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* Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction * Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction * Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction *
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Switch: Herbs and Spices (Part 08 of 12) by Nikholas "Switch" F. Toledo
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Please do remember that Ranma 1/2 is a trademark and a copyright of and
by some big name people and companies I am not even worthy to introduce.
Anybody who says that I took any of their stuff better not find me
hiding. Also, great thanks to whoever reads this and likes it, good
thanks to whoever reads it anyhow, and teeny-weeny thanks to whoever else
even saw this. I have no need to remind you that this is Day 2, right?
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[The Tendo Household, 6:54 PM]
"Kasumi..." Soun wailed.
"Oh, dad..." Akane trailed weakly.
"Oh, brother..." Nabiki trailed weakly. "Hi, sis."
"My, I'm sorry to keep you waiting. You all must be terribly
hungry." She took a step forward, hand on the door to the kitchen.
"NO!" the three other Tendos shouted, surprising Mousse, who was
just to her side.
Kasumi opened the door.
The black smoke that had been piling up in the room found its way
out, clearing a view of the carnage that lay within. Pots, pans, plates,
the oven, quail feathers, a layer of eggshells, tomatoes, pickles, salad
oil, vinegar, mayonnaise, ketchup, mustard, vegemite, and a large amount
of quail eggyolk could possibly make a larger mess than it did in that
room, but it made up for it with some impressive spots of destructive
genius.
Kasumi covered her face with a kerchief, and turned to her family.
"Please wait thirty minutes," she gamely said, returning Mousse's
bottles to him, and closed the door.
Fifteen, Going on Sixteen
[This chapter comes after the fourteenth chapter, "Fourteen Snakes
and Ladders" and before chapter sixteen, "4X4 FWD/RWD" in days two and
three of the Herbs and Spices story-arc of Switch. For convenience, it
is written in chronological sequence. Incidentally, it comes before the
side story "Three White Lies", but the contiguity between these two
segments is somewhat dubious. It is suggested to avoid this paragraph,
as it has nothing to do with the rest of the chapter, as marked by the
square brackets used to start and end it.]
"Who'd'a thunk?" Ranma said, feeling mighty giggly. He knew Ukyo
could be a little... aggressive, sometimes, but, that was with him, and
they've known each other for, what? Ten years. And here comes Ryoga...
they just met, didn't they?
Ranma stopped in his excited coming-back-to-the-Tendo's walk.
Naah... they didn't even recognize each other when they first met. Ranma
walked on, still giddy.
Of course, we all know that, if they didn't announce their
intentions, or their acquaintance, people always know at first glance if
they were childhood friends once.
Outside the Tendo household, a soda can dispensing machine bumped
into the lamppost. "Sorry."
"Where are the Saotomes, Mr. Tendo?" Mousse started politely.
It had seemed a reasonably harmless topic to start off on. After
all, Mousse had no deep-seated anger with the pigtailed boy (or, at
least, none that he could care to remember), and, most importantly, did
not have anything to do with elder daughters.
Soun clamped a mouth onto the Hidden Weapons master's obviously
dangerous weapon. "Shh!!" Looking right and left, he shoved the
tunicked martial artist into the waiting room.
Akane and Nabiki looked at each other. "What was that...?"
Soun cracked the door just so he could come-hither his finger at
them.
Shrugging, they entered the room.
"What's this about, Daddy?"
Akane was a little less sure. "Where ARE they, Dad?"
Soun huddled them over the table, Mousse still clutching the jars
and shakers to his chest, which sort of made his posture equal to the
Tendo sisters.
"Nabiki. Akane. Is... she around?"
Akane blinked. How could he... then again, with the tired looks on
their faces, the hapless and helpless way they seemed drained on the
floor of the toxic confines of the kitchen.... "She was here, earlier,
Dad. But she left a while ago. Why?"
Soun nodded gravely, then sighed deeply. So, Genma was right...
how fortunate that they had been spared... he gave a small thought to the
Saotome wife. "Genma and Ranma were worried that she would catch them
here."
Nabiki nodded. Miss Hinako did mention that she was looking for
her "favorite delinquent". As for Genma... well, the little teacher
would be quite a handful for any panda. "I can see why they were
worried. Too bad they couldn't have been worried us, eh, Akane?"
Akane just wanted to know, "so WHERE are they?"
Soun shrugged. "They said that they'd get dinner somewhere else...
and sleep over in the park or next to the river."
Nabiki eyed him slightly. "Wouldn't that be 'if she was here'?"
Soun's eyed widened.
Akane pushed herself away, knowing what was coming. In the same
vein, Nabiki pushed Mousse by the shoulders. She noticed the containers
he clutched so tightly. "Can't you... disappear those things?"
Akane took charge, placing them carefully under the table.
Soun dam gave way.
"WILL YOU TELL ME JUST WHAT THE *HELL* THAT WAS?!?!"
Ryoga found himself cowering into the corner of Ukyo's kitchen, in
which the refrigerator was already crowded into. Ukyo's crimson aura
dripped clear and painful death, probably by drawing and quartering.
"WHY WOULD *MY* HAND BE IN *YOUR* PANTS, EH?!"
Make that basting and pasting.
"YOU... *PERVERT*!!"
He didn't want to do it... but she wasn't giving him any choice.
"RYOGA HIBIKI, FINAL ATTACK!"
"What?" Ukyo said, immediately distracted by the resistance.
Ryoga put his hand a few inches from her face, palm out.
"AAAAAAAAAAAA... GENKI DAMAAA!!!"
"YAugh!" Ukyo pushed herself away from the hand, fearful of
whatever would come out.
Ryoga waved. "Hope you're feeling better!" With that, he kicked a
nearby bucket, making himself a less-viable target, and ran as fast as
his hash could take him.
"Jeez... Dad..."
"I don't know!" Soun wailed.
"And it's still fifteen minutes to Kasumi's deadline." Nabiki
wondered. "You've got anything to eat in there?"
"Sandwiches." He pulled out a wrapped package.
Nabiki opened it, smelling the innards of the quick-seal plastic.
It smelled of fresh turkey breast, lettuce, mayonnaise, tomato, and rye.
"So," she started, "you just... pulled this out of there?"
"It's clean... packed it just before I came here."
"Oh..." Having her turkey on rye, Nabiki seemed happy.
Trying not to forget his manners, Mousse offered a sandwich to a
similarly famished Akane. She took her father's sandwich, since he
was... preoccupied. He wondered if Kasumi wanted one, and looked askance
at Nabiki. Nabiki raised an eyebrow, and nodded slightly. Mousse went
out the door.
Now, here's the set-up. Akane, Nabiki, Soun. Three turkey
sandwiches. Potentially life-changing foodstuffs.
"Hmm... this is good. Kinda bland, though. Simple, too. Hmm... I
think Mousse had some salt with him..."
Can you guess what looked like salt?
Outside the Kuno premises, a soda machine hopped its way along the
wall.
"This is soooooo... cooooool..."
Tsubasa sounded as prideful as he could while sharing a soda can
vending machine costume with a girl in a leotard who happened to be very
attractive, alluring, and downright aggressive. "And I can give the
right change, too."
Kodachi gave the controls a languid eye. "Did you make all this,
honey?"
"Yes, dear... where did you say your house was?"
"Right around the counter..."
They turned.
"Oooooohhh... and I thought my drumset was big."
"Carry me above the threshold, darling?"
"N-now, honey, d-don't d-do anything to..."
The dispenser fell forward.
"Sorry."
Meanwhile, the meteorite was not floating in the pond.
"This is great! I knew I'd make it taste better! Hah! I bet you
were thinking that I'd botch even that!"
Nabiki sat at the end of the accusing finger. "Moi?" At least,
she thought, I wouldn't put salt on a sand... wait. The condiments we
left in the shelf... in the kitchen... "Can I have a look at that
shaker, Akane?"
"This? Oh, sure!" She handed Nabiki the wooden container, then
jumped up, flexed her arms and exploded, "Whew! Yeah! I'll just see if
Kasumi needs any help..."
"Not so fast, hot shot." Nabiki lightly but firmly put a hand on
Akane's shoulder. She wasn't too keen about this sudden change in
Akane's demeanor... an Akane in the kitchen is dangerous, an altered
Akane potentially cataclysmic.
"Can't stop now, Nabiki! Gotta go, gotta...!"
At that, Kasumi came in with the plates. "Dinner's ready,
everyone!"
Soun snapped out of Waterworld, suddenly hungry again.
Kasumi turned to her father quizzically. "Aren't Ranma and Mr.
Saotome having dinner here?"
Soun immediately returned to liquid limbo.
Akane's heart fluttered in the megaflops. "Ai-yaaahhhh..."
"There, there, father. I'm sure that the food won't go to waste.
Have you met Mousse...?"
"Definitely worth looking into," Nabiki smiled smugly, pocketing
the spice, just as Mousse backed into the room with the rest of the food.
"Oh, wow, Kasumi! They smell good! I mean, they ALWAYS smell
good, but, wow! And they look so tempting..." Akane smacked her lips in
a totally un-Akane manner, and had at her disposable chopsticks.
"Uh," Mousse mouthed to Nabiki, who sat between him and Kasumi, on
the side opposite to where positively bubbly Akane glowed with another
type of aura altogether, "is she always this...?"
"... passionate?" Nabiki extrapolated. "Not usually..."
"My, my Akane," Kasumi said soothingly, "you must have worked up
quite an appetite!" She scooped an extra large helping of rice, and
handed it to Akane.
"Thanks, Kasumi," she said, burrowing through the vegetables, fish
and rice in 3.33 seconds. "Ummm, that was good. Well, I'm done," she
bouncied her way out of the room, taking care to pat her father on the
head.
Nabiki and Mousse followed the Tendo heir with their eyes, mouths
hanging open in wait for whatever food had fallen off their chopsticks
onto their rice bowls.
Soun cried unabated, and unfed.
Kasumi took the opportunity to summarize.
"Let's eat!"
In a darkened room, a heartbeat.
Could you hear it? Did you know that it was there?
Would it be there tomorrow? Did it skip a beat?
Was it dying, a world away from home?
Cologne opened the light.
"Grand-d... Shampoo," she said.
Shampoo did not move from her position, sitting on the corner of
her bed, looking out the window. She didn't even blink her sullen eyes.
"Shampoo," Cologne said again, firmly.
"Is it so bad," Shampoo spoke in dialect, "that I would worry for a
friend."
"No," Cologne answered, in Japanese. "No, it is not. I had not
begrudged Mousse his freedom, as little as he did to assert it. That he
has come to his senses, I do not wish to cross him. And you must honor
his wishes."
Shampoo stifled a cry, but it still came out as a whimper.
Cologne steeled herself. "That he has stolen from us, and from our
tribe, that I cannot forgive. Shampoo, you must take back those herbs
and spices, and the bracelet, and YOU must execute the law."
They both knew what the law said.
They both knew that the line had been crossed, but were unready to
pass sentence.
Cologne left her charge, and turned off the lights, knowing, damn
them all, that Shampoo would choose what was right.
Mousse bit through his potato demurely. Wiping his mouth, he
turned to ask Kasumi, "your father... is he all right like that?"
Kasumi looked worried. "No, not really. But it's better to let
father wade it through than to force him out." Nonetheless, she pushed
Genma's portion of the meal close to her father's.
Nabiki grumbled through the meat. "You've got that right."
Putting down the bowl, she lithely stood. "I'm done for the night.
G'night, y'all."
"B-But, N-Nabiki..."
The middle Tendo did not spare him a parting glance.
With a sigh, Mousse gathered the containers and dispensers under
the table. "I guess I'll be leaving now."
Kasumi put a hand on his, "so soon?"
Ahhhhhh... "I... yeah. Thanks for dinner."
"Do you have a place to stay?"
Mousse stopped his transporting. "No, I don't. How did...?"
"You're welcome to stay in the guestroom," Kasumi suggested.
"Really?" If he knew better, he would have thought that Kasumi was
being a little too aggressive. Of course, he would have been entirely
too wrong. "That, that would be... imposing."
"Not at all," Kasumi said, drawing closer...
Mousse knew, knew in his heart of hearts, that his day had finally
come. Seize the day, night, and maybe beyond...
"I better fix it up, then," Kasumi said, standing up.
Mousse slammed face-first into the table, kissing the top.
"Must... find... food..."
Genma rummaged through the piles of combustible garbage, using some
well-developed skills that came from ten years of trying-to-eke-out-a-
life-without-money. Wearing his kerchief over his mouth, he waded
through the stacks of newspapers and manga.
"Here! Here, boy! Come and get it!"
The Yamadas. Kami-sama bless their souls, and save their dog.
"You must be SO hungry! I'm putting in an EXTRA BIG helping!"
Where are the lights? Better remind Soun to tell the town
councilman... food...
"With all the vegetables, and fruits, and your favorite: STEAMED
DAIKON!"
Much like a pack animal that got separated from the pack, a huge
blur attacked the waiting doggie dish. Ambush-retrieve-flee-*BONG!*
Genma came down, the frying pan having done its job.
"That's right," Akane cooed, "eat up... you'll grow up nice and
strong..." Akane picked up Mr. Panda's dinner plate, and closed the back
door.
"What are you up to, sister?" Nabiki wondered from her room's
window.
"I... I don't know about this..."
"Nonsense! You had known of my arrival and prepared for it! You
had even brought out the relevant tomes!" Kuno waved the rather aged
bookbound photocopy of "The Hair of Care".
"No... I think you're confusing me for that fortune-teller girl in
class..."
"Silence! You have done as I've asked?"
"Here..." Gosunkugi handed him the instant ramen cup.
Sasuke intercepted the hand-off. "Master Kuno! I must sample
these, just in case it's poisonnnnnnnnnned..." He trailed of his
sentence, trailing off into the night horizon.
"Cretin!" Kuno cried. "This potion of true and eternal love to
and from Akane Tendo must be partaken of only beneath the beaming
countenance of the blue moon. This potion is for mine lips only." He
stood, Gosunkugi carefully pushing the pentagram away from the all-
important footsteps of the Blue Thunder. "I must take my leave,
sorcerer." Before Gosunkugi could even begin to think of asking for
reparations, Kuno stepped out the window.
"B-But..." Hikaru took another look at what was left of the doll,
and was certain that the hair was distinctly brown. He hoped that that
Mongolian stew recipe he used would work. Kuno never figures out,
anyway.
Now, onto the plans for the night... picking up the folder, he
flipped to the appendix with the samples.
There were four of them.
"Which one...?" He flipped through to the topmost page, which had
the header "Milk test".
"This is Dr. Tofu's... this one's Ranma's father's... this one's
Akane's father's... Ah!" He took out a single strand, eyes gleaming.
"This time, Ranma Saotome... I will...!"
*splash* *BONK!*
"I'm afraid, m'boy, I can't have that. Why?" Here, Happosai
brought himself to his fullest height. Toting the empty traditional
"drunken master" wooden flagon on a finger, he twirled it. "Ranma is
mine... hmmm?"
Unsure of what had caught his eye, he picked up Dr. Tofu's
compilation, and scanned.
"Pop? Hey, Pop?" Ranma hmmed. Not there. Not good.
The plan was, if Nodoka was at the Tendo's, they would stay at the
park for the night, and Soun would fetch them when necessary and safe.
Otherwise... well, otherwise, everything was hunky-dory, right?
Nothing about one leaving the other.
"I would've gotten you take-out, okay? The Ucchan's was closed,"
Ranma muttered, as though in explanation.
Genma Saotome was many things, but he did not play hide and seek.
"Oh, great. What now?"
Someone tapped his shoulder.
"Hungry?" Akane spoke.
Ranma climbed down the pole. "Geez, Akane! Don't sneak up on me
like that! I thought you were that freak!"
Akane smiled slyly. "Where IS the master pervert?"
Ranma tiredly shrugged. "Who knows? We sent him into low orbit,
last time we checked. He won't be bothering us this week, I think."
Bother us? Akane turned, not willing to show Ranma how goose-
pimply she felt. "So..." she said, as calmly as she could, "want
something... to nibble on?"
Ranma stiffened. It wasn't just that Akane cooked him food, again,
something about that pause... He felt that he couldn't stand the pain.
"Uh... no, no thanks, Akane."
"Not hungry?" Akane unceremoniously dumped the trayful of... gunk
into the trash. "That's okay, then."
Relief fought with worry and suspicion, but finally washed over by
the sheer tiredness his body begged him to sate. "Yeah, well, I just
want to grab z's, y'know."
"I'd like to get in bed, too, yeah," Akane said vaguely.
"Wonder where Pop is, though," he muttered, following Akane in
through the back door.
I must be dreaming.
My head is swimming, and I see a light in the side.
(Is it so slow? I feel like my head's full of a ton of goo.)
Got... got to... gotta get home.
- Mommy... I'm coming back from my friend's place.
- You know I don't like you staying over...
Funny, home wasn't this far away. Walky, walky, walky...
(Is that a street I used to pass by on the way back from... where?
I think I doctor I know...)
(Doctor? Did your friend get hurt again? You play so rough...)
(But, Mom... we're gonna be martial artists!)
We are.
- I want to get married to a beautiful girl.
- That's why you run after those skirts, eh?
- They chase after me! Ha-Ha-Ha-Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
Whoa! Nasty rock. I almost tripped.
My stomach hurts... I'm probably missing dinner... Mom makes great
s-steamed daikon...
Food! The glorious flavor of food! It calls to me! It calls my
name...
- Mmm... smells good.
- You like it? I made it myself.
- Really...? I know just what to do with it...
- ... mmm... the squid's getting cold...
- It can wait...
- ...
I'm home! Mom...! Mom...!
"Mom?" Genma said, his voice whiny and pale.
Happosai smoked his pipe.
"Hmm... sooo..." He languidly stared at smoke panties. "The pupil
has taught the master some new tricks." He shook his head sadly. "Much
as it pains me, I think that this charade cannot continue."
He leaned backward, supported by a hand. How? Why? When? It
didn't matter. Nothing mattered in the end, except the continued
existence of the Anything-Goes Martial Arts School... in any form.
For the School.
For the Art.
Tomorrow.
Happosai stopped groping Gosunkugi's butt, and flew through the
window, into the unsuspecting night. A running man can slit four
thousand throats in the night, not that he had anything against throats,
but he wanted... softer things.
The house looked like it had been all this time.
Dark, and lonely.
Dark, and foreboding.
Dark, and empty.
An empty house.
"Hello?" he whispered.
This was too much of a risk, really. Even in disguise, he wasn't
sure he could pull it off. He'd be caught, be pressured to show his son,
and he could imagine the cool steel...
Nodoka screamed.
Genma vaulted the gate with one leap, and sped through the walkway
to the training hall behind the house.
In the garden, Nodoka knelt with her back to Genma. She was
obviously having trouble breathing, and clutched her breast in a manner
like, like...
"No!" Genma pushed forward, reaching out.
Without even thinking about it, Nodoka's martial arts reflexes took
over, and the katana swept behind her, deadly and swift.
"What?" Nodoka finally turned.
Her face contorted with horror, and she fell to her knees,
clutching the young boy that had innocently crept up behind her. His
glasses lay limp, hanging loosely from one ear.
"NO!"
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(Detach here)
I forgot! No eggs! Modified the eggs into quail eggs. Quail egg
omelet, anyone? Much thanks to goo.
Notice the absence of the * FIRST FIC * blurb at the head of the
post. Isn't it nice? After all, I've just passed the eighteen-month-
mark in the production of this fic, and it was just confusing people.
And, so, it is gone. Makes it more mature? Hell, no.
The chapters might seem a little rushed: my own fault, because I
had to live to the "expectations" of "Three White Lies" but realized that
I had done too little about it in Part 7. That, and the fact that I
really and literally screwed up my "You've Got to Believe in Something"
Spin Doctors album (why, oh, why have they recalled your tapes?).
I feel content that I have finally notched Day 2 on the three-day
litany of Herbs and Spices. I say content because I feel that I have
been gunning for the unassuming, underachieving storylining that should
just send the readers over the edge when they finally get to the final
parts. Not that Switch has been an overall fan-champion, no. I've been
told, after all, that it went from strange to confusing to downright
weird, sometimes. I know I've been that way, sometimes. If it makes it
a unique style of writing, so be it. I've personally preferred Douglas
Adams, but he gets paid for his work. ^_^ Anyway, as soon as I know
someone's read it, I'm all set for the next.
No, I think that Switch will continue to be awkward, imperfect and
confusing, mainly because I've gotten used to it. (And I thought it was
getting bogged down with mushy scenes already! Tsk, tsk.) There's just
no simpler way to write it, for me.
For acknowledgements, the Nikholas F. Toledo Zu, the TimeRunner,
the Scriviner, d'Rillian, the whole Hill, and everybody I've been bugging
this story (and associated rants) with are all invited to the awards
ceremonies. My family's been keeping enough out of the way for me to
actually write scenes like Tsubasa and Kodachi's and still feel safe.
Whoever I have not mentioned will probably get pissed, but I forget easy.
For those that are missing out on the action, before the fun-fun of
Day 3, I'll probably be reposting the summary of Day 1, creating a
summary of Day 2, and maybe, just maybe, reposting the side stories "Just
Damp", which is the Day 1 ender, revised "Three White Lies", which is the
Day 2 ender, and "Park Life", the Tsubasa origin story.
(Don't sweat it: the earlier parts, along with the side stories
are all available on the webpage. Also, I'll be reposting each part at
the end of the storyarc, that is, when Day 3 boils down, just before Part
12 is posted.)
I'm not gonna post the Day 2 summary here!
As for hints and teases for Day 3 events, I'll say it starts from
"Three White Lies" and Chapter 15, "Fifteen, Going on Sixteen", takes a
little stroll down memory lane in "Battle of Witlesses", "Letter #361"
and "Tree", comes back with a vengeance for lunch, and pops the question
before it's even time for tea. And there's still the 23rd chapter to
eulogize it! It doesn't get any more downhill than this.
Please somehow send C&C.
(Detach here)
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Nikholas F. Toledo Zu @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/mezza9.html
Vector, Switch, Yebah, Rain Man, goo, Pervert, Scruples, Hollie, NomaD,
Blitz, Gee, Datzo, Jewel, Elf, Radler, Pinball, Mayhem, Chaos, Father, Attar
Fanfiction @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/fanfics.html
Warp Zone @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/thirteen.html
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The logo of the Church of All Worlds is nine concentric circles.
Word from the Laity: Wipe yer feet! Bloody 'ell...
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/3145/index.html
Currently under construction... confessional at the links.
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