Here's another draft/take.  Hope you all find it amusing.  Hopefully, the
formatted characters from Word97 will show up okay!
 
How To Be A Superhero is a work by Mark Levine, Ranma is owned by Rumiko
Takahashi.  This is not meant to be an offense to either.  Don't sue.
 
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Chapter Two:  Here's a Nickel.  Get a Personality. 

	So you want to be in Ranma ?  Well, it takes a serious personality
to be in Ranma .  Just look at all of the characters in there.  All of
them have some serious personality to them.  Look at Kodachi, the Black
Rose of St. Hebereke.  Do you think you'd find someone like her right off
the street?  No way.  While I'm sure you're glad you wouldn't find someone
like that right off the street, they're everywhere in anime.  Especially
so in Ranma .  So let's help you get a life, or lack thereof.
	Before we begin there are some essential parts to a personality
that must be addressed before we can say you are truly a developed
character (by Takahashi's standards at least).  Below is a fairly detailed
list of things you should know about yourself, or make yourself know about
yourself if you want to make it.

I.    Are you an Innie or an Outie?
	A.  Are you an Extrovert?
	B.  Are you an Introvert?
II.  Are you Mentally "That Way?"
	A.  Are you Obsessive/Compulsive?
	B.  Do you suffer from any Phobias?
	C.  Do you have "Someone Else Upstairs?"
	D.  One word for you: Hubris.
III. Are you stupid (no, really)?
IV. Are you an idiot (there's a difference)?
V.  Are you "Huggably Soft?"
VI. Where are you from?
V.  Why are you here?
VI. What's In A Name?

	So you think you know who you are, but do you really?  After all,
no Ranma  lacks any particular facet of their personality that is
qualified in the aforementioned list.  So let's begin on that long winding
road to insanity; or sanity, take your pick.  Before we begin, you might
want to pull up a comfortable couch, or something to recline on...

Am I An Innie Or An Outie?  My Bellybutton Isn't Drawn In With Enough
Detail!
	Let's get things started with the basics of any character.  The
first thing you pick up when you meet one.  The Innie/Outie quality.  If
you want to be a Ranma  character, you will definitely need to know this
(and anything else on the aforementioned list).  Failure to do so would
spell disaster!  Not only would you confuse all your Neriman friends and
family, you'd also be labeled a freak.  Of course, there are a few special
exceptions that should be noted; but for that, you'd have to skip to the
fourth topic of the second subsection.  Confusing?  Hang in there.
	So how can you tell if you're an extrovert or an introvert?  Well,
it's simple.  If you like to be friendly all the time or like to make
friends, you're what most people would call an extrovert.  Extroverts are
typically people who socialize very easily and are very open with their
feelings.  Take for example, Shampoo.  Shampoo is very typically
extroverted in many ways.  Imagine if you will, the following few
examples:
	"Ranma!  Wo ai ni!  You take Shampoo on date now, yes?"
	"Shampoo kill violent type girl!" followed by physical violence.
	"Shampoo no like Mousse!  Shampoo hate Mousse!  Shampoo think
Mousse dumber than Great Wall of China!  Shampoo no love Mousse!  Shampoo
H-A-T-E Mousse!"
	Ad nauseum.  You get the idea.  Shampoo freely expresses herself
and makes her feelings known easily and publicly.  There is no question
what is on Shampoo's mind when she's talking to you.  She's up front and
blunt about it.  However, that is a more extreme case of being
extroverted.  For a more moderate example of an extrovert, let us consider
the son of Genma and Nodoka Saotome.
	Ranma is a freewheeling guy who is very friendly and open to
people.  Granted there are some things he chooses to keep to himself; but
on the average he's the usual typical Joe that you hang around with and
get along with very easily.  Ranma's easy to get along with because he
let's you know how he's feeling (unless you're Akane, but I digress).
Openness is the key, and Ranma is very open with his friends, and people
that he meets (so long as they don't tell him they're his new fiance).
	So you're not a bright-eyed bushy-tailed character at heart.  You
like to keep to yourself and keep quiet.  You don't like to socialize much
and you really don't like to meet new people.  In that case you're an
introvert.  It's perfectly natural.  There are just as many introverts out
there as extroverts.  You may ask who is an introvert among the cast of
Ranma ?  Well, Ryouga would be a perfect example of an introvert.
	Ryouga has a great deal of trouble meeting new people.  Aside from
the fact that he always has to ask for directions, he really has a lot of
trouble making new friends.  He even has trouble telling Akane that he
likes her, let alone loves her.  Ryouga keeps mainly to himself and is
never the life of any party.  That simply isn't his nature.  Moreover,
Ryouga has some difficulty socializing with people.  If he knows them,
then it's fairly easy for Ryouga to talk to them; but if he doesn't know
them that well, Ryouga is hesitant to start up any serious conversation.
He's an introvert, that's what he does.
	So you say you're not either?  Well, you have two choices, both of
which make for some very interesting characters.  You might be both an
extrovert and an introvert.  It's quite possible to be both.  The other
possibility is that you've got someone else upstairs.  For that you should
skip ahead.
	So you're both.  You might wonder how that's possible, but it is.
There are plenty of people who are extroverts in public, but become
introverted in other situations.  Or, if you're so inclined, you can
always be introverted in public and extroverted in public.  In either
case, you can have you cake and throw it at someone's face too.  There
really aren't any characters like that in Takahashi's comedy, but there's
always a first for everything.

"Mentally That Way?"  Is That Some Kind of "One Way" Sign For The Mind?
	As much as we hate to say it, sometimes you just have to have a
few screws loose to really make it big.  I mean, nobody wants a perfectly
normal person in their right mind anymore.  The more outrageous you can be
and the crazier you are, the better.  Would anyone pay to see someone
perfectly normal lead a perfectly normal mundane life?  You'd have to pay
someone to watch that kind of drivel.  Nowadays, people pay to see
psychos, and do they ever!  All we have to say is that Ranma  videos are
not a dime a dozen.  In fact, they're closer to twenty-five bucks a pop
instead.  That's a lot of people watching a lot of psychos for a lot of
money.  Money that could be your payroll.  So let's get you properly
demented for all of the world to see.
	So you want to be obsessive or have some kind of compulsive
behavior problems.  No problem; but you need to pick out one appropriate
for your life-long career as a Ranma  character.  Here's a short list of
behavior problems and a description of each.  Remember, the list is not
complete (there's too many wackos out there to catalogue them all) feel
free to add your own!

(insert list here, two columns)

Hubris:  Why You Do That Thing You Do...  And Lose.
	So you want to know what hubris is.  It's not a drug.  It's not a
patch.  It's a state of mind.  It's what makes you do that thing you do
and do it so well, that you lose.  Big time.  In a way, it's the driving
force behind why everyone loses to Ranma; and Ranma loses to all the
beautiful women around him.  While hubris is usually associated with
tragedy (the tragic flaw), it is represented fairly well in Ranma .
	So you want an example of hubris?  Allow us to digress to the
classic Greek epic The Odyssey.  After the blinding of the Kyklops,
Polyphemus (puh-LIFF-uh-miss), that hero of Greek lore Odysseus escapes.
Polyphemus, enraged at his blinding (who wouldn't?), asks who has blinded
him; to which Odysseus replies,

O Kyklops!  Would you feast on my companions?
Puny, am I, in a Caveman's hands?
How do you like the beating that we gave you, 
you damned cannibal?  Eater of guests
under your roof!  Zeus and the gods have paid for you!...
Kyklops,
If ever mortal man inquire
how you were put to shame and blinded, tell him
Odysseus, raider of cities, took your eye:
Larts' son, whose home's on Ithaka!  

	Note that this was the stupidest thing Odysseus could have said.
This naturally was the pivotal piece of information that would spawn a
great deal of his troubles.  However, this was the nature of the character
Odysseus.  Hubris in full effect...foo'.
	So you're still confused.  I don't blame you.  Let's try to put it
in terms that everyone will understand.  Close your eyes and imagine the
following scenario.  Let's say Akane and Ranma have gotten into yet
another verbal skirmish about who is the better fighter.  Ranma, being the
title character, can't be beaten by anyone; however, this doesn't keep
Akane from saying she can beat up Ranma.  Naturally Ranma says that while
he doesn't hit girls, she couldn't lay a finger on him.  Enter Akane's
mallet, and Ranma gets a trip to Tofu-sensei.
	The underlying point here is that Ranma was right.  Akane can't
beat up Ranma in a fair fight; but since Ranma doesn't hit girls and is
arrogant about his abilities (hubris alert), he gets the crap beat out of
him.  Ironic and chock full of hubris to boot.  Amusing because of the
irony, possible because of the hubris.  Get it?  Still don't?  Let's take
it one step further.  Ranma is the main character.  Everyone who isn't as
high as Ranma on the main character list has to lose to him (please refer
to chapter 5).  The mitigating factor that makes everyone lose to him is
hubris.  That's it.  If you don't get it, tough.  You can always move on
to more important things...

What Do You Mean 'Stupid?'  You Think I'm Some Kind Of Moron?
	Actually, no; but considering your temper and the answers you put
down on the test in chapter one, things might change.  In all seriousness,
being stupid or an idiot means two totally different things.  How can they
be different?  It's simple.  It's not a matter of semantics, or some other
bizarre contextual matter.  It's straightforward.  Let's start with
stupid.
	So you don't know what stupid is.  As a wise man once said,
"stupid is as stupid does."  If you're stupid, you just lack most common
sense.  You could be very intelligent, but given your upbringing, you're
just pretty dense when it comes to common sense.  The most obvious example
of this is Kuno Tatewaki.  Kuno is really an intelligent guy.  After all,
spouting poetry or spiritual texts is not the usual means of verbal
communication.  Sometimes it might be confused with something the Oracle
of Delphi might babble; but on the whole, Tatewaki is a pretty intelligent
guy.  It's a bit difficult to quote Shakespeare if you're not inclined to
understand that kind of prose.  So Kuno's an intelligent guy.  I'm sure
you're telling yourself, "hey, I'm glad, but let's get to the f#%$&^)@!
point!"  The point is that despite Kuno's keen intellect, he's a complete
dolt in terms of common sense.  Just how blunt do you need to be to tell
him Saotome Ranma and the Tree-Borne Kettle Girl/Pigtailed Goddess, are
one and the same.  He's more or less seen the transformation (well, not
actually seen, but he felt it!).  He's been told that they're "of one mind
and one body."  I'm sure it may be a little too subtle for some of us
(those of you who scored below 5 on the test); but being present during a
transformation, regardless whether you're watching or not, is very direct.
You need to have absolutely no common sense to make the leap from "Ranma
and the really attractive redhead are never together" to "Ranma Saotome,
the evil wizard who magiks away really hot women for his own devious
ends."  Well, suffice it to say, Kuno believes it...
	Okay, so you've got that one straightened out.  No common sense
equals stupid.  So what does idiot imply?  Being an idiot is quite simple.
It means that you use less than 0% of your brain matter, of which you have
none.  Yes, in the world of anime, you can have a literally empty head.
For example, the extras that constantly throw water onto the unsuspecting
characters.  Do these extras need any character, personality, skills, or
intelligence?  Obviously not.  All they need is to go through one or two
simple movements and perform them repeatedly throughout the episode (while
giggling maniacally).  Don't know if you're an idiot?  Shake your head
violently.  Do you hear a rattling noise?  A low whistling noise as air
rushes in and out of your empty skull and resonating?  Can't tell?  Keep
trying until you do.  Still don't know and your view the world is swirling
in some version of vertigo, and you can't pass a sobriety test?  You must
be an idiot.  While being an idiot is certainly not a good thing, it's not
too bad either.  Ignorance is bliss, right?  (Especially if you're a girl
sleeping with a pig that's actually a guy.)
	Remember, being stupid or idiotic is not black or white.  Almost
all the characters in Ranma  have a shade of each.

You Bet I'm Huggably Soft!  You Can Squeeze My 'Charmin' Anytime!
	Sure.  Whatever.  Being "huggably soft" can be something you may
or may not want.  It may lead to extreme popularity.  Now while you might
like that, it could mean that you're the most popular person to hate.  If
you like that sort of thing, then by all means go for it!
	So you can't figure out what "huggably soft" means.  It doesn't
mean people like to squeeze your Charmin; although if people like to do
that, that's your business, not ours.  Being "huggably soft" means you've
got that extra special appeal to people in an extra special, cutesy kind
of way.  We aren't talking ultra sexy, like Hinako-sensei's adult form.
That'd be "you wish I were huggably soft but I'm not so go away," or just
straight "I got a sex appeal overdrive chip."  Allow us to provide you
with an example or two.  Or three.
	Let us take a look at P-chan.  I'm not talking about Ryouga.  Yes,
they're the same person/being, but allow us to consider P-chan as a
separate entity for just a moment.  P-chan is "huggably soft."  He is
cute.  Not just cute, but extra cute.  There's no denying that whenever he
goes "bukii," millions of little girls (and not so little girls),  go
"ooh" and "aahhh" for hours.  He's got plush-toy appeal.  Make a plush toy
of P-chan and you've got a winner.  Make a plush toy of Pantyhose Tarou,
and you've got an instant loser.  Make a plush toy of say, Ranma in his
girl form, and you've got yourself a whole lot of perverts.  Especially if
the doll is "anime-natomically correct, with removable Barbie-style
clothes."  Okay, so you get the idea, but we're not done.
	Sure P-chan is cute, but not all things can be cute and huggably
soft.  There's a happy median between "huggably soft", "huggably
gropable," and "huggably nuggety."  Allow us to re-examine P-chan.  First,
while he's not all warm and fuzzy all over, the impression we get from
Akane (and Azusa), is that he's a regular cuddle-bunny.  When you get your
hands on him, you just want to cuddly-snuggly-wuggly him until you feel
overdosed on fuzz therapy.  Now while that was a fairly excessive way of
describing it, you know what we mean.  This inevitably relates to size.
Genma in his panda form is quite soft and huggable; but first you have to
be able to hug him.  After all, there's something about a seven foot tall
panda that you just can't get your hands on (or around).  That and he's
usually making some obscene body noise that passes as growling when he's a
panda; but we digress.  Some other animals that would constitute huggably
gropable, but not huggably soft are the following: kodiak bear, Alaskan
grizzly, moose (not Mousse), sperm whale, giant squid, rabid badger,
Bengal tiger, Nuku Nuku (she's just huggable and soft; but nothing wrong
with groping), and Bake Neko (he might end up trying to marry you).
	We can also turn to humans as being the subject of possessing
hug-ability.  Let us take the best example of them all: Kasumi Tendo.
Kasumi is the very incarnation of being warm and fuzzy.  She isn't hard to
get close to, you can give her a great big hug and squeeze, and she's the
most gentle loving person you'd ever want to meet.  Sure, Kasumi can act a
little oblivious at times, but all around, Kasumi's just the most gosh
darned cutest softy there is around.  In other words, she's just way too
huggable for her own good.  Kasumi is "huggably soft."  Now let us take
another look at things.  Sure you might find Kuno dashing and attractive,
and you might even find his speech pattern (impediment), absolutely cute.
Kuno's even huggable (in the sense that you can wrap your arms around him
if you want <shudder>).  It's just too bad Kuno's stupid (see previous
section on Stupid).  Kuno is a complete nuggethead.  He's dense and a
seriously hard nut to crack (if he hasn't completely cracked already).
Kuno is what one would consider "huggably nuggety."  He's the kind that
you would serve up with a touch of honey, milk, and a large load of bran
flakes.  A real colon blow here.

Where Am I From?  Are You Implying I'm Some Lost Boy Here To Amuse You?!
	Quit the clowning around.  This isn't a section on getting in
touch with the Ryouga in all of us.  This is a serious question that is an
integral part of your personality.  The first important part of this
question is, of course, the where.  Even more important still is the why
aspect; as in, "why are you here?"  Naturally a failure to account for
this part of information will get you barred from the Union of Ranma 1/2
workers.  Failure to reconcile these integral parts of your personality
can result in astronomical bills from your head shrinker, or a swift
ejection from the anime series.
	So let's tackle the easiest of these issues.  Where are you from?
Pick a country, any country at all.  Call it "the place my parents came
from."  Find where Ranma and company hang out and then call that "the
place I'm living now."  Sound simple?  It's not.  There's a lot more to it
than that.
	When you tell someone you're from "place A," you need to know a
few things about "place A."  Let's say you're from Town City,
Somplacefaraway.  Well, there are a few things you need to know about Town
City.  Starting with how big Town City is usually qualifies as a good
start.  Is it a big bustling industrial or commercial center?  Is it a
small rural neighborhood?  Is it always crowded in the streets, or is it
only crowded during rush hours?  Is it crowded at all?  So you say it's of
a particular numerical population.  Good.  Now we can start to talk about
what's actually there.  Can you describe the buildings there?  Is there a
Piyo Piyo Caf, or is it a simple Caribou Coffee?  Is it a Starbucks, or is
it a small java joint known only to the locals?  Is there a Bruegger's
Bagel shop, or is it a local bakery?  Do you go out for Chinese, or
okonomiyaki?  Sukiyaki, or sushi?  Tempura or Thai?  Do you have Kelp
Bars, or karaoke bars?  MTV or KTV?  How many hotels are there?  Are they
five star, or are they roach infested bungalows?  Apartments and condos,
or huts and adobe?
	Okay, so you know Town City.  Do you know the individuals?  It's
usually a good idea to know who you used to (or still do, if you're only
visiting Nerima) live by.  What ever happened to Bubba Joe, the fat,
sweaty redneck plumber that never got the message to pull up his pants?
How about Doug A. Graves, the mortician that made housecalls?  Did Mindy
Moe ever get those impacted wisdom teeth out?  What about Suzy Queue?  She
sure did love those cream filled cakes.  Say, did Suzy shed those excess
300 pounds?  Nothing like a trim 200 pounds on a tall four foot ten woman.

Look, I Know Where I'm From!  I'm No Ryouga Ya Know!
	Fine.  Now let's talk about why you're visiting quaint, quiet
Nerima.  So just who are you engaged to?  Take your pick of the multiple
personalities in Nerima.  Did Genma promise Ranma to be your one and only?
Was Ranma a "she" then?  Heaven forbid Soun Tendo auctioned off a
daughter, but was it a deal he made years ago?  Did Nabiki pawn off Akane
in a business deal gone sour?  Are you the long lost love from Kasumi's
years in preschool?  Were you engaged to Ukyou?  Was she acting like a boy
then?  How about the illustrious Tatewaki Kuno?  Was it against his will?
Or yours?  What about Ryouga?  He never really sees his parents.  Perhaps
they engaged you and couldn't find the lost boy to tell him.  Perhaps
you're following your one true love; not quite engaged, but hey, close
enough.  Pick a character and stick with them like glue.  Follow them
everywhere, including quaint Nerima.  Every Shampoo has a Mousse to go
with.  Why not be that Mousse.  Follow the desires of that Konatsu or
Tsubasa within you.
	If you aren't the marrying type, perhaps you're the vengeful,
homicidal type.  Nothing like revenge to bring out the best in people (and
make them travel hundreds of thousands of miles for it).  Perhaps you're
out to get Genma for stealing your prize pickle?  Maybe Ranma stepped on
your tulips, which could have saved your house from repossession?  Perhaps
Ryouga got you lost and you couldn't find your way home (permanently).
Even better yet, perhaps Nabiki swindled you out of your life savings, and
you were the disowned son of a peat farmer.  Do you sell some kind of
processed food product that was stolen during Genma and Ranma's training
trip years ago?  They steal your livelihood?  Happosai take something from
you that you really valued?
	So you aren't the vengeful type either.  Try looking for a job.
Perhaps teaching?  Furinkan High School needs teachers badly.  There's
only so much Hinako-sensei can do in a day.  Perhaps you're the new
assistant principal hired by Principal Kuno.  Do you sell cursed items?
Do you sell bottled Nannichuan?  Perhaps you sell bottled water from all
of the springs.  In any case, pick a profession that would be viable in
the life of a Neriman.  While extortion is already taken by an individual
we will keep unnamed, being a crime-boss wouldn't be bad.  The Yakuza are
already stationed in Japan.  Just don't call yourself the Godfather, or
people will either try to sue you or kill you; perhaps both, but not
necessarily in that order.  After all, there really isn't a whole lot a
tomato salesperson can do there; but providing combat spatulas and custom
made combat gymnastics equipment would be lucrative.  Perhaps you have the
ever envied job of running a well known dojo.  Note that there are jobs
that involve no skill.  Perhaps you're the person that dumps out their
dishwater out onto the street from the fifth floor.  Do you dump hot water
in random places?  On random people?  Why not go out into the street with
a bucket and ladle and practice to see if it's for you.

What's In A Name?  
	Well, we can't very well call you the nameless wonder.  After all,
simply yelling out "You" or "Hey" is easy enough in the short run, but we
highly doubt that people will actually believe it's your name.
	When choosing a name try to take into account that this is what
people will be calling you the rest of your anime lifetime.  It may be a
title for weeks, years, or only a few hours.  In any case, it is a serious
business, and not to be taken lightly!  One misstep and you may be doomed
to a name that will live in infamy (and that's not a good thing)!  In
addition to this, try to think of a name that's witty.  Joe Shmoe, may be
a suitable name if you're perfectly normal, but since you work as a Ranma
character it needs to be exceptionally fitting.  Take for example, Ranma
Saotome.  The name Ranma is usually translated into "wild horse."  The
family name Saotome is usually accepted to be a reference to the word
"girl" in the Japanese language.  In retrospect, the name Ranma Saotome is
indeed a very fitting name for the character.  As another example, take
the Tendo sisters.  All their names are related to clouds.  How is that a
word pun, you ask us.  Simply look at the last name.  The characters
making up the last name ("ten" and "do"), will explain it all clearly.  We
leave this as an exercise for the readers.
	Now while this may end up sounding like a rather daunting task,
keep in mind the fact that since this is Ranma , you can use just about
anything for a name.  If it has a purpose, then it'll work.  So break out
the English-Japanese Dictionaries and get rolling!  If you're a character
that's a fighter that's quick on his feet and runs away from all of his
fights, try a name that means "yellow streak," or "track star."  If you
happen to have a curse that changes you into an ape that loses his way on
occasion, try something that means "wandering chimp chump," or "eternally
lost prodigal simian son."  Get the idea?  So you might think that having
a name that means "glass jaw," "I still need a nightlight when I go to
bed," or "I can't use a Turkish toilet" doesn't make sense and makes you
sound like an idiot.  Well, once again, you must remind yourself that this
is the world of Ranma  and as soon as you translate that name into
Japanese, all will be well.  After all, if they can make names that sound
cool and have entertaining value through complete humiliation of the
characters, then they can do the same for you.  Don't sweat the details.




*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*
Ethan Tsai
1 N. College Street
Northfield, MN 55057

TSAIE@Gridley.ACNS.Carleton.edu
http://public.carleton.edu/~tsaie/ethan.html

Quote of the day:
"You do not lead by hitting people over the head-that's assault, not
leadership." 
     --Dwight D. Eisenhower