Carlin92@aol.com wrote:

<In a Theatre at the End of the Universe>

Narrator: <looks over script> What's this?

Keener: Short version, we're trying to get to the movie on time, just read
it.

Issac Hayes: Don't worry about it, I got this one. <singing> Coming through
the night, mmmmmmm, like a loco of love, yeah... coming to hold you tight,
mmmmmm, from heaven's above... it's the SSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOUUUUUULLLLL Train!
<music kicks in and two figures leap out of black portal, carrying a sack of
krystals and chili pups. Keener pauses just long enough to do that dance and
then finds his seat beside Krudd>

Krudd <snags one of the gasterinoal intestine equivalents of a "Little Boy"
from the sack> Gweat, we made it... <looks at Keener who's still electro
sliding into his seat> Give or take a few detours. <he bagan munching>

Keener: Your the one who wanted food, now hand me a chilli-pup. <properly
ketchups and french fries said Genva banned doggage>

Carlin: Welcome everyone to another installment of Carlin's
Chorus...
Sarcastic woman: <Mumbling> One of these days, We have got
to change the name of the chorus..
Ironic man: Tell me about it, what gives Carlin the right to name
the chorus after himself?
Carlin <Looking at SW and IM, frowning>: <Loudly> Today we will be
reviewing Parts 1 and 2 of Suicide Blast, by Keener. <Sitting down in
his seat in the front row>
Saotome Ranma <Sitting to Carlin's left>: <Resentfully> Just great.

Krudd: WHAT? I thought we wewe going to see Wepwacment Kiwwers.

Keener: Calm down, we'll take in a midnight, 'kay? I wanna see this Ebert
thingy.

Krudd: So this is a MST of a MST thing then?

Keener: Naw, I don't so MSTs... yet. Just wanted to see what the reaction and
all was.

Carlin: <Whispering> Not you too, what's wrong Ranma?
Ranma: Nothing... just have to sit here and watch P-chan lose it...
<dryly> sounds fun.
Smart-ass man: <Smugly> Don't mind him, he's just mad about
tonight.
Ranma: Damn right.
Carlin: <Confused> huh?
Ranma: <To Carlin> Akane's cooking tonight...
Carlin: Oh...
Ranma: It gets better, she's been reading Kasumi's french
cookbook and has decided to make a soufle... a soufle?!?!
The tomboy can't even boil rice!!
Sarcastic woman: I'm surprised you even know what a soufle
is Saotome.

Keener: Ranma knows soul food?

Krudd: Must be weviewing for Washawn, <goes searching in the bag for his
fries>

Nabiki: <Smiling> So was I.
Carlin: People!!! Can we please get back to the Fic!! <@BAP> OW!!
Azusa <Holding the Acme Miniature Universal @BAP cannon> :
Quiet down there! <To Mikado> Isn't Jean-Pierre <Waving the cannon>
so Kawaii!!
<Mikado sighs, Carlin cries, and the Ironic duo laughs>

Keener: Ironic Duo powers activate! Form of, a scathing retort!

       Suicide Blast

...oooOOO(  )(  )(  )

   Ryouga let the wind blow coolly across his face. It caressed a face
that was no longer creased in anger, no longer twisted in grief. A

Ranma: <Dryly>Yeah right.

gentle wind that had no knowledge or care of the past, it just whispered
sweet contentment, and a final peace. The mind that had once been a
tumultuous storm, ever raging against itself and the world, had come to
rest. Was it the calm before the storm? Another whirlwind of pain, even
more flailing then the one he had endured these past long years? Or was
it simply the peace he had spent a lifetime searching for . He knew it
wasn't a good decision and he knew it wasn't fair, but his life had
neither been good nor fair so it all seemed to make sense.

Buffy: So basically, life sucks so why not share the pain?
Giles: Essentially, yes.
Bitter man: Makes sense to me. Screw happiness.

Keener: I... urk <Krudd shoves a Krystal in Keener's mouth>

Krudd: We can do without the scwew tape punnage and the Beavis asides.

   Ryouga had come to terms both with himself and his soul, and it all
seemed right. A question whose obvious answer had eluded him through
untold hours of sobbing in the darkness, alone. He thought back to the
phone call. The phone call that had congealed all his fears and

Chris Rock: That's what you get for not using 1-800-COLLECT!

destroyed what little hope he had been able to tear from his godforsaken
life. It also had set him free.

...oooOOO(  )(  )(  )

Chrous: HUH???

Krudd: What AWE those any ways?

Keener: Just an iconograph to pass the time. I admit the knives looked better
for Uses of...

   "Yo Ryouga, I see you finally got to Akari. Only took you a month
too, not bad. Owww! Hey quit it, I'm being nice, geez Akane." Ranma's

Ranma: In that world his sense of direction must be getting
a lot better.

voice had ended a month long stupor for Ryouga. He had been beyond care
ever since the whole wedding fiasco.

Ukyou: Nice word for it.

<Krudd and Keener both look at Ukyo, choking slightly>

Keener: Kettle, black is thine name.

   Maybe the others hadn't been able to see it, but he was used to

Ranma: <Bitterly> The others aren't pretending to be her
pet!!

Keener: Or stoicially pretending NOT to be.

searching Akane's face. How often had he searched that lovely visage,
waiting, begging for a sign, a look, a smile, anything that said, I love
you too? He knew her anger, he knew her tears, and he knew her smile,
like a desert wanderer knew the sweet taste of water. He watched shock,
then confusion and finally joy play about her perfect features as
Ranma's words made their way  to her heart. Lips had parted to return

Nitpick man: Unnecessary space between 'way' and 'to'

the love, breaking into a tearful smile that could melt the hardest
heart. Or break it, who would of thought a smile could be so fatal?

Ironic man: 'so fatal'? As opposed to just a little fatal?
Carlin: The 'so' isn't necessary

Keener: Well, in this case, we're talking about a guy who's dying by inches.
Most things tonight are fatal one way or another, so a little bit of death
comparison is bound to happen. He'd use painfull which would make more since
with "so" but on the one hand, I've used pain ALOT in this story and on the
other he's marking the things that have built up to his coming end. Anyways,
that's my story and I'm sticking to it. <smiles and winks>

   "Listen, me and Akane are finally gonna get hitched and I... awww

Ranma: As if I'd ever marry that Tomboy! Keener must be a
Kunou if he's crazy enough to think that'll ever happen.

Keener: Kuno... Kuno... I'm Kuno for chocobo pups! One wonders if that
marriage deal rubbed off more of my "husband" then I'd like to admit.

Krudd: Pwease, I'm eating. The thought of my cweator and Kuno wubbing
ANYTHING, well it just wubs me the wwong way.

Keener: Wubbed you wong time? <phases so the thrown empty Krystal box, goes
through him> Anyways, yes, I'm afraid this fic goes under the assumption that
Ranma and Akane finally got it together. Originally, this fic was planned to
go in a series of fics, all focusing on the other charater's and their
reactions to the news. Sort of a wrap up series that had the marriage act as
a catalyst but not the end all be all of the story, something MUCH more
masterfully done by Lawson and Price. Whether or not this whole things still
forms a series is yet to be seen, but Memories Mask, Mousse's story is being
preread.

man, quit crying already Mr. Tendo, I can't make these kinda
arrangements with you blubbering every time we mention it... anyway we'd
like you for the best man." Ranma paused, continuing with a chuckle.
"Doesn't that just say it all. My best man and best friend all rolled
into a neat little 'Ranma, I'm gonna kill you' package. What? Lay off

<Chorus laughs>

would'ya, Akane? He's used to it by now."

Cynical man: Gee, why on earth would he want to kill such a
great friend?

Keener: Heh, well, Ryouga isn't really planning on killing Ranma, just
beating the everloving snot out of him. He just wants to go out with a bang.
Unfortuantly, he's not thinking very clearly, especially about his current
attack form. It's basically become his savior, the thought that it might just
be a serpent hasn't crossed his mind... yet.

Krudd: The Wanma cast do a wot of chiwwing epitah thwoing awound, but with
the exception of the China team, it's vewy doubtfull any of them have ever
actuawwy kiwled anyone. Wots of fic potential in just that occuwance.

   Ryouga just listened as Ranma and Akane yelled at each other over
the phone. Part of him noticed that their fighting had a playful edge to
it that had been absent before. Most of him, though, just wanted the
whole thing over, all of it.

Nitpick woman: 'Whole thing' and 'all of it', redundant, lose one
of them.

Keener: Goes to flow of thought. Saying whole thing implies the obvious, you
know, the whole Ranma, Akane, P-chan bit. Adding "all of it" implies that
he's thinking about something more then what you might originally have
percieved... in this case, his very existence.

Krudd: And you say this fic isn't dawk?

Keener: Nope, it's not dark... just a mite bit... desperate.

   "So anyways, just stay where you are. Me and pop'll be by to pick
you up in a couple of days. We can go training and stuff, you know, like
the old days." Ranma continued in a whisper, "She's been cooking for
days now and we just gotta get some real food... Oh nothing Akane. Look

Ranma: Real food: Stuff that doesn't try to kill you AFTER it's
on the plate...

I gotta go, she's yelling again and  waving a deadly weapon around. My
god, it's a western omelet... wish me luck. See ya."

   He had placed the receiver down, a little surprised he hadn't
crushed it. It just didn't hurt as much as he thought it would, his
decision giving him comfort already. Was that when he had decided? Or
had it been when he first saw the smile on Akane's face? It had been a
spring of pure sweetwater, given to a man who already owned the river.

Carlin: Interesting simile
Obscure woman: Isn't sweetwater somewhere in Texas?

Keener: <singing> Simile, even though your heat is breaking...

Meanwhile the sunlight cracked Ryouga's tongue, now, not even able to
beg. A figure hugging him tightly stopped his musings short.

   "Who was it Ryouga-sama?" Akari asked sweetly, eyes full of life and
a smile on her lips.

Foreshadowing man: Yup, she's doomed. The happier they are
in the beginning, the more miserable they end up later.

Keener: Well, it's rather common knowledge on the CORML just what my feelings
about Akari are. The phrase, China Doll on the end of a Bull's... heh... Horn
comes to mind.

Krudd: Though onwy Keener wouwd add the hentai connection.

   Ryouga looked at her with new eyes and he absently traced the smile
with them. He tried to conjure up the love he had for Akane, comparing
it to his love for Akari. She knew his secret and still cared for him,
loved him even more because of it in fact. She had been there when _she_
had not. Her tears fell for him, and the smile he hungered for was given
with healthy doses of hugs and kisses for dessert. But was simply
filling the void enough? If so, then why was it still so damn hungry?

Generic Bob: Because he doesn't have the sense God gave
your average turnip.

Keener: Well, certainly not the direction sense at any rate. As far as the
void goes though, believe me, I've seen enough nice girls get swallowed alive
by things like that. It's never pretty.

   It was just like when Ranma had dressed up as his _fiancee_. Ryouga
had been willing to let Akane go just for the selfish need of someone he
could have as his own. Someone with whom he wouldn't have any fears of
rejection. Akari's love was a bit selfish too, here was a boyfriend and
a pig all in one, a dream come true for someone like her. Still, he knew

Hiroshi: Like 2 peas in a pod.

Keener: Living in peas and hamony... grits.

what she did out of innocence, he did out of fear. A fear for the hole
inside of him, a hole he tried desperately to feed with her love. But it
couldn't be fed with one person's love and another's fear, and soon, it
would swallow them both whole, body and soul.

   He had calmly pushed her away and excused himself, saying he needed
fresh air.

...oooOOO(  )(  )(  )

Chorus: HUH??
Smart-ass woman: What the hell is that anyway?

Keener: Eye exaime, if your staring at the funky eye catch, the fic writer is
losing his touch. <sighs>

   Looking up into the stars, Ryouga wondered at how it was going to
feel. Painful of course, but after that, sweet and total peace. How to
do it though?

   The methods open were many and varied, some that hurt, others that
were little more then closing one's eyes and never opening them. Still,
he was being selfish enough as it was, and guilt stabbed deeper then any
tanto. There was no need in spreading his pain to others, in fact, that
was half of why he was doing this. Maybe he could just fall off a
mountain, they'd never know what had happened to him then. If they ever
did find him it would just be some tragic accident, a fitting end to a
tragic life. How hard would he have to throw himself to make sure it was
fatal?

Carlin: I would think that all it would take is a high enough
mountain.
Cynical man: He'd get lost on the way up.

Keener: Even worse, he'd get lost on the way down.

   Ryouga laughed at himself. All his training, his desperate attempts
to fill the void with something, had made his life a very hard thing to
end. Ironic that the one thing that had gotten him through his personal
hells to begin with, before he met Akane, was also prolonging the agony
of his existence. He'd just have to use those strong hands of his,
strong enough to end a life. Yes, definitely strong enough for that, but
why hadn't they been strong enough to at least hold onto a little

Generic Philosopher: It is far easier to destroy, than to create.

Keener: Translation: That RPG character that took you two hours of rolling
and three games sessions of writing to breath life into, takes only on botch
to blow to hell.

happiness? While looking down at his open hands, Ryouga caught sight of
a small blue shard of light that had formed in his palm.

   Strange, he hadn't called upon the Shi Shi Houkouden, he didn't even

Nitpick man: Shi Shi Houkoudan

Krudd: No comments to Nit?

Keener: Nah, just write it all down for the reprise.

feel that bad. Actually, the hole in himself silently waiting to be
given it's fill, his mind as calm as the night's breeze and a peace long

Carlin: Its
Ironic man: Oh that's just rich! You correcting an 'it's'
Carlin: <To Ironic man> Shut up.

Keener: Heh, when he chasties me for using the same word more then thirty
times in a single phrase, then I'll worry.

Krudd: You mean like "pain"?

Keener: Doh!

since lost, now found, he was as happy as he could ever remember being.
Why had he summoned a physical representation of his pain?

   Still, the ball of light was small, more like a snowflake then a
massive build up of heavy chi energy. He'd simply fire it off and
continue with his thoughts. A strange little idea formed in his head and
he aimed the sphere at Akari's pens. That would be one way for him to
leave without making her cry, flash fry one of her prized piglets.

Sarcastic man: She wouldn't cry for you, but she'd cry for
the pigs, eh?
Ranma: <Sarcastically> Welcome to Ryouga's logic. The same
thinking that led him to chase me to Jusenkyou over some
lousy bread!

Keener: Depending on the fic world chosen, there's a bit more to it then
that. Of course, depending if I'm feeling like Parrot tonight, there might
just be ALOT more, yaoi wowie style.

<Krudd shudders>

Better to feel angry then betrayed, that was one thing he knew a lot
about. Of course, a ball of chi this small wouldn't even make it to the
pens before fizzling out.

   He let the force go, straight at a cute little piggy who had peeked
up over the fence.

   The sphere hurtled from his hands with more force then any Ryouga
had ever been able to summon before, almost knocking the martial artist
to his knees. As it streaked through the air, the pressure of its
passage tore an incredibly deep gash into the ground.  The pig had just
enough time to duck out of the way as the energy slammed into the pens.
Matter in the middle of the explosion didn't burn, didn't explode, it
just vaporized.

Chorus: 0_O!!

   Ryouga's dumbfounded stare was cut short as he felt his chest
squeezing in on itself and fell on his side, unable to even scream.
Squeals of pain erupted from the pig pens as he tried desperately to get
up, rolling in agony, tears soaking his face and the earth below him.
When he finally found a his voice again, he did moaned until his lungs
burned, digging huge furrows into the sod below him. Akari, having heard
the commotion, not to mention having a part of her house blown apart by
the aftershock, came stumbling out.  Just what the hell was going on?

   She gagged slightly at the smell of cooking meat and stared in

Details man: She's a pig farmer who loves pork, why would
the smell of char-broiled pork make her sick?

Keener: Because she doesn't grow them for food, as near as I can tell, just
combat. Go figure.

Krudd: Very kosher.

horror as her beloved pets writhed in pain. Who could have done this? A
moaning sound seemed to answer her question as she turned to see her
beloved stumbling towards her, his hand on smearing dirt on his chest.

   "Ryouga-sama, are you okay?" Her mind raced between concern for her
two greatest loves, but one won out out a thousand times over. She ran
to Ryouga, mentally cursing herself for her pause.

   His head cradled in Akari's lap, he tried to focus his thoughts. He
had felt his heart tighten. Years of training his body far beyond the
normal levels of human endurance had given him a great sense of his own
physical health. Even more so, he had sensed his own chi weaken, his own
power diminish and then released in physical form. He realized that the
blast had torn into his life force.

Martha Stewart: And for those of you keep score at home:
This is not a good thing.

Keener <transform into a Thunder Lizard> Yes, I'd say ripping the very life
blood from one's self and flinging it to the nether voids would fit quite
nicely in the bad things catergory.

   Akari looked down at Ryouga in shock and concern as he started to
laugh uncontrollably, tears came again, staining his face with mud. Even

Nabiki: Well, that explains everything... Ryouga's
becoming Kodachi.

Keener: Hmmmmmmm

Krudd: No feeding the pawwots ideas!

with the weak light of the stars she could see that he looked horrible.
The light in his eyes had seemed to dim, his face had a gauntly, almost
starved look about it, and his lips and skin were more blue then pink.

   He had mastered it! Now, of all times, he had mastered the
Depression Blast. Of course, this was the only way he could have
mastered it. The Shi Shi Houkoudan was a force of pure pain and
inescapable misery. The final use of it was the end of all pain. A
technique designed to end the suffering of those who used it. To master
it meant to master your own pain, to lump it with your life-force and

Details woman: If you can master your own pain, why not
get rid of it without killing yourself?

Sylia Stingray: Doesn't work...
Mulder: ...that way
<Both exchange meaningful looks>
Smart-ass man: <Disgusted> Oh please! Just do the
damn crossover already!

Keener: <helps Carlin off with his Eva combat suit> Lemme put this shameless
plug suit up for ya. <smiles>

then fling it all to the emptiness beyond, to go out with a bang as it
were.

   It was perfect. He'd fight Ranma one last time, and he would win, a
final decisive victory before falling into death's sweet embrace. No one
would know why, Ranma was in for a world of hurt, but he had Akane after
all. He deserved a little punishment. They would heal, curse him for
being a monster and go on with their lives, guilt free.

Chorus: HUH?!?
Nabiki: <To the chorus> Stop trying to make sense of it. Believe
me, it's impossible.

Keener: Humph, makes perfect sense to me.

Krudd: Exactwy!

   �Ryouga-sama? Who did this?� Akari voice was trembling as she looked

Cynical woman: It doesn't take Perry Mason to figure this one
out kid.
Buffy: Give her a break lady! <whispering> It's not the easiest
thing in the world... finding out someone you love could do
something like that.

pleadingly into his eyes, begging for a smile with parched lips. Ryouga
winced, but he knew his role well enough, and he knew what had to be
done.

   �I did, Akari.� He braced himself for her anger but she just stared
at him, begging with her eyes begging him for anything, just not that
emotionless face. Ryouga felt his heart begin to reform, he felt pieces
begin to take shape, he felt a smile curling on his lips. He smashed the
glass structure with a mental blow, crushing what was left to dust.

   Ryouga bent down and gently kissed Akari on the forehead. �Tell
Ranma when he gets here that I'm coming for him. Not for Akane, not for
bread, not for any curse, just for him.�

   �You're leaving me?� she whispered. Ryouga simply nodded with the
cold expression resting easily. She slapped him, faster and harder then
the young man had thought possible, not that he would have blocked
anyway. She ran back to her house, tears welling up and stinging her
face more then any open palm could, and a kiss still burning on her
forehead.

   Ryouga felt his cheek and bowed as far to the ground as he could,
sinking to his knees and planting his hands firmly on the ground below.
�Gomen nasai," he whispered but knew better then to expect an answer. He
was leaving everyone, he knew there couldn't be any for forgiveness for
that.

Ironic man: Ranma left Ryouga before they could fight when they
went to the same school, now Ryouga is leaving Akari to go fight
Ranma...

Keener: Not sure I get the connection, 'splain lucidity.

...oooOOO(  )(  )(  )

   "He said what?" Ranma asked a weak eyed Akari. "Man, I thought we
were past all that." Sighing, Ranma turned to go, mumbling something

Carlin: I'd like to see the story before this that led Ranma to
think they were past it?
Hiroshi: Could just be Ranma's insensitivity?
Daisuke: We've already seen it with the conversation they had
over the phone.
Carlin: Possible, and certainly plausible but i have a feeling that's
not it.
Generic Bob: <To Keener> HEY!!! HOW ABOUT A PREQUEL?!?!

Keener: Hmmmmm, I'm thinking on it. Expect it in my normal timely fashion.

<Krudd groans>

about stupid pig headed people.

Ranma: <Resentfully> Ain't that the truth.
Ironic woman: HAHAAHAH
Sarcastic man: <Laughing> Pretty funny.

Keener <morphs into Steve Martin>: No, no, you see people ski topless here
while smoking dope so Irony's not really a big concern around here.

   Akari caught him by his sleeve. "Ranma, this time it's different,
you didn't see him. He's different now, I think he's gone over the
edge."

Linna Inverse: It was a real short trip...

Keener: Just a REAL hard fall.

   "Aw, don't worry about it. We do this kinda stuff all the time. I'll
bring him back to ya, just you wait and see." Ranma smiled down at the
girl, then his face changed from confidence to concern as he noticed her
lower lip was trembling.

Nabiki: More of than keen Saotome insight at work.
Ranma: <Indignant> Hey!

Keener: She meant my version. A Keen Saotome.

   "No," she started quietly, "he's not welcome here anymore, Ranma. I
don't... don't want to..." Akari had trouble finishing.  She screwed up
her courage, set her resolve, and closed her heart against the pain.  "I
don't want to see him... not ever again."  Akari finished in a hoarse
whisper before retreating into her house.

Obscure man: Isn't that the title of a book? <@BAP>
Nabiki: You mean the Horse Whisper, great book too.
Carlin <shocked, looks at Nabiki>:
Nabiki: <Indignant> What?
Carlin: <Innocently> Nothing...

Keener: Straight from the horse mouth, which one shouldn't look in,
especially if it's a gift, which shouldn't be expected from Greeks.

   Ranma shook his head, why'd Ryouga have to make everything so damn
difficult. He walked over to his father, the panda. Ever since Akane had
started cooking again, he had newfound admiration for the subtle
sweetness of bamboo. Now, he was staring at the destruction Ranma's

Ranma: Turpentine is subtle compared to some of her cooking.

friend had left behind, at the approach of his son, he held up a sign
<Look at this, boy>

   Whistling appreciatively, Ranma surveyed the devastation. No doubt
about it, this was definitely a Shi Shi Houkoudan blast site. The only
thing was, he'd never seen this much destruction from what looked to be
a single shot. Ryouga must have been almost out of his mind with
depression to do something like this.

   <Are you sure you're up to this?> read the new sign. Ranma thought
about this, this kind of destruction was on a Herb or Tarou scale, could
he really get that serious and not hurt Ryouga?

   But all he said was "Sure thing Pop, I can handle Ryouga no
problem."    Ranma would find a way to calm him down, even if he had to

Hiroshi: Don't have to be foreshadowing man to know that's trouble.

beat the hell out of him to do it!

End Part One

Carlin: Good stuff so far, despite a few spelling mistake.
Ranma: And the fact that Ryouga's acting like a total
jerk.

Keener: And coming from him, that means something folks.

Carlin: The writing in tart 1 grabs the eye and keeps it with vivid
descriptions and a direct, no-nonsense description of
Ryouga's emotional turmoil.
Ranma: <Sourly> Still doesn't excuse what he's doing to Akari.
Carlin: The Chorus' review of Part 2 will follow later today.

Krudd: <looks at Keener acusingly> Doubwe Feature?

Keener: <handing Krudd some cash> Tubb Thumba Wumba of extra buttery popcorn,
and a diet coke if you please.

Krudd: <sighs>

FFIRC... <read my fic>
Revenge's End Mad Bishonen Boy
<read my fic> Caretaker of the Dark and Lonely Place (COR Deaconate)
Krudd (Krillian and Elmer Fudd Amalgalm, don't ask)
The Parrot King
<read my fic>
Kaizer Soize
MidnightWriter's Guild Member

(And the Moon was as blood, the Storms crashed and the Seas BOILED!)
(Typical, thought the Lobsters)
      /
 Oo
(~, )
 V