Coming soon to a Mailing List near you.
The Sacheen Littlefeather Literary Society
or
"Who are these guys and why are they saying such bad things about
people's stories?"
Since September of 1995, Greg Sandborn (AKA Uncle Fester)
has been hold up in a bunker deep under his palatial Overland
Park, Kansas home. [Twice inspected by UN Weapons Inspectors and
declared 'clean' of chemical or biological weapons. Of course,
they were not too pleased with all the conventional weapons he's
got.] For the most part, he confined his activities to shooting
pool and writing his stories, chief among them his masterpiece:
'Nabiki - New Horizons' (Available at better web sites
everywhere).
As his wife of 21 years is half Oglala-Lakota Sioux (don't
ask what the other half is - you don't wanna know), she was
naturally quite interested in the doings of her native people.
So it came to pass that she joined several Native American
organizations and made a number of interesting new friends.
Among them were twelve young ladies ranging in ages from 18 to 26
who were all members of the Daughters of the Oglala-Lakota Sioux
Nation, a social organization along the lines of the DAR, and
who, strangely enough, all seem to share the same last name, Fox.
Anyway, during one of their monthly meetings, the Anime
Revenge Wars broke out and they were forced to seek refuge in
Greg's bunker. [It took 3 weeks to get the grin off his face.]
As the wars intensified, the Foxes more than made themselves at
home. Frankly, considering the alternative (living on a
reservation in Nebraska), the crowded bunker was like paradise.
(But then, after Nebraska, just about ANY place would seem like
paradise.)
The bunker soon settled into a routine where the Anime Wars
combatants could find neutral ground, a place of temporary
refuge, and the source of some really fine... er, cherry cider.
(Don't ask. The last batch tried out on the fanfiction community
had John Biles carrying on conversations with his drawings,
Richard Lawson playing football with the cheese on his plate, and
Travis Butler shaving his cats and trying to stuff a mattress
with the hair. I understand Zen wrote 'Bitter End' soon after
sampling the drink, something that caused the state of Tennessee
to ban cherry cider as a dangerous drug. I've been told that an
ounce of cherry cider is now going for more than crack cocaine in
downtown Memphis.)
Greg, his wife, his dogs, their daughter, and her cat
quickly adapted to having 12 beautiful, nubile, and uninhibited
young Native American ladies living with them. Which is more
than could be said about Greg's neighbors - most of whom are
devout Christians and really get put off by some of the 'antics'
they are constantly witnessing next door. (Which, I am told, is
a lot more fun than 'witnessing for Christ', but you didn't hear
that from me. Got my salvation to protect, you understand.)
In order to make themselves more useful around the bunker,
the Foxes formed the 'Sacheen Littlefeather Literary Society' to
help Greg review fanfiction stories. Their work has been
described as subtle as an Indian attack. Their reviews have
reduced some of the most respected fanfic authors in the world to
fits of profanity, denial, and plans of revenge. So if you have
the stomach AND the funny-bone to stand such things, come on in
and enjoy the fruits of their labor.
Just stay away from the cherry cider.
Meet the Foxes
Sly Fox
- Greg's personal lawyer / most educated of the bunch and
Greg's private confidant / unofficial 'leader' of the Foxes.
Kissy Fox
- Low-key spokeswoman for the group / quick, analytical mind
/ the oldest and most like a 'mother' to the others (think of
Kasumi with a mean right hook) / also the most knowledgeable
about medical matters (must have been that two year stint at
Johns Hopkins).
Scampering Fox
- A sneaky schemer type that loves a good mystery or
conspiracy theory / best at party games in the Bunker / one most
disliked by the neighbors - especially the Christians next door
because she keeps 'flashing' Mr. Christian causing an unholy
reaction in his pants.
Huggy Fox
- Almost never acts her age / likes kawaii things / has the
biggest 'Snoopy' collection West of the Mississippi / giggles a
lot / gives really good 'hugs'.
Cuddle Fox
- A neat freak / always keeps the Bunker in perfect
condition / will clean *anything* - even windows / drives Kasumi
wild by having everything perfect when she arrives / (also known
to 'drive Kasumi wild' in other ways but we won't go into that
right now).
Gotcha Fox
- (Real name: LuLu) / the trickster of the bunch / likes a
good joke / constantly surfing the net looking for new funny
stories to tell the others / most of the funny stuff in Greg's
stories come from Gotcha / is the one who put Scampering up to
'flashing' Mr. Christian.
Sensual Fox
- Dancer and gymnast / loves to play on trampoline in the
back yard (but drives the Christians next door wild when she does
it topless) / her best move is a running, full twist with a
layout, off the trampoline, into a full tuck position, before
landing safely in the deep end of the pool - really something to
watch (never seems to hit the water with her bikini still
attached though).
Lusty Fox
- There has never been a weapon invented that Lusty couldn't
figure out how to use / crack shot with all the weapons in Greg's
arsenal / likes staking out the back yard waiting for P-chan
clones (Mmmmm, fresh ham) / has been known to take a pot-shot or
two at Zen-chan on occasion but really wants to meet Zen to trade
NRA tips / master of the
'Fortyfivecalibersteeljacketedhollowpointsemiautomatic' attack.
Big-Boobs Fox
- (Real name: Daisy) / easily the 'biggest' girl in the
bunker / topping out at 5-11, it is said she can 'bench press a
buffalo' / gives *really* good backrubs.
Passionate Fox
- Can fix almost anything - has even been known to take
Greg's computer apart at night, clean it completely, and have it
running again by morning just so her 'Huggy-Bear' won't have to
worry / also likes to work on cars but has shown some...
shortcomings in that area.
Amorous Fox
- The fashion horse of the group / can tell you up to the
second what's 'in' and what's 'out' / even wakes up looking good
/ by far, the best looking one in the bunch / 'Miss Buffalo-Chip'
three of the last four years at the county fair / (of course,
there's some rumors about how she got so good looking - <wink,
wink>).
Do-Anything-For-A-Beer Fox
- Her name pretty much says it all / Born Liz Fox, she
proved to have an uncanny ability to hold her 'firewater' / has
been know to 'drink Greg under the table' - no mean feat that.
All these are under the strict control of Greg's wife
Pocahontas (a.k.a.: Julie), who:
* Knows more 'personal' things about Greg than Sly;
* Can 'out-mother' Kissy;
* Can be sneakier than Scampering;
* Has more kawaii stuffed bears than Huggy has Snoopys;
* Can out-clean either Kasumi *or* Cuddle;
* Is trickier than Gotcha (especially with the check book);
* Can still drive Greg wild (only slightly better than
Sensual - but still better);
* Is a far better shot than Lusty;
* Scares the hell out of Big-Boobs;
* Is not afraid to take things apart faster than Passionate
(just has no ability at putting them back together);
* Has better fashion sense than Amorous (just no money to
pursue it);
* Will.... well, unlike Do-Anything-For-A-Beer, Pocahontas
*won't* (however, after some really good white wine.....).
Oh yes, also looks better in a Sailor Jupiter outfit than
any of the others..... And *hates* Greg's writing. Yup, really
thinks this Anime fanfiction stuff is 'sick'. (You don't want to
know what she thinks of all of you.) She's always asking: "When
are you going to stop fooling around with this cartoon stuff and
start making some money with your writing? I mean, if you really
were any good, someone would be paying you.
And another thing, this room - when are you going to let
Cuddles clean up in *here*. Did you know the lawn needs mowing?
And that back porch light you promised to fix 8 weeks ago is
still broken. Honestly, you spend all day sitting on your butt
at work then come home and sit around the Bunker with those
'Foxes' of yours, writing all those stupid stories instead of
working out. You used to spend at least an hour in the gym
before you got on this writing jag of yours. Now I barely have
to wash your things, you don't sweat enough to justify the
detergent. You're not getting any younger, you know. And when
are you going to look for a better job? Our daughter starts
college next year. Have you figured out where the money for that
is going to come from? Don't you dare turn back to that
computer. I'm talking to you! Don't make me get the Sailor
Jupiter costume out again. THAT DOES IT!
JUPITER POWER MAKEUP!
Come back here!
SUPREME THUNDER CRASH!