Ever wonder what happens when a fan fic author has blood in his caffeine level and
3 hours of sleep for three days? Read on�

Jusenkyo Productions Proudly Presents
A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction
Insane in the Membrane!

	"Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong."
				A Very Wise Man

	"They're coming to take me away hehe hoho haha."
				An Even Wiser Man


	Ikari Gendou, after it was all said and done, never knew what hit him. It all started
when he managed to attract the attention of the Imp of the Perverse. OK, he managed
to piss off the Imp. As the Imp sat at the harpsichord of discord, he considered
what he would do for revenge. Smiling, he raised his hands and began to play�

The True Mind of Unit-01


	Things did not look good.

	Misato cursed under her breath as she watched the Third Angel and
Evangelion Unit 01 go up against each other in the middle of Tokyo-3. Or
rather, Sachiel make mincemeat hash julienne of Unit 01. 

	Shinji's pained screaming had just stopped, and Unit 01 ceased its
struggles to break free of the angel's grip. The light faded from the
yellow eyes and the Evangelion dangled like a grotesque marionette in the
fist of the Third Angel.

Ikari Gendou, NERV Commander, sat unmoved by the catastrophic turn of
events. "Send Rei in."

	Misato, unnerved by the looming disaster on the screens, dropped the
microphone she used to yell instructions to the now blissfully unconscious
pilot of Unit 01 and was about to comply, when Maya gasped, "Oh my God!".

	On the monitors, the eyes of the inert Unit 01 blazed open with an
intensity rivaling that of a halogen lamp. The horned head reared back,
bared its teeth and roared savagely. Ritsuko would swear that the raw sound
emitted from the Evangelion's throat rattled NERV HQ to its bedrock
foundations. In the control room of Central Dogma, bedlam ensued.

	"...the pilot's still out cold, he's not controlling the Eva!" said Aoba.

	"...synchronization rate is at 87%! And climbing..." said Ritsuko.	

	"...surge in all circuits, I've never seen readings so high."

	The Evangelion tensed its arms and broke free of the Angel's grasp. It
launched a furious attack on its onetime captor, eyes smoldering, fists
flying. Sachiel attempted to regain control of the situation, but it was a
lost cause. Every punch was swatted away, every movement parried
effortlessly by the Eva. Finally, the Eva pinned the Angel's arms to its
sides in a crushing bear hug. The Angel twisted and tensed, attempting
vainly to break free of the Eva's hold, awaiting the opening that would
allow escape.

	The entire NERV Central staff stared at the main monitor, awaiting the Eva
to deliver the killing blow to the Angel, and then....

	The Eva began hopping on one foot. And then the other. It then skipped
lightly on its feet, jumping and pirouetting daintily among the unlowered
buildings of the city, still maintaining it's grip on the Angel. Sachiel
didn't seem to take this quite pleasantly, its head shaking frantically
from side to side in futile efforts to free itself. The Angel screamed
horribly, its arms flexing valiantly against the Eva's grasp. 

	"What is it doing?" asked Hyuuga.

	"I... I'd say it was dancing," said Maya.

	"Dancing?" Ritsuko glanced at Misato, who merely shrugged.

	Aoba looked at his terminal. "Sir, the Magi are picking up something... odd."

	"What is it?" asked Ritsuko, as she walked over to Aoba.

	"There seems to be an odd harmonic emanating from the Eva."

"What do the Magi say it is?" said Gendou.

	"It should take them a few more seconds," said Aoba as he pounded away on
the keyboard with frequent glances on his monitor. "Ah, there we go." He
looked incredulously on the results. "They say it's music.
Specifically...," Aoba blinked several times and did a double take on the
answers that flashed on his screen. "Singing."

	Ritsuko dashed to her terminal and began typing rapidly into the keyboard.
"Yes, 2 to 1, it's singing. Dissenting vote says it can't tell."

Gendou raised his hand to his glasses and muttered softly, "Can't that
woman agree with the others just once? Just one time..." He raised his
glasses and his voice took on its usual glacial tone. "Send the harmonic
sample through the speakers so we can judge this new development."
	
	"Filtering and amplifying sound, routing through Central Dogma audio
system... there!" said Aoba triumphantly. He paled abruptly as he heard the
sound.

	Misato looked like she was going to throw up, Maya had fainted, Hyuuga
clapped his hands over his ears, Ritsuko had developed a pale shade of
green, Fuyutsuki appeared slightly shaken, and Gendou raised an eyebrow.

	"I never realized what a powerful weapon we had created until now," said
Fuyutsuki.

	"Ah."

	On the screen was the image of the frolicking Eva Unit 01, with its very
unwilling dance partner. And on the speakers, a rumbling voice, that could
have only come from the Eva sang merrily:

	"I love you, you love me...."

	And the Imp continued to play�

Well It's One, Two, Three, Four�

	Ikari Gendou sat in his office trying to figure out the next move in a complicated
plan.

	"Let's see," he said to himself, "If I go here, I'll, damn, I hit the wall."

	A knock on the door sent him scurrying to put away the McDonald's McMaze.

	"Come," he commanded.

	Ritsuko entered, looking rather worried.

	"Yes?" Gendou said.

	"Sir, you know how you wanted us to make more dummy plugs right?" Ritsuko asked.


	Gendou nodded.

	"Well," she continued, "There's been a slight problem."

	Gendou waited.

"It seems that the Magi accidentally loaded one of Shinji's school reports into the
systems," Ritsuko said.

	"Which report?" Gendou asked.

	"The one on the anti-Vietnam movement in America.

	Gendou paled, "You don't mean?" he asked.

	Ritsuko nodded.

	Gendou ran from his desk to the cages where the Evangelions were stored. 

Mankind's last hope were sitting around in a circle chanting, "Hell no we won't go!
Hell no we won't go!"

"They're having a sit down strike sir," Ritsuko said from behind him, "They're saying
they won't fight any more and that they want The Doors piped down to them."

Always ready to compound a problem, Misato showed up. She looked at the EVAs then
at Ritsuko, "I know you were saying something about making the EVAs a bit friendlier,
but don't you think that's going a bit to far?"

Unit-01 had switched to chanting "Make love not war."

Gendou considered the problem for a while. Finally he spoke,

"The only way to take care of this is to release the dogs on them," he said.

"And how will that help?" Misato asked.

"It's traditional way to deal with a protest," he replied.

"Sir, we have a small problem with that," Ritsuko said.

"What?"

"Um sir, we don't have any dogs."

Gendou considered this for a bit.

"We're a secret government organization, and we don't have any big guard dogs?" he
asked.

Ritsuko nodded.

"What do we have?" he asked.

"Well there's always Pen Pen," Misato said helpfully.

Gendou sighed, "All right, release the penguin on them."

It took all of Pen Pen's skill, promises of Misato's beer supply, and threats of
Misato's cooking, to bring the EVAs in line.

The Imp struck another cord�

Ah Spring!

	It is said in the Multi-verse that spring is when a young man's fancy turns to thoughts
of love. For most of the Multi-verse this is true, but the part that is reserved
for the aniverse, well there a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of� survival.


	As a case-in-point, at this moment in Tokyo 3 the pilot of Evangelion Unit-01, Ikari
Shinji was desperately trying to sneak out of his house. He felt like a hunted animal
and the hunter could be anywhere.

	'Where is she?' he thought. For reasons known only to the hunter, Shinji's fellow
pilot, Ayanami Rei, was busy tracking him down. Rei, as it turns out, was a skilled
huntress and had managed to corner Shinji in his home.

	'This is nuts,' he thought, 'I've faced down Angels and Asuka, why should I be afraid
of Rei?'

	"Oh Shinji!" Rei called from somewhere close by.

	Shinji froze; he strained ever sense trying to figure out where she was calling
from. A touch on his back sent him screaming into the main room. Shinji tripped over
a couch and crashed to the floor. Looking over his shoulder, he spotted the colorful
form of Pen Pen, the penguin. 

	"Thank you Pen Pen," a voice said from somewhere above Shinji's head. He looked
up then quickly looked back down again. Rei was standing over him, right over him.
The fact that she was wearing a skirt hadn't seemed to register on her, or maybe
it had. You just never could tell with Rei.

	"Rei's voice hadn't change, it was the same monotone. Her looks hadn't really changed.
It was just," Shinji later tried to tell Touji, "the way she looked at me. I felt
like I was something to be hunted and captured."

	Those thoughts really didn't run through Shinji's head at the time. He was busy
trying to think of a way to run while on his back. The idea of 'I mustn't run away'
really didn't mean much at the moment.

	"There you are Shinji," Rei said, "I've been looking for you."

	"Umm, why?" Shinji asked somewhat nervously.

	"I have something to give you," Rei said, her red eyes capturing his blue ones.


	"W what is it?" Shinji asked, really nervous now.

	What Rei might have given Shinji will not be known for a while, for it was at that
moment that the door slammed open and the Second Child, Souryu Asuka Langley, came
storming in.

	Asuka had red hair, with all that it implies. "Those idiots!" she screeched, then
she noticed Shinji and Rei. "What are you two doing?" she demanded.

	A momentary look of annoyance crossed Rei's face. For Rei it was the equivalent
of a blow up that would impress Akane.

	Shinji of course reacted rather predictably, "It wasn't, it's not, we weren't,"
he stuttered out. He tried to get off of the floor, which turned out to be a bad
idea as he came up right under Rei's skirt.

	Rei didn't seem to mind, but Asuka had a different reaction.

	A few minutes later, after much screaming on the part of Asuka and much pain on
Shinji's part, things finally quieted down to where Rei asked Asuka why she came
home in such a bad mood.

	Asuka flared again, "Those idiot boys at school that's why!" she said, then she
dumped over her book bag a large pile of Valentines came pouring out.

Asuka went on for the next 15 minutes on the stupidity of boys; the idiocy of Valentine's
Day, and how sick the whole thing made her.

Rei stopped her cold with a question, "Why are you upset about receiving valentines?"


	"Because wonder girl, I hate the whole holiday. And why should you care? I'll bet
you've never received or even given a valentine in you life."

	The temperature of the room dropped by about 20 degrees. 

	Before the next ice age could be launched however, all three-book bags started to
ring. Three cell phones were snapped open and the three children sighed. Misato's
tense voice and told them to report to NERV HQ. Not even Angels got Valentine's Day
off.
	At Central Dogma, Commander Ikari was a bit worried; this was not going according
to the plan.

	The three plug suited children stood in front of the giant monitor that was NERV's
outlook on the outside world.

	"So you're saying it's not an Angel?" Shinji asked Misato.

	Misato nodded.

	"What is it then?" Asuka asked.

	"It's something we had hopped was killed in the Second Impact. We hadn't heard from
it for decades, but now�" she trailed off.

	"Misato," Shinji said, "What is it?"

	Misato pointed to where a giant form was coming out of the water.

	"It's Godzilla," Ritsuko said.

	A few minutes later the command was given to launch the evangelions to face Godzilla.


	Later on, before the tapes were heavily edited for the committee, this is what happened.


	The EVA units engaged Godzilla at the waterfront. Before the EVAs could bring any
of their weapons to bear however, Godzilla spotted them.

	Somehow, someway, Godzilla pulled a large red valentine from behind his back and
gave it to Unit-02. Unit-02 somehow got away from the pilot and accepted it with,
what all witnesses later clamed, modesty. 

	Asuka's screams of rage filled the air.

	Later, when Godzilla and Unit-02 were dancing, Unit-00 led a protesting Unit-01
behind a hill. When Commander Ikari asked as to why NERV teams did not try to bring
them back, they reported that.

	"We heard a lot of clanging, like two metal bags being banged together, we decided
that we really didn't want to intrude. 

	Unit-01 was later seen picking wild trees for a glowing Unit-00.

	Godzilla went back to his watery home, after getting Unit-02's phone number and
address, and the three EVA units returned to NERV.

	Commander Ikari stood looking out at the cages that held the EVA units. Unit-00
was now wearing a garland around its head and Unit-02 had the large valentine stuck
to the to wall of it's cage. All attempts to remove them had brought about violent
reactions from both EVA units.

	Ikari pushed his glasses up with a sigh, "And how am I supposed to write this up?"
he asked Ritsuko who was beside him.

	"Spring fever?" she suggested.

	And the Imp played on�

Pinky and the Evangelion

Deep within Terminal Dogma, ok, it was more like Central Dogma, all right, if you
must know, it was actually Ritsuko's apartment in Tokyo3, there was a cage containing
two lab mice. One, running in a wheel, turned to the other.

	"Gee Brain, what are we going to do tonight?" Pinky asked.

	"The same thing we do every night Pinky, try to take over the world!" The Brain
said. "Tonight, we shall infiltrate NERV and pose as Evangelion pilots. We will then
be able to control the EVAs, for he who controls them, controls the world!" The Brain
explained.

	"Brilliant Brain!" Pinky said, "Oh, wait, no, no. How are you going to explain our
size?"

	"Simple Pinky," The Brain said, "All EVA pilots are short. I have here forged documents
from the Marduke Institute that identify us as the fifth and sixth Children."

	"Oh joy! Does that mean that we get to play with toys to?" Pinky asked excitedly.


	The Brain hit him over the head, "Shut up Pinky or I shall hurt you again. Quickly,
we have to make it to NERV, by my calculations, the next Angel will attack tomorrow.
We must be the pilots."

	Scurrying into NERV HQ proved to be no big chore as Asuka left the door open again.
The went through the, uh, rats maze that was NERV HQ and finally made their way to
the Commanders office.

	Ikari Gendou looked down, and down, and down, at the two newest EVA pilots. 

	"You're the new pilots?" he asked.

	"Yes," said The Brain.

	"Aren't you both just a little short?" Gendou said.

	"Actually," The Brain replied, "We're two lab mice involved in a plot to take over
the world."

	Gendou sighed, "The line starts over there," he said, pointing to a long line of
people.

	"The line for what?" The Brain asked.

	"For people who want to take over the world," Gendou said.

	The Brain looked at the long line and shrugged, "Come Pinky, we must prepare for
tomorrow night."

	"Why Brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night?" Pinky asked.

	"The same thing we do every night Pinky, stand in line to take over the world!"


Just then, Shinji, Rei, and Asuka appeared singing, "They're Pinky, they're Pinky
and The Brain, and NERV, and Seele, and�"

	The Imp cracked his knuckles and played on�

EVAs on Ice!

	It was the attack of the 87th and �  Angel. This time, however, there was a slight
problem.

	"Tokyo 3 has been completely frozen!" Maya shouted above the din in Central Dogma.


	"What's the status of the EVAs?" Misato asked.

	"They're OK," Ritsuko's voice said from the EVA cages, "They just have no traction
on the ice."

	"How long until the upgrades are made?" Commander Fuyutsuki asked Ritsuko.

	"Give us a � hour sir," Ritsuko replied.

A � hour later:

	"Launch EVAs!" Misato yelled, and the Evangelion units were quickly shot to the
surface.

	"Remember, you have to strike it directly on it's S2 unit," Misato said over the
comm. 

	Inside the EVAs the three pilots nodded. Armed with huge hockey sticks and on ice
skates, EVA Units 00, 01, and 02 were about to have a sudden death match of the decade.


	The Angel stood before them, garbed in it's own hockey gear.

	"Ready?" Shinji asked.

	Rei and Asuka gave an affirmative.

	"Go for it!" Shinji said.

	Down in Central Dogma, Hyuuga kept a running account of how the battle was going.


	"Unit-01 has the puck, he's skating for all he's worth, oh wait! Ouch that body
check must've hurt, he was just slammed in to the exchange building by that Angel,
there's going to be no free shorts here tonight folks. Now Asuka has the puck, she
passes to Rei. Rei takes it and shots, the it's wide no good. Shinji finally seems
to have recovered from being slammed into the building. Rei grabs the puck, it's
passed to Asuka, then to Shinji, Shinji passes to Rei, but the Angel isn't going
for it. He knows the next shot is coming. Wait, an opening, Yes, Rei passes back
to Shinji, he shoots, SCORE!!!!!! And the crowd goes wild!"

	Actually the 'crowd' was looking at Hyuuga like he just lost his marbles. On screen
the Angel, having been hit buy an N2 in the shape of a puck, blew up.

	The Imp was doing an incredible imitation of Liberachie.

Party of Rei

	Commander Fuyutsuki entered Gendou's office one fine sunny afternoon. 

	"Gendou," he said, "Remember how you wanted Rei to spend some time with other children,
and develop a bit more?" he asked.

	"Yes, I believe that Ritsuko suggested letting her watch TV. Why?"

	"Well, it seems to have worked too well. She's apparently been watching some old
American programs." Fuyutsuki said.

	"What shows?" Gendou asked.

	"Party of Five, Beverly Hills 90210, and Melrose Place"

	Just then, Rei entered the Commanders office.

	"Daddy!, Shinji won't go out with me this Saturday! He said that he has a sync test,
could you please cancel it for me?" Rei asked in a valley girl accent. "Oh, can I
have a car too?" she added.

	"We've created a monster," Gendou said quietly.

	The Imp paused, "And the Grand Finale!" he said.

Evangelion �

	There was trouble in the cages that held the Evangelions. Gendou raced down there
as soon as he got the call from Misato.

	The EVAs and been transported to China after an Angel had made an appearance there.
They were now back.

	As he stepped onto the deck, he ran into Rei. It took him a moment to realize that
Rei was wearing the plug suit of Unit-01.

	"Rei?" Gendou asked, "Why are you wearing Shinji's suit?"

	"I am Shinji father," Shinji said.

	A boy who looked like Shinji came up carrying a cat, the cat didn't look too happy."


	"And you are?" Gendou asked, afraid of the answer.

	"Rei," Rei said.

	"Where's Asuka?" Gendou said.

	The cat meowed. 

	"What happened?" Gendou demanded.

	"It seems that the place they went to in China is called Jusenkyo. The training
grounds of accursed springs," Misato said. "There's a legend there that whoever or
what ever falls in one of the springs takes the form of whatever drowned there many
years ago."

	"So Rei�" Gendou said.

	"Fell into spring of drown boy, Shinji went into spring of drown girl," Misato sighed,
"And Asuka, spring of drown cat."

	"Why didn't being in the EVAs protect them?" Gendou demanded.

	"Ummm, well�," Misato said.

	Then Gendou noticed the empty cages.

	"Where are the Evangelion units?" he asked.

	The group pointed to where a panda, a piglet, and a cabbit were sleeping.

	"Well look at it this way, hot water does change them back, we just can't go out
in the rain anymore," Misato said.

	A defeated Ikari Gendou made his way back to his office.

	"I give up!," He said, "I'm sorry."

	The Imp of the Perverse smiled, then played on.

End.

	Office of Jusenkyo Productions, but you knew that already right?

	Nene, Washu, and Skuld watched sadly as the Jusenkyo Guide was taken away by the
men in the white coats. 

	"I'll miss him," Nene said.

	Washu and Skuld nodded.

	"In the mean time, we still have the notes to go through," Washu reminded them.


	"Neon Genesis Evangelion is by those even more nutty people at Ganix," Washu read,
"The True Mind of Unit-01 was a spam fic on the FFML by Rilian. That you, BTW, for
permission to use it here. Any comments can be sent to the padded room where I'm
resting."

	Just then, JG burst through the door dragging the men in white. 

	"It's not over!" I said, "I have more ideas, Insane in the Membrane 2, 3, and 4,
AMG, BGC, and Tenchi! I will do it! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!"


	The author of this fic is currently resting under heavy sedation.


---
Here sir we come to famous training ground of accursed springs
--------------------------------------------------------------
|Guide of the training grounds|Ranma 1/2, Tenchi Muyo, BGC,  |
|of accursed springs, 8th     |AMG, Tank Police, Gall Force, |
|Disciple of Eriond, and proud|YUA, GitS, ADP, Evangelion    |
| member of the #SkAS#        |Project A-ko, UY, VPM, BGC!   |
|--------http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/6549 ----------------|
|Akane, Linna, Washu, Nene,   |Nene showed Mackie just how   |
|Skuld, Belldandy, Kiyone     |much she knew. Winter Blossoms|
---------------------------Jusenkyo---------------------------



Get your FREE, private e-mail
account at http://www.mailcity.com