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|Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!|
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=> Warning!  This fic contains excessive amounts of sugar!  With 
Valentine's day nearing, every single media in existence has been 
turning out sugar bombs that try to mutate all of us into starry-eyed 
idiots.  Sad to say, they have converted me into their sorry lot.   

=> Although I'm *not* proud to be among the few people who dread the 
coming of February, I am forced, under the pain of insanity, torture, 
slow death, (and lots of other horrible things to graphic to mention), 
to write this fic.  Writing romance stories makes me feel all good 
inside.  <gasp>  It's starting already!  Somebody!  Whack me on the 
head!  <Whack, whack>  Thanks, I needed that.  

=> I'm warning you at this point in time that the fic has a *really 
cheesy ending*.   

=> Also, the plot (actually the ending) is not really my original idea.  
I would like to thank my contributor (who still desires to remain 
nameless) for coming up with the cheesy ending that started the wheels 
turning in my mind to come up with a story to match.  May she (and all 
those other nameless people) find our own cheesy ending sometime in the 
foreseeable future.

=> Some notes on notation.  Things in {curly braces} are author's 
comments within the fic.  Signs and sound effects are in... uh... 
<pointy braces> 

=> The disclaimer is at the end, and the more people I would like to 
thank.   

=> Will somebody whack me so I can start?  Thanks.  
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8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F  
                 Twenty Less Lonely People in the World
   <otherwise known as Mayhem's Valentine Fic with the Cheesy Ending>  
   By the currently sessile (not senile) Nikholas "Mayhem" F. Toledo  
8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F8F  

Chapter Five
A Chinese Lunch

	"How did you get so dirty?"  Akane asked the little boy as they 
walked in the direction of the nearest restaurant.  Ucchan's was 
strangely closed, even though it was already lunchtime.  The Cat Cafe 
was the second choice.  Akane was doubtful of the wisdom in choosing 
Shampoo's restaurant for their lunch destination.  They would have to go 
through the explanation again about not being related to the little kid 
and that they were just babysitting, like they went through with Ukyo 
and with Kuno.  But it was no use arguing with two really hungry men.
	"I was digging a hole in the park, you know, to trap tigers and 
lions in the jungle," he said it as if it was the most obvious thing in 
the world. 
	"Well, I'm sure you'll capture one before the end of the day," 
Ranma said reassuringly. 
	"Are you sure?"  the kid asked with wonder in his eyes.
	"Yeah.  You know there are a lot of monsters here in Nerima.  
Maybe you'll capture one."
	"Then what are you going to do with the monster?"  Akane found the 
little kid's disposition contagious.
	"I'm going to shoot them with this water gun," he said, 
brandishing the water gun to shoot at some imaginary prey.
	"Then what are you going to do?"  Ranma couldn't help but ask.
	"I'm going to sell the monster to a canning factory to turn it 
into sardines."
	Ranma's stomach did a somersault as he imagined the evil Orochi or 
the evil oni or any of the more insane monsters he had fought eaten for 
breakfast.  "Yuck.  I don't think people would like to eat monsters for 
breakfast."
	They arrived at the Cat Cafe laughing a little bit and their 
stomachs grumbling a little bit.  They slipped their way through the 
noontime crowd and settled down to a vacant table. 
	Shampoo arrived to take their order.  "Nihao!  Welcome to Cat 
Cafe, what your order?"  She gazed at the three newcomers.  "Oh!  Ranma!  
It you!  You come marry Shampoo, yes?"  She glomped onto his arm.
	"Ah... Shampoo we came here to eat, not to throw up," Akane tried 
to keep her voice even.
	"YES!  JUNIOR WANT TO EAT!" 
	Shampoo looked at the little kid with her eyes narrowed to slits.  
She looked alternately between Ranma, Akane and Junior. 
	"Ah... eh..." Ranma stammered.

	Once again there was a lot of kicking and screaming and people not 
really knowing what was going on.  Mousse was trying to hold back a very 
angry Shampoo who, like the others, jumped once again to conclusions.  
Ranma was trying to hold back a very angry Akane who suddenly became 
very protective of the little kid.  After a while, they directed their 
attention to Ranma, who was always at fault no matter what.  The 
audience was startled by the sudden change in the atmosphere of the 
restaurant, but they took it in stride, having a penchant for mindless 
and really painful carnage.  Many more orders of top ramen were called.
	Ranma lay on the floor half-conscious, while the two women argued 
over him.  "Ranma no right to hide that he have son already," Shampoo 
declared, stomping on the floor, who was Ranma.  Akane stomped on the 
floor, too. 
	"Why can't you listen to me, Shampoo!"  she exclaimed, doing the 
blue aura thing.  "We're just babysitting!"
	"We aren't babysitting," Junior excitedly exclaimed.  "We're going 
to watch a movie later this afternoon!"
	Of course, that made things a lot worse.
	Things would have gone out of hand if not for Cologne's 
intercession (and for Junior's very often used squirt gun).  Where once 
there was a loud argument, only an occasional angry miaow and consoling 
quacks.

	Mousse quietly cleaned the clutter that the lunchtime crowd left 
when they dashed out of the Cat Cafe.  When Mousse and Shampoo changed 
into their animal forms, everyone (save for a few honest ones) used the 
opportunity to run away under the guise of fear and not pay the bill. 
	The little kid did enjoy the chaos though, and Mousse thought that 
there might be something strangely wrong with that kid.  Now, Shampoo 
was visibly entertained by the kid's antics while Akane and Ranma 
apologized profusely for being the indirect cause of the scenario. 
	After a while, they left with the little kid on Ranma's shoulders, 
laughing about a private joke.
	Mousse heard Cologne call Shampoo.  There was this whispered 
conversation about following Ranma and Akane just to make sure that 
nothing strange would happen to threaten the engagement between Ranma 
and Shampoo.  He heard Shampoo happily exclaiming her wish that Junior 
was already her child. 
	Mousse recalled the way Shampoo had felt when Ranma defeated her, 
pressured so hard to leave the village and hunt Ranma to the ends of the 
earth.  He recalled searching for her though the long months right after 
she returned in disgrace from Japan.  Ranma and Akane coming at that 
point in time, their simple laugh with the child, as if they were one 
happy family, was everything he ever wanted to be with Shampoo.  He 
suddenly felt that all his life, he had been used.  That all this time, 
Shampoo had been using him for leverage to gain her own lustful ends 
with Ranma.
	He unceremoniously dumped the broom he had been using and walked 
out the front door.

Nikholas F. Toledo Zu @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/mezza9.html
Vector, Switch, Yebah, Rain Man, goo, Pervert, Scruples, Hollie, NomaD,
Blitz, Gee, Datzo, Jewel, Elf, Radler, Pinball, Mayhem, Chaos, Father, Attar
Fanfiction @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/fanfics.html
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Word from the Laity:  Wipe yer feet!  Bloody 'ell...
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Currently under construction... confessional at the links.
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