A long time ago, in a galaxy, far, far... Ok, maybe it wasn't a galaxy. 
Actually.  A long time ago, in a high school, far, far, away.  I wrote a
story.  A big one.  Well, many years have gone by, and for some strange
reason,
(possibly beer), I have decided to release this monster to the FFML at large. 
Please note that this is in very, er, raw format.  Mark has since gone off
on a
totally different route with Complications, but as I have a burning desire for
uh, commentary, I have renamed my version Classic Complications.  Thusly, I
ask
anyone for C&C, whatever, that may help shed light on my age old 'fic.




CLASSIC

  * C * O * M * P * L * I * C * A * T * I * O * N * S *
                   (c) 1994 Sean Hayden
 and Mark Haven
                07:33 pm  Tue Mar 29, 1994
                =========================

    Complications takes place in a science fantasy future 
where demons fall in love with alien guys and the major 
question of every intelligent well educated college 
student is, "Is this the party?"
    Weird aliens are commonplace, the bizarre becomes the 
norm and it's all a teenager can do to keep from being 
kidnaped. Why? Well, that's complicated.


"Act One: Prelude."


[Scene: Smokey bar. Several guys are seated around
a dirty table with beers and cigarette butts all over the
place.]

Spike: HEY! When's th' friggin' music gonna start! (Slams
down bottle) (Looks to Misu) You said there wuz supposed
to be a real babe here tonight, where is she ya jerk?!

Misu: What!?! How should I know, what do *I* look like, 
her freakin' MANAGER?!

Spike: Well, the futzin' way you talk about her you'd 
think you were her manager!

Misu: Listen jerk, if I weren't so inclined, I'd plaster 
your face on this table ...

Spike: Try it pal ...

[Suddenly the band makes appearance. All the guys' jaws
drop to the floor as the babe takes the mike and starts
pumping out some cool rock. {blink blink}]

Ti: She's MINE!

[Ruckus starts at table, couple kicks and punches as guys
scramble to be the first at the stage (They're all
slightly drunk.. Well, ok, they're smashed.)]

Spike: Dink! She's mine.

[Picks up Ti by the scruff of his neck and carelessly
tosses him behind him (which happens to be towards the
stage) Ti lands on the lead singers bosom and begins
making loud promises of love and fulfillment.]

[Room suddenly gets VERY quiet as 80 odd males look with
jealous envy at Ti, who is hanging on this babe's chest.]

Sam: (looks down and says) Who th' hell threw this rat at 
me?

[She then gauges the distance and WHACK! knocks Ti halfway
across the room, where he slams into a very big biker and
spills his beer all over his leather jacket.]

Spike (sloshed): Me, who th' hell wants ta know?
Sam: I do, you sack a' shit! Yer pet rat ripped my shirt!
Ti (Looks up at biker): I am not a (hic) Rat! Gawdammit!


[Sam jumps off the stage, walks up to Spike (Who is
grinning like a maniac) and throws a high kick aimed for
his nose. Spike grabs the leg, stops to admire what he
caught (It's bare) and gets a fist in the face. Spike goes
down and (still grinning) says, "Hey, ya wanna go out
later?" {THUNK}]


Sam: (Gets a gleam in her eye) Arright shithead, after I 
finish my gig.

[Spike grins even more maniacally because he just got a
yes.]

Misu: Damn it all, that's the first time I *EVER* saw that
line work.
Spike: Hey it might be my good looks Misu..
Misu: You tryin' to say sumfin?
Spike: Yeah I am. You couldn't get a girl if she flew into
your arms naked!
Misu: OH YEAH!?

[At this point a large ruckus starts between the two, a
lot of tables are knocked over and many patrons partake of
the brawling amusement when Sam yells "SHUT TH' HELL UP! 
Yer ruinin' my song!"]

[Scene changes, lot'sa guys sitting around tables knocked
out cold, the TSU bunch staring at Sam's excellent form on 
stage. (Not without a few hefty bruises and bandages.) 
Everyone looks pleasantly drunk and battered, the scene 
changes.]

[Small Dorm room, littered with various books, weapons
papers, etcetera. (The stuff you'd expect to find in two
guys college dorm who are both filthy rich. Junk.)]

[Bell ringing (alarm clock)]

Spike: Damn! I'm late.

[Rushes into bathroom and rushes back out a few seconds
later without a hair mussed on his head and shades in
perfect order. Misu (who rooms with Spike) groggily stirs
awake and looks like he's been run over by a train.]

Misu: What *IS* it with that guy anyway???

[Falls back into bed comatose.]

[Spike gets dressed runs out the door and plows into Sam.
Sam punches him in the solar plexus and Spike goes down
with a "Whump".]

Sam: So, is our date still on?
Spike: (Who still has a hangover) Ow ow ow Date? 
(befuddled look, trying to furiously remember who the babe 
is that just hit him.)

[Sam looks impatient.]

Sam: Don't tell me you forgot already?
Spike: Date. DATE! Oh yeah, er. (huff huff) when and
where babe? [Whap!]
Sam: And don't call me babe!

Spike: Yeah whatever you say. How's about we go to the 
base? I can show ya around and there's a great restaurant
there. Except uh, my bikes in the shop.

[In reality his pop owns the base, the fighter and the 
'shop' unfortunately Dad took away his license cause his 
grades dropped.]

[Misu looks out the door.]

Misu: What th' heck is going on here?

[Misu sees Sam and his mouth drops open.]

Sam: Close yer mouth clown!
Misu: (ego bashed) Clown huh!?

[Slams the door shut, a little TOO hard as it bursts out 
of it's frame and showers the hall with fragments. Misu
looks up with a sheepish grin..]

Spike: Dink.
Misu: Your turn or mine?
Spike: I fixed it last time.

[Janitor walks past and freaks yelling and screaming. Runs
past the dean.]

Dean: Dammit! Not again, this is the third one this month.
Hey! Misu, Spike, cut that out will ya! Or the next time
I'll personally kick you out of the dorm and you'll have
to live off campus!
Spike: Cool duder! I'd love to have my own space.
Misu: Me too!
Spike: And hey, Dean Bob!
Dean Robert: That's Robert to you, you twit! How many
times do I have ta tell ya? I HATE BOB!

[Everyone suitably impressed as the Dean has basically 
ripped his suit to tatters and looks like Lou Ferigno, 
except maybe with a bad attitude.]

Spike: Sure dude, chill man. Say, what was that about
letting us out of this dump?
Dean Robert: Arggh!

[Storms out of building.]

[Everyone shrugs.]

[Scene changes. Classroom, teacher droning on about
something on the order of subatomic nuclear physics.
Mandy and Misu sit together; Saburo is sitting in the 
middle paying a reasonable amount of attention, Vinny and 
Mat are sleeping (although Vinny is actually watching 
everything with his eyes slitted and is taking notes.) Ti 
has his book open but has a Ms. Terra 2204 magazine (April 
issue) and is quite absorbed in it. Spike is sleeping, Sam 
is sitting in back of Spike. Sam grabs Spike's hair and 
picks his head up and slams it in the desk to wake him up. 
The bell rings and everybody instantly hops up and 
stampedes past the Professor.]

[Scene changes. Outside, beach in background lots'a green,
fountains 'n stuff. The guys are there and Misu is
giggling.]

Spike: What's so funny 'Su?
Misu: <heh heh> See that girl over there?
Spike: (follows Misu's finger to where it points at the
raven haired sex goddess) You can't mean?
Misu: I was walking to class this morning, <hehehe> and
she "flew" into my arms. I got a date.
Spike: WHAT!? (Slaps forehead) You? With her?! If you can
do it, I can!
Sam: (whaps Spike across the back of the head) I thought
we had a date!
Spike: We do, we do. I was just joking with Misu. (Forced 
giggle Heh, heh.)
Misu: (Says to Mandy) Hey Mandy!
Mandy: Yes Misu?
Misu: (walks over) So where are you from?
Mandy: <grins shyly> Well, it's really Hell...
Misu: Gee, that's too bad. Bad neighborhood?
Mandy: Not exactly.
Misu: Oh, ok. I'm from Milanos, a little region on Alpha 
Centaurai a couple'a light years from here, but Dad
thought it'd be good to send me to a good Terran college.
Said he'd breed culture into me whether I like it or not.
Mandy: Gee. So what are you going to do when you get out
of college?
Misu: Not much. Kinda boring really. I gotta rule the
world. Prince and all. So what are you doing tonight?
Mandy: Why?
Misu: No reason. The guys were gonna have a party on the
beach. Ya know, Friday bashes?
Mandy: Can I come along with you?
Misu: Hey, if you want to, that'd be great. I'll pick you 
up around seven.
Mandy: Make it 7:30 ok? By the way, is your friend going
to be at the party?
Misu: Nope, he's got a date with Sam.
Mandy: Oh.
Misu: You like him?
Mandy: He is kinda cute.
Misu: (snicker) Ahh, you wouldn't wanna know him. He likes
beating up on his women. See? (Points to Sam and Spike as
the beat the crap out of each other.)
Mandy: Oh my. Well, see you later Misu.
Misu: Bye!

[Saburo walks over]

Saburo: "And she did trip the light fantastic."
Misu: (turns to Saburo after being shaken out of what he
was imagining to do with Mandy.) Huh, oh it's you Sab.. So
what are you doing tonight?
Saburo: Oh, I'm goin' to the party. Mat says he invited
everybody along so it's supposed to be pretty big.
Misu: Oh boy, remember the LAST time Ti and Mat had a BIG
party.
Saburo: Yep, and they're looking for a repeat performance
of the tour de farce..
Misu: Hoo boy..

[Scene Changes. Bonfire, beach and babes running around
the place. Couple of nets set up and everyone is playing
Glow volleyball. (Fluorescent green volleyball with an
internal stabilizer so it can tell when it hits an
imaginary wall and appears to bounce off of thin air.
Great to play in the dark.) Mat & Ti view their handiwork
with satisfaction and a girl for each of them.]

Mat: Mon cherie, would you like to... Go someplace more
private?
Bikini Babe: <airhead giggle> Oh Mat, you're a riot.

[Mat looks at Ti]

Mat: (In French) You know, these girls are so stupid they
can't even tell when I'm making a pass. Oh lala..
Bikini Babe: <giggle> Ooh. Say some more French!
Ti: (English) Well girls ... [stops in Mid-sentence]

[Huge spaceship begins to descend, looks like Close
Encounters]

[Everyone looks up and starts shouting.]

Mat: HEY! Get zat junk heap out of here!

[At this point a bolt of green lightning zaps down and Mat
disappears in a puff of electricity. The same bolt snags
the other guys including Misu and the Babe (Mandy) he was
just about to make out with her (Cursing all the way).]

[Scene change, very cool looking fighter. Tarmac all
around and a hangar completes the backdrop. Spike and Sam
sit casually on her bike and snarf hamburgers and cokes.]

Sam: Nice fighter. What is it?

Spike: It's an F12 Puma, made for atmospheric flight and 
exo-atmospheric flight. I call her uh, ... (just thinking 
of a name he blurts out) Sam.
Sam: Sam, huh. [Looks convinced (sarcastic)] Uh huh.. Nice
name. I wonder where ya got it from. Puma hmm, has it
got the neural pilot option and the weapons link options?
Spike (impressed): Hey, that's right it does,  you know 
your planes babe ... (falls off bike with a THUD.)
Sam: How many times do I have to tell you not to call me
babe.
Spike: OK (jeez). (abashed) Yeah, it's got that stuff on 
it.
Sam: Cool. Come on, let's go for a spin. I'll drive.
Spike: Now [gulps]?
Sam: Sure, you said it was yer's didn't ya?
Spike: Umm yeah, but ...
Sam: And you said she was fueled and ready to go, right?
(Eying Spike)
Spike: Yeah but ...

[Sam drags Spike on the tarmac towards the fighter, throws
him in the co-pilots seat and lifts her hair to reveal a
very small jack in the base of her skull.]

Spike: Hey, you sure you know how to run one of these
things?
Sam: Shuddup and jack in.
Spike: Sure.

[Jacks in (his jack is located in the same place.)]

[Engines begin to whine, several lights flicker on and off
etc. startup sequence. Camera Changes to looking at the
jet which starts to lift off the ground and points the
nose forward and blasts out of sight in a blue wash of
plasma and a roaring sound.]

[Scene change. Inside of small dark compartment. Several
moans and curses.]

Misu: Where's the friggin' light in this dump. If we're
gonna get abducted we at least ought to be able to ...

[Breaks off as light turns on and Mandy is standing there
nude and bat wings out.]

Misu: Gah! Uhh! Uhh!
Mandy: (Looks down and blushes a cute crimson red. Covers
herself with her arms. Wings fold back.) I'm sorry..
Didn't mean to scare you. (grins girlishly)
Misu: Gah! Duh!

[Vinny whacks him upside the head.]

Vinny: (whispers) Say something intelligent you imbecile!

Misu: (shakes off shock of seeing his girlfriend nude and
with bat wings. Then is shocked again by the first
intelligent thing he's ever heard Vinny say [Stares in
amazement at Vinny, looks back to Mandy.) Er.. What
lovely wings ...

[Scene Change. Inside of cockpit. The Radio sputters to
life.]

Base: Base to Puma come in over.
Spike: Puma here over.
Base: Spike, what the hell are you doing? Over.
Spike: Taking my girlfriend for a spin, over.
Sam: You mean I am taking you for a spin.
Base: I don't care who is taking who for a spin. Get this
plane back, you know what your dad said ... And Spike, the
commander asked if you would get on a search pattern for a
space ship that has entered our air space, over.
Spike: Roger base, over and out.
Sam: So, can I come along flyboy?
Spike: Sure ... But land this plane so I can show you how
to really fly.
Sam: Hmph.

[Plane lands with a flourish as Sam buzzes the tower at
Mach 4 and a snap roll as she lands the plane on a dime in
the same spot she took off from.]

Spike: Geez...

[They switch seats and Spike lifts off this time he blasts
off at Mach 6 and slams Sam back into the seat. Spike
grins and does a barrel roll or two and begins gaining
altitude.]

Spike: See anything?
Sam: Nope, not even a flitter.
Spike: Hmm.

[Banks to one side. Change scene.]

[Back into the compartment. Mandy is wearing a mechanics
shirt (slightly greasy).]

Misu: So you were serious about that Hades bit then huh?
Mat: Ya don't get it do ya? I guess not since you're not
from around here.. Ya see, Mandy here or Asmandius is what
we Earth types might call a demon. Succubus I believe.
Mandy: Well gee, we've always had a bad reputation with
you guys. (bites lower lip and pouts)
Mat: True ... So how come yer Dad sent you to college.
And why in hell.. (stops himself) Why did he send a demon
to Earth after there haven't been any since oh say. 1400
AD or so?
Mandy: I don't know (blinks wide eyed). I guess maybe he
thought one of us needed to go to school? And gosh ... No
one's been up here cause it's been so dull lately with all
the wars ... I mean daddy sent me here as a birthday
present really ...
Misu: (cheering up) Oh yeah, how old are ya?
Mandy: <grinning> I just turned two hundred.
Misu: <thunk>
Mat: [thunks Misu] Don't ask a lady her age.
Mandy: <giggle>

[Lights begin to flicker and ship rocks.]

Mat: Hey what's goin' on!?

[Scene change. Puma fighter trying desperately to blast
away from the ship but held by a steel cable. Cable starts
to reel in and the Puma's engine ports begin to glow
cherry red. Change scene to cockpit.]

Spike: Dammit all. The engines are overheating.
Sam: Might as well cut it out.. They got you.
Spike: Got me? Yer in this too.
Sam: Yeah, but you were piloting. [THUNK]
Spike: Jeez, some girls. (Throttles down engines.) I
wonder who would want to grab us like this?
Sam: Who knows.. Maybe yer dad is putting you on
probation?
Spike: Funny.

[Scene Change. Bridge of Spaceship.]

[Scene: Darkened monitors and a low level red light, a
chair dominates the room yet is shrouded in darkness. A
form seems to stir there.]

Dragon Bass: (In a weirdly distorted voice that gives a
deep throaty warble to it.) Slave!
Kaynasa: Yes master?
Dragon Bass: What is the status of the prisoners?
Kaynasa: They have been taken to detention block D Master,
the Fighter has also been captured and the guards await
your permission to board the craft.
Dragon Bass: Do with them as you will, but do not hurt the
males! [thunders out last bit.]

[Scene Change. Hangar Bay with several guards arrayed
around the Puma toting nasty looking automatic weapons and
various bazooka looking guns. Yellow lights flash around
and warning klaxons sound in the distance. A huge door
slides shut with the last bit of light from Earth cut away
with a huge CLANG.]


Spike: (Scratches head.) This is weird.. Why haven't they
captured us or at least shot at us or something?
Sam: Shaddup, don't encourage them.
Spike: Sure babe [wham!]
Sam: And don't ...
Spike: I know, I know! (Rubs head and grimaces.)
Sam: Now, say.. Look, what the heck is going on over
there?

[Several aliens have gathered with what looks like a
portable L.A.W. and brings it to bear on the Puma.]

Spike: Uh oh.

[The cannon fires and splatters the ship with a mess of
thick sticky elastic compound which with a creak begins to
dry and hardens into a steel like mesh.]

Spike: Hey, the canopy won't raise!
Sam: No shit Sherlock, they sprayed us with tangler. You
don't happen to have a can of anti-tangler on you, do you?
Spike: What do I look like?
Sam: (Looks over her shoulder) Hmm ... An idiot maybe.
Spike: What I want to know is why the would use tangler on
a whole ship. Isn't that kinda dumb?
Sam: Kinda dumb, it's stupid! We can still fire our 
weapons can't we?
Spike: (experimentally pivots turret) Yeah, no problem.
And the vulcan cannon shows that it's clear.
Sam: Jeez, what idiots.

[Scene change. Back to Detention Block D.]

Mandy: Well, maybe daddy will get us out?
Misu: Oh boy. That's great, have a demon tear up the hull
and get us sucked out and explode like little frogs?
Mat: Little frogs?
Misu: Heh. Er, I mean balloons. No, knowing your pops
rep. Mandy, don't you think it would be a bad idea to let
him know you've been kidnaped?
Mandy: Yes, it would be a poor choice. What will your
father do, Misu?
Misu: <urk> I hadn't thought about that. He's likely to
send the whole fleet after me.
Mat: How comforting. Say Ti, you got that door open yet?
Ti: (Who is patiently cutting open the door with a small
torch. Lifts up welders glasses.) Yeah, be a few minutes.
This thing was built out of a solid titanium alloy. Geez. 
(Goes back to welding.)

[Scene Change. Hangar Deck]

Sam: What's taking so long for you to fire.
Spike: Hold on to your pants babe. (*thud* Sam hits Spike
with helmet)
Sam: How many ...
Spike: I know, I know ... Just give me a second.

[Puma opens fire. The hanger bay is filled with smoke and
fire.]

[Several explosions are heard as the hull explosively
decompresses in the hangar and the hangar doors buckle and
explode outward. Several more explosions are heard as
munitions go off and are just as quickly snuffed by the
decompression. The lights remaining start flashing red and
several blast doors drop in strategic areas to seal the
hull breach.]

Sam: You idiot! You weren't supposed to blow up the ship
trying to get us out. Thank god this fighter is 
pressurized or we'd be bloated frogs right now.
Spike: Well. You said ...
Sam: I didn't say, "open fire indiscriminately" I said
shoot the guards!
Spike: Er. Well, I've got some pressure suits at least.
Sam: (Slaps her forehead.) All right, break 'em out. Let's
see if we can't find the others.

[Scene change. Bridge. Kaynasa bows in front of Dragon
Bass]

Dragon Bass: Idiot! Can you not do anything right!? I said
to trap them out of the fighter!
Kaynasa: I am sorry master, I faile ...
Dragon Bass: Shut up. Now, spray the fighter and release
them. This time get them out of the fighter and capture
them. And remember, DON'T HURT THE MALES YOU IDIOT.
Kaynasa: (little tiny sniffle) Yes master.

[Scene Change. Detention Block D, Ti is a few seconds away
from cutting the door open. The door finally falls outward
with a clatter. At which point several loud alarms go off
and a blast door drops down.]

Misu: Damn our luck. It's probably a heat resistant
ceramic, isn't it Ti?
Ti: (Sparks fly uselessly off the surface of the blast
door.) Yep, even the paint is heat resistant. Damnation,
I shoulda known. Oh well at least ...

[Door begins to rise hesitantly.]

Saburo: I believe, we are being called for. (Pulls out a
small gun.)
Mat: Hey where'd the heck did you hide that?
Saburo: Trade secret. (grins to himself)
Vinny: Good, you shoot. Me crack whoevers head come
through door. Heh heh.
Mat: Yeah, and I'll splatter 'em on the wall...
Spike: (from behind door) Hey, you guys are awfully
vindictive, I don't suppose you could give us a hand?
Sam: (whispers) And these are your friends?

[Vinny and Mat walk up to door and lift it up. Mandy walks
out first (still half nude but with shirt on) past Spike
(who whistles but get's caught mid-whistle when she walks
past and he catches the bat wings.)]

Spike: Gah!
Misu: (walks past) Said the same thing myself. Damndest
thing, but she wasn't kidding when she said she was from
hell. Thought she meant a bad housing district.
Spike: You ain't kidding!
Sam: (Slaps Spike) Quit looking you jerk!
Mat: Yeah, I managed to look for you Spike. (heh heh)
Vinny: Yeah she cute.
Ti: Really, ya ought to see her naked Spike!
Spike: Duh... duh... G... g... girl.. N..n..naked?
Saburo: Oh yes, it was like the loveliest rose petal
unfolding before our eyes. It was like the purest ...
Misu: Knock it off Saburo..
Mandy: Oh, you guys. (Bats eyelashes.)

[Scene Change. Hangar deck. Several guards look around
Hangar deck and stare stupidly into cockpit as though they
expect Spike and Sam to instantaneously appear so they can
capture them. The squawk box comes to life.]

Dragon Bass: Idiots! Why have you not started searching
for the prisoners!
Kaynasa: I am sorry master, but we can not find them in
the fighter.
Dragon Bass: Idiot! They escaped! Search the ship and find
them!
Kaynasa: Yes master.

[Scene Change. Corridor. Two sentries stand in front of
the airlock to the hangar deck.]

Spike: Hey, anyone know where Saburo went?

[Suddenly both guards slump to the ground with a huge and
stupid grin on their faces.]

Saburo: Hi guys. (waves)
Spike: Hey! Where were you?
Saburo: Oh, I was trying out a new gadget. It knocks
people out by making them *very* happy.
Misu: Hey, try it on me!
Mat: Not now you nit wit. We've got to get off this
spaceship before any of your trigger happy parents get
wind of this whole stupid operation.
Mandy: Hmm. I hope father is not checking on me.
Misu: What'cha mean Mandy?
Mandy: Well, usually he calls at this time. I think he
will get a little mad when I don't answer.
Misu: <gulp> Uh, I hope not.
Mat: Come on you two!

[Mat walks to the door and twists the airlock handle. It
slides open and everyone rushes in headlong into Kaynasa.]

Kaynasa: Are you the prisoners?
Mat: Nope, they went the other way.

[A small alien tugs on Kaynasa's shirt. Whispers something
and Kaynasa looks at them.]

Kaynasa: <snorts> You look like the prisoners. Are you
sure?
Saburo: (pipes up) Positive. I'm tellin' ya. They went
that way (Points down corridor.)
Spike: Yeah, they went that way just a couple of seconds
ago.
Kaynasa: Thank you. You have helped a lot.

[Kaynasa and the guards run down the corridor hoping he 
will run into them.]

Sam: Spike... I thought you were stupid but I take that 
back now.
Spike: Thanks honey ... (whap, thud, boom).
Sam: Don't call me that either you idiot or I will take
back what I said.
Misu: Touching, isn't it?
Mandy: It's romantic. <giggles>
Mat: Come on love birds.

[Takes guards weapon grabs the other and tosses it to 
Vinny.]

Vinny: What I do with this?
Mat: Hit people with it.
Vinny: (nodding in stupid agreement brandishes automatic
weapon like a club and hits it up against the bulkhead a
few times. {thus smashing it in the process.}) Hmph. No
good. (rips pipe from ceiling.) Much better.
Mat: (sigh) All right, Sab' you got anything up yer
sleeves?
Saburo: Of course.
Mat: Howabout you Ti?
Ti: (holding UZI like weapon.) You were saying?
Mat: How much CAN you hold in that pouch anyway?
Ti: Don't ask.
Mat: I won't. All right, let's go.
Spike: But how are we gonna get off this ship?
Mat: I told ya I was a dock worker didn't I? (everyone
nods assent.) I meant a Space dock worker. What did you
think, I do ground hog ships? Come on.

[The guys follow the hangar deck in where Mat walks over
to a small bay that looks sort of greasy and just a little
useless.]

Sam: This? You expect to throw us out the airlock and
maybe coast safely back down?
Mat: (eyes her) No toots. Thought I'd use this. (presses
little green button and door slides upwards with a whoosh.
Some dust and old candy wrappers fly out.)
Sam: (Looks up at Mat's 7 foot 5 inch bulk, and decides
she'll let the toots slide.) What, this junk heap?
Mat: Sure, space regs. say you gotta keep 'em space worthy
so that in the event of an emergency the ship has a backup
means of escape.
Misu: What is it?
Mat: It's an old repair module. But it doubles as an extra
lifeboat.
Spike: <hmph> What a wreck. My ejection seat looks safer.
Mat: Probably is flyboy. Well, come on everybody hop in.
Say Sam, why don't you fly the fighter as a decoy?
Sam: Me? A decoy?
Mat: Yep, you. I think you can handle it without being
shot down can't you? Or can't the little girl handle
herself all alone?
Sam: (huffily) I'll fly the damned fighter but I don't
want to leave Spike alone. He might get stupid ideas.
Mat: Fine with me. He wouldn't fit in here anyway.
Spike: Me?! You got to be kidding. What gave you that
idea?
Sam: Shut up and get moving.

[Scene Change. Guards running down corridor looking fro
prisoners.]

Dragon Bass: Imbecile! They are in the hanger bay. Who let
them by?
Kaynasa: I am sorry master. They told us ...
Dragon Bass: They? Who told you what?

Kaynasa: The nice people who told me the prisoners were
going down the hall.
Dragon Bass: IDIOT! That WAS the prisoners!
Kaynasa: (uncertainly) Are you sure Master? They said ...
Dragon Bass: Shut up and find them! They must be heading
towards the hangar deck fool! Go!
Kaynasa: Yes master. <sniffle>

[Scene Change. Outside of Space ship a large explosion
billows away and a fighter streaks out followed by a
chugging old space ship.]

Sam: (over radio) All right Mat. I don't see any pursuit,
can I start blowing up the ship?
Mat: (laughs) You couldn't even scratch the armor. That's
a duralloy titanium steel with about three feet of
plasticoncrete between the actual armor and the hull. You
wouldn't even burn the paint. Now buzz the bridge and see
if you can't get their attention while I try to insert our
orbit and get on the far side while you are busy. This
thing has to make a spiral descent so it'll take about
thirty minutes or so. Got it?
Sam: (over radio) Got it. (starts muttering) Chauvinist
pig, I'll show him..

[Scene Change. Puma buzzes the conning tower (Or the
closest thing resembling.) Ship begins to shift it's bulk
and brings it's cannons to bear.]

[Scene Change. Bridge. Kaynasa looks down with a stupid
grin.]

Kaynasa: (in a bull voice) Fire!

[Scene Change. Outside view. Cannons that were meant to
fire at ships several hundred thousand miles away the size
of at least a carrier miss incredibly wide of the tiny
fire that darts in between the cannons.]

Sam: (in cockpit) Geez. What a stupid commander. They
couldn't hit us unless they had an accident and blew up
their ship.
Spike: (pale face) Yeah sure bab ... I mean yeah, but 
could you take it easier ... (cuts himself off as she 
pulls a high G turn.)
Sam: What'sa matter Spike? I thought you liked to fly.
<grins>
Spike: I do! But normally when I fly I usually like to
think I'll live afterwards.
Sam: Jeez, have some guts. They couldn't hit the broad
side of a barn.
Spike: A what?
Sam: Oh that's right. You're a city slicker.
Spike: And you're not?
Sam: Nope, I grew up in a farm in Islington.
Spike: Where's that?
Sam: (pulls ship in another tight turn.) Forget it. I
think they're getting wise.

[Scene Change. Little space rig. Small cramped
compartment. Mandy sits in Misu's lap and Mat and Vinny
squeeze in the back and Ti pilots.]

Ti: Say Mat?
Mat: Yeah 'ol pal?
Ti: What's this flashing light for?
Mat: (oh boy) Hmm.. (looks at console.) We're outta gas
guys.
Everyone: What!?
Mat: Yep. Looks like the navy hasn't inspected this boat
in awhile. Well, maybe we got some reserves. (looks at
board [stretches to fit better] punches a few keys.) Damn.
The reserves were last filled ten years ago. What idiot
would forget to even fill the reserves? Say Ti ...
Ti: Sorry Mat, I haven't got that much space...

[Scene Change. Bridge again.]

Dragon Bass: Listen slave, I will make it simple for you.
Go, take a fighter and catch the prisoners. But do not
blow them up? Do you understand?
Kaynasa: <bigger sniffle> Yes Master. I understand.

[Scene Change. Fairly large looking fighter detaches from
the side of the space ship and blasts towards Earth.]

[Scene Change. Space Rig. Mat is huddled over console.
begins pressing a few buttons and straightens up.]

Mat: Ok, I set the transponder on a distress beacon. The
Navy should pick us up in (looks at watch) two or so
minutes.
Ti: Or anybody else who gets the distress call.
Mat: Anything is better than those idiots!
Ti: You've got a point. Well, worst could happen is some
old geezer finds us. Nobody listens to those things.

[Scene Change. A lone fighter floats in darkness. Kaynasa
looks out of the cockpit.]

Kaynasa: I will get them for Master! <sob>

[Scene Change. A large craft looms into view.]

Mat: Great, it's the Navy. I wonder which ship that is.

[Change Camera Angle. The ship is a HUGE craft the word
Nimitz streams by in letters larger than the life boat.]

[Radio Comes to Life.]

Radio: Nimitz to Lifeboat Alpha transponder twenty-three-x
-seventeen-a, come in over.

Mat: Nimitz this is Lifeboat Alpha, over. We could use an
assist. Primary and reserve fuel is out and pressure is
dropping rapidly, over.
Misu: Pressure dropping! You never ...
Mat: Shhh!

Nimitz: Lifeboat Alpha, we are preparing to bring you
aboard. Stand ready please.

[A small drone detaches from the Nimitz with a trailing
cable behind it. It attaches to the hull with a comforting
thunk. The Space Rig/Life Boat is slowly hauled aboard.]

[Scene Change. A conference room, everyone is seated
around the table and a very important looking man heads
the table. He is leaning back and his Captain's hat lays
in front of him.]

Captain: This is a serious charge you know. Kidnaping is
nothing to laugh about.
Mostly Everyone: Yes sir.
Mat: Sir, I would like to know if you have been able to
track the ship.
Captain: No, we have not, although we have her serial
number from the Space Rig you escaped with. It should be
an easy matter to track her down.
Mat: Thank you Sir.
Captain: (eyes Mat) Hmm, you seem military. You ever been
in the service before?
Mat: Uh, yes sir. I was in the Infantry.
Captain: Hmm. You don't look the type they'd accept for
just ground hog duty but I've heard of stranger.
Mat: (squirms uncomfortably) Yes sir.
Misu: Captain, did my Father find out about this?
Captain: (grins mirthlessly) Thank god no. Listen Kid,
when you get crowned or elected over there, try to cut
down on the wars, would ya? It's a real headache.
Misu: Yes sir. (A little abashed.)
Captain: We'll see what we can do, I'll have all of you
dropped off where ever you are headed in a flitter. Good
luck.

[Everyone gets up and starts heading out of the door.]

Captain: Spike, I'd like to speak with you.
Spike: Yes sir. Go on ahead you guys, I'll be there in a
minute.
Captain: Jonathan ...
Spike: I like Spike.
Captain: All right Spike. You know your father is not
happy about you disobeying him. You know what you did, I
think you should consider yourself lucky in the fact that
your father is the only one who knew you had been
kidnaped. As a matter of fact he was about to mobilize the
Navy in a rescue mission. You're lucky because he's
forgotten about the fighter incident, and he'll be glad to
see you. But I haven't, so don't think you got off the
hook.
Spike: Yes sir. (defeated)

Captain: Good, now head back and try not to get into too
much trouble, ok?
Spike: Yes sir. (morose)
Captain: And Spike?
Spike: Yes sir?
Captain: Cheer up, it isn't the end of the world.

[Scene Change. Dorm. door bursts out of it's frame because
Sam just kicked it down.]

Sam: DON'T CALL ME BABE!
Spike: (Crawls out of room) Sorry, I forgot.

[A new janitor looks, freaks and runs down hall screaming
and crying.]

Spike: Uh oh.
Misu: (From in room) What now?
Spike: The new janitor freaked again.
Misu: Your turn.
Spike: (See's Dean Roberts) Hiya Dean! Sure is shoddy
construction huh?
Dean Roberts: OUT! Get outta here!
Spike: Great, so we can leave now and get out of this
dump?
Dean Roberts: OUT!!!
Misu: (from in room) Well, look on the bright side. Maybe
the food will be better...

[Scene Change. Robots construction vehicles building a big
house.]

Spike: Well, since the Dean kicked you out Sam, how would
you like to room with us?
Sam: Hmm.. Only if I get my own room.
Spike: Sure! No problem.
Sam: And my own bathroom, and a room to work out in and a
room to practice with the band in ...
Spike: (unsure of what he got himself into) All right.
Misu: Say Mandy, would you like to room with us?
Mandy: <giggle> I'd love to. But where would I sleep?

Misu: No problem, my Dad and Spike's dad are building this
for us. All we have to do is change some plans. Your own
room then?
Mandy: And a bathroom?
Misu: Sure.
Mandy: (pouts a little) But what about the other guys?
Misu: (scratches head.) Uhh, Spike?
Sam: Yeah, what about the OTHER guys Spike?
Spike: Awwright, I'll ask. (defeated.)
Misu: We'll let em, but they have to live in the guest
house.

[Scene Spike calling up other guys. They all agree to it.]

[Scene: House being built, neighbors gawk and construction 
bots work, several are seen taking oil breaks. Several 
scenes are shown in which Spike and Misu argue with each 
other (which comes to blows) and with the foreman. Finally 
the completed house is shown and the scene changes to a 
sunny afternoon in front of the house.]

[Spike and the girls are sunning themselves on the front
lawn in lawn chairs.]

Spike: Hey, (looking around) where'd Misu go?

[Helicopter and Jet sounds in background. All of the
sudden a couple of hundred ships fly into view. Misu waves
from one.]

Misu: (yelling) Hiya Spike! Dad let me borrow his tactical
air wing. Just for the weekend. Isn't it wild? And
they're all armed too! (Mandy giggles; Sam smirks.) Heh
heh. Oh and by the way. Your Dad's on vacation with my
pop so he told me to tell you to play nice and have a good
time.

[Spike dives into the House.]

Misu: Hey, where'd the blighter go? Hmm. Oh well. We'd
better land. Ok guys, pick a spot and land, I don't care
where ya land but don't block the driveway!

[All the ships land covering lawns, streets and rooftops 
for miles around.]

[Spike walks outside with a G.I. helmet on his head and an
old Military walkie talkie. Several hovering cybertanks
fly into view. (bout 150 of 'em.) They land and crowd the
area even MORE. Neighbors scream their displeasure and the
cops come, take one look and drive away. Quickly.
Nat'l guard arrives, and the commander calls a tactical
retreat. Several neighbors shouting, yelling and screaming
about petunias or something. Several U-HAULS try to pull
up. The Dean from the school drives up and starts yelling
at Spike and Misu because his house and his office are now
the parking lot for several very large military vehicles.
Apple walks over to Spike.]

Apple: You having a party?
Spike: Party? Yeah, you wanna come?

[Neighbors groan. (Mutters heard about the neighborhood
and just where it went.) Pilots and tank commanders hear
the word party and start cheering.]

[Night Falls and a housebreaking party is held, hundreds
of people mill about the huge party and several tanks and
ships have been decorated in a festive manner. (Muffled
sounds are heard to emanate from them.)]

[Sam walks out with two lemonades. Sees Spike talking to a
babe (Apple) and "accidentally" trips and spills a
lemonade on Spike (all over his jacket.)]

Spike: Aaaah! (stupid expression of shock and horror; runs 
into house.)
Sam: Hello, who might you be? (She kinda snarls this)
Apple: Oh, I'm just the girl next door. Who are you?

[Static electricity begins forming in the air. Several
people start backing away.]

Sam: Oh little me? I'm just Spike's boyfriend.
Apple: Gee, that's a pity for Spike.

[Misu at this point walks over grinning like a maniac.]

Misu: Hello girls ...

[Misu breaks off as both girls glare daggers at him.
(Misu continues unperturbed.)]

Misu: So, already fighting over Spike huh? That's sporting
to give Apple a chance, Sam. (More daggers) Say Apple I
take it you've met Sam then. (Apple blinks.)
Apple: Do I know you?
Misu: (feigns shocked look) Know me? Why we went to school
together, remember?
Apple: (puzzled. Then face brightens.) Oh yes! I remember,
Misu. You were that jerk who ... (face turns red.)
Misu: Yep, that was me. Course I mellowed out, but
still ... (lecherous grin; Mandy walks up notes grin and
suddenly shows her demonic side by soundly thunking Misu.)
Mandy: (giggle) Oops, I must have slipped, sorry dear.
Misu: (rubbing skull) 'S all right Mandy.
Misu: So Mandy, (still rubbing head) have you met Apple
yet?
Mandy: No, I haven't. (grins)
Misu: Apple this is Mandy, my girlfriend. She's from a
real hell-hole. Mandy this is Apple, she used ta show
me magic tricks in elementary school.
Apple: Gee, bad neighborhood you grew up in?
Mandy: Not ... exactly. (Sam smirks) So are you a
magician?
Apple: I practice a few tricks and things.
Mandy: Oh, I had a friend who owned a magic shop.
Apple: Really, what was his name? I might know him.
Mandy: Oh, I think at the time he called himself
Magnifico. The Great I believe.
Apple: (Grins) Ohhh, you mean a magic shop. I see now.
Well, anyway, I have to get going. I have a recipe
brewing. (Waves bye, everyone says bye.)
Sam: A recipe brewing? (Looks at Misu)
Misu: (shrugs) Got me, but she always had the neatest
tricks. Oh well.

[Scene fades inside house where Spike is at.]

Spike: (talking to himself) Jeez why'd she have to spill
that drink on me.

[Spike sees Apple walking to her house. Spike changes
jackets and jets out the back door.]

Spike: (Yells to Apple) Hey where ya going? I thought you
were staying for the party.
Apple: Yeah, I'm coming back after I turn off my stove.

[Apple walks up to Spike and gives him a long, passionate 
kiss.]

Apple: See you in a few. (seductive look)
Spike: (stammers) Uh, uh ok.

[Spike runs back inside house before Sam wonders where he 
is. He gets inside the house and heads for the bathroom to 
look if Apple left any lipstick on him. He runs by his 
room throws his jacket in and heads for the bathroom. 
Inside bathroom Spike is washing his face and jacket when 
Sam comes in.]

Sam: Sorry about the jacket hon.
Spike: (Kind'a ticked off) Clumsy, that was my best jacket
babe.
Sam: (Thud, hits Spike in the midsection) How many
times ...

[Spike retaliates back and throws a punch at her.]

Sam: It's about time. (grins) I had to get you that mad
for you to hit me. (Sam has a big smile on her face and 
says) I finally got to you. You do love me!
Spike: Yeah, I love you. What gave you the idea I didn't? 
(perplexed)
Sam: All those times I hit you and you didn't hit back. I
thought you didn't.
Spike: Oh! But I did I just didn't want to hurt you or
mess up that pretty face.

[Sam walks towards Spike and gives him his second 
passionate kiss of the day.]

Sam: I love you and I'll mellow out some with the punches, 
ok?
Spike: I love you too and ... thanks.

[Scene fades out of bathroom as Sam closes the door.]

[Scene Change. Front yard of the S&M (Spike & Misu)
palace. Dawn begins to break as several people stir in
their strewn about places. Moans and curses, and comments
about a "good party" litter the air as much as the bodies
and trash litter the ground.]

Spike: Mmmf.

[Spike turns over and sees Sam laying beside him with the
bed sheet pulled up to her chin. Sam snores most
unladylike. Spike grins and turns over and props himself
up on one arm.]

Sam: (moans, stirs in her sleep and sits up.) Oh boy.
Spike: Oh, you up already?
Sam: Hmm. Normally I wake up earlier, but apparently I
tired myself out.
Spike: Hey. (heh heh) What can I say?
Sam: Don't let it go to your head.
Spike: Sure babe.
Sam: (pokes Spike in the back and hits a nerve in the
spine. Spike stiffens and sits bolt upright.) Do I have ta
tell ya again?
Spike: (fully awake.) Heh, sorry. I must have tired you
out.
Sam: Why?
Spike: Well, ya didn't punch me for once ...

[Spike gets up and staggers towards bathroom. Door closes
and sounds of the shower starting. Scene change to the
bathroom. Outside of shower curtain we see Spike's shadow
as he showers. Oddly enough Apple is standing there (fully
clothed by the way) carefully looking at her nails and
pretending to look bored. Shower stops and Spike steps out
of bathroom.]

Spike: (Sees Apple and clutches a bathrobe about his
self.) Aaaah!
Apple: Gee, what'sa matter? You look like you've never
seen a girl before.
Spike: Uhhh....
Apple: Oh, if it's your girlfriend you're worried about,
don't be. She can't hear us. See, go ahead and scream or
something.
Spike: Uh, I believe you. Can I ask something?
Apple: Sure, shoot.
SPike: WHAT TH' HELL ARE YOU DOIN' IN MY BATHROOM!?
Apple: (winces) Thought I'd pay a social visit.
(sarcastic) What do you think I'm here for ninny?
Spike: I don't know! (exasperated) What are you here for?
Apple: I'm here ta see ya. (seductive look again)
Spike: (OH BOY)

[Knock at the bathroom door. It's Sam wanting to get in.]

Sam: Spike! What's taking you so long? GET THE HELL OUT!
Spike: Hold on honey, I'm fixing my hair. (whispers) Apple
you'd better get out of here.
Apple: (Walks up to Spike and gives him another long kiss)
See you later (smiles).

[Apple teleports out. Sam bangs on door and Spike is
washes his face and Spike opens the door and Sam comes
in.]

Sam: IT'S about time you twit! (pulls bathrobe off him and
whacks him with a towel) that's for calling me honey and
stop hogging the bathroom you know that the job for us
girls.
Spike: Ok, (jeez) see you when you get done.
Sam: Ok and make breakfast for me. I want two eggs and
toast.
Spike: What no tea and crumpets?

[Sam takes towel rolls it up and pops Spike's behind.]

Spike:HEY! What was that for?
Sam: Shaddup and get me food. I hate crumpets and I hate
tea. Move!
Spike: OK honey babe! (runs out before Sam can get him.)

[Change Scene. Mat's bedroom, a huge black panther lounges
on the bed. The panther is enormous and ripples with a
muscled power but he just lays there content in the
sunlight. A girl lays beside the panther curled up with
her back to it sleeping peacefully. A clatter in the
kitchen causes the panther to lazily cock an ear and open
an eye. The panther get's up and walks to the bathroom. A
few minutes later a very scruffy looking Mat walks out in
a pair of boxers and yawns. The girl wakes up she grins
and Mat grins back and walks out of the room towards the
sound of coffee being brewed.]

[Scene Change. Spike makes breakfast on an "old fashioned"
stove and a pot of coffee finishes percolating. Mat walks
towards the pot, grabs a mug and fills it with a lot of
milk and then finishes filling it up with coffee.]

Mat: (yawn) So, how was yer night Spike?
Spike: Oh not too bad. The party went well. (Looks out on
lawn sees the guests just waking up.)
Mat: Did at that. Say, you want me to finish cooking? My
pop taught me how to cook.. I can make some killer crepes.
Spike: Sure, help yerself. I'm sure the smell of food will
attract every vulture within ten miles so you better cook
a lot.
Mat: Don't worry mon amie. I cook big anyway. I eat a lot.
Spike: (grins and flips two eggs onto a plate with a
couple slices of toast and a mug of coffee and orange
juice. Heads up to his room.)

[Vinny walks in. Grins big and looks about as bad as Mat.]

Vinny: So, how was the night ol' chum?
Mat: Not bad. I had a good time, you?
Vinny: Was great. Though the next time you are gonna yowl
like that don't do a party on a full moon.
Mat: Not my fault... <grins> And besides, I heard you too.

Vinny: <chuckle> I'm surprised no one else wondered about
that. Roars tend to attract attention.
Mat: They do, they do. How'd Ti fare?
Vinny: Surprisingly well in fact... He found a squirrel.
(both Mat and Vinny guffaw.)

[Ti half falls half crawls in the kitchen. Looks like he
got run over by a truck.]

Vinny: How you do Ti?
Ti: Oh Vinny. How's it going big guy?
Vinny: Go good. Me have fun last night.
Ti: I betcha did monkey. Where's ol' Saburo? Not like him
to get here before I do for Mat's breakfasts.
Saburo: (Steps into sunlight in kitchen and grins.) Well
ya know Ti, I wanted to let you win just once. Seeing as
how you might have gone into one of those weird little
fits of yours. How's it going Vinny?
Vinny: Go good. You?
Saburo: <grins> Oh, you know me. I always manage to find
something interesting to do.
Mat: (grins) Yeah you do, remember that hot little number
you found in ...

[Breaks off as Misu actually slumps through the door.]

Misu: (grins happily) WOW. That was fun.
Mat: Demonic fun as it were?
Misu: (still grinning, ignores remark.) So what's for
breakfast Mat?
Mat: Oh, the usual.
Misu: Great, I'll take extras this morning.
Mat: (surprised.) Gee, you never do that. Ya sure?
Misu: Yeah, I feel like I'm gonna die if I don't get
something to eat.
Mat: Typical...
Misu: What?
Mat: (grins) Nevermind. Anyway, here ya go. (Starts
passing out food.)

[Mandy walks in through the door. Looks very happy. She
sits on Misu's lap in a bathrobe. Misu grins. Apple also
wanders in through the open kitchen door, waves hi to
everyone and sits at the table. (Mat doesn't even raise an
eyebrow, he's used to this.)]

(Muncha Muncha. "This is good." "Yeah great." "Pass the
syrup." "Anymore Mat?" etc.)

[Spike walks into the bedroom and sees Sam sitting on
bed.]

Spike: Here ya go Sam. Breakfast is served.

Sam: (a little stunned not to hear the word babe) Uh..
Thanks. So you coming to the club tonight to hear me
sing?
Spike: Wouldn't miss it for the world babe.
Sam: (Lets that one slide by) Is the gang coming too?
Spike: Hold on, I'll run down and check.

[Spike runs down to the kitchen and sees everybody and
Apple, Tries to stop but Spike has his socks on and slides
into the table.]

Spike: Hey you guys and gals coming to the club to hear
Sam sing?
Misu: Yeah.
Mandy: Mmm-hmm.
Mat: Of course.
Vinny and Ti: Yeah.
Saburo: No problem.
Apple: I'll be there too!
Spike: (mouth drops open) Uh... uh ... Ok. I will tell
Sam.

[Spike runs back up stairs and Tells Sam that everybody
coming, but doesn't tell her Apple coming too.]

Sam: That's great, I'm happy. I'm going to sing my new
song.
Spike: You mean the one you wrote for me.
Sam: Yeah, that one. (she goes to Spike and gives him a
hug and kiss)

[Scene change, outside house, clean up begins on this
Saturday afternoon.]

[Everyone out and about clearing up stuff and picking up
tanks, cups etc.]

Mat: Geez, what work. (strains to lift tank upright
again.)
Vinny: Yeah, jeez you'd think they could get us a few bots
to help...
Mat: Naw, never liked the things m'self. Too picky. Always
arguing, and the bot unions are terrible.
Vinny: True, oh well.. Keeps you in shape, don't it?
Mat: <grins> Yeah, at least we managed to keep most
everybody awake to clean up. Pity though that Ti fell
comatose, bigger pity when he figures out where
we stuck him.
Vinny: <chuckle> Indeed. It will be quite a shock.
Misu: (walks up) How's the work guys? (wipes sweat from
forehead.)
Vinny: It hard.
Mat: Yeah, it's a dump out here. Some party huh?

Misu: <grins> Yeah, it was a wild party. The best part was
when the Army showed up and decided to stay too.
Mat: Sure was. Managed to pick up a private myself.
Misu: Gee, didn't know you were that kinda guy Mat.
Mat: (grins almost ferrally) Funny. If you want to meet
her she's waking up about now. Can't say I blame her. I
kinda wore her out.
Misu: Oh well. I thought the women of the universe were
safe, but apparently Mat is straight. <snaps fingers in
mock disappointment.>
Mat: Shaddup and finish picking up. I wanna hurry up and
go to the beach.
Misu: Point. (shouts) Hurry up guys, we're heading off to
the beach after we're done so move it.
(Several cheers.)

[Scene change. Idyllic beach, volleyball net set up and
everyone is either playing or sitting in the sun watching.
Mandy is in a tank top and string bikini bottom and she is
playing volleyball with Saburo. Sam sits in the sun with a
pair of sunglasses on and a big white hat. She looks like
she is sleeping, Spike and Misu are out on the waves on
boards and having loads of fun. Mat and Vinny are lazing
in the sun stretched out and enjoying themselves.  Apple 
is
also sitting in the shade with a book and she is wearing a
cute blue suit.]

Mat: (lazing in the sun on his stomach) Ahh.. This is the
life.
Vinny: Spoken like a true feline.
Mat: Can it, you're enjoying this too.
Vinny: Can't argue there. Hope Ti wakes up or he's gonna
miss the sun.
Mat: You know he hates sunburn on his nose. I doubt he'd
come out here.
Vinny: (mock gasp) Oh yeah, with the ugly scenery I bet
he'd never set foot on this beach then, huh?
Mat: Point. I'd say he's sleeping off lasts nights party
pretty heavily.
Vinny: No joke. Shouldn't have let him into the catnip.
Mat: (grinning) Man, would I ever love to get drunk that
cheap.
Vinny: True... And to think he's never had cat nip tea
before.
Mat: Hmph. Memere used to make that. It was great. So what
do you think is up with Apple and Spike?
Vinny: I dunno... But I can smell that one from a mile
away. She's after that dummy like a bat out of ... (stops
and laughs.) No, Misu already has the rights on that.
Mat: <grins> Yeah, he does. Lucky bum. To think he finds
the only good natured demon I've ever heard of, especially
one that good looking. Although, you have to admit that
that little number (gestures to Apple) is quite the beauty
too.
Vinny: For sure. I think my friend, if you are interested
you had best grab her before she gets set on Spike.
Mat: I may at that.. I may...

[Change to Apple's perspective.]

Apple: (looking at Spike surfing, see's Mandy walk towards
her and she sits down crosslegged in the sand.) Hello
Mandy.
Mandy: Hi. I wanted to ask you something.
Apple: Shoot.
Mandy: Well, I wanted to ask you if you are interested in
Misu?
Apple: Huh? Misu? No, you can have him. He was fun in
school, but he's a little to "free willed" for my tastes
if you know what I mean.
Mandy: (blank eyed.) No, what do you mean?
Apple: Oh you know, a little too lecherous for my tastes.
Anyway, so where exactly are you from?
Mandy: (grins) Really, I'm from hell.
Apple: Come on now, you can tell me.

[Misu walks over.]

Misu: Honest Apple, she is from hell.
Apple: You two are making fun of me...
Misu: No we aren't.. You know, she's from hades, the lower
plane etcetera ...
Apple: You can't mean ...
Mandy: Mmm-hmm. Daddy sent me to college.
Apple: And who exactly pray tell, is Daddy?
Mandy: Daddy? Oh, Asmodius.
Apple: (chokes slightly.) Uh, ok. So you weren't kidding
when you said you knew a guy who runs a magic shop?
Mandy: Uncle? No, he has the most interesting things
there. I ought to take you and Misu with me when I go home
for break.
Misu: Oh, yer not going with us to Centaurai?
Mandy: Huh? Where's that?
Misu: It's my homeworld. Pop invited us over for awhile.
Apple: Oh, and who is your "Pop"?
Misu: Pop? Oh, pop's the king or emperor. Whatever. Boring
stuff.
Apple: (jaw drops open) K..king of a planet?
Misu: Yeah, (grins) Mandy figures if we get married I'll
be king above and she'll be queen below.

[Scene change to Sam laying on towel. Spike walks up and
sits beside her.]

Spike: Hey, how's the tan coming?
Sam: Fine. Put some oil on my back would ya?
Spike: (grins) Sure.
Sam: Thanks. So you ready for tonight?
Spike: Sure am. Can't wait to hear your new song.
Sam: You've heard it already stupid.
Spike: Yeah, but not with the band. Should be great honey.
Sam: (Takes a handful of sand and puts it down Spikes swim
trunks) Told you ...

[Sam sees something in the water,she thinks she has seen
this thing or somebody before put could not remember
where.]


[Spike is rubbing Sam's back with sun tan lotion.]

Sam: Oh, that feels good.
Spike: (grinning real big) Glad you like it babe.
Sam: (turns around and belts him) How many ...
Spike: I know I ... (Sees a babe walking down beach with a
string bikini on.)
Misu: (Sees the same thing) Hey guys look what's coming
down the beach.
Mat: Hubba Hubba.
Vinny: WOW!!!!
Saburo: (cough cough)

[Sam and Mandy see Spike's and Misu's reaction (Thud,Belt
whamp)]

Spike, Misu: Oww... (rub collective heads and grimace)
Misu: Gosh we wuz only looking.
Mandy: Ohh, I hope I didn't hurt you. (giggles)
Sam: Keep yer eyes to yourself..
Spike: Owww.. Yeah all right ba... (Buffy walks up in
String Bikini)
Buffy: (Spike and Misu gape at the beach goddess) Like how
is it going?
Spike: Just fine thank yo... [Wham!]
Sam: (glares) We're doing all right, and who might you be?
Buffy: Like wow, I'm like Buffy. Haven't you ever like
seen me around like school?
Misu: Yeah, you're the head cheerleader! (Mandy
"accidentally" sweeps Misu. Falls to the sand flat on his
face.)
Buffy: Like, I bet that like hurt. So like who are you, I
haven't like seen you around here before.
Sam: Like, I'm Sam. Whadd'ya want? (Says real
sarcastically)
Buffy: Like gag me with a spoon, don't be like so rude. I
just wanted to like say hi. Like I don't know how you guys
can like stand these two. They're like vicious.
Sam: (turns red) Like beat it, before I have to mess up
that like pretty face!
Mandy: (turns red too) Yes, and she will too.
Buffy: Like how rude, I'll like see you later.

[Close up on Sam's bikini top, Sam doesn't notice it, but
it slowly unties itself and suddenly drops off her chest.]

[Buffy giggles as she walks away and Sam clutches her arms
to her chest as everyone else stares. Scene changes to
Bar.]

[Sam and Spike walk into the bar, Spike is there to help
Sam set up for her gig.]

Spike: Chill out Sam.
Sam: Why?! I am so damned mad I could kill her.
Spike: Don't let what happen on the beach ruin your gig.
Sam: (Still mad at what happened and for Spike bringing it
up again she looses her temper, grabs a chair and (Smash)
knocks Spike out cold) (looks at Spike.) Oh, shit ...

[The gang walks in and sees Spike lying out cold in the
middle of stage.]

Mat: What happened to the slug meister?
Misu: (peers down) Is he ok?
Mandy: Who did that?
Sam: I did. Lost my temper.
Everyone: Why?
Sam: Because of what happened at the beach and Spike
brought it up.

[The gang puts Spike in a chair and helps Sam set up for
the gig. Apple walks in and sees Spike at table, thinks he
is sleeping.]

Apple: Wake up Spike. Why aren't you helping them set up?
Sam: (Yells out to Apple) Hey hon! Get away from him.
Apple: How come he's not helping?
Misu: Because he's out cold what's it look like a funeral?
Apple: Oh... Ok. (looks up) Need any help?
Everyone: Yeah.

[Sam glares at Apple just for being here. The door to the
bar slams open (BOOM) Ti walks in.]

Ti: Who the hell put me in the trash can?
Mat: Oh.. The carpet is finally up...
Vinny: Heh heh.
Ti: What's so damned funny you twits.. (Looks at Mat &
Vinny accusingly) Did you two put me in the garbage?
Mat: Heh, well... I wouldn't want to say no cause I'd be
lying buuut... Anyway, we figured you needed calming down
after you started making passes at a squirrel.
Everyone: (snicker)
Vinny: Yeah. You say she cute. Heh heh.
Ti: Shaddup! You furless monkey! Scum! Leaving me in the
trashcan!!!
Mat: Well... I thought Raccoons liked the trash.
Vinny: (snicker)
Ti: I am NOT a Raccoon you twit!!!
Mandy: (picks up Ti and cuddles him like a stuffed
animal.) Aww. Did they hurt you Ti? (Makes disgusting
patronizing baby sounds.)
Ti: Wench! Leave me alone!
Mandy: (giggle) I'm sorry Ti.. I thought you like women.

[Ti looks down and sees Mandy hefty chest which has a tank
top covering it.]

Ti: Uh.. Well...

[Mandy drops Ti.]

Mandy: Well, since you don't like being hugged, forget I
ever offered. <sniffle>
Ti: D..duh. <sniffles and starts to cry berating himself
for being incredibly stupid.>
Sam: (grins, face brightens.) Idiot hamster. (Sniffles get
louder and muffled "I'm not a hamster" are heard from Ti's
direction.) All right, let's get started.

[Sam's band files in. The lead guitarist is a felinoid.
(Known for air surfing they are the bums of the galaxy but
the best air surfers, party bums and musicians.) the other
guys are the drummer (a fairly normal lookin' white
guy. (Well normal for a band), the keyboardist (looks
kinda wigged out real spacey lookin') and the other
guitarist. (Black guy. Looks fairly big and easy going,
kinda looks like though he could hold his own with Mat..
(But not Mat & Vinny together.) The manager walks up.]

Spike: (elbows Misu) Hey, Misu... <grins and snickers>
Misu: What? (annoyed)
Spike: It's the manager.
Misu: So?
Spike: You don't look like him...
Misu: Wha... Oh! (wham, elbows Spike and a fight breaks
out between the two.)
Sam: Shutup! And calm down. Play later.
Mandy: (holding Misu by the collar.) Yes, calm down Misu.
Vinny: (holding Spike by his collar.) Calm down Spike. Me
known to accidentally hurt people who start fights.
Mat: Yeah.. It ain't pretty.
Spike: All right lugnuts put me down.
Vinny: (drops Spike.) Ok Spike.

[Sam starts after patrons come in. Usual crowd and kinda
packed. The gang sits at a table with drinks and listens
to Sam and her band.]


[Scene Band playing in the background. Apple sits with the
gang and gets up and walks to the ladies room. Scene
Ladies room mirror. Buffy looks at herself in the mirror
and applies lipstick.]

Apple: Hello Buffy. (Looks at herself in the mirror makes
a few little weird gestures with her fingers and her
makeup and hair are freshened up.)
Buffy: (unimpressed, a lipstick container floats in the
air as it applies itself.) Oh, like hello Apple.

[At this point Mandy walks in.]

Mandy: Hello Apple, Buffy. (Unfolds wings and stretches.)

[Scene change. Upbeat music playing right now. A biker
starts heckling Sam.]

Biker: Hey Babe! Wanna go out with me?

[Spike walks over.]

Spike: Hey bud, she's mine. Beat it.
Biker: (stands up towers over Spike.) Ya wanna make
somethin' of it?
Spike: Yeah! I do ya jerk!
Biker: (Pulls arm back and tries to hit Spike who neatly
steps out of the way ducks and plants a foot in the guys
gut.) Ooof. (Biker shakes it off and tries to slug Spike
again at which point Spike throws the guy through a
window. His buds get up and try to grab Spike, at which
point Mat & Vinny get and grin and Misu walks over.)

[Scene change to Ladies room. Various sounds of fighting
are heard in the background as Apple, Mandy & Buffy fight
each other.]

Apple: (throws a ball of light at Buffy's eyes) Oh yeah!?
Yer not touching him!
Buffy: (throws a mental punch and knocks both mandy and
Apple back into the wall.) Like get a grip, I'll go out
with him if I like want to!
Apple: (shakes it off and throws a ball lightning at
Buffy. (the bathroom now has several gaping holes in it.)
Buffy dodges the lightning (leaving a BIG hole behind her)
and Mandy drops to one hand and kicks out and catches
Buffy off guard.) Geez, some people.
Mandy: Yes, really.
Buffy: (huff huff, throws a massive mental punch at
Apple's head that Apple dodges and leaves a gaping hole
that reveals the bar beyond. (Several patrons share.) Like
I AM REALLY PISSED OFF. (Suddenly Buffy turns into a
column of fire and moves towards Apple.)

[Scene Change. Fist fights rage all over the place and a
Tiger and Panther basically beat the hell out of the
bikers (really nasty stuff too, like cat punches to the
larynx. Sirens wail outside and the cops burst in. At
which point Kaynasa gets it through his thick skull he'd
better get "the prisoners". Everyone stares as Kaynasa
rises from his seat and his horns rip holes in the
ceiling. (Even the Panther and the Tiger.) The cops and
the bikers beat a VERY hasty (and silly) retreat. All that
is left is the sounds of the Psionic vs. Magic battle
still raging on in the bathroom.)

[Scene Changes to the bathroom where Buffy and Apple are
slugging it out. Spike, Mat, Vinny, Ti and the rest sees
what is going on and walks over to watch. Buffy is still
in a column of flame walking towards Apple. Apple casts a
water spell and Buffy's flames are drowned in the deluge
of water. Mandy punches Buffy with one of her wings with
all the power she can manage, she throws Buffy out of the
restroom knocking her into Spike against the brick wall
(whump, crack) Ribs are heard to crack. Spike moans in
pain. Sam sees this flies off the stage and bursts through
the crowd of rubberneckers. Buffy staggers upwards, no
worse for the throw because Spike cushioned the blow. Sam
comes running at Buffy and just clotheslines Buffy. Buffy
falls to the floor gasping for air. At this point a large
explosion outside sounds outside the bar. Kaynasa for once
used his brain and called for backup. Buffy trips and
falls backwards and lands on Spikes lap again.]

[Scene Outside of Bar.]

[Several Craft fly overhead and spot light the area, some
aerial battles are observed between DBs forces and the
Cops and Nat'l Guard.]

Kaynasa: Get the prisoners! Master will not be happy if
you harm them!
Spike: (looks up in red dim of pain & haze, sees the
Minotaur outside and a babe on his lap [Buffy].) Oh boy.
Misu: (sees Kaynasa) Not that idiot again. Hey Spike,
where'd the Panther and the Tiger come from?

[Tiger and Panther are at this point conversing with the
Felinoid member of Sam's band, kinda kickin' back as if
none of this mattered more than a chat.]

Mat: (Panther) (Meow huff spit snarl kind of speech.) "So
how's it going guy?"
Leoric: (Meow huff spit etc.) "Pretty decently, pity
the gig got messed up, by the way the names Leo, Dude." 
(takes a drag on a
funny looking cigarette.) "This is good stuff dude."
Vinny: (Tiger) (Meow etc.) "Yeah, could be worse though. I
hear the Friday fights are worse. (Explosion outside.)
Say, I don't suppose we could pop out for Brandy and
Milk?"
Mat: "I dunno.. The guys look like they could use some
help. Think we should let 'em in on our secret?"
Vinny: "I dunno.. Last time we let on we almost got
stabbed by that weirdo with the silver letter opener. Fat
lot of good it did him.. I wonder where people got the
idea that silver works against one of us.. Oh well, they
probably think we can take mortal wounds and shake it off
like a flesh wound."
Mat: I've seen you take some bad 'uns..."
Vinny: "True, here comes Misu. Act dumb."
Mat: Purr. Meow. (Real sarcastic.)
Misu: (Looks to Leoric) Uhh, you know these ... cats?
Leoric: Sure dude (Surfer accent).
You guys always party like this? It's so cool. (takes 
another drag.)
I'm lookin' for somethin' to do between gigs. Huh huh. 
(takes another drag.)
Misu: Yeah, sometimes. <grins> Mostly just a bunch of 
babes running around.
Leoric: Cowabunga Dude.  I'll have to crash and burn with 
you guys sometime,
Later dude! (proceeds to continue smoking and picking away 
at his axe.)
Mat: (English with a very deep voice.) What's going on
outside Misu?
Misu: (looks around and then looks at Mat.) Ohh! I get it
now, you guys are shapeshifters, aren't you?
Mat: Not exactly. We're lycanthropes. Not exactly a
perfect term, but it'll do.
Misu: Huh? You forget, I'm not from this weirdo planet.
Mat: (Chuckles in a throaty panther way.) Weirdo? Well
anyway, ever heard of a werewolf? (Misu shakes his head
no.) Hmm.. Well basically we are set shapeshifters.. I'll
tell ya about it sometime later. Looks like the bum is
back.
Misu: Oh the er.. What is it?
Mat: A Minotaur. Where the heck it came from, I'll never
guess.
Misu: Oh, well anyway, Spike is calling out his dad's
stuff and I was gonna borrow a few air wings from my dad
to play... Can either of you two fly?
Mat: Sure, Vinny can too, but he guns for me.
Misu: No problem.. I'll borrow a few fighters, unless you
wanna run a cybertank. I hear Spike has a few..
Mat: Naw, I like fighters.. More fun.
Vinny: (growl, says something in Felinoid.)
Mat: Yeah sure, sure. Vinny says he wants a neural gun
sight. He hates doing it the manual way.
Misu: Sure, pops got a few ...

[Camera angle changes to the front door as four large
battlesuits began tearing through the wall. The
battlesuits bring weapons to bear. The guys raise their
hands.]

Spike: (Who calmly blows half of the bar away with a
cybertank.) Hi guys! Calvary is here. (Spike is still
hurting but he can manage to pilot.)
Misu: Bout time! Geez.. Say Spike, take care of these guys
would'ja?
Spike: Sure. (Swivels autocannon to bear on battlesuits.)

[Spike is blowing the battlesuits out one by one. Sam sees
Spike coughing up blood. Sam in nagging Spike to let her
take over.]

Sam: Spike you better let me take over, or you wanna be
lying in bed for 4 weeks?
Spike: I can handle it babe its no prob ... (Spike starts
to black out and Sam is forced to take over.)


Sam: Misu you can help too, ya know. Spike's in rough
shape.
Misu: Ok, my guys are about here. When they get here you
better run him to the hospital.
Sam: Yeah sure, whatever, but hurry the hell up.

[Camera angles in from the west. Misu's fighter that he
called on now arriving on scene (Sam sees this and books
to the hospital. Spike is still coughing up blood and
hardly not moving, you hear a soft groan from Spike here
and there.]

Sam: Idiot. Why'd you have to get hurt?
Spike: (unconscious by now.) <groans>

[Scene Changes. Misu is in a fighter flying around
fighting DBs forces in a big dramatic fight. Mat & Vinny
are in a gunship having fun blowing stuff up.]

Mat: Ok guys, let's get the last three.
Vinny: Roger that. I've got two.

[Gunship goes into a dive does an Immelman and blows the
hell out of a fighter and calmly picks off the other one.]

[Misu's fighter rolls left as the fighter behind lets
loose a few missiles. Misu rolls right gains speed and
dives and loops around to the left. The fighter (a quick
little bugger) manages to roll as Misu fires again. The
fighter getting cocky does his own immelman. Unfortunately
he does it straight into a high rise and obviously crashes
and burns.]
[Scene Change. Ship speeding towards hospital. Paramedics
scrabble over Spike and have an IV and a O2 mask on him.
They mumble something about multiple internal injuries and
shock. Camera angle changes to the rear and outside were a
large fighter races after the "ambulance".]

[Scene changes again. Apple and Mandy watch Buffy
warily.]

Apple: Listen, come quietly and we'll only beat you up a
little.
Buffy: Like Buzz off.
Mandy: Hmm. I've got an idea. (Suddenly a gate opens to
Hades.)

[Mandy & Apple both get a grin and Mandy drags Buffy into
hell. (Apple stays behind.)]

[Scene, 1st level of the outer plane of Hell. Lava pits
everywhere infinity lurks in the corners and thousands of
millions of demons and people are streaming about
everywhere. Nasty inhuman screams sound and several people
are chained and look like prisoners.]

Mandy: Since you're not dead, I'd be careful if I were
you. Mortals find it very hot down here. I thought I'd let
you meet daddy.
Buffy: (sniffles) D..daddy? Like oh my gosh, where are we?
Mandy: Well... It's hell...
Buffy: Like I noticed, but where are we?
Mandy: Nevermind. Just suffice to say, if you let go of my
hand you'll be stuck here.

[Scene Change. Sam stands in front of O.R. doors. (Pacing
of course.) Mat, Vinny, Misu, Ti, Saburo and Apple sit
around.]

Ti: What'd the doc say?
Sam: He didn't know. It looks bad. They said we would want
to call Spike's dad.
Mat: Eeesh. Are ya sure you wanna so that? That's kinda
dangerous don'cha think?
Sam: No kidding. Anyways, I don't know what to do. My gig
is ruined, Spike is hospitalized and I've got a major exam
tomorrow.
Vinny: Why you not go home and get sleep. We watch Spike.
Sam: I'd rather not (yawns, almost faints from exhaustion)
well, maybe I'd better ...
Mat: Don't worry, we'll be here and if anything happens
we'll let you know. I'm sure everything will be all right.
Sam: All right.. (yawn) Can anyone take me home?
Saburo: Sure, my car's outside.
Sam: Thanks Sab' honey, you're a charm.
Saburo: (grins) Ok, let's get ya home.

[Scene, Saburo's little hovercar pulls into the driveway
and lets Sam out. The car then flies away and Sam stumbles
inside. Scene changes to inside of Saburo's car.]

(Phone Rings)
Saburo: Hello.
Caller: Hello Saburo-san. Are you able to take an
assignment?
Saburo: I am. What are the terms of payment?
Caller: 1 million to be delivered up front.
Saburo: That is acceptable. I will be there within the
hour.
Caller: Goodbye.
Saburo: Goodbye.

[Scene Change. Hades, Asmodius (a nasty fat bloated demon
with tiny bat wings huge teeth and a really nasty
disposition.]

Asmodius: What is it daughter? (Bored sarcastic
expression.)
Mandy: Father, this is my friend Buffy. I was wondering if
you could keep her here for a little while.
Asmodius: (Stares at Buffy) Yes daughter. I will keep her
for you.
Asmodius: Hmm.. Asmandius, have you met with a Minotaur
lately?
Asmandius: Yes father, why?
Asmodius: No reason my daughter, now be off with you. I
have work to do.

[Scene changes to Sam's bedroom. She is trying to study
for her test but can't keep here mind off Spike. She walks
over to bed to lie down. She starts to fall asleep (you
hear her crying) and she finally cries herself to sleep.
Meanwhile back at Hospital the gang is still in the
waiting room to hear from the Doctor.]

[Enter Leoric with a small parcel under his arm.]

Leoric: How's it hangin' Mat?
Mat: Alright, a friend of ours got busted up.  We're 
keepin' somebody here so we can stay informed of his 
condition.  What are you doin' here?
Leoric: Most unrighteous dude, I'm here to pick up some 
more of my allergy medication.  I know it's  a little soon 
for this but I need a favor.
Mat: What's that?
Leoric: Sam forgot to handle our accommodations again.  I 
was wondering if I could crash over at your place tonight?
Mat: Sure, we got room.
Vinny: He can use mine tonight.
Leoric: Righteous dude, I'll make it up to you somehow.

Misu: (Pacing back and forth) I wish that the doctor would
hurry up.
Mat: Ease up guy, we don't know what kind of injuries he
has.
Vinny: That's right sit down before I tape you to seat.
Misu: Ok... Geez. (walks slowly to the chair and sits
down.)

[Everyone is sprawled asleep except Mat who is alert and
watches everyone.]

[A doctor walks in, in a surgical outfit.]

Doctor: (Motions for Mat to come with him.)

[Mat follows and they walk into small office.]

Mat: How'z it look Doc?

Doctor: Well, the lad is going to make it but he needs to
rest for awhile. I'd rather he stay out of school for at
least a day or so.
Mat: Ok, I think I can hold him down for that long.

[Mat walks back into the waiting room.]

Mat: Don't worry fellows, he'll be ok. Let's go home and 
get some sleep.

[Scene Changes to Saburo's car again. Saburo looks out and
sees a huge tower. He lands at the "parking space" at the
top of the tower. A light turns green in Saburo's car and
he enters a string of numbers on a small electronic key
pad. A door slides open a little ways off where one would
expect a elevator. Saburo opens his door and gets out. He
walks towards the door and gets in the elevator. The doors
close and the scene changes to another set of elevator
doors. The doors open and Saburo walks into a very
expensive looking room. It appears to be a sort of board
room, because there is a large crescent table with about a
dozen suited businessmen seated about it. The man seated
at the head of the table is a gaunt and almost skeletal
figure who looks faintly oriental. Long hair reaches to
mid back and is pulled into a tight pony tail. Bright blue
eyes that scan the room are the only sign he is alive.]

[Saburo walks to the approximate center of the table and
stands there, almost at attention.]

(The head at the table begins to speak.)



CEO: Saburo-san. The board is concerned with your recent
lack of interest to perform services as required by your
contract.
Saburo: It is not a lack of interest Sir. I am merely
trying to maintain my cover by keeping normal hours.
CEO: I see. Perhaps if we provided you with a new
itinerary that was more suited to your present
accompaniment you might find your job easier.
Saburo: This is true.
CEO: Indeed, we have already re-assigned your prime
objective. You will now watch over your present
accompaniment and stand guard over them. All other
projects are canceled and will be re-assigned. This means
in effect you will follow standard procedure. Understood?
Saburo: Yes sir.
CEO: You are excused Saburo-san. We will contact you in
the future as will we expect you to make daily reports.
Saburo: Yes sir.

[Saburo leaves.]

(One of the board members speak up.)

Board Member: Is he competent for the task?
CEO: I believe so. If he were not, I would not risk him
for the investment at hand.

[Next Morning at the house.  Mat is cooking breakfast, Ti 
is making tea. Leoric walks in.]

Mat: Morning Leo, care for some breakfast?
Leoric: Sure Dude.
Ti: Want some tea?
Leoric (still a little groggy): I guess so man.

[Ti hands him a cup and Leo lifts it almost to his mouth 
and sniffs it.]

Leo: Where have I smelled this bee-aah, aaah, 
aaaaachoooooo!!!!!

[The tea is sprayed forward as Leo flies backward into the 
wall.  Mat rushes to him.]

Mat: You all right?
Leo (half dazed): Did somebody get the serial number of 
that cruise missile?
Mat [Helping Leo back into a chair]: you sneezed.
Leo: What's in that tea?
Ti: Catnip.
Leo: Major bummer, I'm allergic to catnip.

[Leo pulls out a small bag and a piece of paper and 
proceeds to make a cigarette.]

Ti: What's that stuff?
Leo: My allergy medicine.  I smoke it so I don't feel like 
I'm breathing through cement. (lights it and takes a 
drag.) Care to try?

[Passes the cigarette to Ti. Ti takes a drag.]

Ti [eyes wide and glassy]: Duheeeeee.

[Leo takes the cigarette and starts smoking it again.]

Leo: It does give you a hell of a buzz.

[Enter Sam dressed in a bathrobe carrying a book.]

Leo (not seeing her face yet): Hey babe, you ever done it 
in freefall?

[Sam turns around.]

Leo (stunned): Oh no.

[Leo gets clocked with the book and passes out.]

Sam: Who th' hell let him in here?  The bum couldn't get a 
hotel room?
Mat: He said something about you not arranging his 
accommodations and asked if he could stay here.
Ti: Wha' happened?
Mat: You should be careful smoking strange cigarettes.

[Mat helps Leo up again]

Leo: Will someone stop beating on that anvil.
Mat: That's no anvil, that's your head.
Leo: Oh.  Hi Boss-Babe (thunk).  I didn't know you lived 
here.
Sam: What's this about me arranging your accommodations?
Leo: My old man won't send me any money for a hotel.  When 
in doubt, blame the boss.

[Sam punches Leo but Leo catches it.  Sam's robe comes 
open and Leo stares with a grin and then gets thunked.]

[Sam reties her robe.]

Leo: (getting up) If I wanted to be a punching bag I'd be 
in a gym.
Sam: Any word about Spike?
Leo: Who's Spike?
Mat: Sam's boyfriend.  He's in the hospital.
Leo: Why am I not surprised? [thunk] Where's the nearest 
gym? I feel the need to hit something.
Sam: Downstairs, third door on the left.

[Exit Leo]

[Scene Changes. Bridge of a space ship.]

[A small furry thing (Much like Ti) looks up from a
console. The captain sitting at the chair is also a little
furry guy.]

Ri: (Seated at console) Sir, we are now in orbit.
Mi: (captain) Hmm. Allright, activate all stealth systems.
Scan the western hemisphere for his majesty.
Ri: Yes sir.

[Ri begins pressing buttons and the scene fades out to the
Gym.]

[Scene change. Gym.  This is a big place and fully 
equipped.  Leo walks in with his board and sees 
Mandy(wings and all).]

Mandy: Hello, I'm Mandy.
Leo: I'm Leo. Where have you been all my life?
Mandy: Uh, Hell.
Leo: Really?
Mandy: Yes, really.
Leo (mumbling): Why that lying son of a ...
Mandy: What did you say?

[Leo floats up to Mandy's level.]

Leo: Sorry, a friend of mine told me that there weren't 
any chicks in hell. He did say there were some bitchin' 
thermals there.  You live here?
Mandy: Yup.
Leo: Those lucky beggars.  You doin' anything tonight?
Mandy: I was planning to go out with Misu.
Leo: Who's Misu?
Mandy: My boyfriend.
Leo: Just my rotten luck, I find a babe and they're either 
attached or try to punch me out or both.  Oh when will the 
hurting stop?  Just answer me this, are you married to him 
yet?
Mandy: No.
Leo: Cool. [Thinking: (There's still hope for me!  
Hehehe)]  You care to spar? I would with the others but 
they can't fly. [Reaches into a pocket and takes out to 
hankies and hands her a blue one.] Take it and tuck part 
of it into your clothing.  The object of the match is to 
take the hankie from the other person.  Whoever wins the 
best of ten wins the duel.  Ready?
Mandy (after a minute): Ready.
Leo: Let the duel begin. (exagerated) En Garde.

[Scene change. Kitchen.  Misu enters sleepily.]

Misu (sleepily): Last night is something I don't want to 
repeat.
Mat: Well you should tell Mandy if she wants any breakfast 
to come down now.
Misu: Mandy is in the gym.  She wanted to have a morning 
workout.
Sam: Not the gym! Leo is in there.  That lech!

[Everyone runs to the gym]

Misu: We've got to hurry!
Sam: It's nice to see you care about Mandy.
Misu: I'm more worried about what she'll do to Leo.

[Out of the door to the gym flies Leo]

Leo (seeing everyone): Wipeout!

[Leo crashes into the crowd sending people everywhere.  
Misu is laying on top of Mat and Ti.  Leo ends up on his 
back 20 feet back with Sam straddling him.]

Leo: Gee boss, and I thought you didn't like me. (grins) 
(thunk)
Sam: Alright you lecherous fuzzball.  What'd you do to 
Mandy?
Leo: I didn't do anything, She hopped on for a ride. I 
showed her one of my favorite tricks and she asked how 
fast I could do it.
Everyone: What?!?!

[Misu tries to grab Leo but he [Leo] escapes back into the 
gym.  Leo jumps on the trampoline and is now standing 
upside down on a roof beam.  Both see Mandy knocked out on 
a trapeze.  Leo walks over to the trapeze as Mandy wakes 
up.]

Leo: You okay Mandy?
Mandy (groggily): What a rush.  I'm ok.
Leo: Can you get back down?
Mandy: Yeah.
Leo (pointing): One more question, is that gorilla who 
wants to rip my lungs out your boyfriend?
Mandy: Yeah that's him. Why, is he mad?
Leo: I don't know, you ask him.

[Mandy flies down to Misu.]

Misu (shouting): You can't stay up there forever!!
Mandy: What did he do?
Misu (confused): Didn't he try anything?
Mandy: Yes, He tried his favorite air surfing trick.  He 
was going too fast and I slipped off.

Misu: Just what I thought.  (shouting to Leo) How dare you 
try an.. (back to Mandy) Air Surfing?
Mandy (giggling): Of course, what did you think we were 
doing?
Leo: Is it safe to come down now?
Mandy: Sure come on down.

[Scene changes. Classroom (Nuclear physics again.) The
whole gang is there and they are zonked. The professor is
getting a tad angry because 2/3rds of his class is
asleep.]

Professor: WAKE UP OR GET OUT!!!
Ti: (snorts and wakes up) Geez teach, don't go into
spasms. We were at the hospital last night.
Professor: That may be so, but you are supposed to be here
and AWAKE! (yells the last bit everyone lurches awake)

[Bell rings]

[Scene Change. Next Day at school.]
[Outside in courtyard everyone sits around.]

Mat: So what's going on with Sam?
Misu: Well, she fell asleep in every class she went to,
and she slept through her finals... The professors I 
think, took pity though, I told 'em what she went 
through.. Heh heh, I may have been a little rough. But I 
got the message across.
Mat: No kidding, so did I ...
Vinny: Me too.
Saburo: I made a few insinuations ...
Ti: (pipes up) Heh heh.. You should'a seen the look on
Williams face when I showed him my arc welder and said I'd
use it on his telescopes if he wasn't nice to Sam ...
Mat: Ooops ...Misu: Heh heh ... Er, think we maybe over did it?
Mat: Er ... Maybe ...

[Scene change. Small teachers office. Little nervous guy
almost screams into a telephone.]

Teacher: I DON'T CARE WHAT IT COSTS! I can't stand this!
You understand!?
Voice: Of course Sir. We'll have someone sent to you
tomorrow.
Teacher: IDIOT! TODAY! A.S.A.F.P! You got that!?
Voice: Of course Sir. The usual payment plan?
Teacher: (irritably) Yes, yes. Whatever, just keep those
brats away from me.

[Scene Change, beach. Kaynasa walking around looking for
something. He's wearing a horribly beflowered pair of
shorts and has a volleyball stuck to one horn.]

Kaynasa: Prisoners? Where did you go?
(Someone in the crowd.): Hey Buddy! Get a life! Yer 
friends ain't here! SHADDUP!
Kaynasa: <sniffle> Yes sir. (Walks off beach.)

[Scene changes to Kaynasa moping down the street. A cop
pulls up behind him. (A closeup on the cops face shows he
was fiddling with the radio and drinking coffee when he
looks up to see Kaynasa. Very stupid and shocked face as
he does a 180 and floors it in the opposite direction.)]

[Scene Change. Small laboratory. (Mostly alchemical.)
Apple hunches over a large book.]

Apple: Hmm... Now let's see. One part magnesium, two parts
hydrochloric acid... Four parts nitrous oxide and a pinch
of guano. Gotcha.
Buffy: (Sitting in the corner tied up with weird sparkley
ropes) Like what ever happened to eye of newt and toe of
frog?
Apple: Hmm? Oh, well that's a load of garbage we feed to
the yokels. They'd hate to know that the average alchemist
usually has a Ph.D. in chemistry. Not to mention the
stuff works.
Buffy: So like what're you making?
Apple: Oh, a little recipe I have. Heh heh...

[Scene change. Hospital. Spike is 'wheeled' out (Actually
he is floated out.) on a "wheelchair". He is bandaged a
little over the face and mostly over the chest pretty
heavily. It's just a testament to 23rd century medicine
that it only took a night and a day to get him back on his
feet.]

Doctor: (To Mat) Now remember, he needs at least two days
of rest, the synthbones need time to knit to his bones and
if he moves around it'll be worse than the original injury
because he'll have bone splinters floating around.
Mat: Yessir. I'll see to it. (To Spike) Come on Spike.
Sam wants to kill you.

Spike: (Spike is floating right now thanks to some heavy
anesthetics.) Oh ... wow man ...
Mat: Exactly. Come on guys.

[Scene change. Asmodius with his nasty butt plopped on his
throne.]

Asmodius: Hmm.. I wonder what that good for nothing is
trying this time. SLAVE!
Slave: (Minor demon) Yes, Mi'lord?
Asmodius: See to it that my daughter and her fiancee' come
to no harm. Is that clear WORM!?
Slave: Yessir!

[Slave walks out and into a small portal leading out of
hell.]

[Scene changes to Mat's car. They are on there way home.
Mat is driving slow to avoid the air turbulence]

Misu: Come on Mat. Drive faster.
Ti: Yeah, you drive like my great-great-grandmother.
Spike: (Still on pain killers) Yeah Mat, step on it. I
wanna get home so I can see Sam.
Mat: [Screams] Idiots! I'm doing what the doctor told me 
to do, OK!?
Gang: Ok (jeez)...

[Mat pulls into the driveway. Sam is waiting, she looks
tired after re-doing her test. Sam runs up to Spike and
she starts to give Spike a bear hug.]

Spike: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOW!!!
Mat: (Grabs Sam) Now Sam, you can't do that for a couple
of days.
Sam: (Looks at Mat with an evil look) Ok, but *I* am 
taking care of him!

[Scene changes to night. The gang except for Spike is at
the club. Sam is singing her new song when another brawl
breaks out between Misu and another biker.]

Misu: Whatta'ya think you doing mister?! Keep yer hands
off my girl.
Biker: Hey, she probably wants to be with a real man
anyhow.
Misu: (Hits the biker with a big upper cut) Leave her
alone!
Mandy: (giggles)

[Biker tries to get up but Mandy hit him with one of her
bat wings while Misu's back was turned.]

[Meanwhile back at the house Spike is trying to get out of
bed. But he is having trouble doing that since Sam tied
his feet and hands to the bed.]

Spike: (grr) I'm gonna get that Bi@$%!!!

[Scene changes back to bar. Biker is out cold. Mandy hugs
Misu and says to Misu.]

Mandy: Way to go Misu. One punch huh? <giggles)
Misu: Yep that's me, heh heh... the one punch kid.
Rest of gang: (giggle, giggle, snicker, snicker)


[Scene Change to a corner in the bar. A small suspicious
looking character sits in the shadows wearing a trench 
coat. Oddly enough it seems the whole bar is
crawling with suspicious characters.]

(Zoom in on first small suspicious character)

Minor Demon: Geez, what a rotten assignment. His lordship
ought to have better things for me to do than babysit his
daughter. Eh? (Looks to see the other suspicious 
characters.) Who is this Mmm? (Get's up and walks over to
the nearest table with a suspicious character seated 
there.) Hello friend, bit warm for a trench coat eh?
Suspicious Character #2: Eh? Oh, yer here too huh? (The
barest hint of a furry muzzle peaks out of the coat.) Lot
of us around tonight.
Minor Demon: Indeed, I wonder why all this fuss over just
one couple ...
Ri: Well ... Actually I was watching over his majesty ...
MD: Eh? His majesty, you mean that crude little bugger
(Motions to Ti) over there?
Ri: (sighs) Yes, his majesty lit out a few years ago and
we just now caught up with him. I take it you've seen his
majesties crude personality in action?
MD: Hmm, oh yes. He can be quite the lech. Let's meet our
other friends eh? Perhaps we can pool our efforts.
Ri: Excellent idea.

[A few minutes later. A large crowd of suspicious 
characters of unknown origin cluster around MD.]

MD: All right lads, we've agreed what a pain in the butt
this job is, so if we pool our efforts we can get this
over with and go home. Right?
All: Right.
MD: Ok, form a grid pattern around the subjects and report
in every fifteen minutes, or if you see someone 
suspicious. You know the routine.

[Scene Table in the bar, everyone seated around it.]

Misu: Say, has anyone noticed those really creepy guys 
that have been followin' us around or awhile?
Mat: Yer paranoid. Shuttup.
Ti: He's got a point ... I wonder.

[At this point several ladies file through the door, they 
are all attractive and the males of the party gape and 
drool.]

Apple: (Sensing something amiss, Says conspiratorily to 
Mandy) Say, you see these girls over there?
Mandy: (nods head)
Apple: You see anything funny about them?
Mandy: Hmm ...

[Scene Changes to Bartender. The bartender is dressed in 
an old Bar tender's outfit. Mat leans across the counter 
and says.]

Mat: Say Barkeep, you know the ladies?
Bar Tender: Hmm, can't say that I do. I'd remember such a 
group of ladies.
Mat: Odd ...
Bar Tender: What's that?
Mat: Oh nothing. Just thinking ...
Bar Tender: Ahh. Well, here ya' go. Strongest stuff in the 
house. (Passes small bottle and a glass.)
Mat: (grins) Thanks, I wouldn't touch the stuff m'self. 
But this is going to be amusing.
Bar Tender: Be careful with that, when we were in the 
ground hog navy we used that to shine the bulkheads.
Mat: Really? How come we don't use it in the space navy?
Bar Tender: Cause it tends to burn holes through steel.

[Scene changes, Back at the house. Spike is trying to get 
out of bed, Spike is busily working at the rope that Sam 
used to tie him down.]

Spike: I'm gonna get her fer this.

[After about thirty minutes of struggling he gets one hand 
free and starts working on the other hand that is tied up. 
It takes him another hour to get himself free.]

Spike: (whew) Thank god! YEEEOOOOOWWWW!!!


[Spike walks to the bathroom. Comes out with his jacket 
and sunglasses. He heads for door and notice Sam left her 
bike. Spike starts to grin like a maniac. He jumps on the 
bike and heads for the bar. It takes him twenty minutes to 
get to the bar. He gets off the bike and opens the door to 
the bar.]

[Scene inside bar, Spike sees the group of babes and 
starts to walk towards them. Sam happens to see Spike walk 
in during the middle of a song. All at once the music 
stops.]

Misu: Wha' happened to the music?
Vinny: Look behind you.
Misu: Uh oh, he's out.
Mandy & Apple: Here we go again. (giggle)

[Sam is walking over to Spike when Mat steps in front of 
her.]

Mat: I thought you had him tied down.
Sam: I did. I don't know how he got out. But I'm gonna 
take care of him this time.
Mat: Not too hard now. He still needs one more day of 
rest.
Sam: Oh, he's going to get his rest if he doesn't get away 
from those ladies.

[The rest of the gang sees Sam heading for Spike and they 
see the evil look in Sam's eyes. They try to stop her 
before she gets there but it to late.]

Sam: (Taps spike on the back) What are you doing here?
Spike: (Turns around and sees Sam) I needed to get out, 
you had me tied down.

[Sam pulls out some of Spike's medicine and gives him a 
quick shot. Spike slumps to the floor. Sam picks up Spike 
and heads out the door.]

Sam: See you guys back at the house. I have to take care 
of this trash.
Gang: OK.

[One of the ladies detaches herself from the group and 
walks over to Misu. Obviously and horribly gorgeous. Misu 
realizes with a sinking feeling he's in for it.]

Misu: Uh.. hi.
Girl#1: Hello, we were wondering what happened to your 
friend.
Misu: Uh, he had an accident...

[Scene changes to misty dream sequence, Misu sees the girl 
approach and kiss him and sees Mandy rise up in a gout of 
flame and drag him screaming into hell. Misu's face 
contorts for a few seconds, screams and he runs.]

Girl#1: What's with him?
Mandy: I don't know ... (Mandy smirks)
Girl#1: Oh well. See ya later.
Mandy: Bye.

[Ri is walking around the bar, tailing Ti.]

Mat: Hey Ti, isn't that one of yer pals tailing you?
Ti: (looks back and sees Ri, Ri grins and waves back.) 
AHHH!!!! Not again!

[Ti runs like a bat outta hell..]
Mat: Hey pal! (Motions to Ri) Come 'ere.
Ri: Yeah? What can I do ya for?
Mat: You just made my pal freak, I've never seen him do 
that before. You a cop?
Ri: (laughs) Far from it. I am a red guard for his 
majesty.
Mat: His MAJESTY!?

[Everyone turns to look at Ri.]
Ri: Well, yes. Didn't anyone tell you? His august majesty 
Ti the Crude, ruler of  ... (Stops as the whole group 
stares at him)
Mat: That little so and so! I'm gonna rip his head off, 
all those times we were in trouble and he could'a busted 
us out!! Why I outta...
Misu: So what's he rule?
Ri: The empire.
Misu: The empire? Never heard of such a planet.
Ri: Oh, you don't understand. He rules M63.
Misu: M63? Funny name for a planet...
Ri: Silly, it's not a planet.. It stands for in your 
language, Messier Cloud #63.
Misu: (jaw drops) You mean he rules a GALAXY!?
Ri: Well, yes. I thought he would have told you by now...

Vinny: And we put him in a trash can ...
Mat: Oh boy.
Misu: Hope he's not too mad at us for that.

[Girl#1 walks up to Mat.]

Girl#1: Hey, want to dance?
Mat: Er, not right now.
Girl#1: Ok.

[Girl#1 waves to the ladies to come over. The gang sees 
this and before the girls get there Apple uses her  
transportation spell. The gang finds themselves back at 
the house.]

[The group of ladies look around.]

Ladies (collectively): Damn.


====================================================================
Later,
Sean E.P. Hayden
Member, IBOS.
(Maxwell Edison)
Freezin' my butt off in Chicago, IL Of all places.
[A southerner goes North -- Note references to white $#!*]
ICQ#  7086647
http://www.flash.net/~haden
Who let THAT guy have a webpage? And who the heck gave him a mailing list?
====================================================================