Mina-san, Ohayou!
In message <3.0.2.32.19980219225347.00841100@unix.tamu.edu>
Nicholas Leifker wrote:
: He should have realised something was wrong and taken steps to correct it.
: If he had known of Akane�s leanings and feelings earlier, he would have
: instituted the appropriate measures to insure that she would like men.
Yeah, sure! There's a miracle cure now: Sapph-away(TM)! Just add
it to the daily diet of your young sexual deviant and within days
she will be transformed to a happy, well-adjusted heterosexual!
And if you believe that, I've got this bridge for sale... :)
BTW, I notice that this text is written with "Smartquotes".
These are not part of the ISO-8859-1 character set (Latin 1) and
most certainly not of ASCII. Please avoid them, for the sake of
legibility.
: An Alternate History of Ranma 1/2:
:
: Chapter Seven:
:
: What troubles me about...
: By Ichinohei Hitomi
: Both girls were left wondering what to do, and since Akane did not want to
: go jogging that morning, they left for the breakfast table where things got
: progressively worse. There Genma had refused to even look at Ranma, or
: acknowledge her existence. To everyone in the family, it was painfully
: obvious that he was at the point of denying her very existence.
The last two sentences are phrased somewhat redundantly. Also,
both make the same point: If he doesn't acknowledge her existence
he is denying it. I'd suggest making the first "existence"
something like "presence", which would make the second sentence a
further explanation, instead of a restatement.
: Although she would never admit it, even to Akane, Ranma was feeling the
: loss of her fathers love. Up to this point in her life, he had always
: acknowledged her presence and her well being, no matter what the situation.
He acknowledged her well-being? (note the hyphen, BTW) I think
"acknowledged her presence and cared for her well-being" may be
better.
: The smaller girl gave a sigh, �It�s just that I never needed no-one
: before. I don�t understand why I�m acting like this.�
: Akane halted the two of them, grabbed Ranma by both shoulders and looked
: her in the eyes. �Ranma, you�ve always had someone, although you never
: knew it before today.
Very good!
: This morning, he did not show that love, and you don�t know how to
: handle it as yet.
Either "as of yet" or just "yet". I'd suggest the latter.
: Kasumi sighed. �No. I know most of what has been going on, and being
: �oblivious� allowed me to deal with the situations and defuse any bad
: feelings that may have resulted. I think father knows, but if he does,
: he�s never mentioned it. In case you�re wondering, I know that what you�ve
: been doing has been the only way we�ve been surviving. I�m not saying that
: you should give it up, but perhaps you should start looking for something a
: bit more honourable to do.�
Whoah! You're gallopping with the characterization. "Hey, look,
everybody! In reality I'm not oblivious, and incidentally,
Nabiki, how about reforming, too?" I can certainly understand
that the current situation at the Tendou home would bring forth
lots of development for the characters and reveal heretofore
hidden sides to them, but you're going a little fast here.
It's not criminally OOC, but I thought I'd warn you. :)
: No
: matter what, she should not have cried like some little girl. Except, that
: was exactly what she was now.
Hey, looked in the mirror lately, Ranma? Girl you may be, but
little...? Not with that bust measure. :)
: He made it back.
: Somehow, he had arrived back in Japan without incident, and without
: anything embarrassing happening.
Heh heh heh. Things are going to get interesting. :)
: �There is no choice.
: I must speak to Soun and we must come up with a plan to return my son�s
: manhood, or give up any hope of truly joining our families. I will either
: have a son, or I will not have a child.�
I wonder why the promise to Nodoka was not mentioned at all in his
introspection. Surely the fact that Ranma has sworn to be an
"otoko no otoko" would be a most welcome fact to Genma, since his
vow could be used to force Ranma's hand.
: Boxers and fighters, kendoists and
: jujitsu practitioners, they all conveniently forgot the years of fights
: that Akane had, her expertise with boken, rapier, and most other types of
: swords, her ability at hand to hand combat, and how she could adapt to any
: situation.
Phew, a rather long run-on sentence. I'd suggest breaking it up
with a semicolon or a dash here and there. Also, unless you are
thinking of an entirely different word, "bokken" is usually
romanized with a double k.
: Genma suddenly snorted, �Both are to blame. As of this moment, I no
: longer have a son, and I cannot accept that. With your permission, I would
: like to search for a possible cure, but it may be a couple of months before
: I can return.�
: Soun relaxed, the situation had not caused a breach in their friendship,
: �I will come with you. It is almost time for me to make my annual journey
: around the country and check in on the towns that have requested my help.
: We could combine our purposes and look into every possibility instead of
: only a few and it will be less lonely that way.�
Hoo hah! Can you say "Plot Necessity"? :)
: �Shall it be like it was when we were younger and training under the Master?�
: Soun grinned in return. �Except for some aspects, I think that would be
: enjoyable.
Yeah, this time Genma has to take the passive position. :)
: Hikaru couldn�t help himself.
Well, nobody can. He's beyond help. :)
: Ranma knew Martial Arts. She had to in order to be able to take care of
: Kuno.
I'd suggest a comma after "had to".
: Akane�s eyebrows rose, and she asked suspiciously, �You�re not here to
: challenge Ranma or myself?�
"Or me", actually.
: A lot of what he was talking about with
: them were the stupidity of the boys
"Was", I think.
: That was when Ranma sense of danger activated,
"Ranma's"
Quite interesting. I guess with Ryouga blabbing Ranma's secret,
things are *really* going to become... turbulent.
Sebastian