On Tue, 17 Feb 1998, Richard Lawson wrote:

This didn't sound good.  The last thing Amano needed was someone partaking
of underestimation.  Too many others had already made that same mistake.

partaking of underestimation sounds rather stilted to me.

Unless he's supposed to sound stilted.

He hadn't been taking a lot of pictures lately.  He needed to.  He needed
not to get out of practice.  He had to get the foul taste of this
morning's argument with Madoka out of his mouth.  He needed to make
everything all better somehow.

You might want to either turn this into some compound sentences or else
change the subject a bit instead of having them all start with 'He'.

Komatsu frowned for a long moment.  "You're right.  Our lives *suck*."

Hatta began crying.  "Why can't we get all the women you do, Kasuga?"

Nice touch here :)

"Can' marry cousin."  Hatta waved a finger at Kyosuke.  "Have kids with
three heads, you do."

Heh :)

The ceremony didn't go so well.  He had no idea what to do, and had to be
constantly prompted by the priest or the best man.  Fortunately, the
audience seemed to put it down to wedding jitters, and laughed gently at
his constant bumbling.

He'd have been more suspicious if he DID know what to say :)

Interesting story so far.  I assume they don't plan to kill 'Kazuya'
because otherwise, Kyousuke is pretty much doomed.  On the other hand, how
they plan to keep him from coming back and kicking their asses if they
DON'T kill him, I can't guess.  Or how anyone is going to actually find
him.  I'd like to hope they have the sense not to just maim Kazuya and let
him go.  Anything that doesn't leave him a vegetable would be setting
themselves up to have him start turning mob goons into crazed assassins,
etc, etc.  




 John Walter Biles :  MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas         
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu       
rhea@tass.org              http://www.tass.org/~rhea/falcon.html
rhea@maison-otaku.net      http://www.maison-otaku.net/~rhea/

"I am now the only person in England against whom Treason cannot be
committed."  --Charles I on being refused entrance to the Armory at Hull
in 1642 on orders of 'King and Parliament'.