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|Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!Mayhem!|
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=> Warning! This fic contains excessive amounts of sugar! With
Valentine's day nearing, every single media in existence has been
turning out sugar bombs that try to mutate all of us into starry-eyed
idiots. Sad to say, they have converted me into their sorry lot.
=> Although I'm *not* proud to be among the few people who dread the
coming of February, I am forced, under the pain of insanity, torture,
slow death, (and lots of other horrible things to graphic to mention),
to write this fic. Writing romance stories makes me feel all good
inside. <gasp> It's starting already! Somebody! Whack me on the
head! <Whack, whack> Thanks, I needed that.
=> I'm warning you at this point in time that the fic has a *really
cheesy ending*.
=> Also, the plot (actually the ending) is not really my original idea.
I would like to thank my contributor (who still desires to remain
nameless) for coming up with the cheesy ending that started the wheels
turning in my mind to come up with a story to match. May she (and all
those other nameless people) find our own cheesy ending sometime in the
foreseeable future.
=> Some notes on notation. Things in {curly braces} are author's
comments within the fic. Signs and sound effects are in... uh...
<pointy braces>
=> The disclaimer is at the end, and the more people I would like to
thank.
=> Will somebody whack me so I can start? Thanks.
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Twenty Less Lonely People in the World
<otherwise known as Mayhem's Valentine Fic with the Cheesy Ending>
By the currently sessile (not senile) Nikholas "Mayhem" F. Toledo
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{
"Hey... This is getting to be a bit cheesy."
"'ya ain't seen nothing yet..."
}
Chapter Four
A walk in the park
Junior was in the playground, generally enjoying himself. Ranma
and Akane sat quietly on a nearby park bench, also enjoying themselves
but not making the said enjoyment apparent to the significant other.
It was already late in the morning. It would have become a bit
unbearably hot, if not for the fluffy clouds that blew across the sun
once in a while. A cool breeze blew throughout the playground, singing
through the trees.
Ranma felt this strange fuzzy feeling, but did not really
acknowledge Akane to be its cause, blaming it instead on the weather.
He gazed at her once in a while, enjoying the way the breeze blew
through her hair. How come he felt this strange closeness to her all of
a sudden? Must have been that weird dream, he thought.
There was something in the air that made Akane feel slightly
lightheaded. Is it the wind, or the sunny sky? Or is it really... She
smiled softly.
There was this soft sighing sound that was rampant in the air. An
air of contentment and ease. Akane sneaked a peek at Ranma's face and
found him gazing slightly at her with a smile on his face. She gulped
and allowed herself to look fully on his face. She took on a slightly
questioning look on her face, and hoped that Ranma wouldn't say
something stupid.
Ranma looked into Akane's eyes. He knew moments like these were
rare and decided not to do anything at all. There was nothing needed to
be done. He just looked at her and smiled a pure and simple smile.
The comfortable silence lasted a few minutes.
Akane felt an uncontrollable reddening crawling over her face.
She looked away, embarrassed. Ranma looked away at almost the same
time. It was a moment lost.
"Ranma," Akane said, breaking the silence, "since we saw Azusa a
while ago, wouldn't Mikado be around here as well?"
"Maybe. Those two are always together, being the Golden Pair and
such..."
A startling thought came over Akane. "You don't think that
they're..."
Ranma almost barfed. "No way... You know how Mikado is, don't you
think that he would have done *something* to her, if he did seem
attracted to her? Face it. The guy would kiss anything that has lips,
that is, anything female that has lips."
At the word lips, Akane found herself staring at Ranma's lips as
they moved, imagining what it would feel like if they... She shook the
thought off. Ranma wouldn't really want to do something like that. How
many times has he had the chance to do that? Akane sighed. At least
Ranma has already kissed someone, she sadly thought.
"How come Akane feels so sad?" Ranma silently thought. This
time, it was another startling thought that came over Ranma. "Don't
tell me that she still has the hots for that molester guy..."
Before Ranma could consider the consequences of that concept, a
female voice broke over their musings. "Well, if it isn't everyone's
favorite couple. Fancy meeting you here!" Nabiki not-so-quite yelled.
"So you managed to dump the brat and go off on your own?"
"Nabiki!" Akane protested. "We weren't doing anything?"
"So you say..." Nabiki looked at her watch. "I have to meet Kuno
baby here today. Oh, there he is... See you guys around." She walked
away, but not without a parting shot. "And don't get any ideas on
starting a family of your own today!" She was rewarded by a bright red
blush from the two of them. "Just as I thought."
The blushing took a few minutes to die down. Then, more genetic
functions began to activate.
"Nabiki and Kuno?!?" Ranma and Akane found themselves exclaiming
at the same time. "This I got to see," Akane said, disappearing into
the bushes. Ranma, being also the son of his father, followed closely
after her.
And Junior, out of curiosity over what was going on, followed them
into the trees.
From the cover of the trees, Ranma and Akane watched the quick
exchange of bills and goods between Kuno and Nabiki. "Why am I not
surprised," Ranma found himself saying, in a slightly loud voice. Of
course, that blew their cover.
"Ranma Saotome! You dare attempt an ambush on the Blue Thunder of
Furinkan High! Surely you are a Saotome to do such. For only true and
honorable warriors would attack in the open, like I, Tatewaki Kuno." He
saw who Ranma was with. "Ah! It is Akane Tendo! No doubt the cretin
Ranma has forced you into the cover of the woods for which to do gain
his lustful ends. Do not fear, for I shall smite the cursed monster
back to the hellfire from which he had been spawned, and your love for
me shall truly shine once more."
"Can it, Kuno!" Ranma menacingly approached Nabiki. "Tell me,
have you been selling pictures of me again?" To which Nabiki replied,
"You tell me, Ranma. Don't you know eavesdropping is a criminal offence
and you can be persecuted to the full force of the law? And, for that
matter, don't you know parental negligence is also a crime?"
"Parental negligence?" Ranma, Kuno and Akane echoed.
"Yes. My dear Ranma, where is *Junior*?" She said, emphasizing
the little kid's name.
Which did produce the appropriate side effects.
"JUNIOR?!?" Kuno's jaw dropped all the way to the ground. He
gained control of himself and took a deep breath. "Ranma Saotome, how
dare you violate the pureness of the pig-tailed goddess and/or Akane
Tendo to produce your dark offspring! To touch their tender bodies and
crush them like one heartless as you would crush a tender flower.
Truly, you are a monster, to use them to further your dreams of world
conquest and create a race of semi-men with which you can control the
world! By these hands... BY THESE HANDS I HAVE, I SHALL SMITE THEE!"
He began a series of attacks. "DIE, SAOTOME!"
"Not again..." Ranma murmured as he avoided Kuno's clumsy blows.
"Junior!" Akane called out the little boy's name. "Honestly, I
can't keep my eyes off him for a minute. Nabiki, could you help me look
for him?"
"No need..." Nabiki pointed to where a small smiling face looked
on them from the bushes.
"Oh good..." Akane was about to relax when a high-pitched laugh
tore through the air.
The two combatants paused for awhile to head the call. "It is my
twisted sister," Kuno said. Ranma groaned, "at least things can't get
any worse..."
But they did. Ranma and the others felt the soft splash of cold
water from the squirt gun of the little kid.
Kodachi Kuno called out in her own loving way to her brother.
"Brother dear, what has come over you, brandishing your sword in front
of your pig-tailed goddess," she spat.
"Pig-tailed girl?" Kuno turned and found himself staring at his
red-headed goddess. "PIG-TAILED GIR--mmph."
A body flew in mid-air and crashed on top of Kuno. The sun shined
on the dashing man, dressed in a white suit and rollerblades, carrying a
bouquet of flowers. Mikado Sanzenin, the foremost member of the Golden
Pair of the Martial Arts Skating, presented himself in front of the two
women. "Akane Tendo and... I am not worthy to recall your name...
please accept this bouquet of flowers as a token of my appreciation of
your beauties. Please, feel free to thank me with just a simple
kiss..." He was met with two fists in the kisser.
"Why? Don't you want my kiss? Don't you know that today's---"
He was cut off by a vicious swipe of a bokken that ripped through his
designer tux.
Kuno rose from the ground, glowing a bitter, angry blue. "How
dare you parade yourself in front of my two goddesses and step on me!
Miscreant! Death is too kind for you!" He brandished his bokken.
"Prepare to face my legendary bokken!"
Mikado was not impressed. "Don't you know who I am?" He
introduced himself, nonetheless, "I am Mikado Sanzenin, the foremost
member of the only-once-defeated Golden Pair of Martial Arts Figure
Skating." The sun glinted off his teeth.
Kuno introduced himself, too. "I am the undefeated champion of
the Furinkan High School Kendo Club. The rising star of the fencing
world. My enemies shiver at the mere mention of my name. My peers call
me the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High. I am Tatewaki Kuno. No one dares
even talk to my goddesses without passing through me." Thunder cracked
somewhere in the background.
Ranma and Akane sighed in disbelief.
Yellow aura began to glow around Mikado. "These two are your
goddesses. Well, I can tell you that I have already kissed the two of
them."
"Fool! I have done the same thing even before your moronic
grandfather was born!" Kuno countered.
"WHAT?!?" two people screamed. Fists crashed into the faces of
two other people, burying them in the ground from the neck up.
Nabiki smirked. There was a good business proposition in the air.
"Now... now... calm down, the four of you. I think we can all talk
about this like civilized people." She took out a package of pictures
of the two most contested women in town from her pocket. "I have, in
front of you, pictures of Akane Tendo and Ra--- the pig-tailed girl."
She smiled sweetly. "Bidding starts at three thousand yen."
"I'll take it!" Mikado and Kuno exclaimed at the same time from
somewhere below the ground.
"Nabiki!" Ranma and Akane spoke suddenly and vehemently.
"No! I'll take him!" Kodachi said dreamily.
"Huh?!?" Bigsweats appeared on all their faces as Kodachi draped
herself all over Mikado. "Make me your own," she said, draping kisses
all over his face. Mikado gasped for air.
"Kodachi! Have you gone mad?" Kuno asked. "Oh yes, you already
are." He took out a fan with a red circle. "Very well, I give you
permission to date him."
Kodachi happily dragged the hapless Mikado.
"Hey! What about your beloved Ranma!" Ranma chose to protest,
much to Akane's resentment.
"Tell him I have found a more manlier man than him," Kodachi
laughingly yelled as the happy(?) couple leapt with a bound through the
town. "Help me, please!" Mikado desperately cried out. They
disappeared into the horizon.
"Well, that was weird," Akane said slowly. "Looks like Mikado
finally met his match."
"'ya don't say," Ranma replied.
Nikholas F. Toledo Zu @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/mezza9.html
Vector, Switch, Yebah, Rain Man, goo, Pervert, Scruples, Hollie, NomaD,
Blitz, Gee, Datzo, Jewel, Elf, Radler, Pinball, Mayhem, Chaos, Father, Attar
Fanfiction @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/fanfics.html
Warp Zone @ http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/thirteen.html
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The logo of the Church of All Worlds is nine concentric circles.
Word from the Laity: Wipe yer feet! Bloody 'ell...
http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Gallery/3145/index.html
Currently under construction... confessional at the links.
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