Hi All,

I wanted to ask anyone who read part 6 of The Plan for their opinions
regarding the following:

When I originally wrote this part, I gave no real explanation for
Akane's excessive behavior, yelling at Nabiki and Kasumi.  That's just 
the way she was, and it was just the way I needed her to be in order to
lead the sisters to adopt The plan.  It had been a hell of a week, and
Akane just lost it.  But after I re-read it, I was startled by how OOC
her over-the-top anger seemed, even for her.  So, I got nervous about
posting it.  I felt I needed to explain (justify?) her excessive
behavior.

Since I hadn't really given it that much thought, I just grabbed around
for the first excuse I could find.  The  obvious reason was, of course,
Mom.  So, I wrote the following during her run from Kasumi to the dojo:

Akane ran to the training hall.  She needed someplace safe right now, someplace to be alone.  Everyone in her world, everyone close to her had decided to play this stupid game, to shut her out, to cut her off ...

... to abandon her.

Just like before, when the one she loved had stopped talking, when the one she loved had gone away, just like before, she ran to the safe place, the place where she was allowed to feel, to act, to express, the one place she didn't have to be nice, sweet or feminine.  To the one place she could be strong.

The house had belonged to Mother.  Now, it was Kasumi's.  It held the expectations, the requirements, the demands.  In that place, she had to behave, to keep the rules, to do as her family wished.

So, she ran to the training hall.  This had been her Father's.  Someday, it would belong to her.  Here, she could rage, cry, act out whatever she was feeling.  It was the only place she could be herself, the only place she felt any sense of control.  She ran up the short flight of stairs and into the small building, coming to a halt after entering the main room.

It was all just like before.  First, Mother had gone away.  Then, they had lost Father to his grief for so long.  Kasumi and Nabiki, far too young for the obligations thrust upon them, had not had the time to do their tasks, fulfill their roles, and take care of a little girl at the same time.  So the confused frightened little girl had learned that in the end, she would be alone.  That there would be no one to care for her, no one to share with her.  That she would have to be stronger if she wanted to survive.  Strong enough that she never needed help from anyone ever again.  And it had worked ... until HE had come ...

"Akane?" asked the intruder.

She snapped her head around to look at Ranma.  She hadn't known he was there, and wasn't prepared to face him, not now, when she'd been crying.

It set a good mood of desperation for Akane, helped to redeem her (in
the eyes of some) for her earlier poor behavior AND set a properly
antagonistic mood for the following scene with Ranma.

Here's my current quandry:  I received feedback from one reader that he
was disappointed that it all came back to Akane's Mother.  He felt it
was something of a cliche.  He is, of course, absolutely right.  That's
one of the reasons I grabbed for that explanation.  I though I would
knock off one quick little paragraph, everyone would read it and go,
"Sure, right, great," and go on with the story.  But I thought it would
just be about being alone and lonely.  I didn't know it would turn into
a block of paragraphs ending up with more reasons why she felt so
aggressive and violent toward Ranma.  I also received feedback
disagreeing with my characterization of Akane here, but that's pretty
normal I guess.  What I'd like to hear is what others think of these
paragraphs.  Are they too obviously an attempt to justify OOC behavior? 
Is the whole deal with Mom just too cliche, or is it useful?  Should it
stay or should it go?  Does it add to or subtract from the story?  If
you think it's not needed, does that mean you don't think she was acting
so bad that it warrants a special explanation, or do you have any other
alternative explanations which you might be able to suggest.  I'm open
to other ideas on this, and I'd love to hear any opinions.

Arigato gozaimasu,
~Tonbo
jet@onramp.net