Well, first to my specialty, spelling and grammar:  no glaring grammar or
spelling errors, or at least none I didn't ignore because I was caught up

in the

story.  Are you sure you're a fanfic writer ^_^

No, not really. ^_^  This is just my cover story.  But I try to keep
the spelling and grammar mistakes down to a minimum, I know that -I- hate
reading fics that have terrible spelling and stuff.

        "Well...  all right.  Pass me one of those octopus puffs, huh?"
Crunching the treat, Koume swung a chair over and straddled it.  She
propped her elbows on the back.  "It happened like this..."

this seems a little OOC for Koume.  Yeah she's loud and blustery, but this
strikes me as something that she'd want to keep quiet about--especially to
Momiji.  It might work better as a flashback IMO.

I'm still trying to figure out what would work best for the first part.
What do you think?  Presently, the fact that she's telling Momiji all of
this is because she doesn't consider it something to hide.  She screwed up,
she deals with it, she learns from it and she moves on.  I don't think Koume
would feel the need to keep anything secret.  Plus in this situation, she's
bored, and she has time to kill.  This kind of story probably wouldn't come
up most of the time, since Koume is always on the go...

I may remove the entire first section altogether, and let the earlier story
stand on it's own.

        "This general court martial is now in session.  I am Colonel
Kagoma, these are Lieutenants Mitsuyara and Harashuki.  The gentlemen on
my left is Dr. Williamson," he gestured towards the bespectacled man, who
nodded.  "And this is Mr. Kunikida, of the Terrestrial Administration
Center."  The bearded man inclined his head gravely.  Koume was puzzled.
She'd never heard of any such organization.  That in itself wasn't too
odd, but civilians were seldom present in a military court-martial,
especially those who had no obvious reason for being there.

Why _was_ Kunikida there?  Was he recruiting for the TAC?  Are you going to
write a sequel to explain this?

After reading through the fic again, I think that a sequel is definitely in
order to explain stuff like that.  I figure that Koume's reputation would
have spread far enough for Kunikida to hear about it, and when news of her
court-martial comes out, he pulls a few strings to be present.  But that's
another story...

        Summer grasses,
        all that remains
        of soldier's dreams.

While this is a nice ending, it doesn't seem to end the story.  What's Momiji's
reaction to the whole thing?

I pretty much like this ending, so I think I will take out the whole
Momiji-Koume thing at the beginning and leave the fic on it's own.  I
finished this last night and hit the wall, I hadn't figured out Momiji's
reaction to the whole thing yet so I just let it ride.

All in all a nice fic.  Imagery was good.  Not too sure about characterization
though.
Just my 2 cents

Yeah, this is my first Blue Seed fic, so I'm still trying to get into the
characters.  I've only seen the first 5 volumes of the anime too.  I went
through and watched all of Koume's scenes a couple of times, especially the
one when she first arrives, but it's still hard to get a handle on her
character.  

Maybe this is the reason there are so many Ranma fics out there.
Takahashi's series is much more open-ended, with a lot more possibilities to
exploit for fanfic stories....

Thank you!

Mike
msimmons@bcgroup.net
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Garden/2506