Rabbit wrote:
Please let me know if you all think I should continue this or not. I
do plan to do prelude storys for each of the characters if you think
it's worth while to continue it. Also sugestions for a decent title
would be highly apreaciated.
I would highly encourage you to continue this. I found the teaser quite
a well, "tease"! Plus, a mega-crossover that _does not_ have Sailor
Moon as the foundation is a plus in my book. (Don't misunderstand, if
you want to bring the senshi in, that's great. I'm just glad this isn't
Crystal Tokyo centered.) A few comments.
In the days just before the turn of the Millinum, there were
several alien races living on earth. Many of them had found love and
happiness on the little blue sphere that was tucked away in a obscure
little corner of the galaxy . But those days were soon about to come
to an end. Another alien race was coming to earth and they had other
plans in mind. This race knew the others would back down and leave
when they made themselves known, either through treaty or sheer fire
power. Though the races that the aliens on earth did back off, or at
least officially, those who had made thier home there did not. Thus
began the great war. Many were lost in those early days of the war
with the invaders having the upper hand. But slowly but surely, as
all humans are apt to do, we adapted, improvised, and made a comeback.
We formed resistance units, and with a little under the table help
from the neutral partys.
So, did you have an anime alien race in mind, or were you just going to
make up some completely new beings? Also, it isn't totally clear what
the current earth situation is. Is the planet merely under seige, with
the human governments still nominally in charge, or have the aliens
totally occupied the planet? What the heck do the aliens want with
Earth, anyway? I need answers!
Ranma called his group to attention. After reciving the head
count from each of his leutenants. He dismissed the group and called
his leutenants, Ataru ,Kyuske, Keiichi, Ryoga, and Ukyou <who was also
the chronicler>. They all quietly filed back into the back room of
the bunker. All except Uykou, who stood by the door to bear witness,
put on black arm bands and sat around the only table in the room.
An interesting mix you have here. I'm not sure how Keichii is able to
survive on his own, without any goddesses around to protect him. Still,
maybe he's become more of a fighter in the intervening years. I'm
particularly interested to see how Ataru has changed. Has he finally
been shocked out of his immature girlhunts?
I also approve of your choice of Ukyou as narrative voice. She's really
the odd person out there for a number of reasons. (Not the least being
the only girl!) I"ll be interested in finding out about the divisions
each leutenant leads. I wouldn't normally peg Ranma to lead the
resistance, but given what we have to choose from....
Ranma pulled out a set of glasses and a bottle of sake, the next
part in thier nightly ritual. Filling them each glass and a glass at
the center of the table, Ranma started the littany. "May we fight the
good fight, may we die the good death, for we who sit here have had
our yesterday, are living our today, but have no tommorow. May lady
death look upon us and smile for we are the company of death." after
this was said the each picked up thier glass and saluted the one in
the middle, then drank it down in one gulp.
This just seems a bit too smooth and suave for Ranma, even if it is a
"nightly ritual". The words are good though, so perhaps it would be
better for one of the others to say them. On the other hand, maybe you
could make it clear Ranma is quoting something written by someone else.
(Maybe he's looking at a plaque engraved with the words?)
The final part of the ritual was the one that got Ukyou the most
depressed but like always she stayed to bear witness. Ranma pulled
out from under the table a worn, old, steamer trunk. Ranma pulled out
a thick book and a small temple bell, which were then set on the
table. Reaching in again he pulled out a worn wrinked photo and a
badly knitted scarf which he wrapped around his neck. Next Ryouga
walked up and retrived a photo and a stuffed pink pig with hearts on
it. Ataru also got his photo and a tiger skin blanket. Keiichi got a
small hand mirror and a sweater. Finally Kyuske reached in and got out
a saxaphone that had a little plushie on a chain hanging off it and a
snapshot. Each put on or held thier items that remided them of days
past.
Notice that Ukyou is still hanging back, merely observing. It's
appropriate, because _her_ love is still alive and well. I have to say,
I hope this is just the ritual, and they aren't this fatalistic all the
time. A little more serious, yes, but "There's always hope..."
Who came up with this thing, anyway? Whose idea was the ritual? It
seems really peculiar.
Ranma opened the book and started the final part of the ritual.
"I now read from the book of the dead and let us remember least we
forget who we are..." Ranma read the first name "Akane Tendo" and
followed it up by tapping on the bell, "Akari Unryu" <ding> "Madoka
Ayukuwa" <ding> "Lum" <ding> "Belldandy" <ding>, at the mention of her
name Keiichi merely smiled and looked at the mirror as if he knew some
deeper truth. Ukyou noticed this and said nothing as he did that
every night. She had even seen him talk to that mirror and look as if
he expected an answer. The reading went on for about twenty minutes
Which leads to the question of why Belldandy is gone. I mean, she could
just come back from heaven, right? Obviously there's a story there.
when Ranma called her over. In a formal voice he said "chronocler do
your duty" With that She pulled out her pen, focused with he one good
eye and wrote down the latest casualty of the war. After Uykou had
finished Ranma tapped the bell one last time.
And you won't tell us who it is? Shame on you. (I'm still having real
trouble seeing Ranma talk like this, no matter how formal the occasion.)
After all the Items had been put away again Ranma went into the
military part of the get together. "Ryoko is gonna be delayed a few
days with the next shippment. Seems Ryo-oki got pretty hurt on the
last blockade run and needs time to recover. What this means is we
will have to do another raid on the supply depot sooner than expected.
This sounds more like Ranma. Tenchi's name wasn't in the book of the
dead, so there's hope. On the other hand, his death would make Ryoko
devote herself to the absolute destruction of the enemy. I hope he's
alive, and is just busy elsewhere. (And how powerful are these aliens
to make the Jurian empire back down?)
For a title, I need a little more to work with. It should probably
include the word "Invasion".
This teaser raises a _lot_ of questions. I want to see them answered.
Get to work, please!