma :-).

"Oh, my.  Ranma is that you?"  The smile from Kasumi as she opened the gates

Ranma, is

made Ranma remember the last time he had seen anyone from the family. She
wasn't actually family, but next to his own mother, Kasumi was the nearest
one he would ever call mom.  Had it been that long?  Ranma saw a Kasumi that

Mom.

reflected his own mother, more mature, a bit taller and still as beautiful.

"Hi, Kasumi.  It has been a long time, hasn't it?  May I come in?"  Ranma
stepped inside, hoping that nothing much had changed.  In many respects
nothing did change, the walk, the garden, the koi pond, the training hall,

nothing had changed; the

the greenhouse..."Huh?"  Looking at the glass building and the
mini-botanical garden that was inside made Ranma recall of an old friend.

take out 'of'.

"Oh, that's Akane's Greenhouse.  She loves plants now, Ranma."  Kasumi
opened the door for Ranma.  Inside everything was different.  No longer was
the phone nearby, and huge abstract paintings lined the walls of the
hallway.  Even up the stairs, there were a collage of finger paintings, as
far as Ranma could describe them.

That sentence is pretty awkward, though I'm not sure what the best way
to fix it would be.

 "Aren't they cute?"  Ranma nodded, even
though abstract art was never his favorite, he did admit he liked the
colors.  They liven the house a bit.

livened

"I agree.  Ever since father passed
away, this house was never the same again."  Ranma was there, at Soun

"Ever since Father passed away, this house has never been the same."
or
"When Father passed away, we knew this house would never be the same
again."

Tendo's funeral, and recalled how his passing was hardest on the three
sisters.  But that was long after he had himself severed his ties with the
family.  Looking back,  Not even Akane was reason to come back.  With

not (no caps)

"You mean Hikari?  Oh, he's fine, Ranma.  He's a marvelous child.  Always
the top in his class, so I heard."  Ranma felt happy about the news.  Kasumi
mentioned a lot about Akane's only son. 

Kasumi talked a lot about Akane's... or Kasumi often mentioned
Akane's...

A great martial artist like his
mother and probably because Ranma's father never quitted on the boy after

'quitted' should be 'quit'

Ranma knew being back meant facing his past.  And facing the past meant
facing Akane for the first time since...since he last said goodbye.  They
never spoke since that day, he did however wanted to.  Truly he did, but

did, however, want to.

"I..don't know, Kasumi."  He looked around, the kitchen hasn't changed much.

hadn't

The past hasn't changed either. "I guess I wanted to get my conscience

hadn't

cleared up."  Kasumi stood up, smiling at him as motherly and affectionately
as possible.  To her, Ranma was indeed speaking from his heart this time.
No more was he the same young man that first arrived at the dojo.  He wasn't
that immature boyish Ranma anymore.  The true man was infront of her,

in front

finally able to finished what he had started a long time ago.

finish

Akane opened up the glass roof as it was time for some fresh air to come in
her little greenhouse.  A modest hobby for her, something she could put her
heart into while at home.  Yes, she was lonely, and only the company of the
dendrobiums and cauliflowers made her happy.  Her son was in school now, and
she made mental note

a mental note

to drop by his school later to pick him up.  She was

Doesn't she pick him up every day?

proud of Hikari, sometimes, no often her son reminded her of someone.

Hikari; sometimes, no often, her

"Hello? Anyone here?"  Ranma still had not learned to knock, after all these
years, you think he'll learn.  But this was Akane, he thought.  Knocking or

you'd think he'd have learned.

She couldn't believe it.  Ranma was there, in front of her, standing there
waiting for her to say something.  She couldn't.  If seeing the dead was
enough to stop anyone cold in their tracks, seeing Ranma for the first time
in years was more than that.  She walked up to him, uttering no word.  Only
to reach up and feel his face.  He wasn't a dream, he was for real.  He was
no ghost, and indeed Ranma had come back.  "Ranma?  Is that really you?"
Before he could say anything, Akane colapse in his arms, crying more than a

collapsed

years worth of tears.  "Oh, I can't believe it.  You came back."

"Um, Akane.  I dropped by to visit."  Ranma helped her towards the nearby
bench.  It afforded a comfortable shade and a place for them to talk.  Akane
still cried, somehow she can't stop her emotions overrunning her own will.

she couldn't stop

"What?"  Akane wanted to interrupt but Ranma begged to finish what he wants

what he wanted

to say.

"Listen, I was a fool.  But, I never meant to hurt you.  Or anyone for that
matter.  I left the dojo because I figured it was for the best.  I was being
strangled and being tortured by the events that had happened in my life.  My

That's a pretty abstract description, considering that this is Ranma.

Akane sat up, wiping her tears again.  "Oh, I think he's at Kounji-san's

Kuonji

"Wow, I don't remember..." It finally struck him, "Hey, wait a minute.  If
Ryoga is Ukyou's husband...and you're also married to him.  What the hell is
going on?  Nabiki told me..."

Anything Goes Martial Arts Bigamy!

"Well, I still don't know where he got his intelligence..."  For old times
sake, jesting seems natural for both Akane and Ranma.

seemed

"Ranma...I tried to tell you.  But you kept tearing up every letter I send
you.  You even won't let Nabiki see you."

wouldn't

"Akane.  I'm not leaving.  I'm just going to make a phone call, that's all."
He kissed her, just like the way he had touched her lips last, that time he
said goodbye.  This time he's staying forever.

This time he'd be staying

Dedicated for the good people of the FFIRC.  Evil isn't she? ^_^

Yep. :-)

Please C & C, even if you didn't like it.

I liked it just fine!


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics